what if they did

Charles Leclerc:

pit in my gut, in the shape of you (angst then fluff)

Packing it up (SMAU, fluff) pt. 2

Good Luck Charlie (fluff)

Close to you (smut)

Franco Colapinto:

It's time to go (angst? fluff? happy ending!)

So American (fluff)

In Between (fluff)

I knew it, I know you (angst), Good Riddance (Pt. 2) (fluff)

Lando Norris:

A House Series Master List

Angst Series:

i wish you would've stayed Pt. 1 (angst)

i watched it begin again Pt. 2 (angst/fluff)

can we start it all over again? pt. 3 (angst/idk confusion?)

two people can change pt. 4 (angst/idfk)

this love (optional pt. 5)(fluff)

One-Shots:

to build a home (fluff)

you happened (fluff)

you're losing me (angst) that's all i need to hear (happy ending)

come home with me (fluff)

150 reasons (fluff)

have you ever tried this one? (fluff)

Silly Love Songs (fluff)

Only Us (fluff)

Long May You Roar (fluff)

You Make Me Crazier (fluff)

When We Are Together (fluff)

Wickedly Amazing (fluff)

Cursing The Daylight (fluff)

I See You (fluff/angst/happy ending)

Oscar Piastri:

for the better (angst), you have rewritten me (angst -> fluff)

how do you want me? (fluff, suggestive)

Naurr Oscahh (fluff)

Lewis Hamiton:

The Story of Tonight (fluff) (soulmateAU)

Nine Lives (fluff)

Esteban Ocon:

Today was the day. Finally the day you got to officially declare your love in front of the whole world. Well, not the whole world necessarily, but to anyone who listened. You are going to marry him today. 

You were in your room, getting pampered to the fullest for the big day. You already had your hair done, now you sit in the makeup chair, sitting quietly as music plays in the back. Your bridesmaids are wandering around the room, finishing some last minute touches that need attending to. 

In the midst of chaos, you sat in your own silence. All you could think about was how in love you were with the world, through the eyes of a guy who stuck with you through all this time. He came to you so wild and wired, giving you everything you need. With every action, he took your heart and made it strong. 

There have been so many battles and obstacles in your relationship, but through it all, he never gave you any reason to doubt. Not when the fans got too intense, or when the media was too much, not even when a car accident that should’ve killed you had struck. He’s simply the best. 

No matter what happened, he did everything for you. He did everything for you, even if he wasn’t so pleased with certain things. Like when you had left your kitchen half painted the most beautiful shade of green, despite Lando’s insistence on painting it back to the cream that it was. 

After the crash, you were on doctor's orders to rest, but you were ever so persistent. Lando and you had butt heads multiple times during that time because you just wanted to finish painting the kitchen. That’s all that you wanted. So, Lando did it himself. He finished painting the kitchen green. 

“Why did you do that? You absolutely hate the green.” you couldn’t help but laugh when you’d seen him standing on a stool, adding the finishing touches to the newly painted cabinets. 

“Because you love it. And I love you.” he says over his shoulder, almost non-chalantly. 

It was in moments like those, where you realize just how lucky you were to have the life you had with him. It almost kills you to know that he’s yours. Him and that damn beautiful smile. 

Your chest tightens at the thought of forever with him. Not in a sad or anxious way. Well, maybe anxious, just cause you want it to officially start already. There have been so many instances where you could’ve had an easy escape, had an easy life, but you didn’t want that. You wanted a life with him by your side. No matter how hard it got, you knew life wouldn’t amount to anything unless he was there too. 

He made you feel like a fool sometimes. You were so irrevocably in love with him, it made you stupid with love. 

“No! How are you doing that?” you yell. 

Lando sat beside you, intensely watching the screen that was before the both of you “What do you mean? I’m just playing the game.”

“Yeah but this doesn’t make sense! F1 physics shouldn’t apply to Mario Kart! How are you so far ahead?!” 

“I’m just good, baby. I don’t know what to tell ya.” he says, brushing invisible dust off his shoulder, almost as if he’s trying to rub it in your face. 

This was when he realized why you had been so slow in the race, “Baby, you’re pressing the wrong button.” he’d said, falling into a pit of uncontrollable laughter. 

“What? What button?!”

“This one.” he points, wiping tears from laughing so hard. 

“Okay, this is so not fair. Wait for me… please.” you ask, giving him a sad look to try and get him to do it. He looked over at you before admitting defeat and making his character come to a stop, waiting for you to catch up before continuing.

As you were approaching him, you quickly pushed his controller out his hand, giving yourself a small advantage in the game as he scrambled to pick up his controller, “Hey! That was not fair.” he says, laughing with you as you both fight, trying to win the game and pushing the others controller out their hand. 

In the midst of this mess, you somehow ended up behind a cow, “No! No! This cow is cucking me! This game is so stupid. This isn’t fair.” you yell out as Lando becomes a laughing mess. 

Both of your brains could be messes too, trying to push the other away to protect the other. But no matter what, you guys never broke. 

“No. You have to go. You don’t deserve this shit. You deserve so much better than this, Y/n. You deserve a life that isn’t this. A life where you can be happy.” Lando cries, trying to get you to see what he sees. 

“Lando, I’m not leaving. End of story.” 

“You deserve someone who isn’t fucked up like me. I don’t want to destroy you. Please, let me go. You don’t deserve this. I can’t even decipher what’s real and what’s not. My head is so fucked up that my reality is fucking with everything. I can’t.” tears are running down his face. His face red from tears and running his hands down his face constantly. 

“Lando. Look at me. You are not fucked up. I will stand with you and tell you what’s real and what’s not, okay? I’m real. I’m right here with you, where I belong. There’s no doubt about that. I am here and I love you. Stop pushing me away cause I'm not going anywhere.”

He couldn’t stop the tears. He knew you were stubborn, so once your heart was set on something, it was going to stay that way no matter what. 

“I’m sorry… Please don’t go. Please don’t leave me.” he says, completely breaking. You don’t say anything. Just pulling him close to you, holding him in your arms and not letting go. He matters to you, despite the thoughts in his head that say otherwise. 

For so long, he ran around trying to find some place where he could breathe. And now he’s found it, located in your arms that wrap around him, making him feel whole. 

All of a sudden, a knock at the door pulls you out of your thoughts, “30 minutes until the ceremony begins.” your wedding coordinator states. 

-=+=-

You’re standing behind a set of closed doors, waiting for your cue to finally walk down the aisle. You take a deep breath, readjusting your fingers that wrapped around your bouquet. With a final exhale, the doors open. Before you stands a crowd of people, those who you’ve known and loved in your life. Sniffles are heard through the blanket of music playing. Standing at the altar is the most beautiful person you’ve ever laid your eyes on. Your soon-to-be husband stands with his hands joined in front of him. His lip begins to wobble, tears welling up as his breaths become ragged, trying to refrain from becoming a mess on the altar. But who could blame him? You were stunning, glowing as a star before everyone’s eyes. And you were his. 

As soon as you made it to the altar, you passed off your bouquet and quickly turned to Lando, grabbing his hands in yours and rubbing your thumbs over the top of them. This simple action calms Lando’s breathing. He looks at you, silently thanking you. Thanking you for helping calm him, but for so much more as well. 

Your officiant, Carlos, begins the ceremony and gives a small speech about the two of you. 

“Ladies and gentlemen, as we all know, there are no two people meant for each other more than these two. They have a love that will live for the ages through stories passed on for generations. This is the type of love that not even Shakespeare could create. 

When I first met Lando, he was a kid who had just joined F1. He was ambitious, oftentimes timid, but always considerate. He was someone I knew would become a huge part of my life and I couldn’t be luckier to be able to call you a friend, a brother. 

As many know, the trials and tribulations of F1 take tolls on a person. For so long, I didn’t hear Lando’s laugh. Yes, he laughed, but his true laugh was left unheard for months. That was until Y/n happened. 

