pretty reckless

“Yeah, well.” Roman sighed, looking down at his hands while his brain ran a mile a minute. He wanted to protect his sister from everything bad in the world, which was getting harder and harder to do as they got older. It wasn’t his job anymore, and he knew that, but it was hard to just let that instinct to guard her fizzle away when it was engrained in him so deeply from a young age. “I jus’ always want to shield you from anything bad, which is ridiculous, I know. You’re a grown woman and don’t need me fighting all of your battles.”

“yeah, well, what?” she razzed him. “there are some things that are out of our control and feelings are one of them. which is probably why it’s best to just avoid them all together,” some people seemed to be good at that, but no matter how hard vivi tried, that was never something she could master. “believe me, if it was something you could fix, i would let you have at it in a heartbeat.” maybe that was part of the reason she wasn’t great at dealing with things. “enough about me though. how’re things with you?”

cillian liked to think that he was a better person now than he was then. but viviana’s attitude was kind of pissing him off. was this the ideal situation to be apologizing to her? no. but that wasn’t cillian’s fault. and the more he thought about it, the more the whole situation felt kind of ridiculous to him. and in classic cillian fashion, whatever work he’d done to patch things up, he was steadily on his way to undo. “look, i said i was sorry, take it or leave, i honestly don’t care anymore. clearly what happened between us meant more to you than it did to me, but i don’t really see how that’s my fault. leaving the country seems a little extreme, doesn’t it?” he questioned, clearly irritated. 

had the conversation just ended there, viviana would have been fine with it, she didn’t expect to get anything out of it anyway. the ideal situation would have been if she didn’t have to see him or hear from him again, but in this city that was highly unlikely. “you didn’t care to begin with,” she reminds him. “stop trying to get under my skin you fucking douchebag. you don’t have to worry about my decisions. just because some people pretend that they’re used to rejection doesn’t mean that everyone handles it the same way.” leaning forward she taps the driver, who probably can’t wait for this ride to be over, on the shoulder. “can you just let me out here please?” when the car pulls over, the brit grabs her bag and gets out. walking around the other side of the car she opens the back passenger side door, her fist that was already curling at her side winds up and connects with his face. “you’re right, leaving the country was extreme. the vacation was great, but that felt much better.” slamming the door shut, she walks off pulling out her phone to still give the uber driver a 5 star rating.

cillian’s jaw tightened slightly. “actually, your brother already apologized for confronting me about it at the party,” cillian replied, weirdly satisfied about that. he had absolutely no ulterior motives here. aside from wanting to feel a bit better about himself and cillian didn’t think that was suck a bad thing. “and i was gonna apologize to you anyway. i’m not asking you to forgive me. i don’t really expect you to. but i’m sorry that i hurt you. i was pretty careless back then.”  

“of course he did, roman can’t stand confrontation.” it didn’t surprise viviana in the least that her brother somehow ended up being the bigger person in this situation. but then again, she wouldn’t expect much else from the golden child. “were you? you were just waiting for what, the six month time frame?” she’s skeptical about whether or not he would have apologized at all had roman not said something to him about it, not that it matters either way. “yeah. right. well hope your conscience is clear now.”

cillian grimaced to himself, looking out his own window as his knee bounced up and down anxiously. he knew that this wouldn’t go well, but things were already off to such a rocky start that it was throwing him a bit. “look, i totally understand if you like, hate my guts and want me dead, or whatever,” he started. “and i probably deserve that. i was gonna call you up and make plans to apologize but i uh-” cillian looked around the car, taking in the tiny enclosed space that they were trapped in together. “i mean i didn’t imagine it going down like this.”

