Wandering Pirate

Day 164

You thought a giant tarantula with the speed of an angry gramps in a wheelchair is your biggest fear... well, it's kicked outta your list after you got trapped with 5 (lunatics) people while Tulpar is going through menopause

You were on the verge of skinning yourself but it seems like you're not alone in this

Even the ship's PA system sounds freaky when it rings.

Two days ago, the system blared "temperature regulating system anomaly detected" which Swansea translates to "good luck surviving this one, idiots"

First, it made you feel what the arctic flightless birds felt on a daily basis and now it’s slow-roasting everyone like a Thanksgiving turkey

As a chef, you’ve once survived a 20-hour volcano cooking session in Spain, so you’re still desperate but not that desperate

And judging by the wailing in the background, safe to say that not everyone’s handling it with the same level of grace

Captain Curly

You’re debating whether he took this chance to display his massive build (his pecs are built larger than your pregnant friend's milkers)

But knowing Cap, you doubt it, this 24/7 calm-headed space cowboy must have snapped to pull this off

The only thing keeping his dignity is the lower half of his uniform shredded into shorts and the dangling upper half demoted to sweat rag (that thang stank from 20 feet)

You thought you've seen his lowest point of life, but he dug a hole deeper than ground level

On the floor. Begging. To Swansea. "Swans, please, birds don't even want to use my curls for their nest. Restore the glory of my hair."

Nurse Anya

Was actually prepared for the freeze - layered up like an onion. Was even flexing at all of the trembling gremlins she'd passed by.

Now? You watched her remove a layer every two hours, muttering how she somehow grew tolerance for the cold.

Not gonna lie, after the only piece of clothing left is a tanktop, you blushed at her build. What kind of weights are in those med kits?

Joining you in the lounge, you both watched the chaos unfold. You asked if there’s anything you could do for the crew to calm them down a bit

"We don’t have antipsychotics on board."

Co-pilot Jimmy

His pride is like watching a strainer try to hold water.

When the temperature dropped to negative, he acted so smug you wanna plug him to the vents to have his back receive all the chill

"Don’t panic, everyone. A lil’ cold won’t kill us. Well, not me, though."

Fast forward to now, and the man’s acting like a dog with 3-week old rabies

After two days, you found him folded on the lounge, wearing boxer shorts and socks and muttering

You decided to bring him some water - out of pity - when you heard him say... questionable things.

"I kissed that damn mascot. Sorry. I’m such a failure. Also watched that hot chef in their sleep. Not sorry for that."

He was confessing his sins like a tiki god was about to lift the heat curse

At least now you know how badly you need to talk to Swans for a lock

Mechanic Swansea

The bastard was snickering the whole time you thought he was watching 90-day fiancé (you found his CD stashes of more than a dozen episodes)

Also locked himself in the utility room because he knew the second he came out, he’d be mobbed

"Already fixed the damn thing. Just give it some time, ya animals."

Actually fixed it, but milking all your suffering for entertainment (you noted to ask his wife if he's a masochist)

"Maybe if you all appreciated mechanics more--"

Caught him twice leaning against the doorframe, munching popcorn... Where'd he even get that in the Tulpar?

Intern Daisuke

Imagine a banshee's skinned and burnt, that's what you would hear if within 15 feet radius with that boy

Definitely taking it the worst

Here’s a list of his failed attempts at survival so far:

Hour 3: Dumped an entire bucket of water on himself. Not 3 seconds passed by and he's gyrating on the floor when the water made his body heat worse and skin stickier.

Hour 10: Started rationing water. Mostly, for himself. Became a kitchen rat, basically. "You don’t understand. I’m delicate. I’m a baby. I need my hydration."

Hour 26: Fully gave up. Either standing, lying, or sitting completely still. "My big brain made me do this. If I don’t move, my body won’t produce heat."

Hour 30: Probably has irreversible brain damage. Either barking, howling, or hitting the naenae. Not even Anya who reviewed past records of people going insane in freight hauls encountered such madness.

During all of this, you never thought the biggest crisis in freight hauling would be ice shortage.

You spent the whole time making iced drinks to keep the crew - mostly 3 lunatics - from committing crimes. It worked… for 10 minutes... until you have to make them more again.