I remember walking through the paddock when I heard it. Lando’s loud and infectious laugh. I thought, surely this is my imagination. But it wasn’t. I walked towards the sound and found Lando bent over, laughing until he couldn’t breathe. And the person who pulled that laugh out of him was Y/n. I don’t know how she did it, but I’m grateful she did. 

She brought out a side of Lando that I’d missed, and a side of him I’d never seen before. He became confident, a different kind than the one he was before. He became softer. And he even, you guys won’t believe this… he even tried fish.”

Everyone laughs, knowing Lando’s hatred of anything that came from the sea. 

“Yes. And he did it all because of Y/n. So thank you, Y/n. Thank you for loving this man and for bringing him back to us. 

Now, I didn’t know Y/n before she began dating Lando. But I did know that as much as she helped Lando, he helped her too. A once shy and reserved girl became a confident and self-assured woman. The dreams she had were no longer dreams, but reality. Lando helped her see who she truly was. He helped her find her way out of her shell and now the world gets to see just how incredible this woman is.

Now, it is time for the vows. Lando, if you’d like to go first.”

Lando reaches into the pocket of his suit and unfolds many pieces of crinkled paper before clearing his throat and beginning, “Y/n. Uh, I’m not too sure what vows are meant to be like. Um, I did google it. Google said they’re meant to be like a declaration of love and promises of commitment or something. Didn’t help much but uh, I’m giving it a go so bear with me. When we first met, I actually did imagine a life with you. Not in a creepy way, but I was already so infatuated with you and I just really hoped that things would work out between us. And thank god they did. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without you. You have shown me and taught me so much that I could never find a way to repay you or show you just how grateful I am for you and everything you are. 

You showed me how it was okay to be myself. You showed me how being vulnerable wasn’t a bad thing. You were patient with me when I was learning how to be human. 

For so long, I kept to myself. I was afraid that if people knew the real me, they’d run. I was afraid maybe they’d hate me or grow to find me annoying. But with you, I feel safe. With you, everything is okay, everything is easy. 

For your eyes only, I've shown you my heart and shown you the worst and best of me. And after seeing it all, you stayed, which is more than I could ever ask for. You showed me I’m not alone, and I’ve never been alone.” 

He sniffles, wiping a few stray tears from his face before continuing, “You’re the first person to ever look at me like there was something worth looking at. It was with you where I found that I didn’t have to fix myself to be loved. You make me feel alive and far less lost. So thank you for loving me and thank you for existing. Thank you for giving me this. Not only have you painted the walls of our house, but you’ve painted my heart, and I will forever be grateful for that.”

His face is drenched in tears and he’s sure he’s close to having snot running down his face as well. You reach a hand towards the side of his face and gently wipe away the tears, using your other hand to hold his and squeeze it tight, reminding him that you’re still here with him. 

Carlos clears his throat, “Y/n, it is now your turn for your vows.”

You nod and grab your written words from your maid of honor. You turn back to look at Lando and take a breath before you begin, “Lando. God, I don’t even know what to say. My whole life, I dreamed of a love like this. I grew to think that day may never come, and that this kind of love only lived in fairytales. But then I met you, and everything changed. 

Anytime I meet new people, I always put on a front. I present myself a certain way so that they are less likely to leave so quickly. But with you, I never felt the need to. From the first moment we spoke, I knew that you were different. You let me be myself. You let me be wild and talkative. You made me feel like no matter what, I wasn’t too much. You always looked at me like I was something worthwhile. I mean, you would break your back to make me break a smile. 

Before I met you, I was a completely different person. I used to be afraid of so many things. But now, with you, I no longer fear anything. You make me brave enough to face anything and everything. 

Most days, I have thoughts that I can’t put to rest. I have thoughts that consume me and sometimes destroy me. But you always pull me out of those thoughts that try to drown me. You ease my mind in ways I thought were impossible. You silenced all the voices that said I am unloveable. You showed me I’m more than what the media say I am. 

I don’t know how the days will unfold or what the future holds. All I know is that I want you into it, with me. All I want is to be able to come home to you every night.” 

You sniffled, trying really hard not to let the tears run down and ruin your makeup but needless to say, the tears fell anyway. Lando held your face between his hands, trying not to ruin your makeup but also trying to gently dry your tears. Lando’s about to kiss you before he’s interrupted. 

“Ey! Wait, you don’t kiss yet. I have more stuff to get through.” Carlos says. 

The ceremony continues, Lando and you exchanging rings as you pledge things to the other. Soon enough, you’re pronounced husband and wife and time stops. 

The world falls away with every passing moment. 

Your arms are wrapped around Lando’s neck as he holds you by the waist with one hand and the back of your neck with the other. You’re stuck here, frozen in time. All you feel are his warm arms wrapping you in his embrace, the safest place you’ve ever been. His lips are on yours, warm and soothing. 

Untouchable. That’s how most people saw you and Oscar. It was like you two were always in your own little world, burning brighter than the sun. 

Since you were kids, everyone knew. The two of you were made of two pieces of the same star, always destined to find each other, luckily, it didn’t take long for you to find one another. Even your parents knew. They could just see it in the way you two would talk and interact with each other. You did everything for each other and with each other. If one of you were sad, the other would show up with snacks and movies. If one of you had trouble in school, the other would work non-stop to help the other. 

It really set the mark when you two were in primary school and Oscar got expelled. There had been a group of girls that didn’t get along with you. They had mocked you endlessly. 

One day, Oscar found you sitting in the corner at recess, pouting and there were scrapes on your hands and knees. When he’d asked you what was wrong, you tried to brush it off but after some persistence, you told him. You were just swinging on the swingset when one of the girls came up behind you and pushed you off. You had told the teachers but they shrugged it off, stating it’s a normal part of childhood or something. 

Oscar didn’t quite understand what he was feeling when you had told him that. All he knew was that something needed to be done. If the teachers wouldn’t listen, he’d make sure they listened. 

Little Oscar walked right up to the teachers and just started yelling. He kept yelling and yelling, shocking everyone. He was always known as the quiet and passive child. If something happened to him, he’d shrug it off and manage. But now they see, god forbid something happens to you, otherwise he’d erupt in anger. 

Oscar kept going off on the teachers, stating how it was irresponsible of them to shrug off the issue when you were clearly injured and how you could end up seriously injured in the future if they didn’t do anything to the group of girls bullying you. He’d even squeezed in a curse word or two, just to make his point. 

Safe to say, Oscar was grounded during his suspension as well. 

But when his mother got the call of his suspension, before berating him and yelling, she asked him why he did it. He looked at her and simply stated, “Y/n was hurt and they didn’t listen. They should’ve listened.” 

After processing all the information she’d gotten from the school then Oscar, she was conflicted. While she was proud of him for standing up for you, she knew she couldn’t endorse his outburst. So, she spoke to him and gave him some examples of alternate ways to handle these kinds of situations. 

She knew her son was crazy for you, and that one day, she might be driven crazy because of it. Oscar’s punishment was not being able to see you for one week, but once that week was over, she’d gladly call you over to see Oscar. 

-=+=-

It was a cold, rainy day in London. You were asleep in bed when you’d heard a quiet, hesitant knock at the door. You checked your phone to see what time it was. When you laid your eyes on the time, it was nearly two in the morning. But right under the time was a notification from Oscar. He’d texted you asking if you were awake. 

With a grunt, you jumped off your bed, walking to the door and slowly opening it, so as to not wake anyone up. Once the door was opened a bit, your eyes met with those warm autumn eyes you love so much. 

“Hey” Oscar whispered. 

“Hi, my love. Couldn’t sleep?”

Oscar shook his head. This happened quite often, nights of restlessness. He was prone to getting stressed and anxious, being torn between racing and school. And the lack of rest from traveling so much didn’t help at all. 

You softly grabbed his hand and led him to your bed. You laid on your bed, staring at the ceiling. Oscar followed suit, lying in the same position beside you. 

The two of you just laid there for a moment in silence. 

