Whiplash Whirlpool

Tenna art by @9Aaaalt29 on twt

The crowd roared in confused enthusiasm as Tenna gave a gracious flurry of low-FPS bows, pausing only for the occasional stink-nose at his audience plants who weren’t throwing enough 3D roses.

Eventually, the room fell silent. It was Senshi’s turn to speak.

He puffed out his chest, took a long, sweeping look over the audience… and shook his head.

“I can see not all of you are eating properly.”

The crowd murmured with embarrassment.

“I don’t know who needs to hear this, but it’s time to take the turkey out of your icebox. I have seen the ingenious technology with which your people store food... and I have also seen the waste which results from such convenience.

“The food you take had a life. Beasts grew fat on the grass of the field, plants grew from the sun’s rays, and mushrooms grew from minerals in the cracks of caves. And yet, it sits in your iceboxes, collecting moisture until it perishes.

“Eat what is given to you. Because its life will make you stronger, too.”

Without another word, Senshi left his podium and stepped away from the stage. The crowd murmured in confusion. “Is he really like that?” somebody said. “I only remember reblogging the photosets of him tripping and showing ass.”

--

Back in the Green Room, Tenna wrung his antennas nervously.

“Y-y-you think they liked me!? They HAD to!! I mean, I don’t know what Asgore was thinking, getting that weird haircut and running that food waste campaign, but… YOU thought I did good, didn’t you, Kris?”

Laios nodded aggressively, a streak of blue face paint peeling from his forehead.

“You did AMAZING, Tenna! By the way, now that we’ve seen all your insider campaign secrets, do you have any more videos of Susie? Especially her tail... If I could get a look at that, I could finally tell if she’s a dinosaur or --”

THWACK. Fake antlers butted Laios’s head.

“LAIOS?? Weren’t we dressed up to help SENSHI???” Marcille hissed, gesturing awkwardly with her hooves.

Suddenly, Tenna turned to the two adventurers.

“Hey, WAIT a second. SOMETHING’s not right here...”

Laios and Marcille held their breath.

“Where the heck are my POINTS!?”

Just then, the door opened. Chilchuck took one step into the room, whistling and holding a large bag.

Everyone turned to him.

Chilchuck paused, took a step backwards, and closed the door.

“CHILCHUCK!!!” yelled Tenna.

“How come Chilchuck got to stay Chilchuck!?” yelled Marcille at the same time.

--

My fiancé, who most notably is not on our favorite hellsite, made a passing comment about how the fact that the book leaned heavily into the Tumblr syntax style made it harder for him to read aloud, because so many things were "written backwards." To which I said, what? And then he re-read the same line he had just read and looked at me, expectantly. To which I said what? again, but louder.

Readers, I had no idea what the fuck this man was talking about.

Apparently, he explained to me far more patiently than I probably deserved, one of the major flags that someone has been around on Tumblr long enough for it to affect their speech patterns is that we love to reverse the order of a sentence and throw in a comma or period as a brief pause for breath, so as to make the second part of the sentence have more of a comedic punch. He said that we've been "yes, and"-ing on the site so long that we've developed entirely around The Bit. He said that while other sites are chasing clout, we're chasing the ha-ha's. He functionally said we're a separate jester genus in the social media taxonomy of the Internet. Tumblr is a clown car and we're driving dangerously with our infinite handkerchiefs and squirting flowers at the ready. Cool, cool. What?

I LOVE ALL CAECILIANS

Off the top of my head, there are some cool African caecilians, such as...

São Tomé Caecilian (Schistometopum thomense), family Dermophiidae, endemic to São Tomé and Ilhéu das Rolas (Africa)

"Cobra Bobo"

Grows to a max length of up to 30 cm (12 in).

Associated with moist soils in forests and coconut plantations.

Caecilians are amphibians, like salamanders and frogs.

They are not worms, nor are they snakes.

photographs by vanessamata & gmucientes

and sometimes it’s someone else’s food preferences. sometimes it’s a weird-but-normal thing that human bodies do. sometimes it’s someone else’s kink.