“you totally understand?” vivi couldn’t help herself, she had to glance at him as she let out a completely humorless laugh. “good. i’m so relieved, i was really worried about your feelings on that.” hazel orbs rolled almost out of her head. “but you didn’t. not that you not calling surprises me in the least. don’t bother with an apology. you’re only doing it so that my brother doesn’t beat your ass. you’re not doing it because you’re actually sorry. so don’t waste your breath.”

cillian bit his tongue, because there wasn’t anything he could say to improve this situation. so he sighed instead, climbing fully into the car and closing the door behind him, raking a hand through his hair. he’d been planning on apologizing to her. but he’d thought that they’d meet somewhere where he could quickly apologize and easily escape afterwards. being stuck in a car with vivi was not exactly ideal. cillian cleared his throat somewhat awkwardly, tapping his knee lightly. “so…” he said after a moment of silence had passed between them. because he couldn’t think of what else to say. 

even though it took a while, viviana was ‘over’ the wreck of the situation she put herself into with .cillian some time ago. but the feeling of rejection that she remembers any time she thought about, or in this case, saw, him comes barreling down on her with a weight that she didn’t want to bear. “so what?’ vivi retorts. her attention is focused out the window rather than looking at him. it wasn’t like the model to have this kind of negative disposition, but in this situation she wasn’t going to do anything to change it.

cillian didn’t make a habit of ubering all that often. but it was way too cold to be out and about on his bike and the idea of lugging his groceries back to the apartment on the subway was it’s own brand of hell. so cillian reluctantly opted for uberpool, the cheapest of the available options during a surge. cillian never had any trouble chatting up strangers before, so that idea hadn’t phased him much. that was until he climbed into the back of the car with viviana, the last person he wanted to run into by sheer chance. he stopped short, his groceries already in the back seat though he still had one leg outside the car, debating leaving the groceries behind and booking it in the opposite direction. “i can cancel,” he started, to which the driver protested, but cillian didn’t care. anything to escape how awkward this situation was.

making small talk with strangers is usually one of viviana’s strong suits. she is that person who makes friends almost anywhere she goes. she’ll do it if she has to, but she isn’t really in the mood today. now she’s wishing she brought her ear buds, which may have appeared rude but she’s not sure if she would care. first the groceries caught her eye and then her eyes traveled to who they belonged to and rolled nearly out of her skull. “no need to pretend to be thoughtful now. little late for that.”

Valentine’s Day was never great for Landon but this year he had a feeling that it was going to be even more horrible than usual. If the fact that he was walking around with a cast on his arm wasn’t bad enough, there was also the little detail that he was going to have to see the guy he’s in love with act all coupley and in love with his best friend and the guy he was dating. That was probably enough to have anyone feel like they’d rather hide somewhere no one would find them. So when Vivi suggested they spend the day eating their whole weight in takeaway and watching horror movies, he jumped at the opportunity. It couldn’t get less loved up than that which was just what he needed. “Plans? You know I’ve barely been going out of the house except for that party and if I see one more Valentine’s card or teddy beat I’m going to lose it. You know I hate this stupid holiday.” Viv also knew him enough to know it wasn’t necessarily the holiday that he hated but the situation that he found himself in. 

Vivi actually loved love. She fell in love probably a little too easily and a little too often and it seemed as though love didn’t tend to love her back. Especially not this year. “I didn’t want to just assume you didn’t have plans that would be rude,” but she was glad that he didn’t. “I know it’s dreadful isn’t it? Now I’m wishing I would have stayed longer in Paris getting laid was so simple over there.” all in all, she just hated to be alone in general, it didn’t even have that much to do with valentine’s day. that was just an extra annoyance. “it is stupid. i would much rather pretend it didn’t exist and eat junk food to fill the void,” she laughs although she isn’t joking, even though she’ll purge all the contents of her stomach when she is inevitably alone, it that still sounded better than wallowing in her self pity.

“Yeah, well.” His eyes traveled up to his sister’s face when she said he needed to get out of his head, knowing she was right, but that was so much easier said than done. “I can’t stop thinking about the party…and cillian.” He said the name like it was poison on his lips, stuck between feeling bad about the way he’d confronted him, and wishing he’d done more because he was still pissed. “I don’t even know what I expect him to do now, but I’m just so pissed.” He shook his head, and pressed his lips together.

viviana took the crown for dwelling on things, it was just something she did, so it was much easier for her to tell someone else to get over something even though she knew it didn’t work quite that simply. “he’s not worth occupying space in your brain,” she reminds her brother. vivi also had more time and plenty of flings in france to help her get over it. this was still fresh for him. “he’s just not that into me. he’s not the first and im sure he won’t be the last” even though saying it out loud still hurt her pride.