don't you know that it's insane?

Though she hadn’t even started this one yet, Madigan knew she didn’t want this to be her first and only Olympics. She planned to do as many as she could until her body couldn’t handle it anymore, and at first, that had been an entirely selfish goal. She wanted to be the best, and that was that. She still wanted to be the best, of course, to do everything she could to be top of her own game, but now, she had another motivation. Two motivations, actually. It felt incredible to be able to wake Walcott to other places. She’d never believed in gender roles, and if she was the one who made the money and Walcott got to be a stay at home dad, that was everything to her. Madigan knew she was a good mom, she had accepted that by now. But Walcott? Every time she saw him with Carson, it was like it was what he was meant to do. He was a wonderful father, the best father, and he deserved to go on this journey with her, as her best friend, and frankly, her soul mate.

Then there was Carson. She knew he wouldn’t remember this trip, not more than maybe brief flashes. But the more Olympics he went to, the more he would remember, and being able to take him all over the world right along with Walcott was another motivation. They were her cheering squad, her biggest fans, and she knew that on the off chance she didn’t walk out of here with a medal (she wasn’t stupid, she knew her times) then at the very least, she was going home with her family.

Walcott’s hands finding hers grounded her, and she leaned into him as she spared a glance at Carson who was happily exploring the playground, for which the IOC had clearly splurged on. “I’m terrified, of course. This is perhaps the biggest stage in the entire world, and everyone’s going to be watching me. But I’m excited, too. Beyond excited. This is all I’ve ever wanted.” She paused at that, glancing up at him, though their height difference wasn’t very significant. “All I ever thought I wanted. Having you guys here makes my dream coming true even more unreal.” She rolled her eyes fondly at that, letting go of one of his hands to give his arm a light punch. “You’re biased. Michael’s the flag bearer, that’s obviously the coolest part.”

She started toward the playground then, Walcott’s hand still in hers as she walked. “Cars, come here, Mommy has a present for you.” At the word present, Carson came running over immediately, and Madigan let go of Walcott’s hand to reach into her bag, pulling out a pair of red, white, and blue noise cancelling earphones. “These are for you to wear when I swim, buddy. It’ll keep the crowd from hurting your ears. Here, try them on.” Carson did, clearly pleased, and she glanced up at Walcott with a smile. “I didn’t even think about them, honestly. I didn’t think about how much louder the aquatic center here will be than back home. Luckily, the team got these for him.”

Walcott wondered if other couples were as determined to constantly compliment one another as they were. He couldn’t even compare his relationship with Madigan to previous relationships, because he didn’t really have any. But even if he had dated plenty before Madigan became pregnant, he knew that there was no possible way for any other experience to compare with the life they’d built together. Both of them had gotten much better at believing in themselves, particularly when it came to their roles in their son’s life, but they still had miles to go.

“Of course I am,” he admitted, knowing that he was easily Madigan’s biggest fan in all facets of life. “Okay, then you’ll be flag bearer one year." Unlike Madigan, Walcott did not have much of an idea what it took to be chosen for this role, but he did know plenty about Michael Phelps and his achievements and he honestly believed that Madigan would be able to accomplish amazing things herself. “I think this being your first games is already enough pressure, but I know how you love to stress yourself out,” he joked.

When she pulled out the headphones, he felt somehow guilty that he hadn’t already bought some, even though they would have been unnecessary. Once they were on Carson’s head, Walcott could just imagine the photo he would take of his son standing in the crowd with the swimming pool behind him. Walcott wrapped an arm around his son and pulled him into a bone-crushing (by small child standards) hug and kissed him on the head, behind the band on his new headphones. “You look great!” He yelled, testing out how well they blocked out noise.

Things had turned out in a way that Madigan probably never could’ve predicted. Going public about Carson had been a difficult decision, one that neither she or Walcott had made lightly, and while she’d gotten some of the backlash she expected, and lost a couple of sponsors, all the country really seemed to care about was her swimming abilities. And she proved them that their belief in her wasn’t misplaced time and time again, landing her a spot on the team, and consequently, in Rio. It had been four years since London when she’d longed for the day she would get her chance, three years since her son was born, and now she was here with him and her boyfriend. It was more than a little surreal. The only downside was that only athletes and trainers were allowed to stay in the Olympic village, meaning Carson and Walcott were in a hotel nearby. But there was no rule against having them to visit.

Madigan was still training while she was here, but with the opening ceremony still a few days away, she had some chunks of free time as athletes were still arriving. The village had a playground, a fact that was unsurprising to her considering there were thousands of athletes, and she knew she wouldn’t be the only one travelling with her kid. Walcott was bringing Carson over to play, and since her roommate hadn’t yet arrived, they could have dinner in her apartment in the village. Not all athletes chose to stay in the village, but while she was used to sleeping next to Walcott every night, and certainly missed tucking Carson in, she felt a little less overwhelmed being near the other athletes.

While she waited, she couldn’t help but be grateful that this experience gave Walcott so much time with Carson on his own. She often felt overwhelmed with guilt when she realized just how much time he’d lost with his son because of her feeling he should be kept a secret. She didn’t dwell on it often, knowing Walcott would immediately tell her he held nothing against her, but that didn’t mean she didn’t hold it against herself. Wearing a team t-shirt with her last name and the Olympic rings emblazoned on the back, Madigan’s face broke into a wide smile when she saw her boyfriend and her son, Carson’s visitor’s lanyard comically long on his tiny frame. His shout of “mommy!” made her rush to meet him halfway as he broke away from Walcott, scooping him up into her arms and giving him a quick little spin. There weren’t a lot of things that could compare to how she felt when she was in the water, but this came pretty close. “Hey, buddy. Check out this slide. They built it just for you, I asked.”

It seemed surreal that they could be having just another one of their trips to the playground. Carson almost certainly wouldn’t be able to notice the difference, which was probably for the best. Walcott was sure to tell Carson all about this trip many, many, many times in the future. For now he just wanted to make sure that his son had a good time and that his girlfriend would know how much they both loved her. It went without saying that he was also hoping to see her do well but he didn’t plan on focusing on that aspect of their trip. Weirdly enough, this crazy opportunity also equated their first family trip. Even though the three of them had been living alone for a while now, this was the moment where Walcott almost actually felt like an adult. Except his job still sucked.

Knowing better than to try keeping his son from his mother for even a second, Walcott put him down just as they were about to enter the playground, but kept a hold on his hand. Not entirely unsurprising, they had the place to themselves. Carson tore himself away from his father and propelled himself towards his mother as Walcott trailed behind, pretending not to be just as eager to see Madigan. He couldn’t, however, relate to their son’s excitement to go down the slide that could only fit Walcott’s long legs at most.