perhaps the curtains are more than blue

I've been thinking a lot about what Norah's friendships were like before she became close with Lui, Will, and isaac. There's three specific lines early on (like within the first 20min) in DR#1 that ive kind of taken to imply that norah might have been in a much more toxic/unhealthy friendgroup before we meet her in DR#1. (I dont think this is really an intended reading by any means but i do think it maybe adds a little bit of extra interesting reasoning for some of norah's behaviours/fears regarding her friendships soooooo. and it's fun to think about).

The first moment is Norah saying, "i've never done a cartwheel. They bullied me for it." and the second is when she's talking about her therian blog, and she mentions specifically that she got embarrassed and stopped doing it because she didn't meet anyone else who did it. AND I KNWOWWWW BOTH OF THESE ARE JUST THROWAWAY JOKE LINES BUT IM GRABBING YOUR SHOULERS AND SHAKING YOU THERE'S ONLY SO MUCH CONTENT FOR ME TO READ INTO ANd GAIN AN UNDERSTANING OF THESE CHARACTERS FROM OKAY I HAVE TO TAKE WHAT I CAN GET AND I THINK BOTH THESE LINES TAKEN SERIOUSLY SAY SOMETHING REALLY INTERESTING ABOUT WHO SHE IS AND HER EXPERIENCES OKAY ? I think there's something really really alluring writing-wise here with like. the implication of her being punished for not conforming socially, and then learning to punish herself for it. You know what i mean? Like i can definitely get into how important it is that Norah is canonically specifically intentionally written as autistic and i think both of these moments are really representative of that experience of growing up as an autistic girl. Like no matter how hard she tries to conform, Norah cant fit in with the other girls and is treated differently because of it and she's extremely aware of it!!!! she cant do a cartwheel! shes the only one who can't do a cartwheel and she learns that she will be bullied for it! she is the only person she knows who runs a blog about being a therian, and she stopped posting on it for that reason! it was literally drilled into her head that she shouldn't do things outside of the norm!

The third moment that points to this idea that Norah might've been in one of those toxic tween popular girl friendgroups is very early on in DR#1; specifically Norah's reaction when William asks: "Do you guys want to hang out as friends?". She's really trembly and almost on the verge of tears when she replies "I thought we were... Are we not friends?" I thought maybe we hang out every week, so I mean..."

Norah being so clearly frightened and upset at the idea of her friendship with William not being genuine, or thinking that she had overestimated their closeness is really really interesting to me. Norah's fear of speaking up for herself, not wanting to be a burden, desperately wanting to live up to people's perceptions/expectations of her, and being a people-pleaser absolutely already have mountains of basis in things we canonically know about her (namely her relationship with her parents)....but my little headcanon theory.... my little theory that her past friendgroup made her feel like she was always walking on eggshells...always feeling like she was teetering on the verge of losing her only frienship, even despite all the work and effort she put into conforming with them... even despite all the times she let them treat her as more of a pet than a friend...how often she didn't stand up for herself out of fear that it would make them drop her from the group... i think.......................maybe adds a bit of backstory to how Norah behaves in her relationship with the others in UPP. Maybe, even though William has never ever done anything to make her feel like she has to do everything he asks or he'll stop being friends with her (in fact if anything he's done the total opposite), she's still carried that fear on from a past friendship. I think it even makes sense for her to be even more scared, because while the UPP interpersonal dynamic is absolutely not perfect/completely 100% healthy, it's still the closest thing norah has, and has ever had, to a place where she can kind of be authentic to herself. I also really really enjoy this pervasive fear norah has of losing her friendship with william throughout the whole of s1, because... she is still going to lose him! just maybe not totally for the reasons shes worried about...! aaaaahahaaah! awesome

also another bonus addition would be Norah's "Do you guys not wanna hang out with me that much? If you don't wanna hang out with me you can just tell me..." line, but more specifically how Will and Isaac are both immediately very adamant that they do like her and want to hang out with her. to me again this points more to this insecurity coming from a previous friendship.

