Waruiness

『疾風くんと譲くん～君ヲ殺シタイ～』

Hayate-kun and Yuzuru-kun: I want to kill you

This story begins in April, on the day of the high school entrance ceremony. Students have to seat according to their attendance number, so Kokonoe and Kousaka seat next to each other.

『 出会い 』

[The meeting]

譲：「ねえねえ！キミ、香坂疾風くん…だったよね？」 Yuzuru: Hey, hey, you! You are Hayate-kun, aren’t you? 

疾風：「…あァ？誰だテメエ」 Hayate: Ah? Who the hell are you? 

譲：「いやだあ さっき全員の自己紹介 があったじゃないか 」 Yuzuru: Well, I guess everyone got a self-introduction time a while ago.

譲：「 僕は九重譲 」 Yuzuru:  I’m Yuzuru Kokonoe.

譲：「この学校一年関 出席番号の席騒のまま らしいからさ」 Yuzuru: Seems like first years in this school have to seat according to their attendance number.

疾風： 「・・・・・・・・・」 Hayate: ...

譲：「あれ」 Yuzuru: Eh?

譲：「無視しないでよお 香坂くん」 Yuzuru:  Don’t ignore me, Kousaka-kun. 

譲：「倶遣ずっとこの席で過ごすんだよ? 仲良くーしようよ」 Yuzuru:  Don’t forget that we will be seated like this for a long time. Let’s get along!

疾風：（うぜェ・・・。殺スぞ） Hayate:  (Shut up… or I’ll kill you.)

譲：「・・・あ～あ～。ひどいよねぇ、マリリンちゃん。どう思う～？」 Yuzuru:  AaaAaahh… (Note: Yuzuru says this with a melodic tone) (talking to his doll) He’s awful, Marilyn-chan. What do I do?  

(Yuzuru recreates a dating-game scene. He makes it look as if Hayate was the player and Marilyn the girl of the route he chose).

譲：「香坂くんがね 僕のこと無摂するんだ とうしたらいいかな？…？ムつム何？」 Yuzuru:  Kousaka-kun, are you going to take care of me? Hmm? What do you say?

譲：「えっ香坂くんはテレてるだけ? あんな強面してるくせに 素直になれないお年頃ってヤツなんだね！それじゃあガンガンいっちゃうよー☆」 Yuzuru:  Kousaka-kun is just tere?! You're such a tough guy, but you can't be honest with me! Well then, I'll go with you! ☆ *tere: embarrassed in a happy way, like when you're asked out on a date by someone you like you go ‘tere’.

～とんでもない奴に出くわしてしまった…。 と、恐れ慄く香坂疾風・・・高一の春～

Hayate Kousaka, a first-year high school student, has just met an outrageous guy.

『 五月病 』

May blues (Blues experienced by college freshmen or workplace recruits shortly after beginning school or work; the May blues).  

[High school culture festival ]

学生：「えー…、それでは…。うちのクラスはアイドルユニットの完コピを数組に分けてやることに決定しました」 Student: Well... well then... It’s been decided that our class will be divided into two idol units.

譲：「アイドルかあ… 三次元の女のコには 意味ないなあ…」 Yuzuru: Idols? I’m not interested in three-dimensional girls…

疾風：（…うるせえ喋んな変態） Hayate:  (Shut up, chatty pervert.) *Hayate uses the word hentai.

譲：「ねぇ疾風くんっ」 Yuzuru: Hey, Hayate-kun.

疾風：（…うるせえ 名嗣で呼ぶな） Hayate:  (Shut up! Don’t call me by my first name.)

譲：「疾風くんってさぁ、女装組の方に入ってみる気ない？」 Yuzuru: Say, Hayate-kun. Do you want to join the girls' group and cross-dress?

疾風：「あァ？ 殺すぞ テメエ」 Hayate:  Ah? I’ll fucking kill you.

譲： 「疾風くんの着ろしい目ッキと ごつい体で可愛い歌 うたて認る所見たいな きっと面白いよ? すっごく 滑稽で!」 Yuzuru: It would be funny to see you Hayate-kun, a guy with a killing gaze and tough body cutely dressed and singing a cute song, right? It’s so funny!

