βIt wasnβt a secret. Β The first day we met I told her I was bisexual, and that Iβd been with men and women my entire life. Β At the time she shrugged it off. Β And it wasnβt an issue for the first ten years of our marriage. Β The relationship was perfectly loving and stable. Β But then I donβt know, something happened. Β It wasnβt a particular man. Β I never cheated on her. Β It was something abstract. Β I just missed relationships with men. Β So I told her. Β I was honest. Β But when I uttered that thing it was like a bomb went off. Β She turned away her face like sheβd been slapped very hard. Β It caused her so much pain. Β She lost a lot of weight. Β We cried and cried and cried about it. Β For three years we cried. Β Weβd meet at Starbucks every day and cry in front of everyone. Β We didnβt live together after that. Β And we were never sexual again. Β But we were still intimate. Β We still took a lot of naps together. Β I always held her. Β Weβd go shopping and walk arm-in-arm. Β She kept my last name and called me her gay husband. Β Her health began to deteriorate in 2007. Β It was a nerve disease. Β She lost her hearing. Β Then her sight. Β And I took care of her. Β She always told me to forget about her. Β To go out there and find a good guy. Β But I stayed by her side. Β Weβd never officially gotten divorced, which helped in the end. Β They let me in the hospital room as her husband. Β I wasnβt allowed to touch her, but I was right next to her as she died, breathing with her. Β Itβs been two years now. Β Iβll move away soon. Β Thereβs nothing left in this city for me. Β But first Iβm going to have a ceremony in Central Park, and give an envelope of her ashes to everyone who loved her. Β I donβt know whether to call her my wife. Β Itβs not important to me. Β Alexandra was the love of my life.β
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