AN: This idea was suggested by the lovely @shaynapineapple! Thank you for this idea! 

Joel is away at a medical conference in New York City which means you have the apartment to yourself.  To be honest, you’re living for it. You love Joel, you really do, but some time to yourself is also nice. 

You’re dancing around the apartment singing at the top of your lungs when there’s a knock on the door. You go still because there shouldn't be anyone knocking on your door. All your teacher friends are in hibernation thanks to the school year just having wrapped up. 

You make sure to look through the peephole and then yank the door open when you see who’s on the other side: “Spencer!” 

Your brother has his arms around you a second later and you quickly return the hug. You rub a hand up and down his back, and he breathes out, “I just . . . really needed to see you.” 

You smile, “Well, I’m never going to say no to a visit from you.” You pull back and brush some hair out of his eyes, “You hungry? I was about to order some pizza.” 

He sags in relief, reminding you of the little kid he used to be, “Yes please.” 

He steps into the apartment and looks around, “Is uh .  . . Joel here?” 

“Nope. He’s at a medical conference in NYC. He wrote a paper on a new procedure and he’s presenting it. I offered to go with him but he thought I’d be bored. I was actually a little relieved. I don’t get the place to myself all that often, and now it’s even better because you’re here.” 

Spencer shoots you a smile, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. You don’t ask what’s bothering him. He’ll tell you in his own time. That’s how Spencer has always been. He needs time to process and come up with the right words to describe how he’s feeling. Putting him on the spot makes him nervous and a little bit snippy. 

You collapse on the couch and watch as he wanders the apartment. It’s the first time he’s been here since you and Joel moved in together. He hadn’t taken the news particularly well when you’d told him, especially when you mentioned moving out of the apartment the two of you had spent your college years in.

“This place doesn’t really feel like you. There aren’t a lot of pictures and none of your knick knacks are out.” 

“Joel doesn’t like a lot of clutter. I still have them; they’re just in storage.” 

“Oh.” 

“But there’s pictures of you!” You point out several; some of just him and some of him and you. You watch as he goes through them. He stops at the one of you and him outside your apartment, right before you took him to the airport to join the FBI.

“Elle left the team. She got hurt. . .” 

“Right. The case that involved mom.” 

“Yeah. And she. . . she just wasn’t herself anymore. She needed to get out but she didn’t say goodbye. It made me think of him . . . and before I knew it I was taking a few personal days and on a plane out here.” 

He finally sits on the couch and snuggles up to you, “I just . . . I needed to see the one person who would never leave me.” 

You run your fingers through his hair, like you did when he was a kid; it’s always calmed him down, “Yeah. . . sorry to say it, but you’re stuck with me kid.” 

“I’m lucky to have you,” He corrects, “I don’t even want to think about how bad things would have been if it had been just me.” 

“Luckily, you never have to find out.”

  The two of you stay like that for a little while before he asks, “When’s the pizza going to get here.” 

“Probably thirty or so minutes after I actually order it.” 

“Hello Hotchners!” 

“Hi mommy!” 

“Hi angel.” They both smile at you from the table. You drop a kiss on the top of Jack’s head and he smiles up at you. 

Things had been significantly better since the farmer’s market incident. In the three weeks since, you and Aaron had gone to several sessions with Jack. His therapist was helping the three of you  come together as a blended family. Your own therapist and Aaron’s had also been brought in and caught up by Jack’s. 

You peck Aaron’s cheek and he catches your arm, and squints at you. “Proper kiss, please.” You barely resist smirking; instead, you roll your eyes and peck his lips. “That wasn’t a proper kiss.” 

“Jack is right there.” 

This time it’s Aaron who rolls his eyes. He wraps his arm around Jack’s head, so that his hand settles over the boy’s eyes. Jack giggles and you swoop down and kiss your boyfriend properly. 

“Happy?” 

He releases Jack, “With you? Always.” 

You slip your shoes off and notice what’s on the table, “What’s with all the pictures?” 

“I have to do a family tree. Here’s daddy and mama and grandpa and grandma and aunt Jess. I still need pictures of you and Uncle Spencer.” 

“I’m in the family tree?” 

Jack nods. 

“Give me a few minutes and I’ll get my photo boxes out.” Once Jack is focused on the pictures, you jerk your head towards the bedroom. Aaron follows after telling Jack he’ll be right back. 

He cracks the door to your bedroom. You turn on him, “How the hell are they still doing family trees? Families are complicated and . . . is Jack okay with this?”  

Aaron smiles, “Yes. He was very excited about the project, and Jess is bringing over more pictures of her brother and sister.  He wants to include you and Spencer.”

You let out a breath, “I swear he is the sweetest kid I’ve ever met.” 

Aaron smiles, “I’m pretty happy with him.” 

You start shirking out of your clothes and you can feel Aaron’s eyes on you. You shoot him a wink as you change out of your work clothes and into lounge pants and a t-shirt. You head to the closet next and pull out one of your picture boxes. It’s really just a decorated shoe box. One of three. It holds a lot of your loose pictures; the ones not in albums. 

You carry it out to the kitchen table and set it down in front of Jack and his eyes light up. You roll your eyes when he just dumps it out on the table. You start shifting through the pictures. 

“Who’s this?” 

“That is Bryan. My high school boyfriend who was extremely delusional.” 

Jack’s brow furrows in an uncanny imitation of Aaron, “Delusional?” 

“He wanted to get married right after high school. I moved to California instead.” 

Jack giggles, and Aaron asks, “What?” 

You clarify, “He wanted to get married right after highschool, his parents wanted to finish raising Spencer, and they wanted me to start popping out grandbabies.” 

“It sounds like the start of one of my cases.” 

Jack holds up a new photo and you wince, “Who’s this?” 

Aaron scowls, “That’s the bastard.” 

“Aaron! Language.” 

“We only use that word in relation to this one man. He hurt mommy’s feelings.” 

Jack’s face grows serious, “I don’t like him.” 

You pluck the picture out of Jack’s hands and stare at you and Joel. You look at both of your boys and rip it in half. You throw the part that has you back in the box and rip the part with Joel in half. 

“Happy?” 

Aaron lets out a huff, “Only if I get a punch in one day.” It’s muttered, and you nudge him. 

“Look at all of these of you and uncle Spencer.” 

“Yeah, it was mostly just the two of us.” 

“Here’s one of you and uncle Sean, daddy!” 

Your eyes go wide, “You have a brother?” 

This is the first time you’re hearing about a brother. Aaron hesitates, and then tells Jack, “Why don’t you take a break, buddy?” 

“Okay.” And just like that he’s gone to go play. 

There’s a moment of silence, “You have a brother?” 

He nods, “Sean. He’s thirteen years younger than me. We’re not close.” 

You nudge him with your shoulder, “I figured. Why did you never mention him?” 

He takes a breath, “I was ashamed. You and Spencer are so close. You gave up everything to raise him, and I . . . I pretty much abandoned Sean.” 

You poke your tongue against the inside of your cheek, “Aaron. You know more about my resentment towards my parents, and about my childhood than anyone. Even Spencer.” 

Aaron hesitates, “You know more than anyone else too. Even Haley didn’t know the extent of my dad. She just thought he yelled. Sean was not the subject of his anger, and apparently when I left for boarding school it mostly became verbal. But I still left him there.” 

“Your dad sent you away, Aaron. You didn’t have a choice.” 

He bites the inside of his cheek, “Still, I should have. . .” 

“It’s not the same.” Aaron pauses and you continue, “I’m not saying Sean was safe. Not with your father around, but he was okay. He had food. And Heat. And AC. And from what you say, everything he could wish for. That doesn’t excuse the mental turmoil he or you or your mom went through, but there was nothing you could have done. They wouldn’t have let you take him to college or anything like that. They certainly weren’t going to give you a say in raising him. Every situation is different.” 

He rubs his hands together, “I still feel guilty.” 

Quietly, you admit, “I still feel mad at my parents. Our parents screwed us, Aaron. We make the best of it. And when it comes to our own kids, we make it right. We stop what they did. We’re already doing it with Jack. He doesn’t have to worry about anything. He’s not scared of you or Haley or me.” You cover his hands with yours and squeeze, “We’re doing great if I do say so.” 

He smiles and tugs you towards him. You leave your chair for his lap and you kiss him. 

“Ewwww.” 

Just like everything else they did in the Capitol the torture was also excessive and elaborate, stretching far beyond anything the average imagination could conceive. 

You didn't know how long you'd been there; throughout your stay so far you were kept locked and chained in a small room with no windows indicating night or day, sandwiched between Johanna's and Peeta's rooms. The only reason you knew they were alive is because you heard them... daily. They were about as lucky as you were when it came to mercy- there was none. 

You felt completely and utterly defeated; you'd been told more than once that the three of you were the only survivors of the Quarter Quell. That meant everybody else had died- that meant Finnick had... passed. You couldn't bring yourself to put Finnick and dead together in a sentence. They were all killed either in the arena by the explosion or as an execution to be made example of. All considered to be part of a "rebel plan" to dethrone Snow and the Capitol according to what Snow and the peacekeepers have told you, which wasn't much. You had told them multiple times that you didn't know anything but they refused to listen, subjecting you to whatever violence they pleased in order to get information out of you. Information that you genuinely didn't have. No crying, begging, or pleading was enough to convince them that you were innocent. 

And truthfully you were; you had heard of Districts rioting and camaraderie between the victors but nothing as far as actually blowing up the arena.   

Whatever building you were kept on only housed the three of you there: Peeta to your left, You in the middle, then Johanna to your right. You didn't know what they were doing to the other two but you knew that for yourself it was more than just rough; it was excruciating both mentally and physically. It didn't sound any better coming from their end. 

They didn't hold back during beatings, going as far as to use physical objects to deliver the blows to your constantly fatigued, battered body. 

The room you were locked in was small and white- white walls, white bed, white papery nightgown you were forced to wear. It all reminded you eerily of Snow's garden of roses. 

Your bed was a thin mattress on a wiry metal frame, no blanket and no pillow. Attached to the bottom of the wall were the two bolts holding your chains in place, where they stretched across the floor until they cuffed tightly around both of your ankles.

The previously pristine walls were tainted by your blood. 

The door was flung open, ricocheting off the wall violently as Snow himself walked in. 

"Y/N," he smiled. "Let's see if we have something to talk about today, shall we?"

*

By the time he left you were laying on the floor, feeling woozy from the amount of blood in your mouth. You sat up, hearing a noise in the distance. It sounded further than Johanna's room, where they usually came in from. 

You heard bangs now directly outside of your room, making your heart race wildly. What was coming next? 

Suddenly your door flew open; someone, presumably a male judging by the height, dressed in heavy armor kicked your door down causing you jump about two miles in the air. Who was this? A new person to inflict pain on you? Were they peacekeepers, just dressed differently? 

They started to walk towards you and you shot backwards, scrambling as far as your chains would let you go. 

"Go away!" You shrieked, your throat raw from all of the screaming you'd done through your time at the Capitol. 

"Y/N! It's me," a muffled voice came out through the heavy duty mask. You stopped struggling against your restraints, looking at them in distrust. You couldn't see through the mask as it covered their entire face, but you could see their eyes- and you'd recognize those stony grey irises anywhere.

"Gale?" You whispered. 

A thick smoke began pouring from holes in the wall, holes which you had always previously assumed to be guns or other violent forms of reinforcements. 

You looked at him, panicked, and desperately tried to claw yourself lose from the chains. Your skin was red and bloody from how hard you were fighting it, squirming wildly like a rabid animal. 

The smoke easily filled the room, taking over your lungs and making you dizzy. You stumbled backwards, the backs of your knees hitting the bed and making you fall onto it. Your eyes shut. 

*

The next time you woke up you were being transferred from somebody's arms onto a hospital bed, an oxygen mask getting strapped to your face. You gasped and sat straight up, looking around frantically as multiple nurses rushed to your side and ushered you to lay back down. 

Heart beating wildly you took in your surroundings as you were wheeled from a landed hovercraft, approaching what appeared to be an entrance to something underground. 

You sucked in a breath. Was this new location just another place of horrors? 

"Y/N, it's okay," a young girl said, holding her hand out to you. She was blonde and had doe eyes, radiating innocence and purity. "You're not at the capitol anymore." 

The sound of the people surrounding you, a collection of doctors, nurses, and soldiers speaking in low voices faded into the background. 

You hesitantly touched her hand, noticing how your hand shook. 

"Where am I?"

"District 13."

District 13. 

District 13? 

Now you knew you must be hallucinating. 

You looked over your shoulder and saw Peeta being carted off on a hospital bed too, unconscious, an array of nurses and doctors surrounding him as well. 

"Where's Johanna?" You croaked. Your voice was weak. 

"She's here too," she reassured you. "She's behind you." 

You tried to sit up and turn further, trying to confirm for yourself that Johanna was indeed behind you, but the girl gently pushed you back down. 

"Don't strain yourself," she advised softly. You looked at her soft grey eyes and recognized immediately that she was from District 12. You distantly identified her as Katniss's sister. 

You approached what looked like a big room but she assured you it was just an elevator. "It's going to take us down to the bunkers." 

You paused, feeling the floor under your hospital bed go down, down, down as Prim explained lightly where you were and how it came to be. 

You couldn't wrap your head around it all; arriving in District 13, being rescued by people you had been told were dead, Katniss being the Mockingjay. It was all too much. 

The last thing you remember is someone slipping a needle into the back of your hand, hooking you up to an IV, Prim's big eyes gazing at you in concern. You felt comforted in her care; like no one was going to hurt you. Your eyes felt heavy and before you could leave the elevator it all went black. 

*

Beeping. 

You woke up to beeping. 

You sat up roughly and your your head immediately started spinning- Prim rushed forward and held her arm out, allowing you to steady yourself. 

"Where- what happened?"

She guided you to lean back, pulling the top part of your hospital bed into a reclined position so you could sit up a little. 

"You were rescued from the Capitol," she started slowly, fixing you a cup of water. You took it, not realizing how parched your mouth and throat were. Suddenly you were hyper aware of how sore your body was; you looked down to see your arms and legs covered in bruises and lacerations, your fingernails caked with blood underneath. "You, Peeta, and Johanna. After the arena blew up they took the three of you as prisoners, thinking you knew something about the rebellion."

"I didn't know anything," You whispered, looking up. Prim looked at you with sad eyes. 

"I know. Finnick's been going crazy not knowing where you were."

You swear your heart almost stopped. 

"Finnick?" You croaked and sat up again. "He's alive?"

She nodded in confusion. "He's been waiting for you." 

Tears pricked at your eyes and you tried to take a deep breath, which turned into a broken sob. You pressed your hand to your mouth trying to contain yourself. 

"Katniss? Beetee?"

"Both alive," she nodded, her brows furrowing. "Why, what do you think happened?"

"They told me the rest of the tributes were dead," You cried softly, your sobs getting louder by the second as you got worked up. "They said they caught and killed them all because they were rebels- to make an example out of them." 

She looked at you in shock, clearly taken off guard. Before she could say anything you heard noise from outside of the room. 

"Y/N?" 

You heard him yelling, running, his foot steps echoing. Your heart rate picked up. 

"Finnick," You screamed, drawing the attention of a few other nurses in the room. 

"Y/N! Where is she?"

You watched the door anxiously as Prim got up silently and opened it, poking her head out and waving her arm. 

"I want to see him," You demanded shakily even though no one was objecting, trying to ignore the big lump in your throat. You were so close to him, but so far. You slid off the hospital bed and Prim rushed back to your side as you wobbled and nearly collapsed onto the floor. She slipped her arm around your waist and basically carried you back into the hospital bed. 

As soon as you had been sat down he burst through the double doors; there he was. Your heart fluttered and it felt like a weight was lifted off your chest. He was there. Alive. In the flesh. He was facing the other way, head turning as he scanned the room. 

"Finn?" You said and you hated how broken your voice sounded. He whipped around with a frantic look on his face, eyes softening once they settled on you. He let out a loud breath as he closed the space between you with three long strides, reaching out and yanking you into his chest. You couldn't help the tears that fell as you clung to him desperately, unable to get close enough. His hands were all over you; rubbing, comforting, reassuring you as he tried to memorize every part of your body as if it was the last time he'd see you. 

You sobbed into his neck, holding onto him tightly with both hands.

"I'm so sorry," he breathed into your hair. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there." 

You couldn't find your voice to comfort him, instead just shaking your head and pushing it further against his chest.

He tightened his arms around you, pressing his lips to your head before lifting your face and kissing your salty tears away. He cupped your face with both hands, his ocean blue eyes gazing into yours burning with sincerity. 

The worst part about the announcement of the Quarter Quell was by far the amount of questions you were asked about it afterwards. In the months leading up to the reaping, all you kept being asked was, “How do you feel?”

In the beginning, you would just stare at them for a second, hoping that they’d realize how stupid they are for asking it in the first place. How do they think you feel? While they’re all grown and get to live the rest of their lives without worrying about dying, you’re having your rights taken away from you yet again.

You aren’t supposed to do this again. Everyone was promised that once they win, they are done with the Hunger Games. They were no longer eligible to go inside, the only time you’d come close would be during mentoring. You’d get to live that week in the Capitol over and over and over again, watching different tributes get reaped, and then die in the arena.

As the reaping drew closer, the question died in their throats. The idea of reminding you about your potential fate made them uncomfortable. They never considered the idea of how irritating it was to answer the question every day of the week and then for it to slowly fizzle out.

You could handle the odds of going back into the arena. With only four girls in District Five, there was a twenty-five percent chance that the name pulled out of the bowl would be yours. It bothered the other girls, but you knew you had to let it go if you wanted to be even remotely happy for what could be your last weeks in your home.

Actually, the part that upsets you the most is the fact you’ll never get to see the world in color, because you haven’t met your soulmate yet. You’ll never get to see the sky, or the trees, or the color of the clothes you wear everyday. All the features that make someone who they are is absent in your sight. You’re left with black, white, and grey.

You thought that you would have years to try and find them. You’re only in your twenties. You were supposed to take over mentoring, which would’ve allowed you to get a better chance at finding your soulmate. 

It was ruined as soon as your name was the one drawn out of the bowl. You felt your heart sink into your stomach, because you weren’t stupid enough to think anyone would volunteer for you. The sighs of relief that came from the other girls was salt in the wound.

For a few hours, you were stupid enough to hope that you’d win, until you saw exactly who was drawn this year. It ended up being the last nail on the coffin. You are going to die inside of the arena, you’re sure of it. That’s why you haven’t taken a single thing seriously this past week.

Why does it matter? Why would sponsors matter? They don’t want you, they want the siblings, they want the volunteers, they want their darlings, and they want the newest trouble. You are just a minor victor in the crowd.

When you were telling your stylist about your pessimistic views, all he could say was that they were entirely justified. The Capitol loves their victor’s unfairly, and then it ruins the chances for the rest of you. Anything that would normally catch the attention of the crowd on a regular Hunger Games is useless here. The parade, the scores, the interview you’re about to do. It’s for nothing.

You trace patterns on the bare skin of your thigh, watching as your prep team and stylist move around the room. They’d briefly gathered a few minutes ago to talk, and ever since they’ve been running around pulling things off the shelves in the closet. You’re guessing it’s jewelry.

Your stylist pulls out one of those protective bags for dresses, except this one is bigger and stuffed with fabric. He unzips it to take a look inside, and you can see the smile come across his face. His eyes dart up to yours, looking at you through the mirror.

“(Y/n),” He begins, coming closer, “I’ve been saving this dress for a special occasion, since I will never be able to use it again in any of my work. Tonight, you will be my muse.”

You give him a slight smile, “Are you sure you don’t want to save it for anything else?”

“I’m sure.” He says, unzipping the bag, “I’m aware you can’t see the color, but you should know that it’s not the most important part. It’s the design.”

Together, he and the prep team work to get the dress out of the bag. It’s a light shade of grey, so you’re going to guess that it’s a pastel color. It’s uncommon for stylists to go for something so gentle, because the lights on the stage tend to wash the tributes out. That’s why the colors are bright and hard, so they can pop and shine.

You think that it’s going to be some small dress, but the fabric never stops. There’s so much of it. He tosses the dress bag off to the side, and then unzips the back for you to get into. It takes a minute, they have to adjust and pin the dress where it’s too big or too small. By the end, you can’t even tell that it’s been altered.

One of the prep team members gets to work on fluffing the dress, while the other fixes your hair, and then gets to work on putting the jewelry on you. She focuses on your earrings and the necklaces on your collarbone to make sure they’re positioned perfectly. They get you in heels, and then your stylist shuffles in front of you to settle something on the top of your head.

You’re ordered to close your eyes until you’re in front of the mirror and finishing touches are made. They fix your makeup, and then spray something wet and sweet smelling on your skin. You’re guessing it’s perfume, but as soon as you open your eyes and sway slightly, your skin sparkles.

The dress is floor length, off the shoulder but with long and loose sleeves to keep you from getting cold while waiting for your turn to be interviewed. And the object he snuggled in your hair is a tiny tiara that sparkles with your skin each time you move.

You run your hand over the gorgeous patterned lace, letting out a breath, “What color is it?”

“Pink.” He says, coming over to stand behind you, “A gentle and loving pink, one that resembles innocence and beauty.” He fixes a curl, “It’s light and uplifting, and it looks beautiful on you.”

“Thank you.” You smile.

“You’re good to go out, (Y/n). I believe in you.” He says.

