LessTalk

It should be called “Harry Potter and his Huge Fucking Gay Crush on Draco Malfoy”

Let’s set the scene: Harry sees Ginny kissing Dean and his “chest monster” goes batshit crazy because he supposedly has a huge crush on her and you think “Well, that’s it. He going to stop thinking about Malfoy all the time and will replace him with Ginny because that’s what having a HUGE CRUSH on someone does to you”.

And that night, he does think about her. Well, in fact, he thinks more about the fact Ron would probably kill him than actually about kissing her. But let’s check the canon so you won’t think I’m exaggerating:

Harry lay awake for a long time, looking up at the canopy of his four-poster and trying to convince himself that his feelings for Ginny were entirely older-brotherly. They had lived, had they not, like brother and sister all summer, playing Quidditch, teasing Ron and having a laugh about Bill and Phlegm? He had known Ginny for years now … it was natural that he should feel protective … natural that he should want to look out for her … want to rip Dean limb from limb for kissing her … no … he would have to control that particular brotherly feeling …

‘She’s Ron’s sister, Harry told himself firmly. Ron’s sister. She’s out of bounds. He would not risk his friendship with Ron for anything. He punched his pillow into a more comfortable shape and waited for sleep to come, trying his utmost not to allow his thoughts to stray anywhere near Ginny.

Oh Harry, you won’t even have to try that hard, believe me. 

In fact, he literally doesn’t think about her after that for days. What does he think about? Well, let’s just paste the quote because it’s fucking priceless:

Harry lay awake for a very long time in the darkness. He did not want to lose the upcoming match; not only was it his first as Captain, but he was determined to beat Draco Malfoy at Quidditch even if he could not yet prove his suspicions about him.

Oh boy. And you know what happens the first time Harry and Ginny interact after he found out he has a HUGE CRUSH on her? Again, I can’t write it better than JKR herself, so:

'Conditions look ideal,’ said Ginny, ignoring Ron. ‘And guess what? That Slytherin Chaser Vaisey – he took a Bludger in the head yesterday during their practice, and he’s too sore to play! And even better than that – Malfoy’s gone off sick too!’

‘What?’ said Harry, wheeling round to stare at her. ‘He’s ill? What’s wrong with him?’

‘No idea, but it’s great for us,’ said Ginny brightly. ‘They’re playing Harper instead; he’s in my year and he’s an idiot.’

Harry smiled vaguely back, but as he pulled on his scarlet robes his mind was far from Quidditch. Malfoy had once before claimed he could not play due to injury, but on that occasion he had made sure the whole match was rescheduled for a time that suited the Slytherins better. Why was he now happy to let a substitute go on? Was he really ill, or was he faking?

LOL HARRY SERIOUSLY? Your supposed crush, the love of your life, is standing next to you, talking to you, and your mind is like “Malfoy! Malfoy Malfoy MALFOY M a l f o y Malfoy”?

I mean, I’m not denying Harry had a crush on Ginny. He does think about her sometimes (not that often). It’s ok, I had a crush on like 5 different people in high school at the same time. But honestly? It’s not that all-consuming feeling you have when you have THE crush. 

That person you want more than anything, you know? When you feel like you want to see the person at all times. When you want to know what they’re doing. When you talk about them non-stop.

Oh, wait a second. Harry did have that. FOR DRACO SODDING MALFOY.