Had to disable the kitchen door due to genuine fear for life.

Finally, after two days of Tulpar's body heat menopausal-caused change... You went back to that sweet degrees.

And everyone's moving on like war criminals pretending their past is a fairytale.

No mention of the horrors and just a mutual agreement that whatever happened in the heat stays in the heat.

Captain Curly

You walk into the control room, and Curly’s full-on beefing with the ship’s voice assistant

Turns out, he programmed it to be more “human” for fun... welp, the AI's definitely having fun roasting the captain

“I’m the captain! You’re supposed to obey me!”

“Obey? Sir, you can’t even obey a map.”

You're struggling to keep it all together because Curly’s already TOMATO RED from embarrassment (and maybe from the fact that you’re watching)

He tries to play it cool, though

“This is just a glitch. Totally fixable.”

“Yes sir, I'm fixable. What’s not is your love life, tho.”

The crew knows he’s into you, and now even a literal system algorithm's joining in on the teasing

The man's not even surprise when the voice assistance turned a 180° on you and treated you like a queen... he ain't complaining tho

Nurse Anya

You came to the med bay for a papercut

You’re expecting, like, a band-aid or maybe some ointment, but what you got was a full medical intervention

“This could get infected. Let’s disinfect, bandage, and monitor it. For safety.”

“…It’s just a papercut.”

She keeps pulling out stuff from the cabinet:

Medical tape, okay so far

Gauze... a bit...much

Wait, is that... surgical gloves?

You’d think you crawled in with a gunshot wound

When she actually started treating your cut, she goes on a call mute, like she’s concentrating way too hard and you can't reach her

You catch her sneaking glances at you...cute

But what makes it more diabetically adorable is with both your slight accidental touches

She’s immediately short-circuiting, mumbling “sorry, does it hurt? wait, why would it hurt?? oh my gos--”

Girl is fighting for her life over brushing your sleeve while she's fully holding your hand with both hands

Meanwhile, Swansea’s strolling past the med bay, just shaking his head like, “Anya, just tell ‘em you like ‘em already."

Co-pilot Jimmy

You’re helping Jimmy with a minor maintenance task (he totally didn’t ask for your help; you just “showed up,” okay?)

He’s being his usual smug self, but you know he’s flustered because he keeps snapping at you for no reason

“Don’t touch that, you’ll mess it up."

“I literally haven’t even touched anything yet.”

“Well, don’t think about touching it either!”

He’s trying to show off and “teach” you, but keeps fumbling because you’re watching him too closely

The crew’s already onto him. Curly literally walked past once and muttered, “Subtle, Jimmy. Real subtle.”

“SHUT UP, CURLY.”

“…Do you want me to leave?”

“No! I mean--just stay over there. Quietly.”

He’s the human equivalent of a malfunctioning toaster, and it’s both annoying and adorable

Mechanic Swansea (Gruff Dad Energy™)

You pranked Swansea by hiding his tools, thinking he’ll just scowl and grumble like usual...huge, BIG mistake

This man plays chess while you’re playing checkers

The next day, everything you own is missing: Shoes? Gone

Favorite mug? Gone

Your bunk? Covered in engine parts

Swansea doesn’t even deny it, just smirks and chuckles, “Don’t start wars you can’t win, kid.”

But here’s the thing: later, you find your stuff neatly returned with a plate of snacks he definitely didn’t make (he asked Curly "what young'ins like these days" and got a canned latte from the vending machine)

He never forgets to remind you that he doesn't care... sure, Swans, the dad energy definitely NOT palpable

Daisuke (Your #1 Fanboy)

Daisuke decides to “help” you cook one day

By “help,” I mean he’s hyping you up like you’re Gordon Ramsey while also lowkey getting in your way

“Y/N, you’re amazing. Look at how you chop those veggies, Bob Ross for foodies. You should open a restauran- no, actually, you should open a chain.”

“...Dai, the stove's literally barbecuing your shirt."

He panics, trips over his own feet and in one catastrophic motion, takes down a pot of soup, a chair, and somehow a shelf that wasn’t even near him

The room is wrecked. But before anyone can process, he just shoots up from the floor, finger guns and grins “DON’T WORRY. THE SOUP'S FINE.”