“Do you ever think about the future?” Oscar quietly asks you. 

“All the time.”

“What do you think about?” 

“I think about a lot of things. Sometimes I think about graduation. Sometimes it’s watching you finally race in F1. Sometimes it’s even just our next date. What about you?” you ask, turning your head to look up at Oscar.

“A lot of things. I think about the same things you think about. I also think about what the future holds, if I don’t make it to F1. But I always like thinking about us. What the future has in store for us. I think about having a family with you.” Now he’s looking down at you, meeting your eyes. 

“Really? Tell me more.” 

“Well, in the future, like far in the future. Once I’m set in my career and you’ve finished your studies and have been successful in your own career. I see us married, in our dream house, of course it has a green kitchen. It would also have a beautiful garden that we curate together. And I see us, with a kid or two.”

“I think our first kid will be a girl. At least I hope so. What do you think?”

“I think so too. And she’ll be named Sienna, like you wanted. She’ll be so free-spirited like you. Rambunctious in the best way possible.” he laughs. 

“But she’ll also have her quiet moments of solitude, like you. And she’d be dedicated to her craft like you. She’ll put all of her energy into that and her family.” 

“But if she takes after you in that area, she may have 50 different crafts to dedicate her time to.”

You laugh before asking, “Will you still love her if she changes crafts every other day? Like me?” 

He wraps an arm around you and pulls you close to him, leaving a gentle kiss on the top of your head, “Always. If possible, I’d love her even more.”

With a calm heart, Oscar fell asleep soon after. You followed and fell asleep right after him. Being here with you was one of the only times Oscar felt like he could breathe. The place he’d felt safest. A place he never wanted to lose. Everything feels easy when you’re right next to him. 

-=+=-

Home. Oscar was finally home. As soon as he opened the door to your apartment, he was met with a mixture of scents, something sweet with a hint of strawberry? Ah, you were baking again. 

With a skip in his step, Oscar dropped his bags on the floor of the entryway and made his way to the kitchen, ready to have you back in his arms. And he couldn’t lie, he was also excited to see what you’d baked up tonight. 

As he walked into the kitchen, his heart dropped when he laid eyes on you. You were standing there with your lips turned down, eyes brimming with tears as a tray of some sort of mixture sat on a hot tray before you. When you finally looked up and spotted him, the dam broke. 

Quickly, Oscar ran over to you and asked what was wrong. Through muffled sobs, he finally understood. You’d attempted to bake some muffins for his return, but after preparing them and putting them in the oven as instructed, they came out of the oven still uncooked and moist. 

He couldn’t stop a chuckle from escaping, making you let out another sob, asking him why he thinks it’s so funny. He gently rubs your back and holds you closer, “It’s not funny, love. The instructions should’ve been clearer, I think. You’re an excellent baker, just maybe need a bit more practice, yeah? I mean, those cookies you baked last month were phenomenal.” 

Your face was buried in his chest, muffling your words, “They were okay.”

“No. They were the best cookies I’ve ever had. Even Mark loved them, and you know how he can be. Alright? This was your first time making muffins. So, you just need a bit of practice, yeah? You’ll have people lining up outside the door for even a slice of bread made by you.” he says, pulling you away from his chest so that he could see your face. “And tell you what, I’ll be here to help you out as well. You need butter? I got you. Sugar? Say less. I’ll be your little assistant.” 

Your heart softens at his statement. He really loves you. And he’s not just saying things, he actually did end up being your little assistant in the kitchen. 

Through fits of giggles and some flour having found its way into your hair, the two of you managed to bake a pretty decent batch of muffins. And from that day on, you did keep practicing. Of course, Oscar wanted to be the first to try each and every one of your pastries. After all, he was the pastry expert. 

-=+=-

It had started with a few photos popping up on social media. Then headlines started forming. At some point, it was your entire feed. Pictures of Oscar and another girl filled social media. They were pictured next to each other at an outing with friends. Not doing anything incriminating, just stood next to each other, very close to each other. But the way she looked at him wasn't friendly. It wasn’t lustful either. If no one knew any better, they would think she’s Oscar’s girlfriend. Her eyes were filled with so much admiration, it almost drove you insane. 

You had stayed home due to work obligations, but you were quickly regretting not having gone. Your stomach was twisting and turning at the thought of Oscar cheating. But you knew Oscar, he wouldn’t do that. He’s not the type of guy, you tell yourself. But you still couldn’t stop yourself from pacing, picking at the skin on your fingers as your mind filled with awful thoughts of Oscar and that woman. 

It wasn’t until the sound of keys rattling pulled you out of your thoughts, that you realized Oscar was home. 

As soon as he spotted you, worry and dread painting your face, he ran over to you, “Hey, hey. What’s wrong? What happened?” 

“Is it true?”

His face twisted in confusion, “Is what true?”

You pull out your phone and pull up the articles, “The headlines. The pictures. Are you cheating on me?”

Oscar takes your phone and reads the headlines, scrolls to look at the pictures, “Baby, no. I would never. She’s just a friend of a friend. I’d never even met her until tonight.”

You stared at him, on the verge of crying, still not sure on whether to believe him or not. While you trusted him with your life, it was still hard to believe what he was saying when there were so many pictures and rumors being shoved down your throat. 

Slowly and gently, Oscar grabs the sides of your face, making you look at him only, “Hey. Listen to me for a second, yeah? I have an idea of what’s going on in your head right now and I want you to know that whatever is going on up there, isn’t true. I’m not cheating on you. I never have and never will. She was just there. I don’t even remember her name. It’s you and me, always. Okay, my love? You and me.” he presses his forehead to yours. 

You close your eyes and sniffle as tears fall, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to accuse you. I just thought-”

“Darling, you don’t need to apologize. I understand how it looked to you. You have a right to be upset and feel something. But I’m here to tell you none of it is true. I love you, only you.” 

You nod your head, “I love you too.” 

Oscar presses a kiss to the bridge of your nose before pulling you into a hug, wrapping his arms tightly around you. While he can’t make the world stop spinning and silence the media, what he can do is try and drown out the negative voices in your head. 

“Just remember that I love you, and I always will. Even when we’re a thousand miles apart, I’ll always love you. You’re the love of my life.” 

-=+=-

It felt like it happened all at once but also in motions. 

One minute he was holding you close to him and telling you how much he loves you, kissing you and stopping time. 

The next he’s acting cold and won’t speak to you. But there were more pictures. More pictures of them. 

It wasn’t until one late night after a race. He’d DNF’d after a collision with someone. He looked absolutely defeated. There were bags under his eyes, energy completely drained from his body. He had to watch his teammate celebrate P1 on the podium from the sidelines. This race pushed him further away from the championship and it was destroying him. 

His shoulders sagged as the hotel door closed. He let out a loud breath as he roughly ran his hands down his face. 

You walked up behind him and placed a hand on his shoulder, but he pushed it off. You tried not to take it to heart, you knew he wasn’t in the right head space right now, but it still stung. 

“Do you want me to order some dinner? We can just eat and watch something. Take your mind off things.” you suggest, keeping a soft tone of voice. 

“No. Ehm,” his voice wavers, “We need to talk.” 

You stop in your tracks, afraid of what he’s going to say next. Though you have had a sneaking suspicion as to what this was about. 

“Okay. I’m listening.”

He doesn’t look at you. He keeps his back to you, not even having the courage to tell you to your face, “I think we should break up.”

There it was. The room is silent, only the sound of your heart cracking fills the room. 

“What?” you barely get out. 

“We should break up.” his head hangs low. 

“Why? Did I do something wrong?”

“No. I just- I just don’t love you anymore… not like I used to.”

You try to suck in a breath but it’s getting harder as the minutes pass by, “Is it because of her? You love her?”

He turns his head but still doesn’t dare to look at you, “Yeah.”

It feels like your whole world is crumbling underneath you. Is this how it ends? This was supposed to be your fairytale love. Well, guess not every fairytale gets a happy ending. 