You wander out of the room and down the hall, absently tracing one of the closest flowers while you near the line to the stage. The other victor’s are in varying outfits. This year, District Two is subjected to looking like gladiators, the Ritchson siblings are eye-catching in their sequin outfits. Johanna Mason wears a long dress, but she doesn’t look out of place.

A few eyes land on you as you draw closer, but they don’t linger longer for more than a second. They don’t care, a victor from District Five is anything but a threat to them at this point. You’re sure half of them have already decided how they’re going to get rid of you in the arena. And if they haven’t, it’s because they know they can take you in a fight. There’s no use planning it.

It’s only a few minutes later, when the entire hallway is going completely silent. You look over to see Katniss, dressed in a large wedding dress. You should’ve guessed, that was the whole obsession after their Victory Tour. Of course, her stylist would try one more thing to catch the Capitol’s attention.

“I can’t believe Cinna put you in that thing.” Finnick says, there’s a look of bewilderment on his face.

“He didn’t have any choice. President Snow made him.” Katniss defends.

Cashmere flickers her hair over her shoulder, “Well, you look ridiculous!” She spits, taking Gloss’ hand and walking off with him to stand at the front of the line.

You swallow, closing your eyes. You don’t know how you’re going to survive this, really. You know nothing about any of these people, except for what you’ve seen on the screen. You’re at a severe disadvantage compared to the other female victor’s back home. At least they got to talk to half of these people.

The only two victor’s that feel the same way you do must be Katniss and Peeta, but even they’re fitting in more than you are.

You resist the urge to rub down your face, but you do let out a slight huff. You guess you’ll just have to resort to hiding in the arena, even though you didn’t win through that strategy. You mostly fucked around with trying to set off traps and force the gamemakers to accidentally kill the tributes for you. It worked, it’s why you’re standing here today. 

That’s not going to fly in the arena, though. These people have watched your games, the same way you watched theirs. All strategies are on the table, which means that you’ll need to figure out how to camouflage and hide, immediately. 

Cashmere and Gloss lead the way onto the stage, and one by one, you make your way to the seats at the back of the stage. The audience is loud, cheering and whistling. The lights are blinding, you squint through them, relaxing your face when you’re adjusted to the brightness.

You tuck the dress beneath you before you sit down, as soon as you’re planted in your seat, you can feel the nerves in your stomach settle. You haven’t been on a stage in a few years, you remember hating every minute of it. From the parade, to your face being shown for scores, to all the interviews and speeches you did after you won. You hated every second of it.

Caesar’s hair is a different color, it’s some type of grey, so you’re thinking it’s a muted color. You know that he changes it every year, you wish you could see, because you’re sure he looks fantastic every time. He’s been hosting the Hunger Games for a long, long time. That’s a lot of colors to go through, repeating or not.

He does his usual opening-interview spiel with the audience by cracking a few jokes and getting them in a fun mood. From what you’ve heard from your mentors, the citizens of the Capitol are torn between hating the Quarter Quell and adoring it. It’s clear on why; most of the favorites are here. It’s a shame they don’t know how much power they hold.

Cashmere starts the interviews with a speech on how she’s been crying ever since she was chosen. She’s so heartbroken over the fact that the Capitol is suffering because of how many victor’s they’re losing to the games. Gloss follows up with talking about how they’ve been so kind to them ever since they won, and it’s been a pleasure mentoring since.

Enobaria expresses how sad she is that she won’t be able to experience the Capitol’s wonders, since there’s more to live through. She was hoping to get more body modifications and possibly become one of their featured darlings, or a modeling icon for the people back home. 

Beetee does his intelligent rambling, talking about how the Quarter Quell is technically illegal and it shouldn’t exist in the first place. He asks if the experts—Gamemakers—have considered this and examined it as of late. You watch as Wiress goes up and backs him up calmly, explaining that this isn’t fair.

When Mags takes the stage, it’s filled with Caesar guessing what she’s trying to say, but you can tell that she’s outraged, too. She’s too old for this, and yet she volunteered to come to save a girl she mentored. Finnick talks through a bright smile, and when Caesar asks if he’s got anything to say, his eyes darken. He proceeds to recite a love poem that’s clearly talking about his home district and how he might not get to see it ever again. It’s misinterpreted and too many people in the crowd think it’s aimed at them. 

“For District Five, we have the lovely (Y/n) (L/n)!” Caesar shouts, hand held out in your direction.

You get to your feet with a smile, heading toward the front of the stage. You place your hand in his, he squeezes your knuckles, “Hello, Caesar.”

“Hello!” He laughs, looking over what you’re wearing, “Well, don’t you look pretty! I don’t think I’ve seen anything quite like this before on stage.”

“My stylist was saving it for a special day, and that’s tonight, I suppose. I was just as surprised as you are.” You look out to the audience.

“Yes, it has been an interesting night so far.” He agrees, “Tell me, what was going through your mind at the reaping?”

You give a half-shrug, “I was disappointed, if I’m being honest.”

“And why’s that?” He asks.

“Well, I’m sure you can guess.” You shake your head, “I’m sure it’s an honor for some people to be back here again and have the opportunity to compete, but I’m losing out on one of the most important parts about living.”

“Let me guess, getting to mentor tributes?” He smiles.

You shake your head again, “No Caesar, it’s getting to see color.”

There’s enough gasps at once that makes your smile inwardly. You know what the other victor’s are trying to do, so you’ll help them. Even if they don’t invite you into their alliances, you’re with them on this. You don’t want the Quarter Quell to happen. You want to go home. That’s why you’ll expose yourself to the Capitol, because you’ve heard how colorful they are. They’ll eat up the idea of living this long without seeing color, ever.

Caesar gapes for a second, “You haven’t found your soulmate yet?”

You look out, “I will never get to see the Capitol the way the rest of you do. I hear the buildings are brightly colored, I hear how gorgeous the clothes are. And I will never get to experience that, because it’s being taken away from me.”

You can feel the tears build in your eyes. They’re partially real, because all you’ve ever wanted was to see the world the way your parents did. They saw real beauty everywhere they looked, and you saw nothing. And you will see nothing, until the day you die in the arena.

You hard blink to force the tears down your face, throat clogging. You have to play it up for them, otherwise they won’t care. You take a few seconds to dab at the corners of your eyes, with Caesar comforting you. The citizens are eating it up, there’s a few of them crying, you can’t see them past the light in your eyes, but you can hear them out there.

“I’m sorry, (Y/n).” Caesar squeezes your hand.

“I am too.” You sniff, fanning your face, “For what it’s worth, I think the city is beautiful without color, too.”

The buzzer goes off, signaling the end of your interview. There’s shouts complaining over how short it felt. You kiss the tips of your fingers and blow a kiss to the crowd before turning away and walking back to your seat. You struggle to hold in the smile that wants to break over your face.

The next few interviews are just as brutal. Johanna questions whether or not the creators can do anything about it. They never anticipated that the Capitol and the victors would form such a bond. Cecelia does a number by saying goodbye to her kids on camera, which has the whole audience in tears.

Seeder’s calm when she says that Snow is considered powerful. If he is, then certainly he can change the fate of the Quarter Quell, right? Chaff comes in swinging, reciting the same thing as Seeder but enforcing the idea that Snow must not care about the way his people feel.

And then Katniss walks to the front and the audience is in shambles. She’s unable to speak for several minutes, and by the tame she can, she’s speaking about her wedding. How none of them will be able to attend it, now that she’s been reaped for another Hunger Games, but Snow wanted to show them what could’ve happened.

She starts twirling like she did last year, except the minor flames from the year before have turned into large ones. They consume the end of the dress and eat away at the layers, until it reaches her shoulders, and suddenly the flames are gone. You’re left staring at a black dress with feathers. When she stretches her arms out, wings appear. 

Katniss’ interview ends almost a minute later, and she takes her seat. This allows Peeta to come to the front of the stage, where they go back and forth being comical. Caesar changes the topic to the Quell once he sees an opportunity to, and there the mood slowly spirals downward.

He says that he and Katniss are already married, and they did it privately while they could because they wanted the moment to be theirs. Then he quickly says that it’s unofficial because the traditions back home mean almost nothing to a piece of paper confirming it. Caesar and the crowd eat it up, completely on the edge of their seats.

“As you say, no one could’ve. But I have to confess, I’m glad you two had at least a few months of happiness together.” Caesar says. There’s a round of applause, Katniss briefly looks up from her dress.

“I’m not glad,” Peeta suddenly ays, “I wish we had waited until the whole thing was done officially.”

There’s a shock that goes through Caesar, he doesn’t say anything for a second, “Surely even a brief time is better than no time?”

“Maybe I’d think that, too, Caesar,” Peeta spits, “if it weren’t for the baby.”

Silence.

The words sink in the air, but as people get to their feet, shaking their fists, voices raised and screaming about injustice, it sparks others to follow. It’s not long before the whole audience is a wreck and nothing but an indiscernible noise. Caesar stands there dumbfounded, speaking into the microphone but not gathering any attention.

You press your lips together to hide the smile cracking at the corners of your lips.

Caesar’s trying to get the crowd to calm down, chaos has broken out. There’s no point in saying anything once the anthem begins to play. The volume’s so loud that you can feel it in your chest when the deeper parts play. It lets you know that it’s time to get to your feet to say goodbye on the program.

You lace your fingers in front of you, but quickly notice that others are not doing the same. As you look down the line of victors to your left, where Peeta is at the end, you can see that they’re holding hands, and your district partner has his palm open to do the same. 

You grab his hand, and turn to Finnick, who has this little smile on his face, hand held up for you to take. You carefully place your hand on top of his, he’s quick to lace his fingers with yours. You squeeze tightly, hoping for some reassurance, and find him squeezing back.

When you look up to the crowd, your face twists. The light is just as strong, but you can tell what’s beyond it, because it’s no longer a sea of different shades of black, white and grey. They’re in color, they’re bright, and they almost hurt your eyes from the shades they’re wearing.

You gasp, tears filling your eyes when you look out. You remember what your stylist said about the dress you’re wearing, and look down at it. Gentle, loving, innocent, beauty, light and uplifting pink. He was right. He dressed you as a princess for these people.

You tear your eyes away to finally, finally look at Finnick, your soulmate. The reason why you’re seeing these colors. You’re met with bright and breathtaking eyes, watching your face with a crooked smile. You can’t help the laugh that comes from you as the tears overflow your eyes. 

“It’s you.” You breathe.

“Kaz, do you still need the blueprints of Hoede’s mansion, or can I stow them away? They’ve been rotting here for weeks now, and I doubt that they’ll be needed in the near future.” you inquired gently, watching Kaz as he looked over the bank statements of the Crow Club.

His eyes darted to you and the rolls of blueprints, as he began to mentally consider the possibility of requiring the maps in the following missions.

“There won’t be any need for that any time soon. You may put them away.” he answered, his voice rough from spending the majority of his day working.

You sighed, meeting his gaze again. He was overworking himself again, and both of you knew that. But, no matter how hard you tried, he wouldn’t back down until everything was meticulously planned out.

“Do you need anything else? I can get you some tea? Have you eaten? You should consider taking a break.” you asked softly, stepping closer to his desk.

“I’m finishing that paper, and then I’ll join you for dinner.”

“You better do. Or else I have to drag you down there myself.” you playfully threatened, pointing the blueprints in the direction of his face.

His lips twitched into something akin to a grin, as he eyed you carefully.

“Thank you, darling. What would I do without you.” he cooed, his voice uncharacteristically caring.

Well, uncharacteristically to basically everyone else. Not to you.

“What was that, Brekker? Don’t let anyone else hear that, or they might think Dirtyhands has gone soft.” you teased with a smile, very much enjoying his flattery.

“Am I not allowed to talk to my wife that way?”

“I’m not complaining, love. But someday you might let it slip in front of someone else.”

Kaz nodded, knowing what you were referring to. The two of you had been married for quite a while now, unbeknownst to anyone else. Not even the Crows knew of your marriage or your relationship for that matter. It was hard keeping it a secret from everyone you loved, but in the Barrel, love was not a thing to portray publicly, especially not for one of the most notorious criminals in the city. So, in order to keep the both of you safe, you decided to act as if nothing had ever happened between the two of you.

This had worked surprisingly well. While you and Kaz spent way more time with each other, even trying to work on his touch aversion, your friends tried their best to get you together. They were convinced that there had to be some chance to bring you to admit your feelings for the other. You had to try your best to not let anything slip. To not accidentally touch his shoulder comfortingly after a failed job, or stand just a little bit too close to him while you were out. Especially, having to hide your wedding band pained you deeply, but you managed to attach it to a chain, hanging it around your neck and saying that it was your parents’ wedding ring. Kaz, on the other hand, didn’t seem to have any problems with hiding his genuine feelings towards you. As the years went on, however, he started to act a little bit more careless. His longing gazes getting longer, and his attention span during meetings getting shorter. It scared you that even the Bastard of the Barrel was beginning to crack when it came to his love life.

“Quit worrying. It doesn’t suit you.” your husband smirked, turning back to his work.

You only shook your head, flashing him a quick smile, as you left his office.

This play went well for a few more weeks. Until it didn’t.

It should’ve been a simple meeting. And it was for a while.

The Crows were all sitting at their respective places in Kaz’s office. Jesper and Wylan were sat right next to each other in a love seat, barely inches away from being situated in each other’s laps. Nina and Matthias had gotten, more or less, comfortable on the small couch that was facing the work desk, with Inej lounging on the thick armrest next to them. You sat on the small platform leading up to the window, close enough to Kaz so that you could see every tiny change of expression that flew across his face.

“Kaz, we’ll definitely need the keys to get into the warehouse. I checked the locks, and there’s no way, not even for you, to solve these without triggering the defence mechanism.” Inej stated after recounting some of the other observations she had made on her previous trip to the warehouse district.

“Don’t tell me that we have to go back into Hoede’s mansion.” Wylan groaned, throwing his head back, visibly not enjoying this suggestion.

“I fear we have no other choice.” Kaz grumbled, his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose.

He was obviously unamused by the prospect of breaking into Councilman Hoede's mansion again, but there seemed to be no other way to get into the warehouse.

His hands wandered to the edge of his desk, irritation evident as they reached an empty spot, where the blueprints should’ve been. Embarrassingly, his eyes met yours in an instant, pleading for you to do something about the missing papers.

“Oh, I put them in the upper left drawer.” you answered the silent question, causing Jesper to smirk at you, entertained by the abstract communication system the two of you had established.

Before Kaz could get up, you hopped off the platform and crossed the room to get to said drawer.

“Don’t bother, I’ll get them.”

You heard some of the others - Wylan, Jesper and Nina, to be exact - chuckle at your statement, amused by your quick reaction.

Quickly, you found the plans and handed them over, receiving a thankful nod from Kaz. However, his next words caught you completely off-guard.

“Thank you, love.”

After uttering these words, the room went quiet. Everyone staring at you and Kaz. Your eyes flashed in his direction, shock was plastered on your face, as you searched his eyes, waiting for the pointe of a joke you missed. He already noticed his slip up, the cogs turning inside his head to come up with a possible way to talk himself out of this dilemma. You sat back down slowly, feeling a faint blush taint your cheeks, whilst Kaz turned his attention to the plans in front of him again, acting as if he didn’t just drop a massive bombshell.

“We have to look into an alternative escape route, in case things go south. Our last route worked out pretty well, but we can’t rely on it too heavily, otherwise we’re getting too predictable.” he tried to turn the team’s attention back to the plan again.

Inej either knew exactly what was going on, or she just tried to play into his attempt at saving face, because the professional expression returned to her face.

“As far as I know, there’s a barricaded basement door close to the west entrance. If we’re careful enough, we can slip in almost unnoticed.” she started, her gaze wandering between you and Kaz.

The general attention of the others, however, wasn’t even close to being focused on the factual discussion. Nina wasn’t leaning on Matthias anymore, instead, she was sitting up straight, a mischievous grin graced her face, whilst Matthias just stared straight at Kaz. Jesper’s face wasn’t as joyous anymore. He was currently trying to sort out his thoughts, straining to understand what was going on. Wylan looked utterly shocked, his eyes meeting yours, an unspoken question lying within them.

Before Kaz could continue to speak, however, Jesper shook his head, removing his arm from his partner’s shoulder and shaking his hands profusely.

“Are we not going to talk about what just happened?” he asked, his voice playful, but also genuinely shocked.

“What did just happen? I don’t think that there’s anything to talk about, but the plan, so if you don't mind-” Kaz inquired calmly.

“Oh, you’re not getting away that easily.” Jesper retorted, his gaze moving towards you again, “You can’t deny it, Kaz. You just called Y/N ‘love’!”

“Jesper, I doubt that this is relevant t-”

“Saints, just ask her out already!” Nina interjected, throwing her head back into the couch, “It’s getting painful to watch. And you embarrassed yourself enough already with that statement.”

Kaz paused, his face turning towards you almost pleadingly. You knew that there was no other way out of this situation, so you just nodded slightly.

“Am I not allowed to talk about my wife that way?” he asked, his question sounding rather like a statement.

The room went quiet again. Even Inej stopped dead in her tracks, as her brain steadily connected the dots.

“Wife? As in, you’re officially married and all that jazz?” Wylan sputtered, almost tripping over his own words as he talked.

“Brekker, you’re not serious, are you?” Nina added, her mouth staying a little agape after finishing her sentence.

“He can’t be serious. We would’ve definitely noticed if two of our best friends were married.” Jesper tried to rationalize the uncomfortable situation.

“And also, the Demjin wouldn’t have the guts to ask someone out.” Matthias said, acting as if you and Kaz wouldn't be in the room too.

Inej’s eyes travelled between you and Kaz again, as a knowing smile formed on her lips. She shook her head in disbelief, as she started to talk.

“The ring around your necklace didn’t belong to your parents, did it?” she asked, looking at you intently.

“Nope.” you replied, grinning back at her, as you took off the necklace carefully.

Her head turned, and her gaze shifted towards her boss again.

“There also was no trading mission in Ravka that the two of you had to attend all these years ago, was there?” she added, barely being able to contain her laughter.

“There was. It just wasn’t the reason why we had to delay our departure for two weeks. Adding a honeymoon to a business trip is definitely something to experience.” he answered matter-of-factly, a crooked grin on his lips.

“Don't tell me that you're in on the joke too, Inej?” the sharpshooter inserted himself back into the conversation, still not believing anything that was said.

“Jes, we’re serious.” you chuckled, removing the wedding band from its chain, and putting it on your ring finger.

Kaz’s eyes followed your motions intently, a content expression settling on his face.

“Wait, that job in Ravka was like,” Wylan started, pausing quickly to sort through his memories, “three years ago?”

“You’ve been together for three years?” Nina blurted out, also continuing to stare at you.

“Don't be ridiculous, Zenik. We’ve been married for three years. We’ve been together for way longer.” Kaz stated coolly, having to force a controlled expression onto his features, whilst a smile was trying to break through the surface.

“What?” was the general reaction you got from your friends, some still shocked by this new revelations, others just smiling at the two of you.

You tried to meet Kaz’s gaze again, but he was focused on something else. With controlled motions, he began removing his black leather gloves, revealing a pair of slender pale hands. The golden wedding band he wore on his left finger was a stark contrast to the almost white skin of his hands.

“Djiel receive me, the Demjin is wearing one too.” Matthias muttered under his breath, as your friends started bombarding you with questions.

You woke up and did your usually boring routine. Wake up to the sound of the gong, wash your face with fresh cold water, get dressed for the day and meet Princess Yue to accompany her for another boring day.

Being one of the princesses handmaidens had its advantages. It manage to distract you from your boring days, and at least gave you a safe place to stay after your adoptive family had died fighting in the war.

The king had been kind enough to take you in, and now you lived comfortably. Managing to hide your secret as best you possibly could.

You looked at the water, getting lost in a train of thoughts as princess Yue told you another one of her tales. You had to admit you sometimes felt guilty for drifting off as she ranted, but you couldn't help it.

You were brought back to reality when you heard loud footsteps running towards you. "Yue! Y/n!" You turned your head to spot Karna - Yue's second handmaiden. "Have you heard!?" You shared a worried glanced with Yue as Karna excitedly jumped in front of you. "The avatar is in the city! He wants to learn water bending! Can you believe it!?"

Suddenly every fiber of your being was lightened with hope. The avatar was here. Your prophecy was being fulfilled. You'd finally leave this hell hole.

"He's here?" You asked again in disbelief, hope settling inside you.

"Yeah! He's putting his flying bison in the stables!"

"I- I have to go." you smiled so brightly your entire face lit up. "I'm sorry! I promise I'll make it up to you!" You gave a short bow and the princess raised a confused eyebrow, but simply shrugged after she saw you disappear into a street corner.

You walked until you finally found the Avatar and his friends, goofing in the stables with what you knew to be a flying bison.

You watched for a minute as he handed him something to eat, while a blue eyed girl that seemed to be a water bender was grabbing something from his saddle.

"Hello?" You hesitated before taking a step closer to the group. "You're the avatar right? The last Airbender?" You tried to keep your voice steady as excitement flowed through you.

The youngest boy of the group that was feeding the creature turned to you with a bright smile. "That would be me. I'm Aang." You bowed with a light smile which he returned.

"I'm Y/n."

"And I'm Sokka." Another boy came right in front of you winking in addition to giving you a bright smirk.

"And I'm Katara." She pushed the boy that looked an awful lot like her away and presented herself instead. "Don't mind my brother." She side eyed the one you knew as Sokka. "Are you here to show us around?"

You shook your head. "No, actually I came to speak with the Avatar." Your eyebrows knitted into a frown by fear. What if he turned agains't you when you said you were a fire-nation born? What if someone else saw if they asked you to fire-bend?