疾風：「頭イカレてんのか 費野郎…どう見てもテメェのがスカートとか似合うツラしてんだろが 」 Hayate: Did you fucking hit your head? A skirt is something that suits you better, bastard.

譲：「はァ？何で僕が女装なんかしなきゃいけないの？ふざけないでよ」 Yuzuru: Huh? Why would I crossdress? Don’t fuck with me.

疾風：「…その言葉、一万回くらいテメェに返すぜ…」 Hayate:  I swear I will dedicate you a word 10,000 times more offensive than that one.

～ 疾風くんのイライラわ募る 一万です ～ Hayate-kun’s irritation has become 10,000 times worse.

『カノジョ』

Girlfriend

女：「疾風～ 一緒に帰ろ！」 Hayate’s girlfriend: Hayate, let’s head back home together!

女：「あたしちょっと お履すいちゃったあ 甘い物食べてこーよ」 Hayate’s girlfriend: I want to eat something sweet.

疾風：「…あァ…？」 Hayate: Ah?

譲： 「…ハッ…、甘いモンならここにあるじゃねえか。お前のその甘い口唇をいただくぜ、へっへっへー」 Yuzuru: Haaa…! Here is so sweet. Give me your sweet lips, He, he, he.

疾風：「…何をやってんだよテメェはよ」 Hayate: What are you doing, bastard?

譲：「現のくだらない男女のやりとりを 表現してみたよ... そんな事より 疾風くん」 Yuzuru: I tried to recreate the typical clichéd man-woman interaction. That’s how you have to do it, Hayate-kun.

譲： 「僕とはろくに会語もしてくれないほどテレ屋さんなのに女のコとはデートできるんだね…… 」 Yuzuru: You're so much tere that you won't even talk to me, but you can date a girl...

疾風：「ハッ、…言ってろ 。まあ お前みてーな変人は女もできねえだろうよ」 Hayate:  Say whatever you want. Well, you see, a freak like you can't get a girl.

譲： 「 あははは ♡ いやだなあ！僕にはね、とっても可愛くて純粋で、でもちょっとだけ大胆 ♡ なカノジョが何人もいるのさ」 Yuzuru:  Ahahaha! ♡ Oh, no! I have some very cute and pure girlfriends and a few bold too. ♡

[Yuzuru is talking about the virtual girlfriends he has in the dating-sim he plays.]

譲の彼女 1：「今日もこれからショップにお迎えに行くんだよ～♡」 Yuzuru’s Virtual GF #1: I'm going to pick you up at the shop today~ ♡

疾風：（な…何の話だ…！？） Hayate: (Wha… What are you talking about…!!?)

九重家。 Kokonoe's place.

美少女ゲーム の話です Bishōjo game story 

譲：「よっしゃー、告白イベ来たー！！朝までに全員嫁にしちゃうぞー！」 Yuzuru:  Yay! I've just unlocked a confession event! I will have made all the characters my brides by the morning!

透：「…俺の部屋でやるなよ」 Tōru:  Please, don't do this kind of thing in my room.

『現実』

Reality

疾風：「…おい変態。実際のところ、ゲームだけで発散できんのかよ」 Hayate: Oi, hentai. Actually, could you just not talk about games?

譲：「失礼だな 疾鳳くん！」 Yuzuru: So rude, Hayate-kun!

譲：「マリリンちゃん逢は そんな事の為に存在 してるわけじゃないんだよ？ 愛情を注ぐ対象なんだ 開通 えないでくれるかな 」 Yuzuru: Marilyn-chan would stop existing if that happens, right? You just need to be open to her love.

疾風：（クソうぜェ・・・） Hayate: (Shut the fuck up!)

譲：「まあどうしても 発散したくなったら 現実の汚らわしい人間共で するかもしれないね まだそんな日は 采てないけど」 Yuzuru: Well, if I can’t talk about games, then I will have become into one of the real life’s filthy human beings. I have never had a day like this.

疾風：（うるせー 死ね） Hayate: (Shut up and die!)

譲：「あっ、そうだ！」 Yuzuru: Oh, that’s right!

譲：「その時は疾風くんが相手してくれる？フフッ、なーんてね☆」 Yuzuru: So then, just for this occasion, would you like me to be your partner? Haha! Just kidding! ☆

疾風：「…あァ？」 Hayate: ...Ah?