Something about how intrinsically Norah's life has been tied to Deadwood's river from really the absolute beginning is really fun to me also... to this day the line in the very first scene where she mentions that she's been studying the river is one of my favourite bits of foreshadowing. chekov's freaking river!!!!!!! this is also the very first morsel we get for the theme that becomes much more relevant in s2 with Norah toeing the line between finding comfort in something and that thing actively causing harm to her (or her being extremely hyper-aware of it's capability to hurt her). I think i'll leave more detailed paragprah about that specifically for when i get up to typing out my notes for EG#3 and EG#4. I think the fact that she spends a lot of her time just by the river on her own is so sweet... T_T... and also how her dad used to take her there when she was a kid... I think during summer the UPP would practically spend every day swimming and having picnics by the river (in between solving mysteries and saving the town of course.) in my mind's eye they have a tire swing . thats all i really have to say about that. OH WAIT NO IT ISN'T! i know obviously the official map of deadwood shown in the youtube release is condensed & simplified for gameplay reasons, but Norah's house is right on the very edge of deadwood, almost touching the forest. The river is also canonically running/walking distance from the fringes of the forest (Norah runs there from will's house, and she's also able to drag herself to the side of the road from the river with a broken leg). I think that, on quiet nights, norah's bedroom window is just close enough that she can fall asleep to the sound of the river.

A very underrated norah-ism, which is extremely endearing to me, but i rarely see drawn or talked about, is how she's always writing things down in her little note pad! when Janice makes a comment about norah working at the store for her while she takes a nap, norah at first thinks she's being serious and tries to answer genuinely. (<- autistic) Norah then asks Janice "was that a joke?" and writes it down in her notebook when she's told yes. SO cute. r u kidding me. huge lack of fanon norah journalling and scrapbooking and writing everything down like her life is a school report or a scientific study. everyone get on this IMMEDIATELY. I'm also a big fan of the idea of this being replaced with her little camcorder vlogs after EG#4 (or DR#3 if you prefer), even if the reason is kind of really sad lol

Another thing that was definitely there in DR but was explored more in EG is norah's relationship with lying and with truth. Even when its about the most mundane things in the world to her closest friends, she can't help but stammer and stumble over her words and change her answer multiple times... I don't have the moment pulled up rn because im writing this in retrospect after watching this scene a while ago now lol but im thinking about how she (extremely poorly) lies about her knees not hyperextending anymore, because she wants her friends think she's helpful...she just wants to be useful she wants her friends to value her she wants to be seen as worth it ugh bro ok whatever ugh ugh ugh

it's been talked abt to death but i got up to the;

"He likes me because my GPA is a 4" "Yeah, you're everything he wants me to be."

moment.....and oh my god bruuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh norah and isaac literally the most evil dynamic on this show . Norah believing her only worth comes from her good grades, Isaac never living up to what his parents want of him and comparing himself to her. Man it makes me so sad from both perspectives but i think this is the first example of Isaac & William making a small comment that shows how much awareness they lack in regards how hard it is for norah to keep up with this "good girl" expectation and how much she bases her self worth on her reputation/grades. whenever they make a comment about it i feel like im being ripped apart by a medieval torture machine. (There's more explicit stuff about this later in DR#2 which i will talk abt extensively when i get up to it). Like man... isaac taking norah's "he likes me bc my good grades" as a jab against him (because his parents have made him feel this way) when she likely intended it as a, "my grades are the only reason i have any value/worth to adults and i work extremely hard to keep up that reputation" thing towards herself (BECAUSE HER PARENTS HAVE MADE HER FEEL THIS WAY!) and then his reply which just reinforced that in norah's mind. UGH. bro whatever let's all die.

Ok then immediately it's the small conversation which i think is like The Perfect Representation of norah & william's relationship and such a good set up/foreshadowing for their dynamic like its so good it makes me crazy.

William: "Norah, I'm sorry we pulled you into this whole mess."