You took a breath and shook your thoughts away. 'He knows that the second avatar was born from the fire nation, he will accept you' You told yourself.

They all looked at you like dear in headlights.

"Do you mind if we talk?" You scratched the back of your head, and Katara suddenly looked worried. She whispered something to Aang who then turned to look back at you.

"What ever you say, you can say it in front of my friends." He smiled.

"I-" You looked up at the sky for confidence and then back to them. "I- want to teach you water bending" You chickened out. Mentally slapping yourself.

"You do?" his eye lit up like lanterns.

"Could you teach me too?" Katara chimed in.

"Yeah, of course." You nodded, too far down this road to go back and tell him your secret. "Just know that it has to stay secret. This tribe doesn't let girls water bend, and I've learned techniques that even the master here doesn't know." You nodded your head and Katara's eye open wide.

~

The days past and the more you spent time with them, the more guilt built up. You weren't originally a water bender, you had learned water bending; although it was the hardest of all elements with long and harsh secret training. You were the second Avatar... They were probably searching for you everywhere and you were right in front of them, too scared of rejection to say anything.

You sighed as you grabbed another marshmallow from the fire. You were all sitting at your usual water bending place, night fallen in the nothern water tribe.

Tonight you were finally taking a little bit of time to relax and know each other. You lifted your head to watch the scene. Sokka was off spirits knows where so he was out of the picture, Katara and Aang were mindlessly passing each other a bubble of water. The moon shined brightly over the water, and a few penguins had made their way not far from you. You let yourself smile a little as you realized you had finally found friends. Even better - people you were meant to travel the world with.

"So what brought you to the nothern tribe?" You wondered.

"We're here to find the second Avatar." You froze, Aang was too busy shaping the water bubble into different shapes to notice. "And get some water bending training."

"Th- the second Avatar?" You stuttered, feeling your palms get all sweaty.

"Well yeah. They're suppose to be fire born, but the previous Avatar told me to look here!" He seemed so happy about it, it reassured you a little.

"Oh...that's... great." The guilt couldn't eat you up more, but you still didn't have the guts to say it. You wanted to, just say the words... but you couldn't seem too.

~

The next day you found yourself facing your worst nightmare. The fire nation was coming to attack. You hadn't seen anyone from the fire nation in years, and the bare thought of it scared you.

What if someone recognized you? What if your father was one of the soldiers? What if they would find out who you truly are and drag you back, only to discover you're truly the Avatar and kill you on the spot.

Worst... What if Prince Zuko was there?

A chill passed through you as you watched the dark snow coming from the fire navy.

How could this happen. In all these years never one fire nation boat came to the nothern tribe. And now, the Avatar led them right here. But you couldn't blame him. It was your destiny to fight by his side.

The adventure was finally starting.

"I can't do it." Aang rolled down the side of Appa with a desperate look on his face. "I can't defeat the entire navy by myself!" He sighed. "If only the second avatar was here!" You gulped are this words.

"But your the avatar!" Yue exclaimed and you looked between them with a guilt ridden expression before composing yourself again and meeting Aang's stare. A silence fell between the group as Aang thought - you could almost see the wheels turning in his brain.

~

Hours later you all stood, leaning onto a balcony railing as you stared at the moon.

"Legend says the moon was the first water-bender" Yue started and you suddenly felt yourself tune out her words like you usually did.

'What if Zuko is on that ship?' Your mind kept repeating to you. 'What if he is, and what if he's changed for the worst?' You wanted to stop the tears from falling, but apparently a stray tear had decided to fall. You wiped it before it even got the time to roll down your cheek, piecing yourself back together.

"That's it!" Aang suddenly jumped making you all turn towards him. "The spirits! Maybe I can find them and get their help."

"How can you do that?" You raised an eyebrow.

"The avatars are the bridges between our world and the spirit world! Aang can talk to them!" Katara looked at you and Yue with sparks in her eyes, you gulped.

"Really?" You whispered, suddenly feeling like you had mountains of things to learn. Aang felt like he knew so much more then you.

"Then maybe they'll give you the wisdom to win this battle." Yue nodded with a light smile. "And help you find the second avatar."

"OR MAYBE THEY'LLE UNLEASH A CRAZY-AMAZING SPIRIT ATTACH ON THE FIRE NATION!" Aang exclaimed and the three of you girls tried to hold back your laughter. "Or wisdom... That's good, too." You snorted at his come back.

"how are you going to get to the spirit world?" Katara wondered.

"I have an idea" Yue nodded "Follow me," she turned to you with a knowing glance.

Before you knew it you had arrived in the exact middle of the North Pole. Known as the most spiritual place there was around town.

You had to admit it was a beautiful place. You hadn't been in ages and the grass and flowers felt nice.

"You're right Yue- I can feel something" Aang exclaimed and as he did you realized you felt it too. Some kind of deep inner peace.

'If you had told them, Aang could have taught you and you could have found a solution with him' You thought, and guilt came back to you all over again.

"Is he ok?" Yue exclaimed and you brought your stare back to Aang, taking a step back in surprise. His eyes and arrow had gone full white and his expression blank.

"He's crossing into the spirit world" You breathed in admiration.

"Shouldn't we get help?"

"No, he's my friend. I'm perfectly capable of protecting him." Katara smiled

"Well, aren't you a big girl now?" A dark voice started echoing throughout the cave, making every hair on your body stand out.

"No-" Katara looked to where the voice had come from.

"Yes." The voice answered back with some wickedness in it's tone.

This time you were frozen in place as you tried to analyze what was happening.

"Zuko?" You breathed and Yue looked at you with horror in her eyes as she realized who it was. It was Zuko, you were sure of it. You recognized him. The same golden eyes, the same features. He looked almost exactly the same as he did before - apart from the scar. What had happened? It looked like such a nasty burn it was you sick to even think of how he got it and how much it would have hurt.

"Hand him over and I won't have to hurt you." He growled and you were brought to your sense when Katara went into a fighting stance and Princess Yue clung to your arm.

"I'll get you to safety." You scrambled with your words as you grabbed her arm and pulled her away. "Go." you pushed the door open.

"What about you?"

"I need to help Katara." You nodded, before closing the little round door and coming back into the clearing. You winced when you saw Zuko fall flat on his stomach.

"I see you've learned a new trick - But I didn't come this far to lose to you."

"Stop!" Both benders stopped at your word. Katara turned to you with a raised eyebrow, but your stare was focused on Zuko.

Zuko's stare was fixed on yours as well. It was felt like listening to a song you faintly remembered from your childhood, or coming back home after years of being away. You felt so familiar yet a stranger.

And that's when he realized - it was you.

Y/n. The girl he had dreams about. The one he never got out of his head. You were alive.

He thought you were dead.

"Y/n?"

"I'm glad to know you haven't forgotten about me," You couldn't help but smile.

"How could I?" For a second he seemed to soften, almost forgetting that the Avatar was right there - at arms reach. But suddenly his face became stern again. "I thought you were dead. Everyone thinks you are." His eyes were getting glossy, and Katara would swear she saw a tear on the verge of falling.

She looked between the two of you, confusion mixed with horror written all over her face.

"I know." You winced at your own explanation.

"Why didn't you come back? If you're alive." He took a careful step towards you.

"I couldn't" This time you're the one who started walking towards him. "The Northern water tribe took me in. I was too small to understand." You lied. You knew very well why you were here. "It was impossible for me to go back to the fire nation."

'Go back to the fire nation?' Katara thought to herself. Weren't you a water bender? The only way you could possible be from the fire nation and be a water bender was if you- you were the second Avatar.

"Y/n-" This time Zuko couldn't stop the tears from falling, he ran into your arms and wrapped his arms around you, falling into your comfort. You wrapped your arms around him, instantly feeling your eyes water.

You took him in, his warmth, his familiarity. He was like coming home. A home you missed every day. You might hate the fire nation but it was your home. You knew you would probably be on the run from Zuko after today, so this was your last chance to remember every bit of him.

"I'm taking you back home after this." You felt him squeeze you even tighter into the hug. Not matter how much you wanted to stay like this - you knew you couldn't. You had to follow your destiny.

"I can't Zuko." You breathed, tears already falling.

"What do you mean?" He pulled away, his face so stoic you suddenly couldn't recognize him.

"I'm siding with the Avatar." You straightened yourself up as one of his arms fell from around you. It was horrible, you already missed his touch, his smile.

"You're what?" You felt the hand that was still on your shoulder starting to squeeze you.

"I'm taking Aang's side." He looked so surprised he couldn't even speak. "I'm sorry."

There was a short silence that felt like minutes. Your heart pounding in your chest as betrayal was written all over his face. He had just found you, and now he was going to loose you all over again, and to the Avatar.

"Get away from me." He bumped into your shoulder as he headed towards Aang, sending fire into Katara who blocked it with her bending.

She sent you a questioning glance, and you wiped your tears away before getting his attention again. "I won't let you hurt my friends."

"Then what?" He turned around, anger riddled in his voice. You looked straight into his eyes, searching for any sign of goodness in him.

"Agni Kai." You twisted your palm up to make a little flame rise. You knew this was a terrible idea - you hadn’t fire bend in 9 years.

Katara's face lit up with a smile. You were who they were searching for.

Zuko didn't even take the time to answer and pounced to you with a giant ball of fire. You managed to deflect it and send another one towards him.

"I don't want to hurt you." Zuko breathed as he continued to fight with you. "Your stance is weak Y/n/n." The nickname made your stomach butterfly "We both know who's going to win."

You couldn't reply. Instead, you kept defending yourself as best you could, trying your best to at least try and send an attack towards him. But in a short amount of time, you were already tiring and running out of potential attacks, hanging onto the little things you had learned while training as a child.

You sucked at fire bending, and you knew it. Zuko knew it too.

Suddenly Zuko sent such a blow of fire, you could barely deflect it. Instead you threw yourself sideways, accidentally lending in the freezing water.

Zuko send a whoosh of fire, causing a piece of iceberg to melt onto of you, feeling an ache in his heart. This was definitely going to drown you, but deep inside him, he wanted you to survive.

“There’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just say it. Miss Y/L/N has left Hogwarts-“

“What?” Lily asks, completely confused.

Professor Dumbledore leans forward in his seat and sighs.

“There’s something I’ve been keeping from you.” Professor Dumbledore confesses. “Something you all should know…”

“What is it?” James asks nervously.

“What I’m about to tell you is incredibly classified. You cannot share this with anyone.”

“For fucks sake just say it!” Peter says anxiously.

“You all know that Y/N came to Hogwarts as a new student this year. However, she didn’t come to us from a different school…she came to us from a different time.”

Everyone stares at Dumbledore in confusion.

“Sorry?” James asks.

“Miss Y/L/N is from the future.”

Everyone stares at Dumbledore in confusion again before breaking out in laughter.

“The future!” Sirius says, banging his fist on the desk as he laughs. “That’s a good one!”

They stop laughing however, when they see how serious Professor Dumbledore is.

“Wait…” Marlene calls. “You’re serious?”

“There’s no way.” Dorcas interrupts with a shake of her head. “It’s not possible.”

“I assure you, Miss Meadowes, it’s very much possible.” Professor Dumbledore tells her. “Although, I’m sure deep down, you all knew.”

“Maybe not that she was from the future.” he says with a wave of his hand. “But you had to have known that she was a bit…odd. You can’t think of a single instance where she said or did something you thought was unusual?”

ˏ⸉ˋ‿̩͙‿̩̩̥͙̽‿̩͙ ‿̩̥̩‿̩̩̥͙̽‿̩͙ˊ⸊ˎ

“You kind of saved us from getting in trouble yesterday, so we wanted to say thank you and introduce ourselves, seeing as you’re new and might not know that many people yet.” Remus tells you.

“Alright,” you had answered him with a smile, before taking a sip of your water.

“I’m Remus,” he pointed to himself, only to frown in concern when you immediately started choking on your drink.

“And this is Sirius,” he says, choosing to continue.

You sat through the introductions with a tight lipped smile before making up an excuse and running out of the great hall.

“That was weird, right?” Peter asks as they all watch you go.

“Very.” James confirms.

ˏ⸉ˋ‿̩͙‿̩̩̥͙̽‿̩͙ ‿̩̥̩‿̩̩̥͙̽‿̩͙ˊ⸊ˎ

“That was so cool, the way you stood up to Lucius like that.” Lily had praised you before holding her hand out. “I’m Lily. Lily Evans.”

Lily watches in confusion as your eyes widen in shock. You continue to stare at her before eventually shaking her hand with a forced smile.

ˏ⸉ˋ‿̩͙‿̩̩̥͙̽‿̩͙ ‿̩̥̩‿̩̩̥͙̽‿̩͙ˊ⸊ˎ

Lily watches as you continue to mindlessly stare out the window. She’s about to ask why you aren’t taking notes when Professor Bartholomew calls on you. Twice. And she watches, absolutely perplexed as you get both answers right before turning to look out the window again.

“How does she know that?” Lily had leaned over to whisper at James. “Her book isn’t even open.”

ˏ⸉ˋ‿̩͙‿̩̩̥͙̽‿̩͙ ‿̩̥̩‿̩̩̥͙̽‿̩͙ˊ⸊ˎ

“How dare you accuse me of cheating!” Lucius argued with Professor Murdock. “Me! Do you have any idea who I am? My father will hear about this!”

“So that’s where Draco gets it from.” you mumble to yourself, yet Dorcas still hears you.

“Who’s Draco?” she asks you.

“Oh! Um, just some kid I know…” you laugh nervously before changing the subject.

ˏ⸉ˋ‿̩͙‿̩̩̥͙̽‿̩͙ ‿̩̥̩‿̩̩̥͙̽‿̩͙ˊ⸊ˎ

“I’m gonna save us both the awkwardness and get the conversation going. I know.” you had told Remus. “And I just want you to know, I’m not gonna tell anyone. I don’t think any less of you. I’m not scared of you. Um, but yeah. I-I know…”

Remus stood frozen, taking in everything you just told him before eventually nodding his head.

“How…how did you find out?” he asked.

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

ˏ⸉ˋ‿̩͙‿̩̩̥͙̽‿̩͙ ‿̩̥̩‿̩̩̥͙̽‿̩͙ˊ⸊ˎ

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you get mail in all the time you’ve been here.” Marlene comments as she puts away the letter she just received from her mother.

Your eyes widen in fear before you plaster on a nervous smile.

“Yeah, um, my friends and I aren’t really talking right now.”

“Is it because you moved schools?” Remus had asked curiously.

“Um…yeah,” you said, playing with the leftover food on your plate. “You could say that…”

ˏ⸉ˋ‿̩͙‿̩̩̥͙̽‿̩͙ ‿̩̥̩‿̩̩̥͙̽‿̩͙ˊ⸊ˎ

“You should try to make amends with Regulus.” you had called out to Sirius. “I know you think he’s just like your parents but you’re wrong. He’s more like you than you think. He just does a better job at hiding it.”

ˏ⸉ˋ‿̩͙‿̩̩̥͙̽‿̩͙ ‿̩̥̩‿̩̩̥͙̽‿̩͙ˊ⸊ˎ

“I’m glad I met you.”

“I’m glad I met you this year, too.” Remus had said with a chuckle.

“No.” you said with a shake of your head. “We met already.”

“When was this?” Remus asks, not remembering having met you before.

“It hasn’t happened yet.”

ˏ⸉ˋ‿̩͙‿̩̩̥͙̽‿̩͙ ‿̩̥̩‿̩̩̥͙̽‿̩͙ˊ⸊ˎ

Professor Dumbledore nods at the look of realization on their features.

“Professor,” Remus says. “How could she be from the future? I mean…she’s here.”

“Do any of you know what a time turner is?” Professor Dumbledore asks, causing them all to shake their heads.

“As the name would suggest, it’s a device used for time travel. Somehow, Y/N’s time turner broke and went too far back in time.”

“And she ended up here?” James asks. “With us?”

“I’m afraid so,” Professor Dumbledore says with a nod.

“So where is she now?” Lily asks, sadly. “Did she…did she go back home?”

“The time turner is her way home. Why do you think she’s been here for so long? With the time turner broken, she’s stuck here.”

“Then where is she?” James asks, frustrated.

“I received this two hours ago.” Professor Dumbledore says, holding up a folded piece of paper.

James shakily takes the piece of paper before unfolding it and reading it out loud.

Professor,

If I do this, I can save everyone.

“Save everyone?” Lily repeats.

“What does she mean by that?” James asks, handing the note back to Professor Dumbledore. “Save who?”

“Save you.”

“Us?” Remus repeats confused. “Save us from what?”

“When Y/N arrived here, she shared some knowledge about the future with me. Specifically your futures.” Professor Dumbledore tells them grimly.

“After graduating Hogwarts, you all join a secret society, a resistance if you will, in an effort to stop Voldemort and his followers.” Professor Dumbledore tells them before opening a drawer in his desk and pulling out another sheet of paper. “Your fate is as follows...”

“Sirius Black- spends twelve years in Azkaban for a crime he didn’t commit. Is murdered at the age of 36 by a deatheater.”

Everyone gasps at that while Sirius silently shares a scared look with James.

“Lily Evans,” Professor Dumbledore continues. “Murdered at the age of 21 by Voldemort himself.

Lily covers her mouth with her hand in shock, silently shaking her head.

“Dorcas Meadowes, murdered at the age of 21 by Voldemort.”

Dorcas reaches out to Marlene and grasps her hand.

“Marlene McKinnon, murdered at the age of 21 by deatheaters.”

Marlene’s eyes widen as she squeezes Dorcas’ hand.

“James Potter, murdered at the age of 21 by Voldemort.”

Though his heart is racing at the revelation, James can only nod his head.

“Peter Pettigrew, with the imperius curse is forced to help deatheaters, leading to the downfall of at least one of his friends.”

“What?” Peter questions meekly.

“And finally, Remus Lupin. Out of everyone, you’re the only one left.”

“Come again?” Remus asks, looking up in confusion.

“Evidently, that didn’t sit well with Miss Y/L/N, and she has decided to take matters into her own hands.”

“What is she gonna do?” Lily asks, nervously.

“I don’t know.” Professor Dumbledore says honestly. “But one can only assume it’s dangerous.”

He looks at the clock on his wall and sighs.

“It’s getting late; you should get to bed. But rest assured we will do everything we can to find Y/N before she gets hurt, or worse.”

Everyone shares a wide-eyed look at that.

“However, if she does reach out to you, I need you to tell me immediately.”

They all nod their heads before making their way out of his office and down the stairs.

“You alright James?” Sirius asks, looking at his friend as they all make their way to the common room.

“Am I alright?” James asks with a chuckle. “I just found out the girl I’m in love with is from the future and has most likely walked right into her death to try to save all of us! Of course I’m not alright! What kind of question is that?” James says before storming off with a huff.

Sirius starts to go after him but is held back by Remus.

“Just…leave him alone for a bit.” Remus suggests.

“No!” Sirius argues, shrugging Remus’ hand off of him. “We were all friends with Y/N! We all loved her! Why does he get to act like that?”

“Now is not the time to be fighting with each other!” Marlene shouts.

“Tell that to him!” Sirius yells back.

“You know just as well as we do that their relationship was different.” Lily says softly.

Sirius rolls his eyes before eventually nodding his head.

“I know this is a lot for everyone to take in,” Lily says, addressing the rest of the group. “But Marlene is right. Now is not the time to be fighting. Let’s all try to get some rest, we’ll talk about it in the morning, yeah?”

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

May 27, 1977

“Hey,” James greets as he joins his friends for breakfast. “Anything?”

“No,” Remus says, scanning his copy of the Daily Prophet. “No mention of Y/N anywhere.”

“Did you talk to Dumbledore?” Lily asks, pouring some milk into her tea.

“Yeah,” James says with an annoyed eye roll. “Still doesn’t have any news.”

“It’s been two weeks!” Sirius says in exasperation. “I mean honestly, is he even looking for her?”

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

June 30, 1977

James takes a seat on your bed and sighs. The amount of time he spends in your dorm is ridiculous, yet he can’t help himself. He just misses you too much.

The first week you were gone, he slept in your bed every night. Now, he comes in just to look at all your things. At least then he’s able to pretend that you’re still here.

Your books are still stacked on your desk, your clothes are still in the wardrobe, your nightstand still has a few hair pins and a pair of earrings resting on top.

James looks up when he hears the door open, only for his hope to vanish when he sees Lily sheepishly standing there.

“Sorry,” she apologizes with a weak grin, holding one up of your shirts. “Was just coming to put this back and grab another. Is that weird?”

“No.” James says with a laugh as he holds up one of your jumpers with a sad smile. “Came to spray some of her perfume on it. I’m gonna bring it home with me.”

Lily’s shoulders drop in relief knowing that she and James are in the same boat.

“I still can’t believe she’s gone.” Lily says, taking a seat next to James on your bed. “She was always the last one down for breakfast. I keep thinking she’ll walk in and then she doesn’t and-“

“Hey,” James calls, putting a hand on her shoulder. “It’s okay. She’s gonna be okay.”

“How do you know that?” Lily asks, wiping her eyes.

“She’s a brilliant witch,” James says with a nod. “She’ll be careful. I know she will. Besides, I check the newspaper every day. I haven’t seen any mention of her. So I know she’s still alive. She’s out there, somewhere.”

“What should we do with all her things?” Lily asks, taking in your dorm. “It’s the last day.”

“I already talked to Minnie,” James tells her. “She promised to leave her room alone.”

