I am worthy of love. I am beautiful.

It should have been me

When there are other people fighting for their lives... and I'm just here wasting it and taking it for granted. I don't deserve to live

The last time I saw you... I didn't even know it was gonna be the last time I would see you. You came home from work. We were texting. You said you were sleepy but didn't wanna take a nap. So I was just texting you a bunch of stories. Stories that happened when I was young. You laughed at them cause they were funny. That night we FaceTimed... You were sooo sleepy. You were practically sleeping on video call. Eyes closed, head on the pillow. You looked so handsome and so calm. I can remember how glad I was that I was yours and you were mine. Even though you were sleepy, you still tried hard to stay awake because we hadn't talked much that day. And I was so happy. Tomorrow came... We were pretty much happy the whole day. We didn't argue or anything. It was going good. And then evening came. I don't know what happened, how it happened and why it did. But it did. One of the conversations I dreaded the most in my whole entire life. I didn't even expect that the previous night was the last time I would ever get to see you. And your smile, those eyes... But then those words came out "I want you as much as you want me but life plays against us sometimes."

lol remember that one time, when you were in the middle of explaining something to me and then suddenly you just stopped talking. Didn't even finish what you were saying. And you just looked at me. You were just staring at me, with those eyes, those brown beautiful sleepy eyes... That look in your face. Urgh I can't even explain it. It was the most magical look. It was the first time anyone has ever looked at me with pure love and wanting. It was the first time I actually felt wanted and like I was worth it. You wouldn't stop staring... So I asked what you were staring at and you said "you're beautiful". I replay this in my head every time...