two moons

i've been dealing with really bad anxiety these past two months up until monday when i finally had a full blown anxiety attack on the way home on the subway. it was my actual first attack since the trigger all of this, but it felt as dreadful as i anticipated. can you imagine all your walls crumbling down, unable to stop yourself from having all these thoughts of hopelessness despite knowing how irrational all these ideas are? all those negative thoughts you suppress suddenly become the only thing you can think about, and that sinking feeling in your stomach attacks you with every breath you take. it feels like death, like it physically feels like death. this was as bad if not worse than the first time.