“Oh, that was nice of her. So now if she comes back-“

“When she comes back,” James corrects. “It’ll be just how she left it.”

“Minus a jumper and shirt.” Lily says with a laugh, holding up the shirt of yours that she was taking.

“And a little less perfume than she remembers.” James says, spraying some of your perfume on the articles of clothing.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

July 8, 1977

James knocks on the door and tries not to get his hopes up as he waits.

“Can I help you?” a teenage girl asks when she opens the door.

“Hi! I’m James, I’m a friend of Y/N’s.” James says with a smile. “Is she here by any chance?”

“No,” she says with a shake of her head. “She had let us know back in May that she wouldn’t be here for summer.”

“Did she happen to tell you where she was going?”

“No.”

“Have you heard from her?”

“No.”

James curses before digging out a pen and scrap of paper from his pocket.

“This is my number.” He says, scribbling it down quickly before handing it to her. “Can you just give me a call if you hear from her?”

The girl takes the piece of paper with furrowed brows before eventually nodding her head.

“Okay..?” she says before closing the door in his face.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

September 6, 1977

“Second day of our last year is done!” Sirius cheers, “How’s everyone feeling?”

“Fine.” Marlene sighs, sadly.

“You don’t…sound fine.” Sirius says, looking at her in concern.

“It’s just…I kinda hoped she would come back today.” Marlene admits. “Remember last year? It was the second day of school when she walked into our lives…”

“Yeah,” Lily says with a sad smile. “Remember when she wouldn’t move from Malfoy’s seat?”

“Oh! What about when she flipped him off?” Sirius adds with a laugh.

“Or when James covered him in molasses and then she covered him in feathers?” Remus asks with a smile.

“I miss her.” Dorcas sighs.

“Yeah,” everyone murmurs in agreement.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

October 7, 1977

“They aren’t releasing any information about the break in.” Sirius says as they make their way back to the common room. “But apparently they stole something from one of the vaults and ended up escaping on the back of a dragon! Tell me that isn’t the sickest thing you’ve heard!”

“Psst!”

“Did you hear that?” Remus asks, stopping in the middle of the hallway.

“Psst! Over here!” Someone whispers.

James looks around and spots Regulus hiding behind a pillar. He taps Sirius on the shoulder and then nods his head to the side. When Sirius sees his brother standing there, he frowns in confusion.

“You guys go ahead.” he tells his friends. “I’ll catch up with you in a bit.”

“Regulus, are you okay?” Sirius asks, following him down an empty corridor.

“They know.” Regulus says, turning around to face him.

“Who knows?” Sirius asks, confused. “Know what?”

“The break in at Gringotts, they know it was your friend.” Regulus says, causing Sirius’ eyes to widen.

That was you?

“They know she’s coming for the Dark Lord.” Regulus continues, looking around anxiously. “You have to warn her.”

“I-I can’t.” Sirius says weakly. “We haven’t spoken to her since she left. She hasn’t reached out to us.”

Regulus curses under his breath before nodding his head.

“I’ll go home this weekend and see what they know. If they know where she is, maybe I can warn her before they get to her.” he says, mostly to himself before turning around and starting to walk away.

It’s at that moment that Sirius is reminded of the conversation he had with you months ago.

I know you think he’s like your parents but you’re wrong. He’s more like you than you think. He just does a better job at hiding it.

“Regulus, wait!” Sirius calls out to him. “I-I’m sorry I left you there with them. I should’ve brought you with me when I left.”

“At least you got out.” Regulus says, back still turned towards Sirius.

“Uncle Alphard left me a decent amount of gold in his passing.” Sirius tells him. “I bought a flat.”

“That’s great, Sirius.”

“It’s getting fixed up right now.” Sirius continues, nervously. “But once it’s done, I was wondering if you’d want to live with me?”

“Really?” Regulus asks, finally turning around to face him.

“Yeah,” Sirius says with a nod. “I plan on moving in during Christmas break. You’re more than welcome to come with me. There’s more than enough space.”

Regulus thinks it over for a bit before eventually nodding.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Sirius asks before nodding his head with a smile. “Okay! Great!”

“I’ll see what I can find out about your friend.”

And with that, Regulus is gone.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

October 29, 1977

For the past three days, all anyone has been talking about was Voldemort’s death and what it means for the wizarding world.

“I just don’t get it,” Marlene says with a sigh. “She should’ve come back.”

“Right?” Dorcas says, turning to face her. “Like, Voldemort is dead. What else is there to do? Nothing. So why isn’t she here?”

“Guys-“

“What if she’s hurt?” Marlene asks.

“Guys-“

“What if she’s dead?” Dorcas asks with a gasp.

“Guys!” James shouts, finally getting their attention. “Can you have a little patience? And maybe some trust in your friend?”

James rolls his eyes before storming off and Marlene and Dorcas share a grimace.

“Don’t take it personally,” Remus tells them with a shake of his head as he reads his book. “He’s just scared. He hasn’t been right since she left.”

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

November 12, 1977

“Where the hell are you, Y/N?” JJ sighs, checking his watch again as he waits by the wooden bridge.

Using the floo network, you were able to have a fire-call with JJ, which scared the life out of him when your head appeared in his common room fireplace. But you told him you were coming back to Hogwarts. You told him to meet you at the bridge, so where are you?

“JJ!”

JJ looks up at the sound of your voice and sees you running across the wooden bridge. Breathing a sigh of relief, JJ takes off running as well, meeting you in the middle. Once he reaches you, he wraps his arms around you and lifts you off the ground, spinning you around as you squeal.

“You fucking did it!” he yells when he sets you back down.

“I did it!” you yell back, running a hand through your hair.

“I knew you would.” JJ tells you, as you both take a seat on the ground.

“I didn’t.” you admit with a shake of your head. “It was so fucking hard.”

You sit with JJ for over an hour, telling him all about you hunting down the other horcruxes, riding the dragon out of Gringotts, and your battle with Voldemort.

“Well, guess it’s time to talk to Dumbledore now,” you groan as you stand back up.

“You sure you don’t wanna see Madam Pomfrey first?” JJ asks, watching as you gingerly hold your left side.

“I’m fine,” you wave him off with a sigh. “It’s just my ribs. But I got checked out at St. Mungo’s. I’m fine.”

“Well let me at least walk you.” JJ says, falling into step beside you as you make your way into the castle for the first time in months.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

“And then she-“ Sirius cuts himself off when he sees the quidditch goal post as they make their way back from Hogsmeade. “Oh! Right! I forgot to tell you. Ryan from Hufflepuff wanted to talk to you about switching practice times.”

“Sure,” James says with a shrug as he pulls out the marauder’s map. “Let’s see where he is. I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.”

James scans the parchment only to stop dead in his tracks when something catches his attention.

“You alright, Prongs?” Sirius asks, casting a quick glance at his friend.

James stares at the parchment for another moment before dropping it completely and taking off running.

“James!” Remus calls after him. “Where are you going?”

“What did he see that has his knickers in a twist?” Sirius asks, picking up the map himself and scanning it before his eyes widen. “Holy shit!”

“What?” Marlene asks, as her, Lily, and Dorcas join the group.

“Holy shit!” Sirius repeats. “Y/N’s back!”

“What?”

“That’s not funny.”

“Look!” he says, shoving the map in everyone’s face.

Everyone looks at each other for a moment before taking off running after James.

You walk out onto the courtyard and sigh as you look around. It feels weird being back here after what you’ve been through, but it also feels right.

“Y/N!” A feminine voice calls; you look up to see Sarah smiling at you. “You’re back! Is your family okay?”

That must be what Dumbledore said to excuse your sudden withdrawal from school.

“Yeah, they’re all good.” you say with a smile.

“Your friends must be excited.” She says, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.

Your smile drops at that. Right. Your friends. The ones you lied to and kept secrets from. The ones who, thanks to Dumbledore, know that you’ve lied to them and kept secrets. Goodness, what must they think of you?

“They actually don’t know I’m back yet.” you say, giving her a timid grin.

“Y/N!!”

You and Sarah both turn around only to see James running towards you, everyone else not far behind.

“Looks like they know now.” Sarah says with a laugh before skipping away.

“I’m sorry,” you start apologizing when James gets close enough to hear you. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

The second James reaches you, he pulls you into a bone crushing hug. He pulls away after a moment, looking you over, checking for any injuries.

“Are you okay?” he asks, looking into your eyes for the first time in months. “Are you hurt?”

When you shake your head, he pulls you back into his chest, and you cautiously wrap your arms around him as your eyes start to water. Everyone else joins you then, turning it into a group hug.

“What’s wrong?” James asks when he hears you sniffe. “Why are you crying?”

“I’m so sorry,” you cry. “I wanted to tell you guys, I swear.”

“Shh,” James shushes you softly. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not.” you sniffle, shaking your head.

“You didn’t have a choice.” Remus reminds you.

“You hate me.” you whimper.

“We don’t.” Marlene assures you.

“You should.” you pout weakly, causing most of them to chuckle.

“You could never do anything that would make us hate you.” James assures you, causing you to smile.

“Guys,” you call, voice muffled as your face is still pressed against James’ chest. “This is really nice, but it’s getting hard to breathe.”

“Oh.” “Shit.” “Sorry.” Everyone mutters before begrudgingly letting you go.

You take a deep, much needed breath and give everyone a tired smile as you fix your hair.

“Ummm, so I guess I owe you guys an explanation.” you say sheepishly. “I know Dumbledore told you something, but I have a feeling he left a bunch of things out.”

Everyone nods at that and you all start to make your way to your dorm. Lily rushes to your side and wraps her arms around you in a side hug. You grunt in pain from the force of it, subconsciously holding your left side.

“Lily?” you call.

“Yeah?”

“What the fuck are you doing?” you ask, catching the attention of a few of your friends who were already walking ahead of you.

“I’m not letting you go.” she says, tightening her hold on you.

“Lils, we can’t walk like this.” you tell her with a laugh. “We’re gonna fall.”

“No we’re not.” Lily tries to say, only to end up stepping on your foot.”

“Ow! Lily!” you whine, only to shriek when she puts her foot in front of yours, almost tripping you. You look up with a huff and see everyone looking at you with a soft smile.

“What?” you ask, looking around wide eyed.

“Nothing,” Remus says with a shake of his head. “It’s just nice to have you back.”

You duck your head with a bashful smile and turn your attention back to Lily.

“How about we just hold hands instead?” you ask, offering your hand to her.

Lily pouts but grasps your hand with a nod.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

“So I guess I should just start from the beginning.” you say before you frown in confusion. “Although technically, I guess one could argue that this is the beginning…”

“Alright, fuck it.” you decided with a shake of your head. “I’m just gonna start talking and hopefully you keep up. So I was born on Y/B/D in 1980.”

You spend the next two hours telling your friends everything. You told them all about why you had the time turner in the first place and how you ended up in the seventies. You told them about the first wizarding war and them joining the Order of the Phoenix after graduating Hogwarts. You fought back tears as you told them that Dumbledore forbade you from telling them anything and how torn up you were over it.

You told them how JJ accidentally found out you were from the future and how he was the one to actually suggest hunting down the horcruxes here. You told them all about riding the dragon out of Gringotts and how terrified you were when it came to facing Voldemort.

It was a bit confusing at first, since you kept jumping back and forth between now and the future but you made sure to answer any questions they had. You at least owed them that much.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Remus asks, with a frown. “When you decided to hunt down the Horcruxes, I mean. We could’ve helped you.”

“That’s exactly why I couldn’t tell you, Remus!” you stress. “This was a suicide mission. Bringing you along kinda defeats the purpose of saving everyone’s life.”

“But do you have any idea how reckless this was? Not to mention dangerous and incredibly stupid! Anything could have happened to you, Y/N! And we would have been none the wiser and-what?” Remus asks when he sees you beaming at him.

You shake your head, bringing a hand up to cover your mouth.

“No, seriously, what?” Remus repeats.

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to laugh.” you assure him. “It’s just- we had a conversation just like this a year ago. Well, a year ago to me, twenty years from now for you.”

“Wait,” Marlene calls. “You know Remus? In the future?”

“Oh yeah!” you say with an excited nod of your head. “Remus and I go way back! Or should I say Professor?”

“Professor?” Sirius snorts in amusement.

“We actually met in my third year, Remus!” you tell him with an excited smile. ”You were our new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor.”

“Really?” Remus asks, turning to you. “You know, Defense Against the Dark Arts is actually-“

“Your favorite subject.” you finish with a nod. “Yeah, I know. You told us all the time.”

“Good to know you’re still a nerd in the future.” Sirius snorts, causing Remus to roll his eyes.

“Don’t listen to him, Remus.” you console him. “We loved you. We thought you were the best professor we’ve ever had and told you as much all the time.”

“Wait,” Sirius says, sitting up in his seat. “Really?”

“Yeah! We were devastated when he told us he was resigning after a year.”

“I only lasted a year?” Remus frowns.

“Yeah,” you say with a sad nod. “But don’t feel bad! None of our Dark Arts professors last more than a year. It’s kind of an ongoing joke at this point.”

“What does he look like in the future?” Dorcas asks curiously.

“Pretty hot, to be honest.” you admit, causing everyone to laugh. “What? It’s true! Sirius grows up to be pretty good looking too.”

Sirius smiles smugly at that and Lily rolls her eyes at him.

“Oh my god, you guys have no idea how nice it feels to finally be able to tell you everything,” you say with a relieved sigh. “I was literally going crazy. I hated keeping secrets from you.”

“So what’s next?” Lily asks, looking up at you.

“What do you mean?” you ask, with a tilt of your head.

“Voldemort’s dead, right? And all the death eaters are getting arrested?”

You nod your head.

“So what happens now?”

“Oh! Um, I don’t know.” you tell her honestly with a shrug of your shoulders. “I guess I just wait for the time turner to be fixed and then-“

“And then you’ll leave?” she asks sadly.

“Lily-“

“No! That’s not fair!” Lily cries. “After everything, you’re still leaving?”

“I have to.” you try to reason with her. But Lily, stubborn as ever, refuses to listen.

“But why?”

“I don’t belong here!” you tell her, throwing your hands up in exasperation.

“How could you possibly think you don’t belong here with us?” Lily asks with a sniffle. “You’ve been a part of this group since day one.”

“You know that’s not what I meant.” you sigh. “Look, me ending up in the seventies was a mistake. I love you guys more than anything, and I have had the best time here with you. But there’s no way I’d be allowed to stay here. I mean, at the end of the day, I’m from a completely different time.”

“But if you could-“

“Of course I would stay.” you tell her with a nod.

“That actually makes me feel worse.” Lily cries, causing you to laugh.

“Guys, come on, it’s not like we’ll never see each other again.” Marlene pipes up. “In 1996, we’ll all be thirty six and Y/N will-“

“Still be sixteen,” you say with a laugh.

“We’d just have to wait a few years but we could still all hang out.”

“I don’t know.” Peter muses. “Wouldn’t it be kinda weird hanging out with a kid?”

“Hey,” you pout at him.

“Yeah,” Sirius nods. “Sounds kinda lame.”

“Hey!” you repeat, “You loved hanging out with me in the future!”

“So we can all hang out together, right?” Dorcas asks again. “I mean, you ended up befriending Remus and Sirius in the future. You can befriend all of us too!”

“Well I can but what’s the point?” you ask. “You guys wouldn’t remember me.”

“What?” James asks, breathlessly. “What do you mean we wouldn’t remember you?”

Your eyes widen and you look at everyone with a guilty smile.

“Well yeah. I’m the only one with the time turner. The second I get sent back to my time, it would be like I never existed here. The only reason I ended up befriending Remus and Sirius in the future is because Remus was my professor and Sirius escaped Azkaban and decided to hide out in Hogwarts.”

Everyone frowns at that and you hate yourself for ruining the mood.

“I mean I guess technically I could use the memory extraction spell and show you guys my memories…” you murmur, mostly to yourself.

“Yeah! Do that!” Dorcas asks, causing you to shake your head.

“What? No way! That would be weird!” you deny. “You guys would all probably be married and have kids! You want me to just knock on your door and tell you guys we used to be friends before I was sent back to the future?”

“Yes.” everyone says with a nod causing you to laugh.

“You know what? We don’t have to worry about this now.” you say with a shake of your head. “I mean, I’ve been here this long. Who knows how long it’ll take the ministry to fix it! The reason it’s taking so long to begin with is because they haven’t even created the time turner yet.”

“So we still have time?” Marlene asks, looking at you with hopeful eyes.

“Yeah,” you tell her with a nod. “I’ve been here for over a year already. I don’t think I’m going anywhere anytime soon.”

“So in that case, dinner?” Peter asks, just as his stomach rumbles loudly, causing everyone to laugh.

“You guys go ahead” you tell your friends as they start to make their way towards the door. “I’m actually really tired. I think I’m just gonna take a shower and go to bed.”

“Are you sure?” Lily asks, looking at you worriedly.

“Yeah,” you nod as you make your way towards the bathroom. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow at breakfast.”

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

You must have spent a whole hour in the shower, letting the hot water soothe your aches and pains. When you finally walk out of the bathroom, you’re shocked to see that you aren’t alone.

“James!” you gasp, causing him to look up at you. “I’m so sorry! If I had known you were waiting for me I wouldn’t have taken so long. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah! Yeah, I’m sorry to barge in here like this.” James apologizes. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“Oh.” you say, furrowing your brows as you dry your hair. “Yeah, I’m okay.”

James nods his head but then turns his gaze to his hands.

“James,” you call, head tilting to one side as you walk towards him. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” he nods again. Though the fact that he’s avoiding your gaze makes you think otherwise.

“James.”

James looks up and your heart all but breaks when you see the tears he’s holding back.

“I just- I needed to make sure you’re okay.” he repeats, hands shaking slightly.

“Hey,” you call softly. “I’m okay.”

“I was so fucking scared.” James admits, sniffling as he looks at you. You immediately wrap your arms around him, pulling him into a hug.

“I’m so sorry,” you say with a shake of your head as James wraps his arms around your waist. “I had to do this. I-I couldn’t lose you guys. As much as I wanted to send a letter to let you know I was safe, I couldn’t risk it. I’m so sorry I worried you.”

“Do you wanna stay here with me tonight?” you ask when you finally pull away.

James can’t even find it in himself to be embarrassed, he nods his head immediately and you smile at him as you both make your way towards your bed. James pulls back the covers and gets in bed with a sigh. You groan as you lay down, taking a deep breath to ground yourself before rolling over so that you’re facing James.

“Are you alright?” he asks, pulling you into his arms.

“Yeah,” you nod as you rest your head on his chest. “Just fucked up my ribs.”

James starts running his hand up and down your side soothingly, massaging it gently but not putting too much pressure, scared of hurting you. You sigh in appreciation and nuzzle your face into his chest, taking a deep breath as you feel yourself slipping away.

“You have no idea how much I missed you.” you tell him sleepily, words coming out slurred.

“I missed you too.” James sighs.

He waits until your breathing has evened out to say the words that have been on his mind ever since he found out you were from the future.

“I love you, Y/N. Please don’t leave me.”

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

November 27, 1977

It’s amazing to James how quickly everything went back to normal. Just like that, it was like you never left. You were still the last one down for breakfast, and you still passed all your classes without having to do any studying, much to everyone else’s annoyance.

You still played pranks with the marauders and had slumber parties with the girls. You still picked fights with Lucius and forced James to dance at parties and scrunched your nose in distaste whenever someone ordered a butterbeer. You were still the girl he fell in love with. And that scared him more than anything, because he knew that one day you’d have to leave him.

You had said that the second you’re sent back to your time, it’d be like you never existed here. You said they’d forget you instantly. James doesn’t know anything about time travel, but he knows that he loves you. He feels it, deep down in his soul. And he knows that his feelings for you wouldn’t just disappear. There’s no way, not when he feels this strongly about you.

But what can he do? Ask you to take him with you when you go back home? Maybe he can wait for you. Marlene said they’d all be thirty six. That’s not too big of an age difference, is it? Would you mind? Would you think James is too old? Would you…would you not want him anymore? He’s pulled out of his thoughts when Sirius hits him.

“What?” James asks, realizing that Sirius, Remus, and Peter are all staring at him.

“I asked where Y/N was.” Sirius repeats slowly.

“Oh!” James says with a nod. “I don’t know. She just said she was gonna hang out with JJ for a bit.”

“What?” Sirius groans. “Why would she choose to hang out with blondie when we’re right here?”

“Just let them hang out, we’ll see her later.” James says.

“I think it’s great that you don’t get jealous anymore.” Peter pipes up. “Really shows that you’re growing up.”

“No, it doesn’t.” Remus scoffs. “He just finally realized what she’s been saying this whole time, that they’re just friends.”

“Thank you, Moony.” James says with a sarcastic smile.

“Hey, isn’t that JJ over there?” Peter asks, seeing JJ crossing the courtyard alone.

“JJ!” James calls out.

JJ looks up, frowning in confusion when James waves him over.

“What’s up?” JJ nods confused when he reaches them.

“Where’s Y/N?” James asks.

“Why are you asking me?” JJ asks back. “She’s your girlfriend.”

Sirius, Remus and Peter all snicker at the comment. James, on the other hand, laughs quite forcefully.

“She’s actually not my friend.” he says before his smile drops, asking seriously. “Why? Did she say something?”

“I thought she was hanging out with you.” Remus interrupts as he shoves James lightly.

“She was.” JJ confirms with a nod. “Then McGonagall came and whisked her away. I assumed it had something to do with you lot.”

“We haven’t done anything.” Peter says, before turning to his friends. “Have we?”

