Talk Hard

I just want to be wrapped around the arms of someone who truly loves me without having to explain whatever the fuck it is I have been feeling these past few months.

I miss the days when me and my brothers lived under the same roof. The days I would come home with dirt under my finger nails and scraped knees from playing outside too long, for riding bike until the sun went down. I could almost smell my ma's fricase de pollo just thinking about it. I miss my old life. It was long ago enough now to be a different life entirely. A book I can only pick up to read again and place back on the shelf. How could the things I lived through feel so far from me? And is that why I feel so misplaced? Always trying to run back to where I was, too afraid and unfamiliar with where I'm heading. But that's the funny part, isn't it? 15 years from now, I'm sure I'll feel this way again. On a loop. On a goddamn loop. I miss having friends, even if it was only because we had to sit through 7 hours of school together. I miss the nights I spent on tumblr, the people I spoke to and met here in the early 2010s. The internet saved me in a way. I still think about some of you even though I can only remember the small things, like your username, that you preferred cats, or that you were in love with some boy named Ron who broke your heart, or that you were scared of coming out to your parents, or that you had just seen Fall Out Boy in concert and had the greatest time. I miss myspace, I've always hated facebook, and I wish I had put my poetry to good use on instagram much sooner. I miss the life I've already lived, because little me didn't know how wonderful things truly were. I want to go back. I desperately want to go back.