At this point, you don’t even question when this whole fanclub started. Probably cause you're the only one slipping him some sweets every once in a while (you're aware of the man's sugar addiction)

Having a personal hype man is great, even if he’s one accident away from taking down the whole ship

The whole crew's in pure chaos. What have you done to them??

Jimmy’s crush is LOUD, flustered, dramatic and side-eyeing Curly and Anya when they're standing within a foot of your proximity

Curly’s out here showing his 'captain privileges', but one compliment and he’s short-circuiting, probably off to “check the crew” (aka scream into the void)

Anya? Combusting at the slightest thank-you for the snacks and meds and also avoiding eye contact like it’s a sport

And Daisuke? Man’s your 24/7 cheerleader, yelling “YOU’RE AMAZING!” at 6 AM while trailing you like a puppy. The rest of the crew’s this close to losing it ’cause he’s stealing their thunder

Everything's unfolding while both you and Swansea watch side by side

The man sighed and muttered something under his breath. He’s got the tiniest smirk, though

Day 156

One slow-ass day aboard the Tulpar, someone (probably you, possibly not) decided to shake things up. Enter: “The Hot Seat.”

Daisuke’s brilliant chaos brain kicks in: “Alright, everyone’s asses to the lounge!”

And by everyone, he means EVERYONE. Even poor Swansea, who, you can tell, was plotting your murder silently after his naptime was unashamedly snatched from him

Anyway! You explain the rules, yada-yada:

Take turns sitting in “The Seat” (a janky old pilot chair Jimmy swears is still operational—it’s not. It’s begging for retirement or a dignified death).

Everyone gets to throw questions at the victim-- I mean, participant.

Answer honestly or take a shot of Daisuke’s “mystery juice” (an ungodly concoction of random spices and liquid in the kitchen he found while he was cleaning - punishment by Swansea). He claims it's edible but aside from the glowing toxic green color, something's moving in the juice. Even Anya’s armed with antibiotics, just in case

Round 1: The Captain

Curly starts the game with the intention to stay honest and transparent, the way a captain should (hiswordsnotmine.) He takes a seat with the click of his cowboy boots, "I’ve got nothing to hide. Ask away!"

Question 1: "What’s the dumbest decision you’ve made as our captain?"

Curly's grin falters a bit before answering, "Okay, fine. There was this one time I insisted on manually navigating the Tulpar to impress someone... in my defense, those maps were outdated! And the the che-- I mean that someone was impressed… I think?"

Maybe it was the lighting, but you swear his forehead's starting to get shiny

Question 2: "What’s the real reason you became a captain?"

Caught off guard, Curly clears his throat, his composure slipping. "To lead. To inspire."

Jimmy raises an eyebrow. "C’mon, that’s the PR answer!"

"And… maybe I thought the uniform looked cool. Okay? Next question!"

Yeah no, his forehead was really reflecting light

Final Question: "Have you ever used your rank to get out of trouble?"

Curly’s face turns redder than a warning light, but he still holds his ground. "I… may have politely reminded a customs officer of my rank when they tried to confiscate my coffee stash. It wasn’t a bribe or anything!"

Curly is visibly flustered but still holding onto his Captain pride. "You’re all insufferable," he mutters, FINALLY wiping his sweaty forehead (it was dripping large drops atp). But when no one’s looking, you catch the smile tugging at his lips

Round 2: The Nurse

Anya walks in like she’s ready for surgery. Clipboard in hand, questions already prepped because no one’s catching her off guard

Question 1: "What’s the dumbest injury you’ve treated on this crew?"

Without missing a beat: “Someone tried to impress their crush, slipped on a banana peel, and sprained their wrist and their ego. I won't name names, they know who they are...”

Everyone looks at Jimmy

Question 2: "What’s the most non-standard thing in your med kit?"

“Glitter band-aids.”

"What!? But I never saw one of 'em on anyone."

"That's cause I secretly covered yours with normal bandaids, Swans."

Last Question: "Anya, what’s your guilty pleasure when you’re not in nurse mode? Something you’d never admit..."

In Anya's boyscout-ready clipboard of questions, that's one question that short-circuited her brain

"Uh, what do you mean by... guilty pleasure? I mean, I... definitely... DEFINITELY don’t spend my free time watching those... really bad reality shows, you know, like 90 Day Fiancé or The Kardashians... that’s just... so not me...heh..."

