There Was A Hole Here

Gnnhhhh, not quite ready to be active on this blog yet.,,, ,,

Everything’s cool we’re just all swimming in psychological damage. 

Alrighty, I’m gonna have to get a little down and dirty on biological terminology here so sorry in advance for this.

It seems like nowadays Howl is only ever noticeably active/i can feel him when I’m on my period. Like, it’s the only time he can switch and the only time it doesn’t feel like there’s a big huge wall in the way of me looking into my own head. I don’t know if he’s asleep, in his incoherent dog-space, or what because he doesn’t seem to remember where he was or what he’s been doing whenever he comes back. 

I feel like this is mostly my fault though, because my mental state has been all out whack and it’s mostly because of chemical imbalance. So I’m wondering if hormones have anything to do with it, as Owen suggested.

We haven’t been on this blog in...

a rly long time.

I am so fucking sorry, I’m

HEY GUYS HAPPY NEW YEARS HAHAH

hah

I was working on a picture and I couldn’t not post this here

This is it this is the only picture of Howl that matters

The only way this could be more perfect is if he was showing his teefers or something but I just here he is the biggest douche in the universe in the galaxy

So Howl disappeared again, and I wasn’t sure WHY because it felt like it hadn’t been that long between his ‘feeding periods’, but apparently it was because he came back not entirely out of THAT head space.

It was kind of... unsettling. Like, not SCARY or anything, because I’m not really afraid of him but he’s got a really predatory presence about him and he just doesn’t really talk at all and kind of just... stares. He also was sticking really close to me and he felt very large and overbearing but it was kind of nice? Like sitting next to a giant wild dog that may or may not have some lingering violent tendencies. He wasn’t NOT affectionate though, in a weird “I’m going to sit RIGHT HERE next to you and enjoy your physical contact and you’re not gonna move or I’m going to make weird growling noises and glare at you” way. It was kind of cute? And then he was a bit aggressive/vigorous/insistent in another sense but I’m not going to go into details about that. After that I kind of just had to keep an eye on him in the Void because he was really pent up and for some reason was aggressively looking for Ran (Owen was at work)? And then I think Sammy came and got him because I got a bit of an “OOPS, wasn’t done watching him, sorry!” vibe and then he wasn’t there anymore.

I’ve never really ever drawn a profile shot of Howl before (because I’m awful at them), but here’s the most accurate one I could make (from another picture i’m working on).

He makes the :< face a lot (because of the way his mouth is shaped). Except more like >:< because he’s got constant angry eyebrows. (I made him look rly blank here for some reason, idk this is his ‘staring at a wall’ face.)

I drew this shot from the right before I remembered that’s which one of his eyes is missing OTL So here’s a (cleaned up) look at his gaping eye socket I guess.

I was blonde for like, 2 days and I finally dyed it again last night.  The best thing about this scenario is  Howl finally came back to the front and is like “WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU CONSTANTLY SPONTANEOUSLY CHANGING YOUR APPEARANCE I CAN’T FUCKING KEEP UP, GODDAMMIT.”

Bro, you can’t keep up with ANYTHING.

He switched again once more in the last couple weeks though, but apparently he was too ‘in the moment’ to remember anything specific that happened. He was with Owen though, so I think it’s not too hard to assume what the gist of it was. >_>

-aggressive shrugging-  I’M- How do you not come to expect these things by now?? Honestly.

BUT YE, everything’s good FOR NOW. In fact, everything’s great for now. There’s obvious impending stress/hardship in the future (i don’t really feel like elaborating) but...

SHUT THE HELL YOUR MOUTH, you’re doing this on purpose aren’t you? You are LITERALLY looking for an excuse to be anxious. Stop it.

So Howl somehow disorientedly managed to switch when I fell asleep last night. Apparently he had no idea how he got there and had just kind of stumbled in. To be fair I had a channeled a somewhat noticeable emotional response from him beforehand and he probably was like ‘dafuq is this?’ and stumbled through the door I left open in his incoherent state. He and Owen were equally “:U ??!?” about it apparently and then they did some gay stuff idk.

Apparently he’s been completely brain-fucked out of his head the past couple weeks and has no idea what he’s been doing the whole time, so it’s probably a good thing I didn't go in and check on him because the lat time he was in that headspace he was fucking terrifying and both times I saw him (once in the Void and once in a dream) he was “eating” and I had to nope the fuck out (having a something-out-of-a-nightmare-fetish person-eating tulpa is great guys, it really is.)

But I figured that since he told Owen he was okay now I’d go in and check on him (upon Owen’s suggestion), and I did.

And he was napping on the couch (which probably means he expected me to pop in because that’s where we always meet up). So, like the self-entitled cat-mannered host that I am, I sat on him and told him to wake his ass up. 

He blinked at me for 15 seconds, gave an incoherent smirk and slurred something like “Hey baby, I knew you’d come looking for this”, grabbed my ass, and then passed tf back out (without relenting his grip on my backside).

he’s

such a dumb i can’t

He only recently woke up to fill me in on the deetz, I can feel his groggy glaring even now. I think there’s a middle finger mixed in there somewhere too.

Good to have you back, pups! :D

You’re not my real mom.

I missed you too! :’D