Oscar clears his throat and starts walking to the door, “You can stay here. I’ll get a different room or something.”

And with that, he leaves. Not a “sorry” or a “goodbye” in sight. You didn’t even get to say anything. He’s just gone, like that. 

The sound of the door clicking shut fills the room before you’re left standing in the same spot, silence drowning you in sorrow. 

You truly don’t understand. He wouldn’t even look at you, like you barely exist in his mind. Everything you’ve ever dreamed of, just gone. The life you’d dreamed of is now dead. Your future house, your future family… your future daughter. Why would he do this? Was any of it real?

Two people can change, but not like this. It wasn’t supposed to end like this. 

-=+=- 

It took a long time for you to be okay. You initially spent most of your days lying in bed, mourning the love you had and lost. 

“You’re the love of my life.” “I’ll never leave.” yeah fucking right. 

Thankfully, you had your friends and family there to support you. They helped you pack your stuff and move out of the apartment you had once shared with Oscar. 

They held your hand through it all. Even when you said you didn’t want to live in London anymore. They all sighed loudly when they heard you wanted to move to France, but they still helped you regardless. Each of them joining you on a roadtrip from London to the quiet town in France that you'd discovered in the middle of the night. 

You moved your entire life to that town, slowly getting color back into your skin. 

Eventually, you got over the heartbreak and found yourself falling for someone new. His name was Arthur and he was exceptional. He was patient and kind when you’d told him about the reason you had moved to this town. 

He gave you space when you needed it and time when you’d asked for it. And for that, you were grateful. 

Arthur was even understanding when you’d told him that Oscar’s mom still calls you sometimes to see how you are. You’d known her for most of your life, it wasn’t her fault that things didn’t work out with Oscar. But she did tell you that when she’d found out what happened, she almost slapped the back of his head. She couldn’t believe it. But eventually, she let it go when she realized how happy you were now. She knew you were happier now. And that was all that she needed. 

The only time she’d ever seen you so in love was when you were with Oscar. And vice versa, the only time she’d ever seen Oscar so in love and infatuated with someone was when he was with you. But she’ll never tell you that. 

-=+=-

You’re settling on to your couch with a nice, warm cup of tea, ready to start reading your book when you hear a knock at the door. 

You let out a huff before standing up and going to the door. As you look through the peephole, you’re frozen. Your breathing stops and you have to take a step back, wondering if this is real, and if this is real, how? 

You open the door and you’re greeted by those autumn eyes that you’ve haven’t seen in years, only this time they’re not the same as you remember. Now there’s an emptiness to them, almost hollow, as if you’re just looking at a shell of a person who doesn’t exist anymore. 

“Hey” he says, exasperated. 

“Hey, uh, what are you doing here?” 

Oscar looks to the floor, shoving his hands in his pocket before answering, “I, uh, I was wondering if we could talk.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. Arthur will probably be back in a minute.”

“I just need to talk to you, please.” 

“I thought whatever business we had with each other was done and settled. What could we possibly have to talk about? What could you possibly have to say?”

“Just please let me in. There’s just some things you need to hear and things I need to say. Please.” he begs. 

You stand there chewing your lip, debating whether you should let him in or not. Silently, you open the door wider and step to the side to let him in. 

You watch as he hesitantly takes a step in, acting as if he took a wrong step, he’d set something off and destroy whatever chance he has right now to talk to you. Everything feels so delicate between you two now. 

You follow behind him, finding yourself standing in the middle of your living room. He’s standing there kicking his foot and trying to gain the strength to say what he needs to say. 

“I know you probably don’t want to see me right now, or ever for that matter. And I know you probably hate me. But I just really need you to know what’s going through my head, as selfish as that may be.”

You cross your arms and let out a breath, “I don’t hate you, Oscar.”

That stings, you calling him by his name. The only time you’d ever called him by his name was when you first met. He’d introduced himself and you were quick on deciding that you’d rather call him ‘Osc’ instead, amongst other things. He got so used to your pet names for him, he completely forgot how it felt for you to call him by his actual name. He hates it. 

“You should.” he lets out a bitter laugh, “I was horrible to you.”

“You did what you had to do. You fell out of love with me, fell in love with someone else. It’s fine. I moved on, truly. Despite what you might think, there’s no bad blood between us. Shit happens. I mean, we were kids. We didn’t know what we were really doing.” Your voice is laced with true sincerity, but as many have said, sincerity can be scary. 

“No, I didn’t.”

“What? What do you mean “no”?” you ask, confused as to not just what he’s saying but you were still wondering why he was here. 

“I lied.” he blurts out, finally looking into your eyes for the first time in god knows how long. 

Your breathing stops, fingers unconsciously squeezing your arm. You look at him with a lost and shocked look. You don’t understand. He lied? What did he lie about? 

“I lied to you that day. I lied about everything. I lied about losing feelings for you. I lied about falling for someone else.” His body is shaking, his breathing rapidly heaving. “I didn’t lose feelings for you. I never did. I never stopped loving you.”

“What? Why did you lie? Why did you lie to me?

“Because I didn’t want to hurt you. I was gone for most of the year. Even when I was home, I was barely there. And the championship was getting closer and closer and I felt suffocated and I knew you worried. You worried about how I was feeling and how I was managing with all the racing shit. You knew everything that could kill me in my head… Then Alex told me about how you barely slept because you were so worried. I was afraid you were losing yourself in loving me. You were pushing things aside to focus on me.” 

“So you decided what was best for me? You decided what I should do and didn’t talk to me? Do you know how stupid you sound right now? I would’ve stood by you as you were torn apart, I would’ve stood right next to you and held your hand through everything. You told me I’m the love of your life about a million times but you still broke up with me. And then you come back when I’m engaged to another and expect me to drop everything?!” you say, gradually getting angrier as the seconds passed. 

“I’m sorry. I was stupid and I wasn’t thinking-”

“Clearly, you clearly weren’t thinking. How fucking dare you? I was fully capable of deciding what was best for me. You didn’t even talk to me about this. You didn’t let me have a fucking say. What do you want me to do with that? And now you’re here telling me this, why? I know you know that I’m getting married soon, to a man that actually treats me right. So, why? Why are you doing this? Why now?” you all but scream. 

Oscar looks at you for a moment, his eyes brimming with tears before one slips out, along with the truth. “Because I still love you. And I don’t want you to marry him. Don’t be with him. Be with me. Please.” 

Exhaling a breath you’d been holding, you throw your hands up in the air, “What the fuck, Oscar? What the actual fuck?! You have some real fucking audacity to not just show up at my house out of the blue, but to also pull this bullshit? Who do you think you are? Do you realize what the fuck your saying? What you’re asking of me?!”

“Yes, yes and I know how dumb it is. I know I shouldn’t have come but I needed you to know. I needed you to know the truth. I’m doing this because I love you.”

Quietly, you state “You have a girlfriend, Oscar.”

A silence hangs between the two of you. Oscar gulps before continuing, “I know. But I can’t let you go through with this without you knowing the truth.” 

“The “truth” isn’t going to change anything, Oscar. I’m marrying Arthur. He’s my love, not you.” 

And that was a twist of the knife. This was the first time Oscar had ever heard you say that he was not your love. It fucking sucks. 

“I just thought- I hoped that I could fix everything that went wrong. It’s too late, isn’t it?” tears are slowly falling. 

You breathe in, trying not to let your own tears fall but it’s merely impossible. “Yeah. It’s too late.” 

He looks down at the floor, “I always thought it’d be us.” he laughs bitterly, “That we’d somehow find our way back to each other. Maybe in another life, huh?”

You just smile, not saying anything because you aren’t so sure of that anymore. You used to think it would always be you and him in every universe. But now, after all this time, you think maybe the two of you were never meant to be. Not just in this universe, but in any and all of them. 

When you don’t respond, Oscar gets the message. So he bids you goodbye, one last time. He stands there for a second before abandoning his thought. He thought maybe one last hug… but it’s best to just go. He needs to finally let you go. He has to let the love of his life go. 

