VENGEFUL

she sniffled and leaned into him. “i just…wish i got to see you more,” she whispered as she rested a hand on her stomach. she winced a little and let out a slow breath. “ellie isn’t very happy today,” she muttered. she gasped and sat forward, wincing again. “ow ow ow gray…gray something’s not right,” she whimpered.

he was quick to turn towards her and take a second to look her over before he shifted a bit and cleared  his throat. “okay hey it’s okay.” he spoke quickly as he moved his hand to her own and gripped it quickly before he cleared his throat. “i’m sure it’s just cramps or something...breathe.” 

she let out a shaky breath and shrugged. “i know that what you have with him is special…i would never ask you to stop,” she whispered. em leaned back against the pillows and sniffled. “i love you more than anything …sometimes it’s just hard knowing you’re off with him and i’m stuck here alone.”

he nodded carefully as he watched her. he knew doc had a lot of the same problems as he shifted a bit.  “i know...doc has the same problem.” he spoke  as he reached out and took her hand moving to  place a kiss on her skin. “i’m sorry babe, it’s so complicated but god i do love you very much.” 

as soon as gray left to get her some water, she began to cry. she hated that she felt so jealous and betrayed but she did and she couldn’t help it. “thank you,” she whispered as she took the water and swallowed down the pills. “you don’t have to stay here. i know i’ve pissed you off so i wouldn’t want to force you into the company of your bloated, hormonal wife.”

gray shifted on the edge of the bed as he looked to her and sighed softly as he tilted his head towards  the side a little bit. “pretty sure i pissed you off.” he commented as he rested his hands together. “jack has told me how hard this is for doc, what we have and um you don’t have to worry it won’t happen again. and I do love you...very much.”

“whatever gray, i don’t care. i truly hope you enjoyed the pleasure you got from jack because it’s about all you’ll be getting from now until eternity.” she opened her book and let out a breath, closing her eyes as she felt a pang of pain in her stomach. “fuck…look as much as I hate to ask you for anything, I need a glass of water so I can take these pills.”

“right...i’ll put it to memory.” he grunted as he brushed a  hand over his head before he turned towards her and nodded his head. “right, yeah. course.” he spoke moving to the kitchen to get her a glass before he returned to the bed and extended it forwards. “here you are.” 

Upset doesn’t really begin to cover how I feel Gray. Do you have any idea what it’s like to be trapped in this room 24 hours a day? I’m as large as a beached whale and you hardly even look at me when you’re actually here. —So if I find it hard to believe that you miss me, I think I have reason to.

Okay...you’re very upset. Look it’s been a rough few  days for all of us okay, and I’m sorry I was gone for  -- with... Jack okay. I really am. I didn’t mean to be  but he’s my brother. I did miss you okay, I even talked about you. I love you, and our child, okay. I’m sorry.

Oh you missed me? Huh…weird. That must be a new feeling for you. See as a woman on literal bed rest, I get the notion of missing you quite often but I imagine this is strange to you.

Okay.... I get it you’re upset and I’m an ass. Look I’m sorry about me and Jack but I do miss you all the time. Even if it doesn’t seem it. I do.

     —Hey…didn’t think I’d be seeing      you today. Thought for sure that      Jack would take up all of your time.

      Hey... -- nope he’s doing something        with Doc I imagine. Plus I’ve missed         my wife. 

as the doctor let out his feelings in a stammering, almost nervous manner, jack felt this overwhelming sense of guilt build within him. “i don’t want you to get gray. and it doesn’t matter if i’m upset, i am the last person in this tardis that actually matters right now,” he muttered. after a moment, jack stepped forward and wrapped his arms around the doctor, holding him tight. “stop talking for a few minutes okay? just stand here, let me hug you, and breathe,” he whispered. jack rubbed his back slowly in order to try and comfort him. right now he needed to push back the hurt and guilt that he felt rising up within him in order to fix his relationship.  “i understand that you get jealous and i am sorry i haven’t given you the reassurance that you needed when I should have,” he whispered. jack tightened the hug, holding him close and kissing his head softly. “I know you say that you don’t mind if things with gray continue, but we are both married men and we know better than this so from now on nothing is going to happen and if it does, you and I are gonna talk about it and then at the end of the day,  the only person that I will be coming home to is you.”