(William brings Norah into situation she doesn't want to be in for the sake of solving the mystery. Small side tangent but i genuinely can't explain how much i love this being william's biggest character flaw... like he genuinely will not hesitate to put someone else's life on the line if he thinks it will get him closer to an answer, and this paired with Norah's character flaw of how she's kind of a complete pushover and very meek creates this crazy ass delicious push and pull where william fucks up by pushing norah too hard and then guilt eats him alive non stop until he does it again. AND NORAH WONT STOP AFFIRMING THAT SHE FORGIVES AND TRUSTS HIM NO MATTER WHAT LIKE R u kidding me what a fucking good character dynamic/relationship is that its actually crazy i cannot get enough of it.

obviously stealing cough medicine is relatively a lot less dangerous than the shit they do later but he's aware of how important her reputation is to her and still convinces her to do it. and it is really important that norah does agree to doing this! and it's not like william forces her totally against her will! i think its honestly more interesting that she is genuinely convinced by him even if she wasnt totally sure at the beginning. her lack of agency throughout the story is a lot less to do with her being dragged into horrible situations kicking and screaming and a lot more to do with her being convinced or pressured or cornered into choosing to do it herself. Definitely theres a lack of confidence & naivety that intentionally or not, william is taking advantage of)

Norah: "It's okay. I left an IOU - hey, he's going to pay for it?" William: "I mean, that's a plus. But still, I know you got a pretty sterling track record, so." Norah: "Oh, well. One stain's fine." [sighs] William: "The way you said that, it didn't really feel -" Norah: [forcefully] "One stain is fine."

(will is obviously aware of how important her reputation is to her how much value she assigns to it, and clearly feels really bad that he caused her to put it at risk.)

William: "Okay...So what's two, you know?"

(AND IMMEDIATELYYYYYYYYY ASKS HER TO RISK IT AGAIN BRO LITERALLY INSTANT. :D )

It's also a liiiiiiiittle bit slightly meta/ooc, since they don't want to split up, but William does (not for the last time) convince Norah to postpone talking to her parents (something she has previously said if she didnt do would get her, quote "locked in her room for eight days", BY THE WAY) in favour of going to check on Mr. Lacey here. again just such good characterization for william, with the cost for his impatience and stubborness in needing to solve this mystery often times being paid by norah . i also think the difference in their motivations for going to Lacey's in the end is really interesting- William doesn't say it out loud but its very clear that he wants to go to Lacey's to get more clues & information about what's going on, while norah explicitly says she's worried about him and is under the assumption that they're just going to check on him and make sure he's okay like Mrs. Wisp asked them to do. (which is also another kinda subtle but fun way to show how norah tends to take things at face value/very literally, and also creates a little bit of tension a little later hen they find out Mr. Lacey is in fact not okay and william still wants to keep snooping around his house.)

I feel like im just repeating myself now HAHAHA but this is such a consistent pattern with Will - he convinces Norah to join him in this potentially dangerous situation and then chickens out when he smells what he assumes to be Lacey's rotting corpse. Since William has backed out of going into the house, and Norah is still intent on making sure that Lacey is okay, (

William: "Yep. No, he's dea - I just, I feel like we should cut our losses, right, and not -?" Norah: "Well, we have to go check on him!" William: "Oh, my God. I just don't want to... I don't know, it seems like a gross -" Norah: "Well what if he's still - what if we can help him?"

), norah goes on ahead into the cockroach-infested home without him.

Getting to cornplate levels now but i want to point out that Norah closes her eyes to push her failed listen roll inside the house. Im gonna be really annoying every time anything to do with norah's loss of vision is even slightly mentioned or referenced i hope you can forgive me its kind of one of my top 3 favouirte norah symbolisms

i also like the little detail that william can tell exactly when norah's heard something just by her facial expression-- earlier he also does something similar with being able to tell that Dr. Guerrero knows more than he's letting on based on his body language -- i really like how perceptive Will is and how good he is at reading people specifically through visual means. my norah and her ears my william and his eyes....aawaaaaaaaaa

this post got WAY too long so im gonna cut it here at about 2.5k words/1 hour of the episode- hopefully ill get the second half and then the other episodes out soon c: i also hope this is fun to read at all....!!!! i think about this show a lot ive had a few of these thoughts floating around untethered in my mind for a long time it feels nice to be able to put them down somewhere concretely LOL