Once the door closes, the apartment is silent. A silence you haven’t known in years. 

-=+=-

It’s been a few months since that night Oscar appeared on your doorstep. During this time, Oscar realized how stupid and inconsiderate it was for him to do that. You were happy, and that was all that mattered. You had everything you’d wanted and more. He just wishes that it was him sharing that life with you. But it’s not. 

So on the night of your wedding, Oscar sat at home and wrote you a letter. 

When he finished writing, he folded the letter and stuffed it into an envelope, sealing it closed. He walks to his nightstand and places the envelope in the drawer, where it will never be seen or read. He swears, for as long as he was alive, you’d never read it. Which was what ended up being the case. You never did read it while he was alive. 

-=+=-

My dear Y/n, my love, 

I’m not exactly sure as to why I’m writing this letter. My mum said it could help me “process my emotions” or something. I pretty much said everything I needed to say that night. And I’m really sorry. 

I shouldn’t have just shown up like that and I was acting selfish. I guess I just hoped that maybe, just maybe you’d come back. But I’m kind of glad you didn’t. You deserve a life of true happiness and free of doubt. A life that is everything you deserve. 

I guess I just want you to know that I’ll always be with you. I’ll always be cheering you on and wishing you the best. 

This letter really sucks and I apologize. You know I’m not that great with words. I’m no Edgar Allen Poe or something. And yes, he was the first and only one to come to mind. 

At night, I still dream of us. I dream of the life we could have had. I dream about painting the kitchen green with you, though I know you’d tap out early and I’d have to paint most of the kitchen myself. And I dream of Sienna. I dream of what she would’ve been like. What she would’ve looked like. 

Sometimes I even pray that everything will go back to normal. Crazy, right? Me, praying. 

But that’s not how things work. So for the rest of my life, I’ll regret how I handled everything. I should’ve chased you. Right after the break up, I should’ve come back and apologized and fixed things. I should be the one you’re marrying. But I lost my fight with fate. 

I have loved you since we were kids and I will continue loving you for the rest of eternity. It will always be you for me, even if it’s not me for you. 

So I’ll toast outside your wedding, whispering vows I’ll never say to you. And while our souls understood each other, our lives couldn’t. 

I love you today, tomorrow, next week, and even when I don’t exist. 

Love, 

Oscar (Your Osc)

-=+=-

As you fold up the letter, you silently wipe away the tears you didn’t realize had slipped. Your heart feels like it’s missing a piece of it. 

You were sitting on the edge of your bed, staring at the letter you had just read. Oscar’s mom had found it, sent it right over to you as soon as she saw that it was addressed to you. You couldn’t believe it. He was gone. Just like that. 

You were so deep in your thoughts that you didn’t hear the tiny footsteps running towards your room. Before you knew it, you were face to face with your daughter as she sat close enough to see your pores. 

“Mummy, are you crying?”

You smiled and quickly wiped them away, “No, baby. I’m okay.”

She wraps her arms around your neck and squeezes as tight as she can, “It’s okay, mummy. I’m here!”

You laugh, “You are! And I couldn’t ask for anything better. Thank you, Sienna, my angel.”

She smiles and giggles before tilting her head and asking you, “Mummy, can we bake something? You said you used to bake all the time.” 

“Yeah, I did. We can try and bake something, my love. But unfortunately I’m not a very good baker these days, so I may need some help, alright?”

“Yes! I can help! I’m your little helper. Like a little assistant.” she says, having no idea what those words mean to you. 

Those same words hold a different meaning and memory. One that you will never get to relive. 

labored breaths and bedsores

you and me against the world

“Come on, Y/n. We’re gonna be late.” Lando says as he knocks on the door to your room for what feels like the millionth time today. 

“I’m not going. I’ll see you after school.” You shouted back from behind the door.

“You can’t just not go to school.”

“Yes I can, watch me.”

“If you don’t go, you’re letting them win. They’re gonna know they’ve won.”

“Well they did. So I’m not going, they win.”

“Y/n, open this door right now before I break it down.”

“You’re not going to break it down. You bruise like a peach.”

“Do not.” Lando stood there flabbergasted, his jaw dropped and eyebrows furrowed. 

“I’m not going, end of discussion.”

“Y/n, I won’t let them hurt you.” Lando said, leaning his head against the door frame, “I won’t leave you. And if you come with me to school today, we can go to the house after all our classes. I promise.” 

He hears the click of the lock on your door before it opens a crack, he can just barely see you through the small crack in the door. 

“You promise?” you asked hesitantly, almost wondering if this was a trick to get you to open the door. 

“Yeah, I promise.” he says with the utmost sincerity. 

“Okay.”

Lando extends his hand to you and you take it. You hold on tight for a majority of your walk to school but instantly let go as soon as you start to see fellow classmates. 

Lando's heart sinks to his stomach. It’s not just because you dropped his hand, but because he knows why you do it. You already get called rude names at school, you didn’t want to drag him down with you. 

But he’d willingly go down with you if it meant he could have you from the treachery you face everyday. 

“I’ll see you at lunch. See ya.” You say as you rush off into the crowd of students trying to get to their classes on time.

“Alright then. Bye I guess. See ya. It’s not like I need a goodbye or anything. It’s fine. Just walk away and leave me all by my lonesome.” Lando talks to himself as he slowly walks to his first class of the day, trying to ignore the dreadful feeling that’s building up within him. 

“She’ll be okay. She’ll be okay.” He repeats to himself. 

-=+=-

Everyone is let out for lunch and you make a beeline for the courtyard, wanting to get to Lando before anyone could get to you. But that was wishful thinking.

“Well hello slut.” 

Kayla, the biggest bully that you had ever had the displeasure of meeting. 

“Hi Kayla.” You said quietly, trying to walk around Kayla but the girl isn’t letting up.

“Where do you think you’re going? Off to be a slut again? Who is it this time? Luke? Christopher? or is it your usual, Lando?”

“I’m just going to lunch.”

“Right, ‘Lunch’” Kayla laughs, waiting for the rest of her group to follow suit. 

“Please, I’m just trying to go.”

“Oh, are you that desperate to get off? You have to run to your next dick appointment? Hmm, or maybe you’re picking who your next victim is.” She boosts her voice so that she can be heard by the rest of the school, “Come on, come all. All boys should be prepared because Y/n is choosing who will be next to fuck her again. Who knows? Maybe this time she’ll get knocked up too-” Kayla’s about to continue before she’s interrupted. 

“Is there a problem? What the hell is going on?” says Max. 

Max was the golden boy of the town. He was smart, strong, and hardworking. Every guy wanted to be him and every girl wanted to be with him. He had always been kind towards you, never really making conversation with you but he put in the effort. He had no reason to ever talk to you, he did it cause it’s just who he is. 

“Oh no problem here. I was just chatting to my friend here. Wasn’t I?” Kayla says as she looks at you, giving you a look that could cut. 

“Um, yeah. We were just talking.” You say, trying not to fold into yourself too much. You can’t let Kayla know she’s winning, not right now. 

“Y/n? Are you sure you’re okay?” Max asked again. 

“Yeah Y/n, tell him how everything’s fine.” Kayla interrupted.

“Kayla” Max started, “Would you be so kind as to give me a moment alone with Y/n?” 

“Sure” Kayla said as she gave a very fake and toothy smile. You could see the rage behind her eyes.

As soon as Kayla walked away, Max began “Hey, are you sure you’re okay? It didn’t seem like it for a bit. I mean, I just got here a minute ago and I can see everyone staring at the two of you. Thought you could use some saving.” he joked.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks though, you didn’t have to intervene.” 

“I’ve actually been meaning to speak to you. I wanted to ask you something.”

You looked up at him, your eyes reminding him of those of a doe. A bit of confusion was written on your face. 

“Yeah, sure. What’s up?” you asked. 