She pauses, realizing she’s digging herself deeper.

"And I definitely don’t have a secret stash of junk food next to me when I do... uh, when I watch those shows... because that would be... unhealthy... right?"

Her clipboard went straight at her face when you all snickered. The flustered nurse was something you weren't prepared to take in, but hey, you weren't complaining ;)

"It’s just for stress relief, okay?! It’s... it's not a habit or anything!"

Round 3: The Co-pilot

Jimmy struts up: attach all cocky gestures a man with an empire-rise-tall ego would do “Bring it. I’m unshakeable.”

First Question: "Do you have feelings for Y/N?"

Without missing a beat, Jimmy reaches for the juice… but instead of a shot, he downs the ENTIRE GLASS

Five minutes later: “I can feel it. IT’S REARRANGING MY PERSONALITY! That FUCKING JUICE is a CRIME to HUMANITY."

Ten minutes later: Trying his best to smile smugly despite the involuntary and random tremors that's hitting him every 5 seconds

Every time you look at him, he avoids eye contact

“It’s the juice, not me.”

Question 2: "If you had to kick someone off the crew, who’s it gonna be?"

“Oh, easy. Daisuke.”

Daisuke protests loudly, but Jimmy shrugs. “That juice deserves jail time.”

Jimmy spends the rest of the game poorly walking at a fine line between bravado and damage control, especially when anyone mentions you or the juice

Round 4: The Mechanic

Swansea reluctantly takes the seat, grumbling about how this whole game is a waste of time

"Just get this over with."

Question 1: "What do you think of Y/N’s cooking?"

He grunts. “Edible. Most of the time.”

“THAT’S THE NICEST THING YOU’VE EVER SAID ABOUT ME!”

“Y'right.”

Question 2: "Why do you always act like you don’t care?"

He scowls. "Because I don’t. Next question." But as the game goes on, his shoulders visibly relaxed, even had him smile when Daisuke roasted the co-pilot

When you teased him for enjoying the game, he went back at that grumpy (he thought it was intimidating, it wasn't) crossed-arms pose

"It's not the game. Yer all just idiots. Just like watching dogs catchin' their tails"

"Yeah and the Nile is a river."

Last Question: "Any sentimental moments with the crew?"

He clears his throat. "Sentimental, huh? Don’t think I’m the type to get all teary-eyed over people... but I’ll tell you, the day that Cap here, couldn’t even fix a damn lightbulb without asking me for help, well, that was... something. Made me feel like I still had some purpose 'round here."

He pauses for a second, almost looking like he was about to say more but after seeing all your expecting faces, the man just grunts and shakes his head

"That’s all yer gettin’ outta me. Don’t go thinkin’ I’m some softie."

All your mouths were collecting flies. That's the most emotional you could make Swansea be

Round 5: The Intern

Daisuke practically cartwheels to the chair... big mistake

Question 1: "Most immature thing you’ve done?"

“Immature? Me? NEVER.”

*Silence, t'was so silent that you could actually hear crickets despite free-floating in space*

“Okay, FINE. I might’ve accidentally stepped on the boss's face one night when I was aboutta pee. BUT I DIDN’T MEAN TO!”

"Oh, that explains the fishy smell. My bad Swans, thought it was your hair."

"Look who's talkin', as if I'm the one bathin' once a month."

Yeah, Jimmy's ego couldn't have been more trampled at this point

Question 2: "Most childish crew member?"

Rubs his hand like he's planning a complicated bank heist

"Easy... Jimmy. Why? Well, let me think… maybe it’s because the guy DRANK a juice just to dodge A QUESTION, might I add, that wasn’t even that BAD."

Daisuke crossed his arms and pouts like a disappointed girlfriend

"AND instead of owning up like a MAN, he KICKS ME outta the crew just for the heavenly potion I MADE. Yeah, Real mature, Jimmy."

Last Question: "Whose advice would you take: Swansea or Y/N?"

"Okay, this is seriously like one of those Resident Evil game choices, y’know? Like, who do you pick? Swansea’s all grumpy wisdom, and he’s got the whole... ‘I’ve seen it all’ vibe. I mean, boss is like the living manual for everything that can go wrong."