疾風：「…はっ！ テメーがばっちり化粧してセーラー服でも着てくりゃあ考えてやるよ」 Hayate: Hah! If you put some make-up and wear a sailor uniform, I’ll think about it.

譲：「……え?」 Yuzuru: ...Eh?

疾風：（…アイツも…、直のヤツも…そーいうの似合いそうだな…） Hayate: (It's the same as that guy. He would look nice as a girl...) *Hayate is thinking about Nao.

疾風： （ 何考えてんだ 俺はよ… クソが ） Hayate: (What am I fucking thinking?)

譲：「…ああ！見た目だけでも女の子にヤられる構図の方がいいって事かな？成る程ね～、そういうものかもしれないね！」 Yuzuru: I get it! Would it be better if I looked like a girl? I see... It might be!

疾風：（…ちょっと待て。それは俺が狩られる側なのかよ…！？） Hayate: (Wait a minute. Am I being harrassed...!?)

旋律。 [(Hayate is) trembling in fear]

Hayate is introduced to readers from Nao’s point of view. And the first given clue that implies he’s a difficult person to deal with is in the memo that Nao’s mother left for him:

There’s curry. Get along well with Hayate-kun.

And then, there’s the moment when readers know Hayate: 

Hayate: You’re blocking the door. Get out of the way.

The first impression is the worst he could have given to readers, and his body language is as bad as his harsh words: he pushes Nao aside not recognizing him as his older brother. And the fact that Hayate does it in front of his girlfriend doesn’t make him any favor. 

Hayate’s despicable behavior keeps escalating to a new level in the same scene when he claims that Nao is just a stranger.

Hayate: He’s a stranger after all.

Nao doesn’t understand why Hayate has never shown any degree of sympathy towards him, and that makes him feel miserable, unwanted, and unappreciated. All he knows is that Hayate doesn’t accept him as a relative.  

It’s a painful situation in which readers empathize with Nao’s suffering, making it difficult to analyze Hayate as a character with this own unresolved issues.

Up to this point, the wise reader will see this scene as a flawless well played move by Sakuraga sensei. It’s Nao’s story, his happiness is the only thing that matters, and there’s no need to know what’s Hayate’s problem yet. It’s absolutely important to not to care about his issues because all the focus is on Nao.

Do you know what else is flawless in this scene? Hayate’s lack of expressions. If you pay attention to details, Sakuraga sensei avoided showing readers his real expressions when Nao talks to him. Hayate just gives him quick stares and then looks elsewhere. He doesn’t even give a look to his girlfriend, and if he did, readers can’t see it. They don’t need to know Hayate’s real feelings, the story demands him to be perceived as a cold, rude person. 

But what are his real feelings? Readers can draw their own conclusions, but one thing is for sure: he’s creating a notorious distance between him and his step-brother because he has feelings for a relative. Even if they are not blood-related. How can we confirm this theory?

Hayate makes love with his girlfriend and wonders if Nao noticed what he did. He seems more interested in Nao’s reaction rather than in his girlfriend’s. Would a man in love with his partner do that? Not likely. If he really loved his partner he wouldn’t even let others hear her moans, but Hayate makes sure Nao hears everything.

In the following panels, Nao confirms readers that Hayate did everything on purpose.

Hayate really accomplishes his objective: he’s making Nao emotionally distanced from him, but readers who see the whole picture understand that he would prefer it be the other way around. 

Hayate’s crush on Nao is so hard that he fights it trying to make Nao hate him; he pushes himself to be hated by the one he loves and desires. But why? Why does he work this way? The logic answer would be that Hayate is well aware of Nao’s compassionate nature and the only way he finds to avoid the temptation is inflicting him this emotional damage. Hayate is suffering as much as Nao is. Society and his family would never let him love his own step-brother romantically, it’s nothing but an unreachable dream. Plus, they are both males. 

Hayate tries to hide his feelings and sexual orientation through his girlfriend. He doesn’t love her, that’s a fact. And if you want to get an idea on how is that he got a partner, you can just infer that she was the one who confessed to him and he just accepted to be her boyfriend.

How can readers confirm that Hayate really cares about Nao? The answer is given in these panels:

Hayate: Hey, where were you last night?

Nao: It’s none of your business. It is...

