Heaven shaking

it really is crazy how there are so many influencers with millions of followers i have never heard of in my life

every day someone is like ‘have you heard about the situation with johnny youtube?’ and i go. pardon. who the hell is that

in another universe we are flagellating in the same monastery

Look, I realize that the whole Schrodinger's Mitch thing has real political consequences on a national level, but since I'm not from Kentucky and have no say whatsoever in the outcome of the situation, I'm honestly just finding the entire thing grimly hilarious. Has Horrible Turtle Man died? We don't fucking know! Turns out senators can just not show up to work indefinitely and there are no consequences! What fun!

Cannot believe this post is still relevant completely unedited. This timeline is utterly off the rails.

You think robots can’t get pregnant? Well explain vending machines, you dumb ass.

I feel like a 3d printer is a better analogy because it actually builds the thing inside it but yeah

3d printers are viviparous, vending machines are hosts for parasitoid doctors pepper that oviposit their eggs inside them

Miss Piggy tied to the mast while Statler and Waldorf heckle her from the sea

But who is the single human cast member in this tale? Who gets to put in an Oscar-worthy performance alongside the Muppets and what role are they to play?

There’s no single human, everyone is a Muppet except for one scene. Circe, played by Janice, turns Odysseus’s crew into humans who still behave animalistic and are all played by Academy Award winning actors.

Only when global IP law is fairly reformed will audiences be able to experience my challenging cinematic masterpiece, Spiderman 0: He's Not In This. Where you go into the theater and it screens a randomly-selected entry from the database of all films in existence that never mention or depict Spiderman in any form. We literally can't even build the database until we fix the legal situation, I fucking checked.

Anti-BDS guy during apartheid: "Hmm it seems weird you're targeting the only white government in Africa just a few years after Rhodesia fell. Hmm I just think it's odd you're not boycotting South Korea or Chile or Iran, they're also dictatorships you know. This is why you shouldn't boycott anything and should just wait for the raptur- I mean the system to change. Besides when have boycotts ever done anything?".

so i think the solution is to give dachshunds a third pair of legs right in the middle