JJ shrugs and walks away, leaving them to talk amongst themselves.

Hours later, they’re on their way to the great hall for lunch when they see Professor McGonagall herself.

“Oh, Minnie!” Sirius calls, much to her annoyance. “What have you done with our girl?”

“I beg your pardon?” Professor McGonagall asks, staring down the four young men standing in front of her.

“Y/N.” Sirius clarifies. “We haven’t seen her in hours. Is she in trouble for something?”

“Mister Black.” Professor McGonagall sighs.

“Because we haven’t done anything recently,” he continues. “Whatever you think happened, I can assure you you’re mistaken.”

“Mister Black.” Professor McGonagall repeats. “She’s not here.”

“What?” Sirius asks, smile slowly disappearing. “What do you mean she’s not here? Where did she go?”

“Professor Dumbledore took her to the ministry of magic. I don’t know what for, but I can only assume…” she trails off, choosing not to finish her sentence when she sees the sad look of realization crossing their features.

“I‘m sorry,” she tells them genuinely. “I thought you knew…”

With that, she turns and walks away, leaving the four boys standing in the middle of the hallway.

“Fuck!” James exclaims, punching the wall in anger.

“Prongs.” Remus calls, taking a step towards him.

“Don’t.” James tells him, putting a hand up to keep him from getting closer. James wipes his nose and brushes past him.

“You’ve made a lot of progress,” JJ comments as he watches you eat.

“Still haven’t found the diadem,” you tell him, bitterly.

“Hey,” JJ calls, putting a reassuring hand on your shoulder. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re doing great.”

“Am I?” you ask, dropping the piece of bacon back onto the plate. “We’ve been in here for weeks with nothing to show for it! If I can’t find the fucking horcrux in here, how do we know I’ll be able to find the others?”

“Y/N, stop,” JJ scolds, “Now is not the time to give up. You found one, you can find the others.”

You nod your head in acknowledgment before turning to start digging through another box.

“I’m sorry,” JJ says remorsefully. “This is all my fault.”

“What?” you ask, turning around to look at him, confusion evident on your features. “No it isn’t.”

“It is,” JJ continues. “I was always provoking him.”

“JJ, stop. You didn’t do anything wrong.” you assure him with a shake of your head. “This was bound to happen. I kept secrets from him, from all of them, and lied to them the whole time I’ve been here. It was only a matter of time before it caught up to me.”

“Yeah, but I-“

“This is on me,” you tell him firmly.

“So how bad was it?” he asks, referring to your talk with James.

“It wasn’t too bad. He just said the truth, that I refuse to let him in.” You shrug, as you start picking at your nail polish. “And then he-“

“He what?”

“He basically called me a whore,” you sniffle as you look up at him.

“What the fuck?!” JJ exclaims. “Why would he say that? Why would he think that?”

“Why do you think?” you ask, giving him a pointed look.

“Not that that matters.” you stress desperately, not wanting JJ to think it’s his fault. “But I mean, I’m doing all this for him! How could he possibly think-“ you ramble before sighing dejectedly and shaking your head.

“I can’t even bring myself to be mad at him,” you confess. “I know he didn’t mean it. He doesn’t think things through when he’s upset. And I gave him plenty of things to be upset about. I know he didn’t mean it. But that doesn’t make it hurt any less.”

“Y/N,” JJ sighs sadly, opening his arms. “Gimme a hug.” he says, because he doesn’t know how else to make you feel better.

“I’m okay,” you tell him, giving him a smile even though your vision is blurring from the tears you’re holding back.

“I know you are,” he assures you with a nod. “But give me a hug anyway.”

Chin quivering, you wrap your arms around JJ, burying your face into his chest as the tears begin to fall. JJ just holds you tighter, rubbing your back soothingly.

“I thought feelings freaked you out,” you murmur, words coming out muffled as your face is still pressed into his chest.

“Oh. they do,” JJ confirms with a nod. “But you’re my friend so I can suck it up for a bit. I’ll just go jump in the Black Lake afterwards.”

“Wanker,” you say with a laugh, pulling away to wipe at your eyes.

“Oi. This wanker brought you chocolate chip waffles and they’re getting cold.” JJ argues.

“So you better get to eating. I’m not letting them go to waste and you’re gonna be no use if you’re hungry.” he says, pushing you towards the plate of food as he starts sifting through things on a desk.

“Now, remind me what a diadem looks like?” he calls over his shoulder. “I’ve been looking through so much junk I forgot what I’m supposed to be looking for.”

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

April 11, 1977

“Leave him alone, Pads,” Remus sighs, taking a sip of his tea.

“I just want to know what happened!” Sirius stresses, looking at his friends. “Am I really the only one?”

“We got into a fight!” James yells before holding his head in his hands.

“You’ve already said that!” Sirius shouts back before lowering his voice. “And that’s the only thing you’ve said about it.”

“I-I fucked up guys.” James admits, looking at his friends. “I got mad that she wasn’t spending as much time with us anymore. And jealous that she seemed closer to JJ and I…I said a lot of horrible things to her. Things that I didn’t mean but…it doesn’t matter now. It’s over. The damage is done.”

“Hey, don’t talk like that,” Peter tries to console, reaching over to pat James on the back. “It’s just a bump in the road. You guys will be okay.”

“How could you possibly know that?” James asks.

“Well, because it’s you guys!” Peter says with an easy smile.

James gives him a smile in return, only to have it drop when you walk into the Great Hall for breakfast. James watches as you run a hand through your hair, giving your curls a little bit more volume before you start walking. He watches as you walk right past them, without so much as a glance in their direction, before coming to a stop next to JJ at the Ravenclaw table.

Watching you walk right by them, James is reminded of that first day he saw you. You were standing in front of the Great Hall, eyes widening when you saw that everyone was staring at you. He remembers watching you walk past them casually before taking a seat by yourself. He remembers when they went to introduce themselves to you, and you told him he had cute glasses. He still smiles when he thinks about it. But now, watching you take a seat next to JJ, James can’t help but frown. That first day in the great hall was the start of something beautiful. And this? This feels like the end.

“You’re such a fucking idiot,” Lily says with a roll of her eyes as she takes a sip of her juice. Marlene gives her a wide eyed look and Lily waves her off. “I mean honestly, you get jealous that she’s hanging out with a guy that isn’t you, and your brilliant idea is to make her hate not only you, but all of us as well?”

“Lily-“ Dorcas calls softly.

“Like, what the fuck, Potter?” Lily continues. “Look at her, sitting all the way over there. She doesn’t want anything to do with us anymore!”

“Someone should go-“ Sirius starts only to get cut off by Remus.

“Alright, fine!” Remus sighs, standing up. “I’ll go talk to her.”

“What?” James asks, looking at him with wide, fearful eyes. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

But it’s too late. Remus is already approaching you.

“Uh-Oh. Jerk alert.” JJ whispers at you before taking a sip of his hot chocolate.

You look up only to see Remus standing in front of you with a kind smile. You can’t help but smile back at him, nudging JJ as you do. JJ merely shrugs his shoulders before taking another bite of his pancakes.

“Remus,” you greet, sitting up a bit straighter. “Hi.”

“Hi, love.” he greets back, happy that you’re not blowing him off. “You’re not sitting with us?”

Your smile drops at the question. You glance at your friends over at the Gryffindor table, averting your eyes when you see James sadly picking at his food.

“No, not today,” you tell him with a shake of your head.

Remus nods his head before taking a seat across from you.

“James told us you guys got in a fight,” he tells you. “Is there anything we can do to help?”

You shake your head, tucking a lock of hair behind your ear.

“Are you sure?” Remus continues. “Because Lily’s waiting on you to give the signal. She said she won’t even use magic. She’ll beat him to a pulp with her own hands.”

You can’t help but laugh at that. That definitely sounds like Lily. But still, you shake your head.

“No, leave him alone. I’m sure he’s already beating himself up as it is.”

Remus pouts as he looks at you.

“But what about you?” he asks softly, eyes filled with concern. You give Remus a watery smile and he feels a literal pain in his chest.

“I’ll be okay.” you tell him. “I just…I just need some space right now.”

Remus nods his head before standing from the table.

“Well, I can respect that.” he says before turning his attention to JJ. “Take care of her for me, yeah?”

JJ simply holds his drink up in acknowledgment before taking another sip. Remus gives you one last smile before turning around and making his way back to his seat.

“What did she say?” Sirius asks the second he’s within ear shot.

“The same thing that James said,” he tells them, getting back to his food. “Just that they got in a fight.”

“She didn’t say what about?” Sirius presses.

“It’s not our business.” Marlene scolds.

“But what did she say about me?” Lily asks as she glares at James.

James can’t help but gulp nervously. This is it, he thinks to himself. This is how I die.

“She said to leave him alone.” Remus says with a mouth full of food.

“Oh, bullshit!” Lily says, turning in her seat to look at you.

As if feeling her gaze on you, you look up. Once you lock eyes with her, you give her a pointed look and Lily’s shoulders slump in defeat. She gives you a sad nod before turning back to face James.

“You don’t deserve her.” Lily tells James. “I hope you know that.”

James couldn’t agree more. After he confronted you like that, after he said all those horrible things to you, why are you still protecting him? You should let Lily beat this shit out of him. Hell, you should beat the shit out of him yourself.

“Yeah,” James says, “I know.”

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

“Good morning, students!” Professor Bartholomew calls as he walks into the classroom. “I hope you all had a chance to look over your notes during the weekend because today we’re gonna make Draught of Living Death! Everyone go ahead and partner up while I take attendance.”

When you turn around to face the class, almost everyone is paired up. There are only four people left: You, James, Sarah, and Mulciber.

You don’t want to work with James, obviously. But, you also don’t want to force him to work with Mulciber, which is what would happen if you were to sit with Sarah. Speaking of which, Sarah looks absolutely terrified at the thought of having to work with Mulciber.

When you catch her eye, you nod your head in the direction of James. Sarah furrows her brows in confusion, not realizing what you’re saying. Sighing, you nod your head again, mouthing the word “Go” at her. She gives you a grateful smile before picking up her things and moving to sit next to James.

James looks up with a hopeful smile, only for it to drop when he sees Sarah taking a seat beside him.

“Sorry,” she says, giving him a timid grin. “Y/N told me to come sit here.”

James nods his head at her before his eyes widen. If you told Sarah to sit with him, then that means…

James turns his head to look at you, and he watches as you make your way towards Mulciber’s desk. When Mulciber sees you walking towards him, he grins devilishly at you.

“Am I dreaming or is that you, Y/N?”

You roll your eyes as you drop your things on the table.

“Yeah it’s me. Don’t cream your pants.” you tell him, to which he just laughs.

“Hey, don’t get me wrong. It’s an honor.” he says, turning in his seat to look at you. “I thought for sure you would’ve chosen to work with your boyfriend.”

You turn your gaze to James and see that he’s already watching you. When he notices you staring, he raises his hand weakly and gives you a small smile. You simply nod your head before looking away.

“He’s not my boyfriend.” you say instead.

“Uh-Oh, trouble in paradise?” Mulciber asks in faux concern.

“Don’t test me.” you warn Mulciber, glaring at him.

“You’ll get no trouble from me,” he says, holding his hands up in surrender. “I just wanted to know if I had a chance.”

You roll your eyes and shake your head at him before standing up.

“I’m going to get the ingredients. Will you please grab a cauldron?”

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

April 30, 1977

It’s been two weeks since the fight and James is falling apart at the seams. You’ve started talking to everyone else again, which is great! But you’re still not talking to James. Yet as much as he misses you, he hasn’t bothered trying to reconcile things between you two, too scared that you want nothing to do with him.

If you do decide that you don’t want anything to do with James anymore, he would understand. He would respect your wishes, no matter how much it would hurt. And that’s exactly why he hasn’t tried to talk to you. Because if James doesn’t talk to you, you can’t tell him to fuck off.

But just because he isn’t talking to you, doesn’t mean he’s stopped caring. Not in the slightest. He still doesn’t know what you’re looking for in the room of requirement, but he knows JJ is helping you. He always catches up with him, handing him a plate of food to make sure you’re eating.

JJ always takes it wordlessly, with an eye roll before walking away. Sometimes James will ask him if you’re doing okay, other times he’ll simply thank JJ for looking after you. JJ never speaks a word to him, which doesn’t surprise James at all. He’s pretty sure JJ hates him, which is completely fair.

James has also made himself scarce on several occasions so that you’re able to hang out with everyone without feeling awkward or pressured to talk to him. He knows it isn’t much, not by a long shot, but it’s the only thing he can think to do.

Sitting under a tree in the courtyard, James sighs. Why did he visit you during Christmas break? That kiss ruined him. At least before, he was able to lie to himself and pretend he didn’t feel anything. But everything changed when you kissed him. Because it took one kiss to make him realize that you were the only one he wanted to kiss for the rest of his life. Fucking mistletoe. It all went downhill from there.

Thinking back to that night in the corridor, when he confessed his feelings brings back all sorts of emotions. James supposes it’s his fault for taking so long to tell you how he felt, but he couldn’t help himself; he was just scared. And honestly, that should’ve been the first clue that this was real.

He spent years chasing after Lily, giving her flowers and standing on tables proclaiming his love for her. And no matter how many times she hexed and humiliated him, he still tried again the next day. But with you, he found himself questioning everything he did because he didn’t want to risk you finding out his feelings. And then when you turned him down, he tried his best to put on a brave face, because he didn’t want you to feel bad; because no matter how much he was hurting, he cared about your well-being first.

He’s pulled out of his thoughts when he hears a girl scream, followed by the sound of laughter. James frowns in confusion when the laughter stops, but the screaming doesn’t. Standing up, he dusts himself off and makes his way towards the sound, wanting to see what’s going on.

You were about to head back inside when a blood curdling scream got your attention. Running towards the sound, you stop in your tracks to see Mary Macdonald, a girl in your year, writhing on the ground in absolute agony. Mulciber stands a few feet away, wand pointed at her, with a smirk on his face.

“Let her go, Mulciber!” you yell, as you get closer.

Mary continues to scream and cry in agony. It takes everything in you not to break down crying yourself as you watch her body twitch and convulse in pain.

“Or what?” Mulciber asks, looking at you in a way that makes your skin crawl.

In that moment you feel an anger that you’ve never felt before. Taking a deep breath to calm your racing heart, you clear your mind before thinking of the incantation you want to use.

flipendo

Only a moment later, Mulciber is sent flying backwards. He flies meters, only stopping when he slams into the castle wall and slides down. Groaning in pain, Mulciber sits up, leaning against the wall as he watches you curiously, no doubt wondering where you learned such a spell. After all, it’s not something you learn in school.

“I did warn you not to test me,” you call out to him.

“How did she do that?” somebody asks. “She didn’t even have her wand out.”

“She didn’t even say anything!” someone else adds.

Looking around the courtyard, you see several students staring at you; most in awe, some in fear. You look down at your hands and realize that they’re shaking. Clenching your hands into fists, you put your head down, avoiding eye contact with everyone as you make your way into the castle.

James watches you go with a worried frown. He turns to Mary, and when he sees that someone’s already helping her up, he follows after you.

You walk into the girls bathroom and start pacing, digging your hands into your hair as you desperately try to calm yourself down. You’d learned that spell during your sixth year, during one of your many visits to the restricted section, but you didn’t think you’d ever have to use it. You had hoped you wouldn’t have to use it.

“Y/N?”

You look up and see James standing at the door nervously and can’t help the relief that courses through you.

“This is the girls bathroom.” you mumble, turning your gaze back to your shaking hands.

“Yeah, I know,” he murmurs, “I swear I’m not trying to be a creep or anything. I just wanted to see if you were okay.”

You nod your head but when James takes a step closer, you take one back.

“Y/N,” James sighs, trying and failing to keep the hurt out of his voice.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” you tell him sadly.

“You won’t,” he says with a shake of his head.

“That’s all I ever do,” you argue, looking at him with wide, fearful eyes. “And now you hate me.”

“What?” James asks, frowning in confusion. “I don’t- I could never hate you.”

“You didn’t even try to talk to me.” you pout and James feels like the biggest idiot in the world. Here he was, hoping you’d talk to him when you were ready, and all the while you were doing the same.

“I didn’t think you wanted me to.” James says with a shake of his head.

“Of course I did,” you assure him. “I- you’re my best friend.”

You give him a small smile, one that he returns before your smile drops, gaze returning to your hands.

“But just now, you saw what I did to Mulciber.” you mumble, terrified that now that he’s seen what you’ve done, what you’re capable of, that James won’t want anything to do with you.

“Mulciber performed an unforgivable curse on an innocent person. He deserves a lot worse than that.” James tells you. “I know what you’re thinking, Y/N. You’re not a bad person. But I am.”

You tilt your head in confusion as James gently grasps your hands.

“Y/N, I owe you an apology. I never should have said those things to you.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not.” he says with a shake of his head. “I let my feelings get the better of me and took it out on you and I’m so fucking sorry.”

“I was a jealous arse. You are under no obligation to return my feelings.” James tells you, giving you a sad smile. “If you’re with JJ, that’s fine. I’ll be happy for you.”

“Oh, my god,” you groan in frustration. James’ eyes widen, scared he’s just ruined everything. You cup James’s face in your hands and force him to look at you.

“James, I need you to listen to me clearly, because this is the last time I’m going to say it. There is absolutely nothing going on between me and JJ.”

“There’s not?” James asks timidly, insecurely avoiding eye contact with you.

“No.” you tell him with a laugh. “I’ll even drink Veritaserum if you want me to. But you were right about everything else. I’m sorry I’m keeping so many secrets from you. I don’t want to, but I have to.”

James blinks in confusion.

“And I know that doesn’t make any sense right now. But one day, I’ll be able to tell you everything and it will.” you ramble. “Until then I need you to trust me.”

“I do,” James says, nodding his head. He places his hand over yours. “I swear. I trust you and I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too.” you say before wrapping your arms around him in a hug, a hug that he immediately reciprocates.

“I missed you so much,” he sighs into the crook of your neck.

“I missed you too,” you tell him with a genuine smile when you pull away.

“Wanna go get dinner?” he asks, smiling down at you.

You shake your head profusely.

“No,” you groan. “Everyone’s gonna be staring at me and whispering and-“

“And I’ll be right beside you the whole time.” James says, tucking a lock of hair behind your ear.

You think it over before eventually nodding your head with a sigh. You suppose you could face anything if James was next to you.

When you walk into the great hall with James, you’re taken aback by the amount of stares you get. You nervously take a step back, prepared to turn and leave before you feel James’ hand on the small of your back.

Glancing up at him, he gives you a reassuring smile before guiding you to your friends who are all but bouncing in their seats, trying and failing to hide their excited smiles.

You and James sit down next to each other at the table and start putting food on your plates, only to look up when you realize how quiet your friends are.

“What?” you finally ask, feeling shy under everyone’s gaze.

“So you guys are okay now?” Sirius asks, getting straight to the point.

You and James look at each other and share a smile before turning back to your friends.

“Yeah,” you tell them with a nod. “We’re all good.”

“I told you!” Peter exclaims happily from his seat. “I told you you guys would be okay!”

“Alright, alright. Just eat your food,” James says with a roll of his eyes. But judging by the smile on his face, you can tell that he isn’t bothered at all. “You can say ‘I told you so’ later.”

“You better not!” you interrupt, giving Peter a pointed look. “You already said it twice, that's more than enough.”

Everyone starts laughing at the interaction and just like that, everything is back to normal.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

May 13, 1977

“Sirius, shut up,” Remus groans as he fixes his tie. “We haven’t even had breakfast yet.”

“You shut up, Moony,” Sirius says back before turning his attention to James again. “Alright then, just answer me this.”

James sighs in annoyance but nods his head at Sirius.

“Do you really love her?” Sirius asks, looking at James. “No bullshit.”

Peter and Remus even stop getting dressed to see his reaction.

“Yes,” James answers immediately, catching them all off guard. “Of course I fucking love her. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. It’s all I think about. She’s all I think about.”

“Then fucking tell her!” Sirius yells, turning around to grab his button up.

“I can’t!” James yells back before sighing. “I just… Things are just getting back to normal between us. I don’t wanna do anything that’ll fuck that up.”

“I don’t think it’d fuck things up,” Remus muses as he styles his hair. “There’s no way she doesn’t feel the same. Or at least feel something towards you.”

“Need I remind you that when I told her I fancied her she turned me down and ran away?” James asks glumly, putting his jumper on. “How do you think she’ll react when I tell her I’m head over heels in love with her?”

“Need I remind you that she said she couldn’t be in a relationship?” Remus sasses back. “She never said she didn’t like you.”

James opens his mouth but nothing comes out.

“She feels the same,” Remus tells him, putting his books in his bag. “I’m sure of it.”

“And I’m sure that you need to grow a pair and fucking tell her already.” Sirius chimes in as they start to make their way down the stairs. “The year’s almost coming to an end, you’ve already wasted enough time. You wait any longer, you’re gonna lose your chance all together.”

“Yeah,” James says with a nod. “You guys are right. I’m gonna tell her.”

“Today!” Sirius announces excitedly. James however, looks over at him, completely terrified.

“Today? Nuh-uh, not today.” James says, shaking his head profusely. Remus, Sirius, and Peter groan.

“Why not?”

“It’s Friday the 13th!” James says, causing them all to groan again.

“You don’t really believe in that, do you Prongs?” Sirius asks, casually throwing an arm around his shoulder. “You’re just chickening out of telling her today because you don’t even know how you’d do it, right?”

