So after a year and a bit away from tumblr I spent the last few days scrolling back through 7 years worth of posts and deleted thousands of nsfw and cringey content and it’s such a weight off my shoulders. That period, especially 2015/6-18, was such a bad period for me and I didn’t know it but I experienced a lot of trauma and a series of abusive relationships. That in itself is beyond difficult to deal with but see when you don’t actually know what you’re experiencing, especially in your most formative years??? Madness. Looking back on it all was so beyond triggering but also so weirdly nostalgic for such a terrible time. I can see now that I had absolutely no self worth, how little did I value myself to think that any attention, no matter how negative, was good attention? Why did I let people speak to me like that?! Now after some time away and a few years of therapy and working on myself I can see how unhealthy it was. (And dw, if you’re one of the people who sent me hate I don’t take it personally, I know you were probably just as insecure as me ;)) idk if I’ll keep this blog up or end up just deactivating completely, if I stick around I won’t be turning anons on for a good while, if ever, I’m just glad I can move forward now with a lot more self worth and no longer value myself so lowly and can move away from all the grossness and reputation associated with this blog.