He glances over at you and grinned wider

"But then there’s Y/N, who’s always level-headed and knows when to just... chill and have fun. And your advice, like, it always has a twist of realness to it, right? You’re like... I don’t know, the sage with a spoon!... Or a butcher knife?"

Daisuke looks up at both of you, his expression is pure puppy-like distress.

"See? This is hard... I mean life and death situation hard."

"Well, the kid’s in trouble now. What’re you gonna do, Daisuke? Take the safe advice, or follow the one with sugar-coated truth?" Swansea bumps your side

"Ha! Mine's got pure truth and a sugary sweet with it, that's different, Swans."

Last Round: The Chef

Finally, you get forced into the seat (more like physically dragged by the men while screaming bloody murder) and everyone goes HARD on you

"What’s the weirdest thing you’ve fed us without telling us?"

"Weird is subjective, right? So if I thought the ingredient was normal, meh, does it still count as weird? Asking for a chef ;)"

"Are you the one who broke the coffee machine?"

"I mean, define ‘broke.’ If we’re being technical, it still turns on. It just, you know, sprays coffee sideways. That’s not broken, just... quirky."

"Do you actually like Curly's speeches, or are you just polite?"

You grinned

"Ah, well, they’re definitely… memorable. You know, it’s impressive how cap can make freighter maintenance sound like a call to arms. Like, one sec you’re zoning out, then next, you’re ready to fight a full Jedi council… for better fuel efficiency."

Who's the worst cook in all the Tulpar?

"Daisuke. Had the rare talent to almost burn the kitchen down, no, the whole Tulpar from just... boiling water. WATER!"

You succesfully dodged them all until you broke when Swansea narrows his eyes and growls:

"What happened to my tools last week?"

Visibly sweating but desperately clawing on the the little control you have left

"Swansea, listen… Those tools have been through a lot. They’ve seen things. I’ve seen things. The point is, they’ve served their purpose bravely. Now, about that wrench…"

At this point, You crumbled under Swansea’s intense dad stare and admit to using the wrench as a garlic crusher

The lounge area was filled with everyone laughing and whooping, and your reign of dodging questions comes to a dramatic (and pathetically hilarious end) after receiving a 20 push-up punishment from Swansea

One fortunate 2 AM morning, you were raiding a snack stash. Whose was it? You're here to eat not think

And while shamelessly munching on a yogurt coated oatbar like a man lapping his last meal on death row, the door hissed opened

You straight-up started choking to death, trying to secretly Heimlich yourself, and when you finally dislodged the oatgrain having it shot out your mouth and landing 3 ft. away from the couch, you looked up...

There’s Daisuke. Full-on ugly crying. Like he’s the one who almost got scythed by death

Daisuke so damn cheery 24/7 you were half-convinced his cheeks were sewn to back of his head. But now? Yeah, no. The guy’s face is doing this wet sad puppy thing, and honestly, you kinda miss the creepy sewn-on grin

"Y/NNN~"

Shit, it's his stash! You were ready to half-ass a reason to pin this to Swansea but he grabbed your collars and sobs on you neck

"Is it normal to cry on a wrench? Y/N, Boss gave that to me, it's like my cute little puppy. Except, y’know, it gives me nosebleeds when I’m tightening nuts on the ceiling."

Alright, at this point, the oatbar's been reduced to ashes and dreams, the hell is going on?

The door hissed again, and now you were scrambling, the position Daisuke trapped you in right now can get you a free hundred-day subscription for merciless bullying

"It's not what it lo--"

"Hey Y/N, is the kid finished?"

"Wha-- you mean Dai?"

"Yeah, if he's done then you gotta hear me out now. What's the worst thing someone said behind my back?"

Ok right now, your brain's all question marks. 'Cause a sobbing grown ass man is snotting on your neck and another's asking like he's some prep girl needing to beat someone up over some petty rumor

"No-none that I've heard of..."

"What!? No one's talking about me?? That's even worse!"