“Uhhh…”

“Knowing you,” Sirius continues, “You’d have a big ol’ speech that you’ve rehearsed.”

James blushes at that because as much as he hates to admit it, Sirius is right. He would want to practice confessing his love for you before he actually does it, not wanting to fuck it up.

“But listen to me, Romeo,” James rolls his eyes at the nickname. “You don’t practice falling in love, you just do. Same with confessing; there’s no right or wrong way to do it. You say what feels right and let everything else fall into place.”

“How do you know so much about love?” James asks as they arrive at the great hall.

“Oh, don’t you know?” Remus says, already snickering. “Padfoot loves watching romantic comedies.”

“Hey!” Sirius defends, shoving Remus as they all sit down. “I watch it for the comedy! I don’t care about the romantic bits.”

James keeps looking at the great hall entrance, wondering when you’ll join them for breakfast, but you never show. He shrugs it off, thinking you overslept but when you don’t show up for potions either, he can’t help but worry.

Thinking you might be feeling a bit ill, during lunch he grabs some soup and goes up to your dorm, wanting to check on you only to find it empty. Not empty empty of course. All your stuff is still there. Your books are still stacked on your desk. The bathroom door is ajar with your towel thrown over it, and your bed is made, like always. But you’re nowhere in sight.

He really starts to get anxious when you miss the rest of your classes. He had even gone to the hospital wing, thinking you were seriously ill, or even injured. But you weren’t there either. Walking into the great hall for dinner, James walks straight up to the Ravenclaw table.

“Have you seen Y/N?” he asks JJ.

“No.” JJ says, chewing his food as he stares at James with an unbothered look.

“I haven’t seen her at all today.” James continues. “She wasn’t in any of her classes. Or in her dorm. Or in the hospital wing.”

JJ freezes for just a moment before giving James another unimpressed look.

“You’re not at all worried?” James asks him.

“I’m more worried about the fact that you’re essentially stalking her.” JJ says before taking an obnoxiously loud sip of his tea.

James rolls his eyes and goes back to his friends, sitting down with a huff.

“What’s with you?” Sirius asks, nodding his head at his friend.

“Have you guys seen Y/N at all today?” he asks them.

Sirius, Peter, and Remus ponder his question for a moment before eventually shaking their heads.

“Neither have I. She wasn’t in her dorm and she wasn’t in the hospital wing.”

“What? Do you think something happened to her?” Remus asks, concern evident in his features.

“I don’t know.” James says truthfully with a shake of his head. “But I have a bad feeling.”

“Then let’s go look for her.” Sirius says, standing up and making his way out of the great hall.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

“I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.” Sirius says, only to have the marauder’s map ripped out of his hands. “Prongs! What the fuck are you doing?”

“I promised Y/N I wouldn’t use the map to spy on her anymore.” James says.

Remus and Peter share a look of confusion. When had he used it to spy on you?

“Well I didn’t promise her shit.” Sirius says, stealing the parchment back. “Besides, we’re not spying, we’re canvassing! What if she’s hurt somewhere? Or in trouble and can’t call for help?”

“You’re not helping!” Peter shouts, sounding as if he’s hyperventilating.

“Do you see her anywhere?” Remus asks, moving to stand next to Sirius. They both scan the map but don’t see your name anywhere.

“Maybe she’s in the Forbidden Forest?” Peter offers.

“It would’ve shown on the map.” Remus says with a shake of his head.

“Maybe it’s a glitch?” Peter tries again.

Sirius, Remus, and James all turn to Peter at that, and he tries his best to curl into himself.

“It’s never glitched before,” James says.

“Doesn’t mean it isn’t possible.” Remus counters.

All four boys stare at each other before making their way out of their dorm and to the courtyard.

“We should split up.” Remus offers. “Peter and I will check the Forbidden Forest.”

“Prongs and I will check Hogsmeade.” Sirius says with a nod.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

“I just don’t get it.” James says as they make their way back to the common room. “Where else could she be?”

James, Remus, Sirius, and Peter all walk into the common room, only to freeze when they see Professor McGonagall waiting for them.

“We can explain, Minnie,” Sirius says, prepared to tell her all about why they were out past curfew.

Professor McGonagall simply holds her hand up, effectively shutting them all up.

“Professor Dumbledore would like to see you.”

“Me?” Sirius asks, pointing to himself.

“All of you.” she corrects.

Peter gulps nervously.

“Now?” Remus asks.

“Now.” Professor McGonagall confirms.

When they stumble into Professor Dumbledore’s office,they’re surprised to see Lily, Marlene, and Dorcas already there. James, Sirius, Peter, and Remus all approach the desk warily. Sirius nods his head at Marlene, silently asking her what this is about, but she simply shrugs her shoulders.

“Gentlemen, thank you for joining us.” Professor Dumbledore greets. “I’m sorry to bring you here at this time, but I’m afraid it couldn’t wait.”

“Are we in trouble?” Peter asks anxiously.

“No,” Professor Dumbledore says with a small shake of his head. “You’re not in any trouble. This is actually about your friend Y/N.”

The girls look confused while the boys share anxious looks with each other. So something had happened to you?

“When was the last time you saw her?”

“Last…last night.” James tells him. “She didn’t come down for breakfast today, or attend any of her classes. She wasn’t in her dorm or the hospital wing or-“

“Did she happen to tell any of you where she was going?” Professor Dumbledore interrupts.

“Going?” James repeats. “Why would she go anywhere? We have class…”

“There’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just say it. Miss Y/L/N has left Hogwarts-“

“What?” Lily asks, completely confused.

Professor Dumbledore leans forward in his seat and sighs sadly.

“Because I’m so fucking scared,” you admit, anxiously looking around the courtyard. “Can we talk somewhere more private?”

JJ nods, quickly packing his things up when he sees how serious you are and leading you to the boat house. It’s a bit of a walk, all the way on the other side of the lake, but he knew that because it was so far, it was always empty.

“What’s up?” he asks, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall of the boathouse.

“I have a favor to ask.” you start, nervously wringing your hands together. “I hate myself for even bringing you into this but you’re the only person who can help and-“

“I’ll do it.” JJ interrupts, causing you to look up at him in confusion.

“What?”

“I’ll do it.” he repeats.

“You don’t even know what it is.” you tell him.

“You just said you need my help. Everything else is irrelevant.” he says with a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders.

“We’ll get in trouble.” you warn, giving him an out if he wants it. JJ just grins mischievously at you.

“Let’s do it.”

“I fucking love you,” you sigh in relief.

You spend the next hour brainstorming with JJ. You didn’t tell him exactly what you were doing, but you did stress that it had to be done sooner rather than later. You both agreed to skip dinner tomorrow night and go to the library then. All the other students as well as the professors would be in the Great Hall, so that would only leave Madam Pince.

The plan was simple. With everyone else eating dinner, JJ would cause a distraction in the library, getting Madam Pince’s attention. While she’s chasing after him, you would be free to slip into the restricted section and try to find Tom’s diary.

You informed JJ that you didn’t know exactly where it was, and he assured you he’d do everything in his power to give you as much time as possible. You both agree to not hang out together at all the following day, so that if you both do happen to get caught in the library, they wouldn’t think you guys planned it. Even though you had. It was genius really.

JJ’s about to walk into the great hall for dinner when you stop him.

“Lend me your cloak.” you ask him.

“What? Why?” he asks, looking down at the cloak he’s wearing.

“I left mine in my dorm.” you stress. “I need to sneak out a knife.”

“Are you crazy?” JJ whispers harshly, looking around to make sure nobody heard you.

“I need it for tomorrow. Once I find what I’m looking for, I have to destroy it. I need your cloak.” you repeat, gesturing to the snug fitting jumper you currently have on. “I can’t slip a knife up here, it’ll show.”

JJ groans before shedding his cloak and handing it to you.

“What time are we meeting up at the library? 7:40?” he asks, adjusting his jumper.

“That’s too early,” you tell him with a shake of your head. “Dinner starts at 7:30. 8:00?”

“That’s too late,” he argues. “I’m done eating by 8:00. 7:45? The library should be empty and everyone will still be in the middle of eating.”

“Okay,” you agree with a nod of your head. “7:45.”

You both enter the great hall and go your separate ways. You sit down with your friends and start spooning some mashed potatoes onto your plate as you greet everyone. Marlene holds her plate up with a smile and you playfully roll your eyes before putting some on her plate as well.

You cast a quick glance at James only to do a double take when you see him staring at you. Thinking he wants potatoes as well, you hold up a spoonful, hovering over his plate.

“Did you want some?” you ask, staring into his hazel eyes.

“Uh, yeah! Yes.” he agrees, nodding his head profusely.

You giggle at his antics as you put some potatoes on his plate.

“Nice cloak,” he comments, taking a bit of his food. “Is it your boyfriend’s?”

“What?“ you say with a laugh, looking up at him with confusion evident on your features. “It’s JJ’s.”

You pick up the carving knife and start slicing the chicken, placing some on everyone else’s plates before finally serving yourself. While everyone is distracted eating, you set the knife next to you on the bench before wrapping it in a napkin and finally slipping it up your sleeve.

“Yeah,” James nods, while avoiding eye contact. “Your boyfriend’s.”

“Ew, no,” you deny with a shake of your head.

James looks up at that. Seeing the look on your face confuses him and fills him with hope at the same time.

“No?” he repeats, shaking his head the slightest bit.

“No way. He lent me his cloak because I was cold and left mine in my dorm.”

“Oh,” James says before nodding his head. “I thought you guys were together.”

Your head whips up at that, and you look at him with wide eyes. James, who was already blushing after his admission, gives you a sad, timid smile.

You look away nervously for a moment before turning your gaze back to him. Not wanting your friends to overhear your conversation, you lean forward in your seat to whisper to him.

“I-I told you I can’t be in a relationship right now.” you remind him. “That-I didn’t lie. That wasn’t just something I said to turn you down, James. It’s the truth.”

James gazes into your eyes and when he sees that you’re telling the truth, he nods his head, giving you a genuine smile this time.

“Well good,” he says, taking a sip of his pumpkin juice. “Because your babies would be ugly.”

You let out a loud laugh at that, James’ favorite kind of laugh; the type where you screw your eyes shut and throw your head back. When you’ve finally calmed down from your laughing fit, you’re taken aback by the way James is gazing at you; with a soft smile, and eyes full of adoration.

“What?” you ask with a giggle, reaching up to fix your hair. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Because you’re beautiful.” James tells you, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. And perhaps to him it is. Cheeks burning at his confession, you avoid his gaze, playing with your food instead.

“Can you shut up?” you ask him, shyly.

James laughs before cutting off a piece of chicken and popping it in his mouth.

“What good would that do?” he asks, eyes lighting up in amusement at your reaction. “Even if I stop talking, you won't stop being beautiful.”

You pinch the bridge of your nose and sigh.

“For fucks sake.” you mutter with a shake of your head.

“What’s wrong?” Lily asks, turning to you. She takes in your frustration and James' amused smile and narrows her eyes at him. “Is James bothering you? Again?”

James’ grin only widens and Lily huffs, ripping off a piece of her dinner roll and throwing it at his head.

“Leave her alone, Potter.” she growls protectively, before linking her arm with yours.

James just shakes his head. When the piece of bread falls out of his hair, he picks it up and pops it into his mouth.

“Ew,” you and Lily scold at the same time.

“What?” James asks, not seeing the problem. “I showered this morning!”

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

March 11, 1977

You’re hiding behind a pillar when JJ approaches the library entrance. You see that he’s carrying his broom with him, but that it’s been modified the slightest bit. JJ’s went ahead and tied fifteen feather dusters to chains and attached them to the end of his broomstick. He takes a deep breath before mounting his broom and riding it into the library.

“Good evening Madam Pince!” you hear him shout.

“Young man, what are you doing? What is the meaning of this?” you can hear her call out.

You slip into the library and see Madam Pince running around, chasing after JJ. You take a quick glance around, making sure the coast is clear before lifting the rope that separates the restricted section and starting down the aisle.

“Don’t worry, Madam Pince,” JJ shouts. “I’m just here to clean the library.”

“Dismount your broom this instant.” you can hear her order.

Your head swivels back and forth so fast you’re surprised you haven’t gotten dizzy yet. You pull out every black leatherbound book you see, only to put it back when you realize it’s not what you’re looking for.

“Madam Pince, it’s so dusty up here! I should have come sooner.” JJ scolds.

“Young man, I will not ask you again.” Madam Pince warns. “Get off your broom. Right now!”

You hear a crash and look over in time to see a bookshelf tipping over. Madam Pince screeches in horror. JJ at least has the decency to appear apologetic.

“Okay, that wasn’t supposed to happen,” he admits. “But look at it this way, now I can clean behind the bookshelf! When was the last time you did that?”

You turn down a different aisle and continue your search for the diary. You feel yourself getting more anxious every second. You start thinking that maybe you were wrong. Maybe the diary wasn’t here anymore. Maybe you’re doing this all for nothing.

“Hey, do you want me to knock over the rest of the shelves?” JJ asks.

“Absolutely not!” Madam Pince shouts.

“Madam Pince, please,” JJ chides. “We’re in a library. Can you keep it down?”

Madam Pince huffs at that. You can only imagine how red her face is.

“You come into my library, wreck absolute havoc, and ask me to keep it down?” Madam Pince shouts.

You can’t help but cringe. She sounds livid. Godric, you owe JJ big time. Well, if he lives after facing her wrath.

You’re about to turn down a different aisle when something catches your eye. At the very end of a shelf, there’s a book sticking out slightly more than the others. Following your gut, you pull it down only to sigh in relief. You take in the worn out leather and the gold metal corners.

This is it, you think to yourself. It has to be.

Wanting to be sure this was what you were looking for, you pull open the cover and see the faded writing on the first page.

T.M. Riddle

Not wasting any time, you drop down to your knees in the middle of the aisle. You place the diary on the ground and pull the carving knife out of your bag. Taking a deep breath, you shakily raise the knife before closing your eyes and stabbing the book as hard as you can. You hear the slightest sound of a squirt and open your eyes, only to see blackness seeping out of the book.

You pull the knife out only to stab the book again, causing more blackness to pour out. It almost appears as if the book itself is bleeding.

Well Tom, you think to yourself, I’m gonna bleed you dry.

You hold the knife firmly with both hands and start stabbing the book repeatedly. Your arms are starting to burn but you keep stabbing, stopping only when the blood, if you could even call it that, finally stops pouring out.

Breathing heavily, you lean against the bookshelf and run a hand through your hair.

“One down, five more to go.” you huff before shakily standing up.

You kick the carving knife under the bookshelf and dust yourself off. You debate leaving the diary there before eventually picking it up. You tuck the diary into the waistband of your skirt, and then pull your jumper down, concealing it completely. Not hearing anything, you take a look around, only to find the library empty.

He did it, you think to yourself, letting out a relieved sigh.

You push open the library doors, only to stop in your tracks.

Filch has JJ by the collar of his shirt as Madam Pince tells Professor Murdock about what JJ did to the library. The door slams shut loudly behind you, and everyone turns their attention to you.

“Was she destroying the library as well?” Professor Murdock asks as he stares at you.

“No,” Madam Pince says with a shake of her head. “I didn’t even see her. What were you doing there?”

“Uh…”

“She had to be involved.” Filch says, causing you to glare at him. “These two, always together.”

“Is that so?” Professor Murdock asks. “Well then, I’ll be taking a hundred points from both of your houses-“

“What the fuck?” “That’s such bullshit!” you and JJ exclaim at the same time.

“And,” Professor Murdock continues. “No Hogsmeade trips for a whole month.”

You and JJ start to complain again when Professor Murdock cuts you off.

“I can just as easily make it two months,” he says, before smirking. “Or indefinitely.”

You and JJ shut up but continue to glare at him. Something that Professor Murdock finds incredibly amusing.

“Thought so.” he says with a chuckle before nodding his head. “Off to bed you two. It’s almost curfew. Argus, clean this up.”

You and JJ roll your eyes before going your separate ways.

The second you’re in the common room, you pull out the diary and toss it into the fireplace. Just to be sure. You sit in front of the fireplace in silence, just watching the diary slowly get burnt to a crisp.

You’re pulled out of your trance when someone places a hand on your shoulder. Startled, you turn around only to see James holding his hands up in surrender.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” he apologizes. “I’ve been calling your name.”

“Oh. Sorry,” you say with a shake of your head before turning your attention back to the fireplace. “I didn’t hear you.”

“Clearly,” James says with a snort, taking a seat next to you.

He tugs on your sleeve to get your attention again and when you face him once more, he holds up a wrapped napkin with a proud grin.

“You missed dinner.” he informs you as you unwrap the napkin.

You take a bite of the sandwich he made you and then give him a grateful smile.

“Thanks for always looking after me, Jamie.” you say, knocking your shoulder against his.

“Well someone has to!” he teases before adding softly. “I’m just glad it gets to be me.”

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

March 12, 1977

“Oh my god, can you stop?” you sigh as you watch JJ pick himself up from the ground. “It’s not gonna work.”

“Not with that attitude.” he argues, causing you to roll your eyes.

“Y/N!” you hear someone call.

You turn around to see Sirius waving his arms back and forth excitedly with James, Remus, and Peter walking alongside him. A huge smile takes up your face as you start waving back.

“We’ve been looking all over for you.” Sirius says, pulling you into a bone crushing hug.

“If only you had a map that showed you my exact location.” you say sarcastically as you pull away from the hug.

“First of all, I didn’t think of that,” Sirius says, running a hand through his hair. “And B, I would never use it on you without your consent.”

“That’s refreshing.” you say with a smile. You give James a quick side eye and he at least has the decency to look guilty. Sensing some sort of tension between you two, Remus is quick to change the topic.

“So,” he says, clapping his hands and getting everyone’s attention. “Ready to go?”

“Sorry, boys. I can’t.” you apologize with a frown. “JJ and I got detention. No Hogsmeade for a month.”

You hold up your arm, showing them the simple gold band wrapped around your wrist.

“Enchanted bracelet.” you inform them. “Won’t let us off castle grounds.”

“Does it actually work?” Sirius asks, taking a closer look at it.

JJ takes a deep breath before running towards the gate at full force. Instead of being able to pass through, he’s sent back flying, almost as if he ran right into a force field. Sitting up, JJ groans and you shake your head at him.

“Well, that answers that question.” Remus says.

“I told you it wasn’t gonna work,” you scold as you help JJ up. “You’re gonna give yourself a concussion if you keep that up.”

“You guys go ahead,” you say, turning back to the group of four standing in front of you. “We can just hang out later.”

“We’ll bring you something back.” Remus promises as he, Sirius, and Peter start making their way to the exit.

“What’d you guys do?”

You look up to see James looking at you curiously.

“Sorry?” you ask, tilting your head in confusion.

“I just didn’t think you guys were close enough to be getting detention together.” James says with a shrug as he puts his hands in his pockets. “What? Did you guys like, pull a prank or something?”

“What? No way,” you tell him with a shake of your head. “Pulling pranks is our thing, Noodle.”

“So what-“

“Prongs, let’s go!” Remus calls.

You and James turn around and see Remus, Sirius and Peter standing at the gate, waiting for James.

“Yeah, come on Prongs!” Sirius shouts. “You can snog your girlfriend later!”

Sirius, Remus, and Peter fall into a fit of laughter at that while you and James sheepishly avoid eye contact. Memories of that night come flooding in your mind and you only wish you had kissed him longer before pulling away and ruining everything. When you finally glance at him, you see that his face is just as red as yours feels.

“You should go,” you tell him, pointing to your friends. “They’re waiting on you.”

James looks like he wants to say something else but doesn’t, turning to walk away instead.

“Alright JJ,” you sigh, making your way to your friend. “Let’s get you to Madam Pomfrey.”

You help him to his feet and throw one of his arms over your shoulder to help keep him steady as you start making your way to the hospital wing.

“I’m fine,” he tells you, though his words come out a bit slurred.

James casts one last look over his shoulder at you, only to frown when he sees you and JJ wrapped up in each other’s arms. With a shake of his head, he hurries to catch up with the boys.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

March 16, 1977

“You gonna tell me what’s wrong? Or do I have to guess?” JJ asks, plopping down next to you. You close the book you were attempting to read and sigh as you look over at him.

“Something’s bothering you,” JJ continues. “Has been since that day at the library. What’s up?”

“That day in the library…I was there to destroy something.” you tell him. “It’s called a horcrux. Have you ever heard of it?”

JJ furrows his brows as he shakes his head. “No.”

“It’s an object formed by dark magic,” you tell him. “It contains a fragment of one’s soul and prevents their death.”

“So it makes them immortal?” JJ asks, to which you nod.

“Voldemort has six,” you tell him, causing his eyes to widen. “That was the first one. When I destroyed it, I think a bond was formed?”

“What kind of bond?” JJ asks warily.

“I-I think I caught glimpses of the others.” you say, looking up at him with wide eyes. “And I think there’s another here in Hogwarts.”

“Brilliant,” JJ says with a nod. “What is it?”

“I don’t know.”

“Where is it?” he asks instead.

“I don’t know,” you repeat with a shake of your head. “I know it’s not a lot to go on.”

“It’s nothing to go on.” JJ deadpans, causing you to roll your eyes.

“I’m pretty sure I saw the gray lady,” you tell him.

“Helena?” JJ asks, to which you nod.

“I think she knows something. And I know she talks to Ravenclaws so-“

“I can’t help you there,” JJ says regretfully. “I’m afraid I’m too rambunctious for her liking. She can’t stand me.”

