Gemini Feed

WHAT’S GOOD, HOMEOWNERSHIP? 🍾🥂 IT’S BEEN A MINUTE! 😎

While 2020 has undoubtedly had its fun with us (and it continues to do so), for me, it has also been a strangely wonderful year of self-discovery. And while I am absolutely overjoyed, I do feel conflicted. The world (literally) burns around us as the pandemic rages on and appears as if it will never end. Despite this, I somehow managed to finally find the space to breathe into the unbroken and vibrant person I never believed I could become—and it has been incredible.

I wish I could tell you.

So many gray hairs will conveniently grow on the side opposite your part and easily hidden—you will fight it at first and then you’ll lean into it.

You were loved—so loved, but you won’t allow yourself to accept or understand it. When you did, it was only when you felt like you had earned it and it was only “for now”.

You’ll spend many evenings contemplating the meaning of the hollowness keeping you awake at night.

You will wake up countless mornings wanting to die but never telling a soul.

Your heart will break—and it will continue to break until there is barely anything left to carry you onward.

You will allow yourself to believe it wasn’t abuse.

You will reach your breaking point and no longer tolerate bleeding out for false allies.

You will break free and realize you can name it without needing to justify it to them.

You will finally see your worth and accept no less than the respect you were taught to yield.

You will finally learn what it means to love yourself and that it isn’t selfish to do so.

The black clouds are real and you will need help. It will take you a very long time to ask for it.

Your heart will heal and you will love again.

The wait will be worth it.