just havin a cup of tea

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let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
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@wearepartofamachine
just havin a cup of tea

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for someone whoâs supposedly hyperactive i sure am one tired fuck
me to brain: can we use some of this excess energy for tasks or just like, basic fucking functions
brain:
So to show solidarity for Eurovision 2020 getting cancelled due to Covid-19, I suggest that on May 16th we all collectively either :Â
1.) Set at least one piano on fire on the balcony
2.) Throw golden confetti out the window for five minutesÂ
3.) Call the neighbor we hate most to tell them they got 0 points at midnightÂ

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Oh I almost forgot to trash talk Tumblr.
iâm sorry, this is the funniest damn post iâve seen since staff made the announcementÂ
I like haunted houses in theory BUT I have no idea how to react when the actors speak to you. They ask me a question and I just⌠answer itâŚ
The scariest part of a haunted house is the unscripted social interaction.
Scary nurse in a creepy voice: âDo you have an appointment to see the doctor?â
Me: âUh. Do you accept walk-ins?â
Scary farmer: âI like to kill people!â
My friend, brightly: âI like to die!â
Zombie : âAARRRGHâ
Me : âDo you get dental insurance?â
Zombie : âTEETH!!â
This happened to me.
Scary prison dude: HELLO
Me: Nice to meet you!
Him: (pause) No itâs noooooot
My worst horror house experience was when I couldnât find the (rather obvious) exit and the guy chasing me with a chainsaw stopped, sighed and pointed me to the exit, saying âplease scream as loud as you can when you run out thereâ and just left. I disappointed the horror house chainsaw dude and I will never get over that
Guy: They are all my friends.. (motioning to hanging corpses; then grabs a noose) Will you be my friend? Me: Sure totally, you made me a friendship necklace? Oh my god your so sweet? Guy: ⌠Yes.. Please, let me.. I cant I cant just go (laughing). â Got to walk a second time throughâ Same guy: My friends -wailing- Me: I came back I just really wanted to be friends so bad Guy: (laughing more) Please, Im not allowed to laugh.Â
I went to a Haunted House and literally befriended every actor there.
Specifically, I remember;
There were zombies walking around in the waiting room. I said âHi!â and he gave me a high five. Every time he passed from then on, I got a high five.
Near the end, there were these twin little girls. âCome play with us.â They said. âOkay!â I said. âForever.â They said. âOh, sorry, canât do that. Iâm busy.â
I could hear them giggling.
Guy playing Freddie Kruger: Remember, you are all my children!
Me: thanks dad
A small chorus of teenagers: thanks dad
I went to a haunted corn maze once. Someone ran at me with a chainsaw. I just stared at him. He hung his head and walked away. I left.
The Real Horror Is The People We Dissapointed Along The Way
IM CRYING
Funny isnât it?
Tumblr had no trouble at all remembering that The Doctor was bisexual when he was a man, but now that sheâs a woman, suddenly itâs all âThe Doctor is a lesbianâ this and â13 is gay, the straights canât have herâ that.
The Doctor is still bisexual, you twats. She didnât magically stop being bisexual the second she became a woman.

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this feels like an ancient tablet from which so many cultural artifacts were derived
Did you peep fishManâs muscles when he yolks up spongebob? Bwoiiii was bout to put the fins on em.
idk what college does to people but the guy next to me is watching scooby doo 1 inch away from his screen
Thank you Canada that is a great name
IâM FREAKING CRYING I CANâT BELIEVE THAT WAS THE INSPIRATION
Marvel: *kills Peter Parkerâ*
Me: HA you canât fool me, I know Peter will come back because thereâs another Spiderman film set to come out in July 2019! IDIOTS
Marvel: When did we confirm that Far From Home is going to be set after Infinity War?
Me:
remember when dash drama looked like this

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lab safety but the teacher just wants you to die
lab safety
1. drink whatevers in that beaker. I know you fucking want to.
if youve never physically been in the presence of like, a real live wolf, and you probably wont get the chance to, heres some stuff about them you should know
a wolfâs fur is so unbelievably thick that you can get like, your whole hand into it while petting. and then you can keep going
wolves are a lot bigger than you think they are. think about how big you think a wolf is then just like double that
they dont really smell like dog but they DO smell and youre not going to be able to figure out if its a good smell or not
a wolf really wants to lick the inside of your mouth. he will not stop trying to lick the inside of your mouth at any cost, and generally speaking you need to press your lips together kind of tightly when he approaches your face so that he doesnt worm his damn tongue in there to give you what he thinks is an appropriate greeting
a wolf doesnt really want to look at you while you pet him but he wants you to pet him. hes embarrassed
if a grown ass wolf decides to lay down on you, you just have to deal with it and thats your life now
young wolves, much like young dogs, are overwhelmingly goofy and stupid. a teenage wolf will see your very fragile, very human shoulder and go âi can probably step on that with my full weightâ and then he will do it
letting a wolf eat out of your hand is actually not remotely frightening, and youll want to do it all day
I wanna know who did this research.
well, i did!
Lorge wild doggo