“I was wondering if you’d ever want to go out? with me?” Max said as he stuffed his hands in his pant pockets, trying not to show how nervous he was. 

“Me? You want to go out with me?” You asked in disbelief. You were the school slut, who would want to go out with you? Everyone knew about your “reputation”. 

“Yeah with you. I’ve seen you around school and around town and I’ve always thought you seemed kind and pretty. I’ve been wanting to ask you out for the longest time but I wasn’t sure if I stood a chance with a girl as gorgeous as you.”

“Is this a joke? Did someone dare you to do this?”

“No. What the fuck? I’m genuinely asking, Y/n. I really like you and I would love it if you gave me a chance to take you out.” he said with genuine kindness, his confusion still lingering. 

“Oh, uhm. Yeah, sure. I’d love to.” you reply, letting yourself relax. Your smile is uncontrollable right now, you try dialing it down so as to not scare him away but it’s no use. You’re completely overwhelmed with joy right now. 

“Sweet. I can pick you up on Friday night? We can get dinner and get to know each other more?”

“Yeah, that sounds nice.” You smiled at him.

“Awesome. I’ll see you around until then.”

“Yeah, for sure.”

Max walks away and you just think “for sure? what the fuck was that?”

All of a sudden, you feel a hand gently glide down your bicep. You quickly turn to see Lando with a worried look on his face. Once you notice it’s him, you calm down a bit. 

“Hey, are you alright? I saw you and Max talking. Did he say anything to you? Like, anything that would upset you?” he asked after giving your arm a light, reassuring squeeze.

“Yeah, everything’s fine. He was actually asking me out on a date.” You couldn’t help but smile even more.

“Max? He asked you on a date?”

“Yeah, is that hard to believe? Am I that unappealing?” you joked.

“No, not at all darling. It’s just that you know how people in this town are. And Max is the guy. I just want you to be safe, that’s all.”

“I’ll be fine Lando. We’re going out this Friday. I’m very excited.” You're practically vibrating with excitement. 

“I’m glad that you’re happy. So if it’s because of him, I guess I’ll have to deal with it.” Lando says lightly, trying to be happy for you but he can’t seem to get himself to be happy. He shakes it off and tries to act happy for you. “So, shall we head to lunch?”

“Yeah, come on. You can tell me all about your big plans for the future, which involves racing?” You teased.

“Well, first of all, it’s not silly. Second of all, it’s not little. We’re not little. The guys and I? We’re men. Racing cars.”

“Go karts…”

“Cars.” he says, having you wrap your arm around his as he leads you away. 

“Alright, whatever you say.” 

-=+=-

The two of you make your way to the courtyard, away from the majority for some peace and quiet. You sit in your usual spot, a bench under a massive willow tree. 

As you take your seats, you start “So, how are the boys?”

“They’re alright, it’s hard to make the time to go to the track when we’re all so busy. Just need to make the time to practice so we can leave this stupid little town.”

You could feel your heart shatter a bit. Why does he want to leave so bad? 

“What about me? Does he want to leave me behind too?” You thought.

“Yeah” you softly replied, “So, any girls catch your eye?”

“No, not really. I’m way out of everyone’s league.” Lando joked as he leaned back against the bench.

“Sure you are. Lando Norris, the boy who threw up on the school playground after a bird shat on him.” You laughed.

“You said you’d never bring it up again. That was rude. I’ve never been so betrayed.” Lando whined, fake fainting next to you in his seat. 

“Oh poor baby Lando. He couldn’t handle a bit of bird poo.” You started to laugh hysterically at the memory.

“Bottle it up. I want to bottle up her laugh. I want to be able to hear it all the time. My favorite kind of music.” He thinks.  

“Anyways,” Lando cleared his throat, “Wanna go to the house after school?”

“Yes! I can’t wait. I love that house.”

“Me too, darling. I’ve started working on it though. I’ve been cleaning it up a bit and fixing some holes in the walls and stuff.”

“Really?” You practically squealed out of excitement. 

“Yeah, I promised you, didn't I?”

You smiled so wide, he wanted to capture it to keep forever. 

“Yeah, yeah you did.”

-=+=-

After school, Lando and you made your way to the house. 

The house is an abandoned little cottage that the two of you found in the middle of the woods when you were about 12 years old. It was a bit worn down when you found it, but it became your spot. You guys would go to the house whenever you could. Whether you were going to read, do homework, talk, or just hang out. When you were 14, the two of you promised each other that you would fix up the house and make it yours to live in. It was your safe space. 

Once you two got there, you looked around to see the work that Lando had completed since the last time you saw it. He must have worked quite a bit because there was a lot of improvement. There weren’t any more fallen leaves on the ground and it was far less dusty. He’s also patched any holes that were in the house. 

“Lando, this is amazing. I mean, if you work at this rate, the house will be done in a few months.” You said in amazed disbelief. 

“Yeah, I’ve been coming here to fix it up any chance I get. I was thinking you could do a majority of the decorating. I know you love making spaces feel cozy and lived in.” “I do. I can start decorating as soon as you’re done doing the construction bit.” you smiled at him. 

“Yeah, no worries. Once you start decorating, let me know. I can help you carry stuff over.” Lando said as he went to take a seat on the couch he brought in the last time he’d been at the house. 

You go to sit next to him, leaning your head against his shoulder. Lando rested his head on top of yours, leaving you guys in a position that is all too familiar. And during all this, not once did you question where he got this couch, cause knowing him, you’d regret asking.  

“I can’t wait to move in here with you someday.” You said. “Yeah. Me too, darling.” He says, wrapping an arm around you and pulling you closer, “Me too.”

Lando felt a pit in his stomach. He knew with Max being a prospect for you, that the chances of sharing a life with you were slowly dwindling. The life you two planned on building together was soon going to stay a dream, never once coming true. But he didn’t want to risk your happiness. You seemed excited for your date with Max, and Max didn’t seem like a bad guy. 

Maybe if things don’t work out between you and Max, Lando could work up the courage to finally tell you how he feels. Maybe you’d have a shot at a future together. 

-=+=-

It’s Friday afternoon, you’re getting ready for your first date with Max, which also happens to be your first date ever. To say you were anxious was an understatement. To try and calm your nerves, you tried to go on a walk and ended up at the house. You walked in and started pacing the floors. The wooden boards creaked with every step you took. That would be something you’d mention to Lando to see if he could fix it. But right now you have to think. 

How do you go on a first date? What was the proper etiquette? Should you hold his hand? Sit close to him at dinner? What do you even talk about on a first date? What if people from school see you guys and say something? What if it was all a joke and he won’t actually show up? Should you hug him? Kiss his cheek? Kiss Him?! On the lips?! 

What if he just wants sex?

You’re spiraling. What if this isn’t what you want? What if this is your only option in life? Was everyone right? Was this your fate?

-=+=-

Lando has been running around like a headless chicken, trying to find you. He’d walked you home from school and then parted from you when you said you needed to get ready for your date. You seemed excited when you left. 

Is she alright? Has she gone on the date early?

Lando looked everywhere for you, calling out your name, with no avail as to where you’d gone. But there’s still one place he hasn't checked yet. The house. 

He made his way to the house and as he walked up to the front door, he could hear light footsteps inside, pacing. Not just any footsteps, your footsteps. Lando opened the door as it groaned in resistance. 

I should get that fixed. He thought

When he walks in, he sees you still pacing the floor. You’re in your head. Your eyebrows are furrowed and your eyes are focused on the ground as you bite her nails. 

“Darling, you alright?” he hesitantly asked, not wanting to startle you. 

You stopped pacing a moment to look at him. Your lips turned down, wobbling, as you tried to keep back the tears. 

“I don’t know what to do. I mean, this is my first date and I’m 16. What should I do? Like on the date? Do I have to stand close to him at all times? Do I have to hug him? What if he expects something from me? Like what if he wants sex? I don't know how to do that. What if he wants to kiss me? I don’t know how to do that either. What if I’m a bad kisser? Cause ya know. I’ve never kissed or been kissed. What if he wants to kiss me with tongue? I have no clue how to do that. I mean wha-”

“I can teach you.” Lando interrupts you with a sly smile plastered on his face. 