JJ’s friends call him over as it’s almost time for dinner, and he nods his head at them as you both stand up.

“Try to talk to her,” JJ offers. “Once you know what you’re looking for or where, I can help you search for it.”

“Thank you, JJ.” you sigh, grasping his hand and giving it a friendly squeeze. “Really. I know I’m asking way too much of you, but I appreciate everything you’re doing to help.”

“Don’t go getting all soft with me Y/N, feelings freak me out.” he says jokingly before something over your shoulder catches his attention.

“I’ll leave you guys to it.” he says before patting you on the shoulder and walking past you.

Confused, you turn around only to see James walking towards you. JJ smirks at James as he walks past him and James silently glares at him.

James’ attention is pulled away however, when you crash right into him. He turns his head to look at you and forgets how to breathe when he sees you gazing up at him with such happiness.

Just like when he went to visit you over Christmas break, James is once again reminded of your parents, of how you were always so excited to see them, that you’d drop everything just to run into their arms. He wonders if that’s what’s happening here, even considers asking you before changing his mind and smiling down at you instead.

“James!“ you call excitedly, wrapping your arms around him in a hug. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, um, I was on my way to dinner and saw you in the courtyard.” he stutters. “And so I came to see if you were hungry.”

“Starving!” you exclaim as you make your way to the great hall, grabbing his hand and pulling him with you.

“What were you guys talking about?” James asks, referring to you and JJ.

“Nothing important,” you tell him with a shake of your head. “Heard you hexed Severus again.” you say, looking over your shoulder to smirk at him. “I’d rather hear all about that.”

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

“Hey James,” you call, causing him to look up. “Do you happen to have the map with you?”

“Yeah,” James nods, reaching into his bag to pull it out. “Why? What’s going on?”

“Just need to check something really quick.” you tell him, giving him a grateful smile when he hands it to you.

You scan the parchment, trying to find her name.

“What are you looking for?” Remus asks, looking over your shoulder.

“Helena Ravenclaw,” you murmur as your eyes keep bouncing around.

Remus and James share a confused look before Remus turns his gaze back to the map.

“She prefers secluded places,” Remus informs you, before pointing to a deserted castle tower. “Look, she’s right there.”

“Brilliant,” you exclaim, hurrying from your seat and handing James the map. “Thank you!”

“That was weird, right?” Remus asks to which James nods.

“Wait, Y/N! You left your bag!” he calls, noticing the school bag still sitting on the bench.

“Want me to bring it with me to the common room?” Remus asks as they make their way out of the great hall.

“What if she needs it? You go ahead,” James says with a shake of his head. “I’ll catch up with her.”

Remus nods his head and James takes off towards the tower. When he finally catches up with you, he sees you approaching Helena Ravenclaw. Knowing that she’s quite shy, he chooses to hide behind a pillar instead. He’ll just wait until you’re done talking to give you your bag.

“Good evening, Helena,” you greet as you slowly approach her. “I’m sorry to bother you so late, but I was hoping you could help me.”

James’ brows furrowed in confusion at that. What could you possibly need from Helena?

She quietly stares at you before a look of realization crosses her features.

“You seek my mothers diadem.” she says, to which you nod.

“Yes.”

James is even more confused now. What do you need the diadem for?

“I’m sorry,” she says, starting to shake her head. “I cannot help you.”

She floats past you, intent on leaving and you turn to face her. James, not wanting to be found out, gets closer to the pillar.

“Wait! Please!” you call after her. “I want to destroy it!”

Helena stops in her tracks before gazing warily at you.

“That’s what you want too, isn’t it?” you ask her, taking a cautious step towards her. “You want it destroyed.”

“Another swore to destroy it many years ago.” she says softly, “A strange boy, with a strange name.”

“Tom Riddle.” you supply, causing her to nod.

“But he lied.” Helena informs you.

“He’s lied to many people.” you murmur.

Evidently, that’s the wrong thing to say. James watches from his hiding spot as Helena crosses the room in record time to yell in your face.

“I know what he’s done!” She seethes, “I know who he is! He defiled it! With dark magic!”

“I can destroy it,” you tell her softly. “But I need you to tell me where he hid it.”

“You…you do know where he hid it, don’t you Helena?” you ask. “You just have to tell me. Please.”

“Why should I tell you?” She asks. “Why should I trust you?”

“Because I’ve already destroyed one,” you confess.

“That’s strange,” she says, tilting her head as she watches you. “You remind me of him a bit.”

Your heart drops at that. You know you’re not the same soft girl you once were, years of fighting for your life and seeing everyone you love die making you rough around the edges. But up until now, you hadn’t stopped to wonder just how much you’ve changed. Is there darkness in you? Have you become the very thing you hate?

“He has taken everything from me,” you confide in her, voice becoming thick with emotion. “I have to do this before he takes the one good thing I have left.”

“I’ve already destroyed one,” you remind her. “I can destroy the others. And when I do, he’s just a man. A man that can be killed.”

“And would you do it?” Helena asks, looking you in the eye. “Would you kill him?”

You don’t answer her, but you don’t need to. The fire she sees in your eyes is answer enough.

“It’s here; in the castle.” she says, confirming what you thought all along. “In the place where everything is hidden. If you have to ask, you’ll never know. If you know, you need only ask.”

“Thank you,” you sigh before turning around and taking off running.

You’ve only made it a few feet when James comes out of his hiding spot, causing you to crash into him.

“James! You gave me a fright!” you exclaim, placing a hand on your chest in an attempt to calm your racing heart.

“Sorry, love. You left your bag,” he says, handing you your school bag. “Thought I’d bring it to you.”

“Thank you,” you say, placing the bag on your shoulder as you walk with him towards the common room. You’ll just start looking for it tomorrow.

“Did you find Helena?” he asks, glancing at you.

You freeze for a moment before shaking your head.

“Um, no,” you tell him, tucking a lock of hair behind your ear. “She was actually gone when I got here.”

James frowns at that. None of this is making any sense. Who is Tom Riddle? What did he do to the diadem? What thing did you destroy? And why? But most importantly, why did you lie to him? He saw you and Helena talking, but you said you didn’t see her. You lied to him. And if you lied to him about this, what else could you be lying about? If it was anyone else, James wouldn’t have cared. But it isn’t anyone else, it’s you; the person who means the most to him, the person he can bare his soul to, the person he hoped-thought would do the same.

“Do you wanna pull up the map and see where she is?” he asks, wanting to see what you’ll say.

“No, it’s okay,” you tell him with a shake of your head. “I’ll just talk to her tomorrow.”

Feeling anger and frustration begin to seep in, James scoffs, shaking his head.

“Sure,” he says, giving you a forced grin. “Whatever you want.”

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

April 8, 1977

It’s been three weeks since your conversation with Helena and you still haven’t found the diadem. Not that you haven’t been looking, because you have. But Tom/Voldemort was smart to hide it in the room of requirement, the mountains of clutter being the perfect place to hide a horcrux.

You spend virtually all your time in there, digging through boxes and piles of things, trying to find the diadem. You wake up early to sift through everything before breakfast, and you’re there after dinner. During the weekend you’ll spend your whole day in there. And JJ, bless his heart, is with you every step of the way.

You wave him off sometimes, feeling guilty for dragging him into this and he’ll listen…for a bit. He’ll go hang out with his friends, or catch up on his coursework. But then he’ll come back, rolling up his sleeves and loosening up his tie before asking you where you want him.

You find yourself getting more and more anxious as the days go by. If you’re having this much trouble finding one horcrux that’s in your school, how are you going to be able to find the others? You feel like giving up every day, but then you’ll see your friends eating dinner or studying together and you find the strength to continue.

You can do this. You have to. You’re doing this for them. Failure is not an option. That’s what you tell yourself. You hardly see your friends now and you hate it, wanting nothing more than to sit and laugh with them like you used to; but you can’t. Not yet at least. You know they’re hurt, probably even mad at you for shutting them out. You can only hope that one day, when it’s all done, they’ll understand.

It’s almost midnight when JJ finally convinces you to call it a day.

“Y/N, we’ve been in here for three hours.” JJ says, grabbing his dress shirt and putting it back on. He had taken it off earlier, leaving him in his tee shirt because he didn’t want his button up to get wrinkled. “Let’s go to bed and get some rest. We’ll come back early tomorrow.”

You lean against a stack of boxes, and a coat that was thrown on top falls down, covering your head. You pull it off with a groan, hair an absolute mess and nod your head. You know you’ll probably be up way before JJ anyway.

“Will you bring breakfast when you come in tomorrow?”

“If I remember,” he says honestly as he haphazardly puts his tie back on.

James has been going out of his mind for the past three weeks. That conversation he overheard between you and Helena has him questioning everything; because if you lied to him about that, he wondered what else you could have been keeping from him. And the more he thought about it, the more he realized that he doesn’t know you.

Sure he knows your birthday, and he knows about your parents. He knows your favorite songs because of all the mixtapes you listen to on your cassette player. But that’s it.

He doesn’t know about your friends, or what your old school was like. He doesn’t know what your life was like growing up. He tries to convince himself that you had a good reason for lying to him that night. He tells himself that that was the only time you’ve lied to him. But then he thinks back to all the times you’ve said there was nothing going on between you and JJ, and all the times he saw you in compromising positions that said otherwise.

And now, he sees you and JJ coming out of the room of requirement, with messed up hair and wrinkled clothes, giggling together and James feels anger coursing through his veins. He knows logically, he should go to bed and talk to you later. But the problem is that later never comes. You don’t even come to the great hall to eat anymore. The only time they see you is in class and even then, they’re not able to talk to you due to the lectures taking place. So, determined to finally get some answers for once, James marches over there.

“Hey,” he calls, causing you to look up in surprise.

“James! What are you doing here?” you ask, smiling up at him.

“Was out for a walk,” he shrugs. “What were you guys doing in there?”

James watches your eyes widen, watches you nervously look down before holding his gaze again.

“Nothing,” you shrug, giving him a nervous smile.

Scoffing, James glares at JJ before turning back to you.

“Are you shagging him?” he asks, getting straight to the point.

Might as well rip this bandaid off now, while he still has at least a shred of dignity left.

“What?” you exclaim, confusion and surprise evident on your features.

“Are you shagging him?” he repeats.

“What if she is?” JJ asks, crossing his arms as he stares James down.

“Stop it, JJ,” you scold, not that he listens.

“You sound jealous, mate.” he comments, smirking at James.

James huffs and takes a step closer, only to have you put a hand on his chest and push him back.

“JJ, just go, please?” you ask him softly.

JJ looks between you and James, unsure about leaving you alone with him. But when you nod your head reassuringly at him, he relents.

“What the fuck was that?” you ask James as soon as JJ is gone.

“I should be asking you that.” James spits back. “Just answer the question, Y/N. Are you shagging him? Yes or no?”

“James, I-“

“Oh, I get it,” James cuts you off with a nod. “So you can’t be in a relationship, but only when it’s with me, right?”

“What? No,” you deny with a shake of your head. “It’s not like that.”

“Then tell me what it’s like,” James counters. “Tell me what you guys were doing in there.”

You sigh and shake your head.

“I-I can’t.” you tell him remorsefully.

“You can’t?” James repeats, staring you down. “Or you won’t?”

You look away and sigh. You knew one day your friends would confront you, demanding the truth. You had a feeling it would most likely be James. But you didn’t think it’d be today, and you didn’t think it’d be like this.

“I can’t.” you repeat solemnly, toying with your fingers nervously.

“Why not?” James continues to interrogate. “And don’t you dare tell me it’s complicated.”

You frown at that. That’s what you always used to say whenever you weren’t able to share anything with James. And while before he would understand and not push you to answer, it’s clear that James has run out of patience with you.

When you don’t answer, James shakes his head.

“Alright, fuck it.” he says with a shrug of his shoulders. “If you can’t talk to me about this, then don’t talk to me at all.”

“James, you don’t mean that.” you plead.

“I do,” he tells you firmly. “I’m done.”

James turns to walk away from you and you reach out, grasping his hand to keep him here, if only for a moment longer.

“I’m sorry! Okay?” you apologize, because you don’t know what else to say that could fix this. “I know I’m not the easiest person to be friends with and I’m sorry. But I need you to trust me.”

“Trust you?” James repeats incredulously. “You want me to trust you? Trust goes both ways, Y/N!”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I know nothing about you!” he exclaims before sighing.

“I-I have done everything I possibly can to show you that I'm here for you, that you can come to me, depend on me, lean on me,” James stresses, running a hand through his hair. “But it doesn’t matter, does it?”

“It does.” you tell him, eyes starting to water.

“Nah, it doesn’t.” James says with a sad shake of his head. “Because you still won’t let me in. You can’t.”

You know James is upset and you don’t blame him. Not one bit. You’ve lied to him and kept secrets from him the whole time you’ve known him. But it doesn’t make this hurt any less. You’ve always hated fighting with friends, but fighting with James, the person who means the most to you; well, that’s a different kind of heartache.

James knows he should shut up, but he can’t. He’s kept his fears and insecurities bottled up inside for so long and now they won’t stop spilling out of his mouth, no matter how badly he wants them to. And godric does he want them to.

“But you seem to have no problem letting JJ in,” James says before he chuckles darkly. “In more ways than one, it would seem.”

You gasp at that. It’s a low blow and you both know it. Especially because you’ve told him and everyone else time and time again that there’s absolutely nothing going on between you and JJ.

If he were in his right mind, he never would have said that to you. But that’s just the thing, James isn’t in his right mind. His emotions have taken over and the only thought going through his head is that he wants you to hurt. He wants you to hurt the way he’s been hurting for the last four months.

“Get fucked, James.” you say with a shake of your head. Hurt and angry that he would not only think that of you, but say it.

James should walk away right now. He should stop talking and walk away while he still can. But he doesn’t. He’s too blinded by anger and jealousy to see what he’s doing.

“Is that you offering? I suppose I’d have to get in line. Wouldn’t I, princess?” he asks with a mean smile.

And that’s it. That’s what breaks you. The tears you’ve desperately been holding back finally start falling and only then does James appear to snap out of it; frowning when he sees you wipe your tears away, tears that he caused.

“Y/N, I didn’t-“

You start to walk past him and when James grabs onto your wrist gently, you wretch your arm out of his grasp.

“Stay the fuck away from me.” you tell him before walking away.

Walking back to his dorm, James keeps replaying the situation in his head. Every time he goes over it, he hates himself more and more. How could he say those things to you? How could he say those things about you? How could his jealousy and insecurities get so out of control, that he snaps at the girl he’s in love with and calls her a slag.

James stops in his tracks the second the thought crosses his mind. That’s just it, isn’t it? James loved you. And the thought of you not loving him back terrified him so bad that all common sense was thrown out the window.

He wasn’t sure what his feelings for Lily were. Whether it was a mere infatuation, or if he liked the challenge of being told no. But James knew that whatever he felt for Lily was nothing compared to what he felt for you. James loved you.

He loved how easily you got along with everyone and seamlessly fit into the group, as if you were always meant to be there. He loved how you never wore your hair tied up because it gave you headaches; but how you couldn’t stand having your hair in your face either.

James loved how much you hated butterbeer, how you’d wrinkle your nose in distaste every time they ordered it at Hog’s Head. But more importantly, how you’d shriek and push James away every time he pretended he was going to kiss you, butterbeer still dripping from his lips.

He loved how you were always the last one down for breakfast, wanting to sleep in as long as possible. And he loved how you always smelled like blackberries and vanilla. James loved how whenever he’d make a joke and turn to you, to see if you found it funny, you’d already be looking at him with a light in your eyes he’d never seen on anyone else before.

James loved that you could read him like no one else, and he loved that you were always there to ground him when he got lost in his head. He loved how whenever you were cold, you’d cuddle up with someone, and he loved it even more when that someone was him. He thought it was odd how you were passing all your courses despite never opening a book, but he loved that about you as well.

James Potter loved you. And he absolutely hated himself because his impulsiveness and jealousy and inability to think before he fucking speaks went ahead and ruined the best thing that’s ever happened to him.

He doesn’t even realize he had been crying until he walks into the dorm and Sirius cautiously calls out to him.

“Are you alright, James?”

James looks up to see Sirius, Remus, and Peter all looking at him in concern. Sniffling, James shakes his head.

Deciding to just make the best of your time here, you end up sitting with your friends and chatting about how everyone spent their breaks. You’re only half listening, too busy scanning the Great Hall, wondering if you can figure out who sent you the letter.

At the very end of the Ravenclaw table you see a tall, well built boy with shaggy blonde hair and blue eyes. When you happen to lock eyes with him, he winks at you before turning back to his friend.

“Who’s that?” James asks.

You tear your eyes away from the blonde Ravenclaw and look at James instead.

“I don’t know,” you shrug, taking a sip of your juice.

James opens his mouth to say something else, but you’re quick to change the topic, asking Marlene how her family's trip abroad was instead.

Once you’ve all finished eating, you exit the Great Hall, but while everyone else makes a left and starts heading to Potions, you take a right.

“Y/N?” Lily calls, “Aren’t you coming to class?”

“I am,” you assure her with a nod. “There’s just something I have to do first. You guys go ahead. I’ll catch up with you in a minute.”

As soon as everyone’s gone, you take off running towards the Quidditch Pitch. Catching your breath, you take a look around and don’t see anyone. You curse yourself for taking too long when a voice calls out from behind you.

“So who wins the International Quidditch League this year?”

You turn around and come face to face with the blonde from earlier.

“Sorry?” you ask, thoroughly confused.

“The Quidditch League.” he repeats with a nod. “Please tell me it’s the Ballycastle Bats.”

“What?” you laugh incredulously. “Why would I know that?”

“Because you’re not from here.” he says, giving you a pointed look. “Are you?”

When you continue to stare at him, he gives you a knowing look and your eyes widen in fear.

“How do you know?” you whisper to him, looking over your shoulder to make sure nobody is around.

“I snuck into Dumbledore’s office.” He says with a shrug. “I was looking for something else when I stumbled across your record.”

“Normally I wouldn’t care about someone’s records. But there was something about your suspiciously empty ones that caught my attention. Do you know what it said?”

No, you think to yourself. But you can imagine it didn’t say much of anything considering you’ve only been here for a few months.

“It doesn’t matter,” you say instead, defiantly looking away from him. The blonde chuckles and nudges your shoulder.

“Relax, I’m not gonna tell anyone.”

You turn your gaze back to him at his confession and study his features. Once you realize that he’s actually telling the truth, you release a breath you hadn’t even realized you were holding.

“Then why are you telling me?” you ask as you both take a seat on the turf. “You could have easily kept this secret to yourself, carried it to the grave.”

“I figured you could use a friend.” he says simply, tearing blades of grass as he does.

“I have friends.” you tell him with a confused chuckle.

“None you can be honest with.” he counters. “None you can truly be yourself with.”

You nod your head in agreement. He had you there.

“I don’t even know your name.”

“John,” he tells you, waving his hand in greeting. “But you can call me JJ.”

“Y/N,” you inform him, “But you already knew that.”

“Yeah.” he laughs. “Yeah, I did. So where are you from Y/N?”

“Originally from the states.” you tell him with a sigh, “Then we moved to Kingston upon Thames.”

“And what year are you from?”

Your eyes widen and you scoff as you look at him.

“Way to ease into it!” you scold as you shove him. JJ just laughs and shrugs his shoulders.

“I’ve never met anyone from the future before. Forgive me for not knowing the correct protocol.”

“Well I was born in 1980,” you tell him, “But before getting stuck here, I was in 1996.”

“How’d that happen?” JJ asks, laying down on the grass and placing his arms behind his head.

You lay down as well and sigh. Dumbledore said you couldn’t say anything to your immediate friends but that’s only because you knew what lies in their future.

You don’t know JJ. You don't remember his name coming up once in all the time you’ve attended Hogwarts. You don’t remember him being a part of The Order. Remus and Sirius never brought him up once to you, not even in passing. So you’re assuming it’s okay to talk to him, right? Besides, he already knows you’re from the future. So you tell him.

You tell JJ about how the First Wizard War ends. He groans at that. And when you tell him that Voldemort actually comes back years later, he’s ready to rip his hair out. You tell him about your friends back home and the friends you’ve made here.

You don’t tell him that James and Lily are actually Harry’s parents. You haven’t told anyone that, not even Dumbledore. You see no point considering, again, that the moment you’re sent back, everything here will go back to normal. James will go back to being obsessed with Lily, they’ll eventually start dating, get married, have Harry and…

“All in all, it seems like you’re doing pretty well here.” JJ says as you guys walk towards the Great Hall for lunch. You ended up missing all your morning classes, spending the time on the Quidditch Pitch talking instead.

“Sure, it seems that way,” you scoff. “But it’s hard. I feel like a…traitor. I mean, they’re such great friends but I feel like I don’t…deserve them.”

“Why not?” JJ asks in concern.

“Because I know what happens to them,” you murmur, looking up at him before facing forward again. “And it’s bad. And there’s nothing I can do about it.”

“What do you mean?”

“I-I can’t tell them anything! Dumbledore said it’ll fuck everything up.” You stress, tucking your hair behind your ear. “Aside from scarring them for life by telling them they’ll be dead in five years time, it could alter the timeline.”

“Okay,” JJ nods, not even batting an eye at what you just told him. “So don’t tell them anything, but help them. Teach them wandless magic, teach them to defend themselves, teach them how to spot a liar. Maybe then they’ll at least have some sort of chance?”

You take in what he says before eventually nodding. He’s right. You don’t have to tell them their future, you don’t have to give them that burden, but you can lighten it. You can make sure they include Peter more. You can teach James defensive spells he can do without his wand. You can teach Marlene how to fight. You can give them a chance of surviving.

