Visored Head Canons

Shinji

It honestly just slipped out, it was *one time*

He spends weeks trying to get the kid to say “dada” or “tou-san”, but no, the little language sponge just had to learn to say “Fuck” before anything else.

He thought Hiyori was small and screamed swears too loudly, but she’s got nothing on this little monster, at least she knows how to stop when asked and has a bit of variety.

It didn’t help that his initial reaction to the kid saying “Fuck” was “oh shit—WAIT NOOOOO”

Spends the next several days trying to bribe the kid into learning new words that aren’t as embarrassing to be heard in public.

Kensei

This man tried so hard. He really did.

There were signs and everything, he threatened any and everyone who came by within a mile radius to not swear in front of his kid, he spelt out any ‘bad’ words to keep any nonsense away from his child.

He was doing some training and felt something a muscle pull in the wrong way, his mouth just happened to say the words running through his brain

“SON OF A FUCKIN BITCH”

Child just happened to have awoken from their nap nearby to hear and repeat in their adorable lil voice

Great, now he’s in pain *and* his child is now screaming a curse loud enough for the entire division to hear.

Kensei @The Universe: pls...enough...what more can you put me through

Lisa

Child: FUCK

Lisa: Right on, let it out lil guy

The chillest of them all, she lets her kid just run with it

She did try to refrain a bit, but it just comes out from time to time, it couldn’t be helped, she did stub her toe.

At the moment she’s caught between pride at her child picking up some vocab words and wanting to take them to go see Shunsui just to see his reaction to his precious Lisa-chan’s baby screeching the word Fuck at him.

Rose

Of all the things he said in front of the kid to make sure they grew up with a large vocabulary, he was sure it was going to be something music related.

Kid has his sharp ears, he only whispered a soft “Shit” when he knocked over that stack of paperwork, the kid was on the other side of the office playing with some toys while visiting him. He didn’t realize that baby had heard it until Izuru came in and when he went to greet the child it went

“Oh, hello little one? How are you today? Enjoying playing with the blocks?”

Baby looks him right in the eyes, knocks over the little tower, and says “Shit.”

Rose: “oh no”

Honestly Izuru was more shook than Rose was. Rose kind of leaned down and smacked his head against his desk

“Why” thunk “how” thunk

Twenty minutes later he’s trying to repeat other words just to help the kid say anything else

Love

Best advice he can give to anyone, don’t quote dramatic lines from your new manga without double checking to make sure the baby child isn’t nearby.

In his defense, it was a damn sweet line, he just had to say it out loud, dramatic pose and everything.

He thought the kid was happy at the weird pose and then they looked at him and happily said “Bitch!”

“YOU JUST SAID YOUR FIRST WORD oh my god your first word is a swear and you learned it from me oh no.”

He’s in Panic Mode for a full half hour, probably called Kensei (The most Dad regular guy he knows) to ask him if he had any idea of what to do, to which Kensei laughed at him and demanded a video as proof.

Soon enough he’s just laying on the floor next to baby, accepting his fate as baby continually says bitch at varying speeds and volumes, his phone blowing up after Mashiro saw the video on Kensei’s phone and sent it to their group chat

Hachi

When baby Ushoda said “asshat” he immediately flashed back to earlier that day when some lower rank nearly flash stepped right into his child and he muttered it under his breath as the dressed down reaper fled from him.

There is that brief moment of panic before he takes that deep breath in...and tries to make his laugh sound like a cough.

He’s another one of the chill ones, he honestly knew that it would be coming at some point with the people he considers his family and how often they’re by (when aren’t they around?). It was a matter of when, not if, he just expected it to come...later on…

Mashiro

Honestly, it is the funniest thing she’s ever seen

The night before she had gotten a papercut and she may have let out a series of...not so nice words, but the kid was in another room, no way they could have heard her say anything, right?

Yeah, the kid totally heard.

She had brought the kid with her to work, it was a nice day and she thought Shuhei could use a friend while he handled the paperwork.

Kensei had just come in from early morning training and upon greeting the child, the kid grabbed one of Kensei’s fingers and smiled up at him.

“Hey, little tyke seems to be having a good day”

Baby: “mother fucking shit”

If she didn’t love her kid before, she does one million percent now, in all her years she’s never managed to get that wild of a look on Kensei’s face before

Also, Shuehi might be dead, he made one hell of a noise before falling back in his chair, they should probably check on him

Hiyori

This was not a matter of if, but when and which word

Shinji may or may not have set up an ad the paper to place bets on what curse the kid would say first

“Damn it”, “Shitty”, and “Asshole” were the top runners, “Fuck” being the favorite choice of the 12th

Hiyori was fully prepared for it, hell she was kind of excited for it. Baby’s first swear, she didn’t learn any til she was in the academy. (Good memory, first time she took down a guy in a round robin with the captains present, they got to witness it, well worth the lecture she got)

Kisuke actually won the pot with “first word is okay, second will be the swear”

Shinji isn’t sure if he should be honored that the baby learned his name before anything else, or be offended that it was immediately followed by “bitch”

Like Mashiro, this is the greatest moment of her life, she’s so proud of her baby for calling Shinji a bitch. This moment is going straight into the baby book.

Later she may or may not want to issue a series of apologies to anyone who has ever been around her, some would call it karma for years of being a very tiny blonde who screams swear words at people at all hours of the night. She is very sorry, it apparently is genetic, once more, sorry.