“What?” she looks at him, completely bewildered. 

“I said I can teach you. To kiss.” 

“What? Really?”

“Yeah. It’s quite easy actually. You just have to get used to it, I guess.”

“You can’t be serious.”

“Why not? It’s just a kiss.”

Right. Just a kiss. 

“So, we just have to… kiss?”

“Yeah, come on. Let me show you.” “Alright.” 

Lando slowly walked towards you. He softly placed a hand on your lower back, pulling you a little closer. With his other hand, he guides your arms to wrap around his neck. Once your arms were holding him against you, he used his free hand to gently grab the side of your face. He pulled your face closer to him before asking “Ready?”

With a pounding heart, you breathed out, “Yes.”

With that, he connected your lips with his. Delicately at first, as to not overwhelm and scare you. It took you a few seconds to unfreeze, but you soon relaxed into the kiss. Your body no longer stood stiff along with him. You practically melted into his arms. 

You didn’t let each other go, not wanting the moment to end. 

Suddenly, Lando pulled away from you. He lightly pushed you off him as he tried to catch his breath. You just stood there dumbfounded, wondering why he stopped and why he did it so abruptly. 

Today was the day. Finally the day where Lando got to ask you a question he’s been wanting to ask since the moment he realized he was in love with you. He’s going to ask you to marry him today. 

You were in the bathroom getting ready whilst Lando was in the other room on his phone, making sure everything would go to plan. The man was pacing, trying to hide the shaking of his hands. What if the spot he planned to propose at ended up being crowded? Or what if it ends up raining? What if he loses the ring on the way there? It would be just his luck if the universe decided it should unexpectedly rain today, the day that is supposed to be one of the most important days of your lives. 

Lando was walking back into the bathroom to ask you if you were ready when he caught a glimpse of your beautiful self in the mirror. You were so focused on your hair that you hadn’t noticed him yet. He leaned against the door frame and just admired you. Butterflies were fluttering in his stomach, an effect you still had on the man after all this time, and he enjoyed them. 

After a few moments, you’d finished fussing over your hair when you looked up and saw Lando smiling at you through the mirror. 

“What?” you ask, smiling up at him. 

“Nothin. Just looking. Can’t a guy look at his beautiful girlfriend?” 

“Not beautiful. I feel awful today for no reason. Everything feels like it’s going wrong and it’s literally all just stupid little things. First, I hit my elbow on the door frame, then I couldn't get my eyeliner to even look somewhat related, and now this part of my hair won’t stop being wonky. Like why is there a bump when there shouldn’t be one?!” you exclaimed, starting to lose control of your breathing. 

Lando watched as you started to panic and he held the side of your face with one hand, brushing your cheek with the gentle pads of his fingers as his other hand grabbed yours, leading it to rest over his own heart, “Hey, hey. Darling, it’s alright. Breathe with me, yeah?”

You nodded your head and watched his chest rise and fall, feeling his heartbeat with the palm of your hand, trying your best to follow his breathing. 

“Good.” Lando said, leaving a kiss on the bridge of your nose, making you blush slightly. 

“Thank you” you whispered, entirely grateful for his patience and gentleness with you. 

“You don’t have to thank me. Just let me take care of everything today, alright? We’re going to have a nice little day out. We’re gonna relax, breathe, and just have fun.”

“Okay. I just need to put on my shoes and I’ll be ready.”

“Alright. Let's start today’s adventure.”

-=+=-

Lando was quite literally shaking in his shoes as soon as the car was approaching your destination. The man’s palms were sweating and it took everything to not check his pocket every 5 seconds to make sure he’d brought the ring and hadn’t imagined grabbing it before leaving the house. 

Once the car was put in park, Lando got out of the car and attempted to walk over to your side of the car and open the door for you. It was like watching a baby deer take its first steps on ice, the poor boy was struggling. 

You stepped out of the car and gasped at the view. Before you was one of the most beautiful gardens you’d ever seen. Lando thought it would be nice to propose in a garden since you loved them so much, and it would be easier to point at something and distract you so he could get on one knee. 

Lando grabbed your hand and led the way through the garden. You immediately turned your brain off and just followed your boyfriend whilst admiring every flower and detail within this garden. 

Every few meters, you paused to take pictures of the scenery. Flowers reminded you of your mother. You’re pretty sure you got your love for flowers and gardens from her so you wanted to savor the experience and remember every aspect so that one day, when you meet her again, you’ll be able to recreate the scene for her. 

Lando couldn’t care less about the garden, not when the most beautiful view in the world was in front of him, you. His breath got caught in his chest every time you looked at him and he hopes he never forgets that feeling. The feeling of loving someone and being loved, it felt like he was feeling the sun from both sides. 

After walking for about 20 minutes, you and Lando had arrived at the spot. With a racing heart and shaking hands, Lando pointed behind you and asked “Do you see that butterfly?”

“Where?” you spun, trying to find this imaginary butterfly. 

Once you’d turned your back to him, Lando quickly tried to pull the ring box out of his pocket, almost dropping it in the process. By the time he’d gotten down on one knee, you were turning back to look at him. 

You gasped and slapped your hands over your mouth, “No way”. 

“Y/n, I have loved you for a long time and this has been a long time coming. I’ve known for a long time that you were my person, the person I wanted to spend forever with. I love you so much and I wanted to ask if you would allow me the pleasure of marrying you and being yours forever.” he managed to say before the tears welling up in his eyes became too much. Tears spilling like joy that were too big for his heart. 

“I- Is this for real? Are you being serious?” you almost whispered, hands shaking and eyes watering past the point of being able to see properly. 

“I’m so serious, darling.”

“Are you sure?”

“Never been so sure of anything in my life.”

Your chest felt tight but in the best way possible, like something inside of you was cracking. You felt so much love and happiness that it was overflowing. It was hard to get your words out. In your head, you were shouting ‘yes, yes, a thousand times, yes’. You had been silent for so long and unmoving that Lando was getting fearful. 

“Darling? You okay?” he asked, reaching a hand to land on your shoulder in an attempt to comfort you and help you get the words out. 

In the blink of an eye, your arms were wrapped around his neck as you sobbed and held him close, shouting “Yes! I’ll marry you.” in his ear. 

“Thank god.” he breathed out in relief. He wrapped his arms around your waist and let any and all the tears out. He finally got the girl. Sure, you’ve been together for years, but now it feels like he can shout it from the rooftops until his voice breaks. 

The two of you were kneeling on the floor and just crying in each other's arms. Lando was sure he’d blacked out but in the happiest way possible. It just didn’t feel real. But then it did. And then it felt like everything made sense. Every obstacle and moment had led to this, the feeling of forever. 

After a few moments, Lando pulled back to bring the two of you to your feet. He wiped some tears from his eyes so that he could see and picked the ring from the box and put it on your finger. 

“Lan?”

“Yeah?” 

“Other hand.”

“Shit” he laughed. 

You joined him in laughing as he took the ring of your finger and put it on the correct hand. 

The both of you looked down at the ring and smiled, knowing that this was just the start. The start of a beautiful lifetime together and neither of you could wait. A lifetime of laughs and tears, of dancing with the good and bad, never taking a moment for granted. 

As you were about to speak, you felt droplets of water land on your arm, then on your head. Before either of you could realize it, it was pouring rain and all the sound was drowned out by the droplet splattering on the ground beneath you. 

Lando was about to frown and curse the universe, until he heard something beautiful. You were laughing. You weren’t just laughing, you were cackling. He smiled at the sight, “Why are you laughing?” 

Through fits of laughter, you replied “It’s just perfect. Knowing you, you wanted today to be perfect which means you chose a day that wouldn’t rain. But it’s raining and I think it’s funny.”

