Let's Get Lost

The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.

What really matters in life

When I was fourteen years old, I was dating a young man of sixteen who was six feet and two inches tall and made me feel like I was gold - the type of gold that sits in vaults for years, still trying to glisten, knowing it can be polished, but left to gather dust and lose value. I was fourteen years old and still trying to figure out what the world wanted to do with me while he was whispering what he would like to do to me and saying that if I really loved him, I would. I was fourteen years old when I started to dig a graveyard in myself, burying my worries and fears of what was happening because I was certain this was a part of growing up. I was barely even a teenager the first time I had sex because I had told him I wanted to wait until I was married and his words resounded, “You’re going to end up with somebody like me anyway, so why put it off?” as his hand wrapped around my ring finger like a vice. I was fourteen years old when I tried to run away for the first time but the monster had broken my hymen and crawled up to live in my heart. And I was fourteen years old the first time a man slapped me across the face because I told him I didn’t want to have sex and he told me to get over it because it was just “a joke” when all I knew was that the punchline had been his hand against my cheek. I was fourteen years old, and three years later, I still flinch.