bawz...

“Feelings are just visitors, let them come and go.”

“Whatever life takes away from you, let it go.”

“Don’t worry when I argue with you. Worry when I stop cause that just means there’s nothing left worth fighting for.”

“Honestly, we never know how someone is perceiving the words we utter. Watch what you say and be kind with your words. It could make or break someone’s day, week, year or even life.”

“The trees teach me how to break and keep on living.”

“People change, things go wrong, shit happens, but life goes on.”

This morning I woke up feeling down, a little hurt and sad. So I made a list of all the great things about myself as a personal reminder that I don't deserve to feel down because of someone else's behaviour.

Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.

And maybe love isn’t always a kiss on a forehead but rather a hug and a kiss that say’s “I’m sorry let’s not fight” than spilling words out to each other in the heat of the moment that you would regret later. Maybe it isn’t about buy her diamond ring’s and lace underwear excepting her to wear it for you later that night. Maybe it’s leaving her pill bottle next to her phone with a glass of water as a reminder that thing’s can get better with a little help. Maybe love isn’t about giving fifty fifty each way, maybe it’s about giving 100 when that person greatest demons come to visit for the day. Maybe love isn’t about writing about how beautiful her body was the first time you saw it and how you’d have never seen anything more raw and natural. Maybe it’s about writing how she makes your soul dance in the rain of sunshine and how it also makes your heart ache from time to time when both sides are being stubborn. Maybe it’s not about a vow that you both swear to keep but a understanding that sometimes things don’t work out and sometimes they do. Maybe it’s not about saying I love you every second of every day but showing that love in the simplest of ways like “call me when you get home so I know you’re safe.” Maybe, just maybe you’ve been looking for love in all the wrong places and maybe even the wrong people. Maybe the kind of love that you are so hell bound on searching for is taking your pills without no one reminding you or dying your hair the color of the sky because that’s the only time when you feel closest to your real self. Maybe the kind of love that you are searching for in another person is already right in front of you when you look in the mirror. Maybe that’s where you’ll find your one true love. Maybe it isn’t a her or him or someone but a you, maybe just maybe you can find the love that you long for in yourself and maybe just maybe if you’re lucky enough you’ll also meet a person who makes your heart dance in the rain. Maybe that’s what love is, loving yourself or maybe it’s not. I don’t know but when I do I’ll let you know.

I am figuring out which parts of my personality are mine 
and which ones I created to please you.

If you win without any difficulty you enjoy it but it’s more satisfying when you have struggled.