You walk into the Great Hall and smile when you spot your friends. You take a step towards them before stopping. You turn back to JJ and he gives you a confused look before you wrap your arms around him in a tight hug.

“Thanks JJ,” you whisper before pulling away and giving him a smile. “For everything.”

“That’s what friends are for,” he winks at you before pushing you away slightly. “Now go. Go have lunch with your friends. And tell your little boyfriend I said hi.”

With that, JJ walks past you and makes his way to the Ravenclaw table. You turn around and watch him go. When he passes where your friends are sitting, he smirks at James before finally sitting with his friends, nodding his head in greeting as he starts packing food onto his plate.

Shaking your head, you make your way to your friends and take a seat next to Lily, across from James.

“So much for being right behind us,” Lily scolds as she turns to you. “Where were you? You were gone all morning.”

“Yeah, sorry,” you apologize half heartedly as you put some pasta on your plate. “Something came up.”

You turn in your seat and glance at JJ briefly. When he catches your eye, he shoots you a wink, just like he did this morning. Biting your lip to fight off a smile, you shake your head at him before turning around once more. When you look up, you see James glaring at something or rather, someone. You take a quick look around but don’t see what could be upsetting him.

“Hey,” you call, placing a reassuring hand on his. “Are you okay?”

James looks at your hand before looking up at your face. He takes in the concerned frown and sighs, all tension leaving his body.

“Yeah,” he nods, giving you a tight lipped smile. “All good. I just missed you.”

You roll your eyes affectionately at him and laugh. You give his hand a quick squeeze before pulling your hand away and packing more food onto your plate.

“I missed you too.”

“Are you sure? ‘Cause it looks like you were having a pretty good time with Blondie over there. If you wanna sit with him, don’t let me stop you.” James tries to come off friendly, but he can’t help the bitterness in his voice. He’s jealous. It’s obvious to him. He just hopes it isn’t obvious to you. Luckily, it isn’t.

“Don’t be silly, Noodle.” you say, giving him a quick smile. “Why would I have lunch with him over there, when you’re here? That just doesn’t make any sense to me.”

James looks down at his plate as his cheeks burn. Godric, what are you doing to him?

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

January 31, 1977

As the weeks go by, you find yourself spending less time with James and the others and more time with JJ. While before, you told yourself you didn’t have to avoid them because they’d forget you anyways the moment you left, you forgot to take yourself into account. You know the moment you’re sent back to your time, while relieved, you would be absolutely devastated at leaving your friends behind. You’re way past getting attached, these people are embedded into your soul. The only logical thing to do is put some space between you now so that you’re not completely heartbroken when you go back home.

Besides, JJ is good company. He isn’t as mischievous as James and the other marauders, but he is funny. Well, witty. He doesn’t think before he speaks and it gets him in more trouble than he’d like to admit. But even then, as he’s being chased by a group of upperclassmen that he’s insulted, he can be seen laughing his head off as he runs.

But most importantly, he knows the truth, your truth and is still there for you. He asks you about your friends back home, he lets you vent about how guilty you feel towards your friends here, he even gives you advice. It’s not good advice, all he does is tell you to “fucking tell them already” but, at least he’s trying. All in all, JJ’s a good friend, and you’re lucky to have him.

You’re currently roaming the halls together after coming back from Hogsmeade. JJ told you he knew a way to sneak out and you told him he was full of shit. Evidently, he was right and you were wrong and he can’t stop rubbing your face in it.

“Alright, alright, enough.” you groan, shoving him.

“Let this be a lesson to you Y/N.” JJ continues to gloat. “Don’t ever doubt me. I’m always right.”

“One time!” you correct with an amused smile. “You’re right one time and you won’t shut up about it.”

Rolling his eyes, JJ stops in the corridor and turns to you.

“Do you want me to walk you back to your common room?”

You debate it for a moment before shaking your head.

“Are you sure?” JJ asks, “It’s no trouble.”

“I’ll be fine,” you assure him, pushing him gently towards the hallway that leads to the Ravenclaw common room. “Go. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

JJ nods before turning and making his way down the hall. Once he’s gone, you turn around yourself and start heading towards the Gryffindor common room.

You’ve only made it a few meters before a voice calls out to you.

“Someone’s out past curfew.”

Startled, you whip around only to see James stepping out of the shadows.

“In the name of Godric,” you sigh exasperatedly. “Don’t do that! You scared me half to death.”

“Sorry, love.” He apologizes, giving you a small smile.

“What are you doing out here anyway?” you ask, tilting your head in confusion.

James stutters, trying and failing to give you an answer. His hands clench in nervousness, and the sound of paper crinkling drags your attention down. You see the Marauder’s Map in his hand and then look back up, finding a guilty look on his face.

“Are you-did you…follow me?” you ask, looking up at him in confusion.

“No! Well, I just-“ James stutters.

“James. Did you follow me? Yes or no?”

“I was worried about you!” James defends, taking a step towards you. “I feel like I hardly see you anymore. You’re spending less time with everyone else.”

“JJ? That’s what this is about?” you ask with a scoff. “James, I’m allowed to have friends outside of you.”

“I’m not saying you can’t.” James says with a shake of his head.

“Aren’t you?” you ask, taking a step away from him. “You’re making it seem as if I’ve fallen off the face of the earth! So I hang out with somebody that isn’t you, is that so bad?”

“I just wanted to talk to you.”

“You couldn’t talk to me like a normal person?” you ask. “You had to stalk me using the Marauders Map?”

“I didn’t know how!” James finally says, running his hand through his hair. “It was nearly impossible to get a moment alone with you. If you weren’t with your new friend, you were with the group having lunch. I didn’t want to bring it up in front of them in case it made you uncomfortable.”

“I-I know I shouldn’t have used the map like this, and I’m sorry,” James continues, looking at you with pleading eyes. “I’ve never done it before and I’ll never do it again, honest. I just needed to make sure you were okay.”

You sigh, giving him an appreciative smile. It’s hard to stay mad at James. Yes, he went about it the wrong way, but his heart was in the right place.

“I’m okay,” you tell him with a nod.

Your conversation is cut short when you hear the faint meowing of Mrs. Norris. You and James share a wide eyed look before you both take off running. You’re only a few meters away from the common room entrance when you hear the distinct footsteps of Mr. Filch. James grabs your hand and turns the corner, pulling you with him. He sees an alcove up ahead and runs in that direction. He pushes you in first and steps in after making sure you haven’t been spotted.

It’s a tight fit, definitely not big enough to conceal two teenagers, but with it being too late to look for another hiding spot you’re determined to make it work. You’re both breathing heavily from running and your arms are uncomfortably held to your chest. You try to move your arms, wanting them to be resting at your side instead, and accidentally end up elbowing James.

“Sorry,” you whisper as he groans.

“Why are you moving so much?” he asks, glancing down at you.

“I’m uncomfortable,” you whine with a pout. “Look at where my arms are!”

James chuckles softly at the distress in your voice.

“Here,” he says, grabbing your arms and placing them on his shoulders instead.

You hear Filch getting closer and instinctively step closer to James. He immediately places his hands on your waist, tugging you closer to him, wanting to shield your body with his own. When you hear Filch turn down a different corridor and beckon Mrs. Norris to follow him, you let out a relieved sigh.

Happy that you weren’t caught, you smile up at James only to gasp when you see how close he is. His face is centimeters away from yours, eyes roving over your features before eventually landing on your lips.

“Fuck it,” you hear James whisper before he leans in and captures your lips.

Your hold on his shoulders gets the tiniest bit tighter. You contemplate for a moment pushing him away, but evidently your body has a mind of its own as instead you end up tugging him closer. Keeping one hand on your waist, James brings the other up to cup your cheek. He bites your lower lip and when you gasp, he takes the opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth.

The sound of a door slamming shut harshly startles you, and you pull away with wide eyes. James watches you, adoration evident in his eyes as he tucks a lock of hair behind your ear.

“Was just the wind, love. Don’t worry.”

James leans in, wanting to kiss you again, and you pull away. Seeing the hurt on his face all but breaks your heart, so you turn your head away completely instead.

“Y/N?” he calls softly.

“I-I’m sorry, that shouldn’t have happened.”

“What…what are you saying?” James asks, confusion and hurt evident in his voice.

“This was a mistake,” you sigh, stepping away from him.

“You don’t mean that,” James says with a shake of his head.

“But I do,” you continue, throat closing up from the tears you’re holding back. “It shouldn’t have happened. It can’t happen again, James. It was a mistake.”

“No. I don’t believe you.” he says firmly. “How could something that felt that good and right and natural be a mistake?”

The second you turn your gaze to James you regret it. He’s looking at you with so much affection and hope and it makes you feel that much worse.

“I can’t do this,” you say with a shake of your head. You step out of the alcove and turn to walk away but James grabs your hand and pulls you back to him. When you refuse to look him in the eye, he cups your face in his hands.

“Y/N, I know there’s something going on between us. And I know you feel it too.” You sniffle and shake your head at that and you can see the frown on James’ face deepen. “Why are you doing this? Is it because of Lily?”

Your lower lip wobbles at the mention of her. A tear escapes your eye and James is quick to wipe it away before cupping your face again.

“I know she asked you about us. She asked me too.” he says with a chuckle. “She said you thought there was something going on between us, that you would never get in the way of that. Y/N, there’s nothing there.”

You try to turn your head away but James makes you look at him again.

“Love, please listen to me.” James begs. “I don’t love Lily. I don’t like her, I don’t fancy her. I do enjoy annoying her though.”

You laugh softly at that, and James smiles at having been able to put a smile on your face for even a moment.

“I don’t fancy Lily,” James repeats firmly. “Or Marlene. Or Dorcas. Or Alice or anyone else. There’s only one girl I fancy and that’s-“

“Stop!” you finally cry out, pushing James’ hands away from you. “I told you! I can’t do this. Just leave me alone!”

You turn and run away, leaving James behind in the corridor alone and broken-hearted.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

February 10, 1977

It’s been almost two weeks since that night in the corridor. If James thought he didn’t see you before, you can only imagine how he feels now. You’re avoiding him and everyone else completely now, you don’t even sit with them in the Great Hall anymore, choosing to join JJ and his friends at the Ravenclaw table.

It’s not that you want to avoid your friends completely, it’s just that you don’t know what else to do. You know you have to talk to James eventually but right now you can’t. Not when every time you look at him he looks like someone ripped the heart of his chest and stomped on it. Well…

You’ve only been sitting by the Black Lake for a few minutes when someone settles down beside you. Expecting it to be JJ, you’re pleasantly surprised to see Sirius sitting next to you instead. He doesn’t even turn his head to look at you, he just keeps staring at the water, so you turn your head to do the same.

“Hey,” he finally greets after you’ve both sat in silence for a few minutes.

“Hi,” you say before sighing. “So I’m guessing James told you.”

“Mm-Hmm,” he confirms with a nod. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You’re his friend.” you say with a shrug, turning to face him.

“I’m your friend too.” he tells you, knocking his shoulder against yours playfully.

“I know, but you were his friend first.”

Sirius snorts at that.

“That doesn’t matter. You can’t call dibs on a friend. You’re both my friends. And I care about both of you, even when you’re on the outs. So…do you wanna talk about it?”

“It’s so stupid,” you say with a shake of your head. “Honestly, it was a mistake. It shouldn’t have happened.”

“You look too torn up for somebody who didn’t want it to happen.” Sirius comments, turning his head to look at you.

“Well…I… Of course I wanted it to happen,” you say in exasperation. “But just because I wanted something to happen doesn’t mean it should’ve happened, you know? Because it can’t happen. James…shouldn’t be with someone like me.”

“Don’t do that.” Sirius says firmly.

“Do what?” you ask, looking up at him with wide eyes.

“Don’t push a good thing away just because you’re scared that you don’t deserve it.”

“You don’t get it,” you sigh.

Sirius gives you a pointed look.

“Y/N, I ran away from my home. I turned my back on my family and their values, things they’ve drilled into my head since the day I was born.” Sirius reminds you.

“I’m the only one who gets it. But you deserve to be happy. You deserve to be loved, really loved. The type of love that has you feeling warm inside and smiling like an idiot all the damn time. And if it’s James, what’s so wrong about that?”

“He thinks the world of you, you know?” Sirius tells you. “There’s nothing you could say or do that would change the way he sees you. You could probably kill someone in front of him and he’d think it’s the coolest thing ever.”

You laugh at that, hitting Sirius on the shoulder as he chuckles as well.

“Will you talk to him?” Sirius asks when you both finally stop laughing. “Even if you turn him down, he’d be happy as long as you stay in his life.”

You nod your head at him with a small, nervous smile.

“I’ll talk to him later.”

Sirius is about to walk away when you call out to him.

“You should try to make amends with Regulus.”

Sirius stops in his tracks but doesn’t turn around to face you again.

“I know you think he’s just like your parents, but you’re wrong,” you tell him. “He’s more like you than you think. He just does a better job at hiding it.”

Sirius nods his head before walking away.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

When you’re sitting in the common room later that night reading a magazine, you pretend not to hear the pep talk James is getting on the staircase.

“I don’t know about this, Padfoot.” James says, nervously.

“She said she would talk to you.” Sirius tells him.

“But what if she-“

“Just go,” Sirius orders. “If you wait too long, you’ll miss your chance.”

Only a moment later James comes bounding down the stairs only to stop when he sees you sitting on one of the couches. You know he’s there, but not wanting him to feel embarrassed, you pretend you don’t. Instead, you look up quickly when you turn the page of your magazine, doing a double take when you see him standing there. James stands frozen for a moment before bringing a hand up in greeting.

“Hi.”

“Hi,” you say, waving a hand as well.

You’re waiting for James to make the first move. You see him open and close his mouth several times before eventually giving up, shoulders dropping in defeat when he sees you set the magazine on the table and stand up.

“I’m going for a walk.” you tell him as you make your way around the couch and towards the door. “Would you like to join me?”

James looks at you with wide eyes before nodding his head and following you out the door. You roam the castle grounds in silence for a few minutes before eventually coming to a stop at the pumpkin patch. James takes a deep breath before turning to you.

“So, listen-“

“I’m sorry for how I reacted,” you interrupt. “It’s just, this whole thing caught me off guard and it scared the shit out of me.”

James nods his head in understanding but you don’t miss the sadness in his eyes.

“It scared me because you’re my friend.” you continue. “You’re my best friend and I don’t want that to change.”

“Nothing would change, Y/N,” James tells you with a shake of his head. “I would still be your friend. No matter what. But I-“

“Please don’t say it,” you beg. “Once you say it you can’t take it back and I-“

“I fancy you,” James admits softly. “I have since the first day I saw you.”

James sees the torn look on your face and he feels a sinking feeling in his gut. He just knows he isn’t gonna like what comes next.

“I’m sorry James,” you tell him sadly. “I’m really really sorry. You don’t deserve this.”

“Hey, what’s wrong?” he asks, heart breaking when he sees you holding back tears. “Talk to me.”

“I just-I can’t be in a relationship right now.”

James nods his head and does his best to give you a smile even though now he feels like crying himself.

“With me?” he asks insecurely.

“With anyone,” you correct and somehow, that makes James feel better. At least now he knows there isn’t something wrong with him, or worse, someone else. “There’s just some things I have to work out…and it’s something I have to do on my own.”

“Oh,” James says before nodding his head. “Okay…yeah.”

“But you’re really important to me, James,” you tell him, reaching out to grasp one of his hands. “I can’t- I won’t do anything that would make me lose you.”

James shakes his head profusely at that.

“You’re not gonna lose me, love.” he assures you. “I’ll be here, whenever you’re ready. Just as long as you stop avoiding me, avoiding us. We all miss you like crazy.”

“Deal,” you say, hugging him tightly.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

March 5, 1977

It’s moments like these that you want to remember forever. The moments where everyone is together and having a good time. Sarah, a fellow Gryffindor, had just turned seventeen and seeing as it’s been a while since the last party, of course everyone decided to go all out.

There was food, as well as drinking and dancing. Her friends had even made a piñata; something the pure blood wizards were unfamiliar with. But once they realized you had to hit it with a stick to get the candy out, they were just as excited as everyone else.

You’ve had a great time drinking and dancing with your friends, but now that the alcohol’s hit, you find yourself tucked into a corner watching everyone else have fun with a sad smile on your face. You’re gonna miss this. All of it. When the time turner is fixed and you have to go back home, you’re gonna miss it.

You’re gonna miss helping Lily do her hair before the party, and racing with Sirius to see who can finish their beer first. You’re gonna miss Michael, the lad who always ends up breaking something and then coming to you or Remus for help. You’re gonna miss laughing with Remus about the fact that that’s the only time Michael ever talks to either of you. You’re gonna miss dancing with James, and how his cheeks get red when everyone else teases him about how he’ll only dance if it’s with you. You don’t even realize you’re crying until someone’s wiping your cheeks with a folded up napkin.

“What’s wrong?” James asks, crouching in front of you. “Why are you crying?”

“Because I’m just so happy,” you tell him, wiping your eyes with your hand instead. “And I wish I could be all the time. Being with you guys makes me happy.”

James smiles at that as he takes a drink from his beer.

“I wish I could stay here with you guys forever,” you sigh.

“Then stay,” James says, as if it’s the easiest thing in the world.

“I can’t,” you tell him, shaking your head with a frown. “I have to go home.”

“But I want you to stay.” James pouts at you.

“You wouldn’t be saying that if you knew what I know.” you tell him, looking at him with wide eyes. “You would hate me.”

James looks at you with furrowed brows before shaking his head.

“I could never hate you,” he assures, setting his beer down and running his hand through your hair instead. You close your eyes and smile at the soothing action and James thinks it’s the cutest thing he’s ever seen.

“Even if I lied to you?” you ask, eyes still closed. It takes James a minute to realize what you’re talking about.

“Even if you lied to me.” he says with a nod. Not that you can see it, your eyes are still closed as he continues to play with your hair.

“Even if I kept a secret from you?” you ask.

“We all have secrets,” James shrugs. You open your eyes, and it’s as if you’re staring into his soul.

“Even if you ended up dead?” You and James stare at each other before he nods his head.

“Sure.” he confirms, and he realizes in that moment, that he means it. It doesn’t matter how many times you lie to him, or how many secrets you keep. It doesn’t matter how many times you hurt him or if somehow he ends up dead, it would have been worth it. You would have been worth it. “Even if I end up dead. Because I-“

“There you are!” Remus calls relieved as he reaches you. James, annoyed at the interruption, turns to Remus with a forced smile. “Can you help Sirius? He’s trying to get Peter to bed but he won’t stop asking for you.”

“Okay,” James says with a sigh, “Sure. Speaking of which, can you make sure she makes it to bed alright?”

Nodding, Remus grasps your hands in his and lifts you up, causing you to giggle as your head falls back.

“What were you drinking tonight, Y/N?” Remus asks as he takes a whiff of your drink. “Elderflower wine? You know that makes you sad!”

“But it’s so good,” you tell him, leaning most of your weight on him for support. James watches Remus throw your arm over his shoulder and place a hand on your waist as he guides you to the stairs.

Remus sighs in relief when he finally gets you to bed. You wouldn’t keep still when he tried to wash off your makeup, you complained about how he tied your hair, and when he wanted to let you change on your own, you got stuck in your dress.

Remus pulls the blanket over you and tucks it under your chin. You sigh happily and shift under the covers, trying to get more comfortable.

“Thanks Remus,” you mumble with your eyes still closed. “You’re a great friend. The best. I’m so glad I met you.”

Remus chuckles as he turns your lamp off.

“I’m glad I met you this year too.” You frown and shake your head at that.

“No, we met already.” you correct.

Remus thinks it over, trying to remember if he’s met you before, but nothing comes to mind.

“When was this?” he asks, looking at you.

“It hasn’t happened yet,” you murmur sleepily.

Remus watches you for a bit in confusion before shaking his head and making his way to the door.

“Yeah, no more Elderflower wine for you.” he chuckles.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

March 6, 1977

“For someone who partied hard last night, you’d think you’d be in a better mood,” JJ teases as he comes to a stop next to you. “I take it there’s still no word from Dumbledore.”

“No,” you groan. “I hate it.”

“I thought you liked being here.”

“I do,” you assure him. “And believe me, if I were able to, I would choose to stay in a heartbeat.”

“Then why can’t you?” JJ asks, not seeing the problem.

“I-there’s something I have to do in my timeline.” you tell him, thinking about the horcruxes you have to hunt down. “It’s very important.”

“Damn,” JJ comments offhandedly. “Sucks you can’t just do it here, huh?”

You look up from the ground and turn your head towards him.

“What did you just say?”

“At least then you’d be able to help out in some way,” JJ continues with a shrug. “Who knows? Maybe the Ministry would be so grateful they’d let you stay.”

You place your hands on either side of JJ’s face and he looks at you with wide eyes, afraid he’s said the wrong thing.

“JJ, you’re a fucking genius,” you tell him with a smile.

In the heat of the moment, you place your lips on his before taking off running.

“Wha-where are you going?” he calls after you.

“I’ll tell you later!” you call over your shoulder before disappearing into the castle.

Godric, you’re such an idiot! Why didn’t you think of this before? You highly doubt that you’d be allowed to stay. After all, you don’t belong in this timeline. But, if you find and destroy the horcruxes here, you can change everything. You can save Cedric, and Sirius. Alice and Frank; Marlene, Dorcas, Lily….James. You can save them all.