i struggle with just referring to myself as "aromantic" because it's not like I just don't experience those feelings at all. I've felt them many times and they are often very difficult for me to process. but in terms of seeing them as this end goal, this most important type of relationship, this life path that supercedes all other life paths, I have no access to that at all.
and the idea of ever being in a committed relationship again makes me sick. I literally cannot imagine it for myself. I do not think I am that kind of person. I do not think I understand how to live my life that way. the way that other people talk about commitment and devotion is utterly baffling to me.