Somehow, you manage to wrangle these overgrown manchildren, putting them both to bed after they’ve successfully obliterated your snack time

Daisuke, of course, is still clinging to your arm like a teddy bear, overly needing reassurance

After that? Life... it wasn’t the same

The captain received some valuable intel from a certain co-pilot then starts stopping you at the lounge when you relieved yourself at midnight

“Y/N... do you think I’m a good captain?”

It's 1 am

"Well, no one's mutinied yet, so... yeah, you're probably fine."

"Of course! The absence of rebellion is the mark of true leadership! Y/N, you're a genius! I've been looking at this all wrong!"

You watched Curly skipping - SKIPPING - to his sleeping quarters after patting you in the head

The respect you had for Anya skyrocketed, and once being alone with with the nurse you asked her

"Hey, how'd you deal with all the crap with those rascals?"

She looked at you blanked, then you were unexpectedly given a fromt row seat to Anya's hidden and horrifying side

"I CAN'T! ONE MORE "CAN I EAT EXPIRED SPACE FOODS" QUESTION FROM DAISUKE, I'M RAVAGING THAT GUN FROM THE COCKPIT AND PU--"

"Hey hey hey, Anya, calm down, love!"

"IT'S THE 17TH TIME THIS MONTH, Y/N! SEVENTEENTH!"

After what felt like an eternity of inhale-exhale simon says with the nurse (for her, but mostly for you), her breathing finally slowed down. Thank the stars for that

"How'd you do it Y/N? Every time they ask useless nonsense or dump very emotionally overwhelming things... you send them off calm! It's witchcraft, I swear."

"Honestly, I'm as clueless as you nurse. But you've got too much on your plate, lemme handle this. I've got two ears and infinite tolerance."

"Infinite tolerance? You? The same person who chased Daisuke down for 5 minutes just for a yogurt cup?"

"Hey, that was the last cup and were still 200 days away fro--alright. Just trust me Anya, I got this."

Y'all laughed about the outburst, but you're secretly terrified of her now (respectfully, of course)

One day, you were helping the grumpy mechanic and the man's acting weirdly cryptic

“Why can’t people just…? Ugh, forget it.”

Finally, after handing him a screwdriver for the third time, his grumblings axed a huge ass crack in your patience

“Alright, Swans. What’s eating you? You’re gonna blow a gasket at this rate, and I don’t mean the ship’s.”

The man got two choices, save his non-existent high pride or just release it all

“It’s nothin’. Just Jimboy's been stickin’ his nose where it doesn’t belong, Cap’s stressin’ over somethin’ again, and Daisuke-- Why can’t they just… leave me outta it?”

Ah, he chose wisely. and you weren't gonna tease him for it (not yet, he's gotta pay for stealing your dinner twice)

“Maybe it’s because they think you’re reliable.”

The gruff old man had the nerve to squint at you, you can see it through your trusty side-eye (it made your eyeballs hurt)

"Me? Reliable? Bullshit. 'M just keepin’ this old horse from fallin’ apart.”

“'xactly. You keep the ship together, so... maybe... they figured you can keep them together too.”

This gotta break the record for Swansea's longest silence ever, no snorts, no sighs, no scoffs

The mechanic processed that like you just revealed the meaning of life and sprinkled some fairy dust on his dirty blond head (at least the color's just named dirty unlike jimmy's actual dirty ass hai--)

“Hmph. That’s dumb.”

Your eyes woulda twitched if it weren't for his shoulders relaxing and a small smirk on the mans perma-wrinkled face, you were about to leave when you heard a small mumble

“...Thanks. For the help. Or… whatever the hell that was.”

Men and their pride, however you gave him a pass and grinned

“Anytime, Teddy Bear."

Most days, you could never even breathe oxygen in peace

For the first time, you eyed Polle with a jealous-fueled burning gaze. All it does was blast you with warnings, and you don't even have to do anything! Just breathe in its general direction and you've rewarded yourself with "SAFETY'S A PRIORITY!"

Meanwhile, you’re over here, literally tweaking and that damn horse was living its best, noise-polluting and noise-free life

Eventually, they started dragging you into these "group venting sessions," basically just everyone talking over each other until it’s less of a calm-headed, adult and mature discussion and more of a competition to see who can throw the best threat (Anya surprisingly won thrice)

Until you bang your trusty pot and spoon,

“ONE AT A FUCKING TIME!”