茶葉_CHABA on tumbler

I am going through a crisis regarding my headcanons about it, though. As in, I can't be satisfied by what the book gives us, and clearly I got too invested in the backstory I made up to just accept giving it up based on some random infos sprinkled here and there. Here are the named characters that I assume are all from Siji:

(Duan Pengju isn't there because, for good balance, I thought it would be nice to have him as an agent recruited later on by ZZS.) QHZ is obviously the founder of the manor, right? According to the book (which gives us very little), he's an oddball, and he could have gone about with only two disciples-- or very young ones... But simultaneously, we do get informations in extra 5 about Siji manor's wide reach and activities. It's hard to believe that ZZS was the oldest disciple (as it is suggested in TYK in that one line where he's said to having been a dashixiong.....); he was 15 by the time of QHZ's death, so could QHZ really have operated alone with an army of tiny kids before that? Sorry, Priest, I will have to fight with canon lines here. I like to imagine that QHZ had associates within Siji-- he was the main founder, but he wasn't working alone. Old Bi, who's mentioned in TYK, chapter 1, could have been one of said associates. Lu Yu....... So Lu Yu is from Qi Ye, and up until recently he was my anchor when it came to justifying my idea that no, ZZS and LJX weren't the sole disciples in Siji Manor (since, in TYK, ZZS says it was "just the two of them"-- but it could be metaphorical!! and Lu Yu being there so early on in Qi Ye could be a proof of that!!). Turns out, the infos we get from Extra 5, once again, make me feel like it's unlikely that it was really literally only ZZS and LJX, but-- Anyway; I did picture Lu Yu as being older than ZZS, probably a shixiong, but it's also mentioned in Qi Ye that he his technique was "worthy of ZZS' teaching"...... which makes it harder to justify him being a shixiong. I mean, some mental gymnastics can probably make it work, and after all this is only a remark coming from Jing Qi's narration, BUT. Bichen suggested he could have been trained later on by ZZS as more people left Siji in disagreement with ZZS' own politics... so why not? I like to think that ZZS was QHZ's only disciple-- the others, shixiongs and shidis, were disciples of QHZ's associates rather than his own direct disciples. Maybe he didn't want any, until he met with ZZS and figured that the kid was worthy enough of being his disciple. LJX would have been taken in by QHZ as an additional trial or training method for ZZS-- because teaching is the best way of putting your own knowledge to the test. ALL OF THIS TO SAY, i do imagine that ZZS and LJX had a peculiar relationship with QHZ that other disciples didn't have, and that it was just the two of them from the moment ZZS was chosen by QHZ to become the next leader. Bi-shu... could have been reluctant at first, then decided to believe in ZZS until years later when he figured he couldn't do TC anymore and it was time for him to go? Anyway--- I could go on for hours bc clearly I have nothing better to do w my life than to muse about some random background storylines LOL

This illustration is born from a hyperfocus of mine on this sentence:

Ah-Xu... [...] Did... did I tell you that I like men?"

他忽然发现，其实对方一辈子都不将那易容卸下来，在自己心里，也从来就应该是这样一副模样，如今看到他长得竟如自己想象中的感觉别无二致，就像是……已经认识了他很久很久一样。 [Wen Kexing] suddenly realized that, should [Zhou Zishu] have kept the mask on forever, this was the face he'd have pictured in his heart. Now, seeing this face that exactly matched the one he had pictured, it simply felt like.... meeting again with someone he'd known for a very, very long time.

This, to me, feels like the comforting familiarity of knowing, of understanding a friend, feeling at ease despite the years, the distance; the feeling of meeting a friend IRL for the first time despite knowing them for years, and yet everything clicks--

To me, the beauty in this passage is in how the mask... never really did anything, change anything. Wen Kexing became friends with the person behind the mask, felt this deep connection for this man regardless of what he could look like, and seeing him, now, his face revealed, is that comfort of, yes--I recognize you. It's you.

What I really enjoy in TYK is Wenzhou's companionship, the way they understand each other so profoundly, and their friendship. The fact that they liked each other as people first, that they connected so well despite the odds. This connection between them makes a lot of the feelings mutual, and I feel like this sentence above, part of it is felt by Zhou Zishu as well; and removing his mask, although it is for practical reasons within the context of the story, showing his face to Wen Kexing is a way to affirm trust, both ways. I trust you with my own face, but you can also trust me--because I show you, I welcome you in. This passage... almost feels like a greeting. "Hello again, friend." except they've been tagging along for a while, now.

I used to wonder if Zhou Zishu was nervous about Wen Kexing seeing his face, as I do think he's a bit self-conscious about his frail body and struggles to understand Wen Kexing's big declaration of attraction to him--sort of like, "will he still like me, what will he think of my face?". I don't really stand by that anymore, because my understanding of ZZS has changed since then. It really feels more like, it's fine, we know each other, we're friends anyway now whether I like it or not. I wonder, is he a bit happy that he gets to greet WKX with his real face? He mentions having counted on keeping his mask until he dies, but... ? It's pretty obvious that at this point in the story, ZZS is already deeply fond of WKX, so I can't help but feel like he is happy, deep down, that he gets to make that connection.

For WKX, it must be comforting, but also quite bittersweet. His appreciation, his growing love for ZZS, only comforted by this familiarity, this acknowledgement of companionship, of ease together, while he is so deeply aware that ZZS is condemned... I feel like at this moment, he must want to hug him, to keep him close, and think, I wish I could have him longer, I wish he could stay; for he's the only friend he's ever had, for he never connected with someone like that before.

Now to adress the elephant in the room and jump onto the next topic, I keep saying "friend", "companion". Needless to say that I am well aware that wenzhou have a romantic+ bond, but I just feel like this part highlights this aspect of their relationship that I profoundly cherish. And thus we reach WKX's very famous line:

It's hilarious, perfectly timed, but I especially love how I feel like, rather than highlighting how gorgeous or attractive ZZS could be, this is yet another way for WKX to lighten his own mood, to detach himself from the deeper feelings, the longing, the fondess, the comfort--given how untimely this all is. It hurts, to feel attached to ZZS as a person, because he's going to die soon, while joking about fucking and being gay always works, and it has the benefit to make ZZS flustered.

So yeah, point is, I'm obsessed with that scene.

Also, obligatory reference to the past versions, which I noticed make sort of a nice movement? haha.