Hayate: Don’t give me that crap. You piss me the hell with your constant nagging about being home early. Now you’re the one who returns home already in the morning? Don’t fuck with me.

Hayate is really concerned for Nao. Just what happened that he didn’t come back home? Could it be that he is seeing someone? As a reader, I bet those thoughts crossed his mind, and just how does Hayate confirm that Nao isn’t seeing someone? Read the following dialogue carefully and you’ll notice something interesting.

Hayate: I said you can never get a proper girl because of your dull personality.

Oh, yes, Hayate explicitly says that it’s because of Nao’s dull personality that he doesn’t have a girlfriend. Yes, after everything Nao said he confirmed that his step-brother wasn’t absent last night because of a girl but because of some other reason he doesn’t want to share with him. If Nao would have really dated someone he would have refuted Hayate’s claims from the beginning and not made any reference to Hayate’s behavior.

Hayate proves readers that he’s relieved that Nao doesn’t have a girl and takes the opportunity to make him feel miserable, once again.

If Nao would have been sharper, he would have noticed Hayate's real intentions: he won’t let anyone have him because he can’t have him. 

Hayate’s possessiveness is dangerous, borderline toxic, but it’s not enough to call him a bad guy. He’s just too conflicted with his own emotions and with the idea of Nao being taken away from him. That’s his nightmare. Could you put yourselves in his shoes? I can, and it’s painful. And it gets even more painful for him when Nao faces him in the following panels:

Nao: You... Why are you doing this to me? Tell me... why do you always have to meet me head-on? Why do you only talk to me that way...? Aren’t you forgetting something? I am... I am your older brother...!!

Hayate: I’ve never thought of you as an older brother, not even once.

Look at that big panel Sakuraga sensei gave to Hayate. Can you see his determination? Sakuraga sensei didn’t portray hate or dislike in it. Hayate, indirectly, just told Nao that’s impossible for him to see him as a brother because he has feelings for him.

But why does Hayate get so much hate then? Because it’s Nao’s story, he’s the honest one, the sweet and innocent protagonist who’s living his own hell. He’s the one who got shocked once he felt Hayate’s words as daggers stabbing his chest. Nao always wanted to be closer to him, to have someone to call a brother, and yet it’s nothing but a wish that will never become true.

Back to Hayate’s side. Sakuraga sensei made sure her readers could confirm their guesses about his real intentions giving him new relevant scenes in which he worries because Nao hasn’t come back home. 

Now, please, notice a not-so-subtle detail in the following page:

Hayate: Where’s aniki?

Ms. Kousaka: Eh? Ah. Seems like he’s staying over his senpai’s place. Until now, he never mentioned any of his friends that it worried me. But lately, it seems like he finally got close with someone.

Hayate: ... A senpai? Not with a girl?

Ms. Kousaka: His senpai’s a guy. He told me ahead of time he won’t be a bother to him because his senpai’s living by himelf due to family circumstances. Hayate-kun, do you know who... Ah! You go to different schools. Of course you don’t know, do you?

Hayate: ...

Did you notice? He’s persistent, he demands to know if Nao is dating someone. If there anyone who’s hitting on Nao or if it’s Nao the one who’s making the move? Hayate asks if it’s a girl, and when he’s told that Nao’s senpai is a male he gets uneasy. Hayate is probably thinking that that senpai could be he himself if he and Nao weren’t brothers. Hayate, in fact, has already watched in his mind a whole movie about different alternative universes that involve Nao and his senpai. Of course, the worst of them all is the one in which Nao is in love with that guy, the one Hayate would like to erase from the myriad of possibilities.

His fear comes true when he finds out that Nao is truly interested in his senpai romantically, and that he’s even crying for him. 

Hayate: Who are you talking about?

Nao: Ha-Hayate, are you also on your way home now...?

Hayate: ... What are you crying about?

Nao: Crying... When you put it that way, it’s...

Hayate: Come with me.

Nao: Ah... What do you want? What’s with you? Hayate... If you have something to say, we can talk at home-...

Hayate: The person you’re talking about... Is it the guy you visitd in the recent night? Coult it be... You’ve fallen for that guy?

Nao: Eh...?

Hayate: You were crying! I’m asking you if you like him that much that you’re crying.

Nao: I don’t like him! I will never like him...! Senpai is just... That sort of man... is just like...