“I don’t think it’s very funny. I worked hard to pick the perfect place and day and time just for us to end up drenched? My hair is flat now.” he joked, pointing at the now sopping wet mop of hair on his head. 

“But it is perfect, love.”

“How so?” he asked, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow at you.

“Because it reminds me of the day we met. Remember?”

“I do.” the boy smiles at you, recalling the day as if it was yesterday. 

-=+=-

It was the day of the British Grand Prix. The race had been delayed for some time due to the weather so everyone was goofing around in the rain. The commentators were killing time by narrating the day as if it was a nature documentary, engineers were pretending to be Gene Kelly in ‘Singing In The Rain’, even the Sauber team were sitting in the rain and just messing around. 

You were in the Mclaren garage after Lily had invited you to watch a race in person, knowing you had been a long time fan of the sport. All of a sudden, Zak Brown started to take control of the aux and was playing music for everyone to dance to. Some of the engineers ended up dancing in the rain whilst the rest of you watched from the sidelines. Somehow, Lily and you ended up dancing in the rain too. Oscar soon took your place in dancing with Lily so you were left alone. You were walking back inside the garage when you felt a soft hand pull you back in the rain… that’s when Lando happened. He dragged you back in the rain and danced with you. The two of you hadn’t really spoken at this point, but there was something that just clicked. 

-=+=-

“I remember. But you think I was gonna pass up on a chance to dance with a pretty girl in the rain? Mental.” 

You looked up at him and just smiled, “Thank you for giving me this.” 

“What do you mean?” he asked, a bit confused at your statement. 

“For everything, really. But mainly for giving me this moment. At this moment, I feel so in love and happy. Like my heart is flowing from the inside out. And I feel so loved. For so long, I was told I was loved but it was hard for me to believe. I thought I didn’t deserve it and that everyone who said that they loved me was actually lying. But you make me feel like I am loveable. You make me feel loved, like it’s real. You show me that I am worth so much more than what I ever thought. So, thank you for giving me this.” tears were streaming down your face and you were the happiest you’d ever been. 

Lando was looking at you as his lip wobbled, more tears followed the path of the old ones “Anything for you.” he spoke softly. 

-=+=-

It happened all at once and all so slowly at the same time. He still remembers the call. The call changed everything. 

It was only meant to be a short drive. You were meant to come home. 

-=+=-

Today was the day. The day everyone had to say goodbye to you. 

It’s been a week since you’ve passed and not one person could believe it. You were actually gone, and you weren’t coming back. 

Since the day you left, Lando has been vacant. He hasn’t really given himself a chance to process it yet. Sure, he has cried himself to sleep every night, but he’s thrown himself into organizing everything for you. He picked the casket, he picked the flowers, he picked the guests and what they had to wear. 

You always said that you didn’t want people to wear black at your funeral. You wanted your funeral to be a day of celebration and appreciation for life. You wanted everyone to remember you for who you were, a person, someone so full of life and light, someone who loved music and dancing in the kitchen. You didn’t want to be remembered as a lifeless body who laid in a casket, so void of everything good. 

So in a crowd of rainbow, Lando tried to fake smile and greet those who knew you. He tried to be kind to those who loved you and cared for you in your life, but it was hard when all he wanted to do was scream and destroy everything in his path until he found you again. He just wanted to destroy everything and yell about how it’s all unfair. How you deserved to be here longer, how you deserved a life. 

He wasn’t sure if he could give your eulogy and maintain a calm presence. But he didn’t want to ruin today. Today was about you and celebrating everything you are, or were. Today he had to keep it together. Tomorrow he could break down again. Tomorrow he could yell at a god he isn’t even sure exists. 

After a few words from a priest, it was Lando’s turn to speak. Lando got up from his seat and quietly made his way to stand at the microphone, pulling crumbled sheets of paper from his suit pocket. The silence was painful now. 

Clearing his throat, Lando began “Hello. I’m Lando. I’m- was Y/n’s fiance. Ehm-” he tries to speak but the words are getting stuck in his throat, “I could go on and on about how this all sucks. How it’s not fair that she’s gone, that I’m stuck to deal with all this pain and grief on my own. But I won’t do that. I won’t do that because this hollow feeling in my chest just shows how lucky I am to have loved Y/n and for her to have loved me back. Since she left, I’ve missed Y/n every moment.”

Lando pauses for a second, as if trying to catch his breath, “There was a butterfly outside the window of our bedroom the other day and I was about to go get Y/n to show her, only to remember that I couldn’t show her. For a moment, I thought it was cruel for that to have happened, but then I thought about how much Y/n loved butterflies and flowers and really anything to do with nature, that she would’ve wanted me to appreciate the moment rather than be mad.

Y/n showed me and taught me a lot of things. She was- she was the first person who looked at me like there was something worth looking at. She made me feel alive and far less lost. I wish I could thank her. Thank her for existing, for choosing me, for calling me pretty, for reminding me I’m worthwhile. For reminding me I’m more than what the public makes of me. I wish I could thank her for teaching me how to be the person I am today. 

When I proposed to Y/n, she had said something to me that at the time, I thought it was strange. But now, in her absence, I’ve realized and understood what she was saying. She’d looked at me and said “thank you for giving me this.” I didn’t know what she’d meant by this but now I do. She was thanking me for giving her everything she’d desired in life. All she wanted was to love and be loved to the same capacity. Now I thank her for the same thing. 

How was it that just 12 days ago, Y/n was sitting in your living room, talking to me about what color she wanted to paint the kitchen? She wanted a green kitchen. I thought she was mental. But after some back and forth, I thought we settled on cream colored cupboards. Then I came home to a half painted green kitchen. That was one of the many things I love about Y/n. If she wanted something, she was going to get it, even if she had to fight tooth and nail for it.”

Lando smiles to himself for a moment before continuing. 

“Now that Y/n is gone, I don’t have much of her left. We didn’t get the chance to have children and we don’t have any pets. But what I do have is the space in my heart- my soul where Y/n will forever reside. I also still have her half painted green kitchen. No, she never finished painting it.”

Some laughs from the audience. 

“Sometimes late at night, our memories sneak out my eyes and roll down my cheek. I truly appreciate every moment I was lucky enough to have with Y/n. 

There were countless nights where one of us wouldn’t be able to sleep, causing the other one to not be able to sleep either. On nights like those, we would always tell the other “meet me in the hallway”. I’m not sure how we came up with this sort of tradition, but it’s one of my favorites and I will miss it. When we would meet in the hallway, it would end up being us just leaning on each other, physically and emotionally. 

During the times we had to be apart due to my job, Y/n would call me at 2 am. She just wanted to hear my voice. So at 2 am, we would just talk and take everything in.

Those moments allowed me inside Y/n’s head, my favorite place besides her heart, and now I can’t do that anymore. I can’t ask her questions or listen to her endless thoughts. I won’t be able to hear her anymore. I won’t be able to hear her voice anymore.” 

His voice cracks with that last sentence. Tears begin to roll down his face. 

“I miss her. I miss the smell of her shampoo. I miss the way she would take up all the space in bed. I miss the way she would burn the toast when trying to make breakfast. I miss the way she would pull me off the couch and make me dance with her. 

I wish we had more time. I wish I had more time to hold her, just 10 more seconds to hold her. But I can’t, and I won’t. 

Since the day she left, a piece of me has been ripped off. 

Now, Y/n is not only the love of my life, but the loss of my life and I don’t think I will ever be able to love without her. I will not feel whole until the day I meet Y/n again. But until that day comes, I will live life here and enjoy the butterflies. Thank you.” 

-=+=-

He’s sitting in the kitchen with his mum, just chatting when his mother asks “Are you going to finish painting those?’’ pointing towards the cabinets that were still half-painted. 

Lando sits there for a moment before answering, “If she wants it done, she can do it herself.” 

His mother laughs for a moment, before her face becomes solemn, reaching for Lando’s hand and gripping it tight.