Daily Life of a Woman

I think it's pretty wild how cut and dry people think sexual orientation is. Nobody is 100% straight or 100% gay. I do identify as being straight, but that does not mean that there isn't women I'm attracted to. It's just about 1 in every 300000 that I am. It's moments of which I'm currently going through I wish I wasn't someone who was on the straighter side of things. I do like men, trust. I find myself drawn to the ones that are not abusive per se, just not nice.

I'm currently being talked to by a man who I'm pretty sure is just stringing me along so that he can have someone to fall back on when his actual choices are busy. And I'm going to keep letting him because I do not have the self respect to end it. I've also convinced myself if I can show him how great I am, I will get a chance. Which is actually insane. There was a time many years ago where I could think I had a chance, but I did ruin things due to me being unmedicated and not knowing why I was acting the way I was. Thanks to time and therapy, I have become a decent person and he's back. He's back after a failed marriage that he got into directly after ending things with me. God. Pretty pathetic stuff for only my third entry.

A band I love called Boys Like Girls is going on tour and they're playing their first two albums back-to-back. Cover to cover. Sadly, they will be nowhere near me on this tour. I cannot afford an eight-hour car ride. Alas, I will enjoy having seen them as an opening act earlier this year. As much as I enjoy living in a "small" town due to it never being busy and how easy it is to make friends because everyone in the same age range somehow knows everyone, it just means that no musicians I want to see come here. The only big act I can recall ever coming to my town is a disgraced comedian who had the high life thanks to a beloved TV show. I've been to big cities before. It is cool how they all have a massive downtown area with places to shop, eat, and play. One of these days, I am going to take a two weeklong vacation in a city like that and live life as if I'm on Sex in the City. Maybe a band I like will be on tour when I do that and I'll get to see them. I am thankful for all the concerts I have gotten to go to tho. I even went on an airplane for one a couple years ago. That was a nice lil 4-day vacation. I usually have to go on a 4–6-hour car drive to see anyone. Recently I've been fortunate enough for some bands to come thru only an hour away. It's not totally awful living hours away from major cities that get traction. At least we have nice little mom and pop shops that can actually thrive since a lot of people here can't afford retail prices from places like Target. A town over, used to have one of those more expensive fast-food places, it went under in roughly three months due to the citizens not being able to afford it at all. One of the highest paying jobs in that town is 15 an hour. Ugh. That was a whole load of rambling. And no one is probably even going to read it, so eh.

I bought a gaming laptop today in hopes of being able to play some games. As much as I am enjoying have games to play and getting to try all the free games that Steam has to offer, I am much more enjoying typing. I have longish fake nails so it's all *clickity-clack" on my keyboards like I'm a front desk lady from the 80s. I even made this side blog so that I can type more. If I had a creative bone in my body I would write a novel just so I can type more. There's just something so nice about typing when you have long nails. Okay, I gotta stop typing about this. I sound insane lol.

I am getting this all typed up while my cat sleeps next to me and the Kardashians (we all have guilty pleasures) plays on my Roku TV. I do feel like out of all the Kardashians, I could bull shit my way enough to be friends with Kourtney.