Please, look at how shocked Hayate is. For the first time in the whole story, we get to see him opening his eyes in that way. He knows Nao has really fallen for someone else, for another guy! He could have tolerated it if it was a girl, but a guy? Why that guy couldn’t be him instead? Damn! I totally get why Hayate is so affected and why he forces a kiss on Nao next. He’s desperate, he doesn’t know what to think anymore. He’s in that moment in which emotions are stronger than rationality:

Nao: That’s enough! I can’t take anymore of you harassing me. You hate me, don’t you...!

Hayate: Dammit!

Hayate isn’t successful in showing his true feelings to Nao is that desperate attempt to make him notice him. Instead, he gets the opposite result and Nao asking him if he really hates him. Please, pay attention to the panel in which Hayate is left alone in that alley.

That’s not how a guy full of hate looks like. He’s sad, deeply affected by Nao’s emotional response and words. His real feelings didn’t reach him. For years he worked in order to create a distant atmosphere between them and now he wants to be closer to Nao than ever before. Hayate’s left heartbroken. His impotence is so much that he punches the wall. He knows he screwed everything and that, perhaps, his relationship with Nao will be even more complicated from now on.

Will be able to amend his mistake? He surely has his head filled with such thoughts. He really worries for Nao. Look:

The doorbell sounds and Hayate literally runs to get to open the door. To his disappointment, it’s not Nao, but Shirō, the guy who made his step-brother cry.

Hayate: Just get yourself fucking ready. I might knock you cold depending on the reason I’ll be hearing from you.

Shirō: Huh?

Hayate: ...He fucking cried.

Hayate: He never cried no matter what words I throw at him. I don’t know who that ‘senpai’ is or what he did but... he fucking cried for the sake of that son of a bitch. 

You know? I can fall for Hayate in these panels. His concern for Nao is almost the same Kuon has shown for Nanao in ‘Mujihi na’ stories. Sakuraga sensei wants readers to know that even though Hayate has been an asshole to his step-brother, he has never, ever made him cry, so, to Hayate, the person behind Nao’s tears is far worse than him, that person is a ‘son of a bitch’.

Regarding Hayate and Nao’s reconciliation, Sakuraga sensei gave these two characters a brief scene that was meant for Hayate, mostly. Hayate tried to avoid Nao. Perhaps, it’s better for both of them if he doesn’t say a word at all, but then the silence is broken by Nao.

Please, mind Hayate’s shadowing. It’s the same as in the first chapter when Nao tells him that it’s too late to go out. Hayate is thinking that Nao still caring for him after have been an asshole.

Nao: Ha-Hayate...

Hayate: What?

Nao: Even if you say you hate me, I am still your older brother so, today, let’s have dinner together.

Hayate: You, idiot! How can you still say such a thing after I’ve forced you like that?

Nao: That’s exactly why! I am...

Just look at Hayate’s face when Nao asks him to have dinner together. That was unexpected. Hayate thought Nao was going to be mad at him or even hate him. But Nao is just too pure and sincere and could never hate his step-brother because he has a strong belief in what a family should be. All that Nao wants is to have a good relationship with Hayate, and he reassures his role as the big brother to accomplish that. 

As for Hayate, he hasn’t given up on Nao, and more Kimi wo Koro Shitai chapters will be needed to see him forgetting him as his love interest. Hayate will fall for Yuzuru, it’s already hinted by Sakuraga sensei (I’ll make a new post about that later). Anyway, he’s serious when he warns Shirō about getting closer to Nao.

Hayate: Listen. Remember this: if you try to get any closer to him... I’ll beat the hell out of that face.

Hayate isn’t a bad guy. Call him an asshole if you want because that’s we get from Nao’s point of view, but he definitely isn’t someone who deserves hate. Yes, he’s got a really bad temper and he’s got that expressionless face that makes us think he’s cold, but he’s suffering. We don’t have yet his own point of view, but we already have an idea of what crosses his mind and what makes his heart beat.

Remember my words: you’ll fall for Hayate and say he’s cool when Sakuraga sensei goes deeper in his story and Yuzuru’s. He deserves happiness too.

I hope you have enjoyed this essay. I never thought that it was going to be this long, but I think Hayate needs more love. He’s a really misunderstood character.