Warrior Of Joy

If we are defeated, but we keep trying, we will win.

“Sir Don Costantino, as one of those aware of their play, quickly said in a loud voice: “halt my good fellows, that you will witness two valiant men”.

At these words many were opposed, asserting worriedly that it shouldn’t be allowed for two youngsters to partake in this play with two handed swords, unarmoured as they appeared.

The Prince and the Duke of Amalfi, as it happens gentlemen not easily frightened by such games, even they were suddenly struck with concern; and would have been even more so, had Pagano not assured them that the play between the two would end well.

This was because, having left space for the combatants, as soon as the two youngsters appeared, facing each other with their spadoni, all of their apparel seemed normal. But nonetheless underneath they were armoured, which none of those present, however discerning they might have been, had noticed.

The most appropriate measure was that they had hats on their head, made in such a way that as soon as they lifted them, an iron mask came out to cover their faces.

Pagano divided the two of them, and from that moment, having taken a step back, suddenly they produced fierce blows, touching their hands to their hats so that their faces remained armoured.

They were strong with their sword in hand, and by God with such speed that they seemed two bolts of lighting entwining with each other.”

Marcantonio Pagano (1553)

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Oh, and seeing Craig Biggio catch a ball in outfield with his bare hand was pretty cool, too!

It is important to work on your self esteem. It is the immune system of mental health! I recommend seeking help, or buying Nathaniel Branden's Six Pillars of Self Esteem.

I think you are only really able to understand depression if you’ve experienced it. Many say they understand it when in reality you have the capacity to respect this mental illness but not fully understand it. 

Depression is draining. It’s exhausting. It’s isolating, silent, alone and devastating. But above all depression is so insanely dangerous. It’s the never ending feeling of when you wake up and you know you need to get up but you’re just so tired you roll over and sleep again. It’s like that but a million times worse. You can’t roll over or close your eyes. You can’t do anything.

It’s this never ending silent pain that slowly destroys you. It isn’t just feeling sad. It’s feeling empty, useless, unwanted, unneeded, unloved, drained. That’s the one word I would use to describe my depression. Draining. You can feel each part of you slowly slip away and you can’t do anything to stop it, you don’t care if you lose that part even though that friend or hobby or love meant everything to you. It’s hating being alone and isolated but when it comes to choosing how to send your time you always chose to spend it alone, even if you are surrounded by people you know full well that the sinking feeling is slowly dragging you down deeper.

I’m not really sure why I’m writing this but with mental illness awareness rising I felt it was important to tell you that depression isn’t cool or trendy and it in no way makes you interesting and popular. If you want depression so bad then please for fucks sake take mine. Because I am so done with feeling like this all the time.

If you are suffering you are not alone and there are people who are here to support you.

If you are not truly suffering, if you are not actually depressed don’t say you are. Depression is not a joke and it is anything but a trend. Depression is a serious topic which causes millions of people to take their own lives. Depression is something that is slowly pulling me apart and there is nothing I can do to stop it. 

We can't cure it, and those of us who are clinically or chronically depressed will never live without it, but we CAN stop it!

I've been reading a lot about cognitive therapy, and I will share more about that later, but it is important to remember that we can control our thoughts. It's difficult, but changing the way we think can drastically help in the daily battle with mental illness.

I once read that a man said he looked at the birds in the city sitting around, and he wondered why they were there. They can fly anywhere, why don't they? Then he wondered the same thing about himself.