as jack proceeded to hug him he swallowed hard and then moved his arms around jack taking a deep breath as he nodded a bit growing quiet as he held  him tight. he took slow breaths as he swallowed a bit more and then shifted as he held jack close. he breathed in everything that was jack and held him close while  nodding to the words he spoke. “okay...” he whispered softly as he held him. “okay.” he repeated as he held onto his husband tightly. “i love you.” he whispered as he  tightened his grip a bit more. 

jack swallowed hard and let out a slow breath as his husband spoke. “i’ll just cut contact with him, it’s fine,” he muttered. he stood up slowly and began to pace the room slowly. “were you trained in making people feel the full brunt of the guilt that was already lurking inside their minds? because you’re great at it,” he added as he pushed a hand over his head. “you know every time i saw you with rose, or heard her name mentioned after she was gone, i got jealous. so yeah i know how it feels which is why i’ll just cut off ties with gray.” he folded his arms over his chest and looked down. “i’m sorry i wasn’t here to give you a hug or to have dinner with you. i’m sorry for being a shitty husband when you deserve so much more. —and honestly, i’m not sure i can fix this because i can see how much i’ve screwed up.” he began to pace slowly, feeling anxious. “god how can you even stand to look at me? this fucking horrible husband of yours…god you’d have been better off falling in love with someone else on your journeys instead of the selfish con-man i was and apparently still am.” tears welled in his eyes and he shuffled, stepping back a bit. “should i just go?”

the doctor watched him stand and then swallowed a bit as he spoke. ‘that wasn’t my intention, i just..... i -- i wanted you to understand the jealousy can’t be helped. it’s just  human nature, even time lord nature. th---that’s all.” he spoke watching jack pace. “you haven’t been...been--lis-listening to what i’ve said. i am fine with you and gray, and i don’t care if it continues, i do not want you to...to cut off all your --” he  paused to suck in a breath as he dropped his gaze fidgeting  a bit. “i just wanted...wanted you to understand i can’t help the jealous but --- i am fine. i would...would never ask you to cut things off. just understand i don’t mean to get jealous itj ust... happens.” he spoke biting his lip before he let out a breath. “i never said you screwed up, or any of that..... and and...and -- if you honestly think i want you to go, you really haven’t....haven’t heard a word i said.” he spoke, unable to help the stutter of words that flew out as he grew nervous he’d pushed his husband to far, that he might do something. “i get jealous..... i can’t...can’t help it...but i am okay and i do understand, all -- all..all i need is a little reassurance when you ...you come back,” he whispered quietly. fingers fidgeting in his lap. “i’ve upset you... i can-- can...i can get gray, if. if  you want. he helps.” 

jack nodded and glanced down towards the ground as his husband spoke. “i’m not going to get bored of you…i love you more than anything in the world and god if i have to tell you one more time that at the end of the night you are the one i want to be with forever, i might actually throw myself off a cliff,” he stated. “you are the one i chased for 150 years…the one i have loved since we met. and if that pure, all-consuming love isn’t enough for you, then i don’t know what is,” he whispered. jack squeezed his hand and let out a breath. “i’m not leaving you ever, not until the day you tell me you don’t want me around anymore. —as for gray …well if you need me to cut off all contact except for a handshake just fucking tell me because I’d rather know than end up hurting you,” he muttered.

he watched jack for a moment and nodded his head, “I understand it’s where you want to be, but it isn’t always where you are.” he spoke for a moment. he looked back to jack nodding his head, “i’m being childish.” he confessed slowly as he took in a breath. “i would never ask that of  you or gray, i understand you’re close, i just need you to understand it can make me a bit jealous and i miss you  that’s all... i just miss my husband when he’s gone, and long for a hug or a little reassurance after you’ve been with him, specially after the other night, my head gets....spinning. i don’t care if it continuous, i just don’t want to be forgotten, or made to feel bad because i get a bit jealous... or restless or  nervous even.” he spoke, “answer me honestly, look me in the eye...if i was with someone else, so close to someone else and i didn’t come home even when i said i might, wouldn’t you get just a bit jealous?” he asked. “at the end of the day all i needed was a hug, and to know you loved me too, and missed me too,  and to give you your present since i was unable, which i realize i still haven’t done, i’m sorry.... I really am awful.” 

jack swallowed hard and carefully took the doctor’s hand as he took the seat next to him on the bed. “look…i know that you’ve missed me and you feel jealous and betrayed because of what i did with gray, but babe this not sleeping thing is not healthy,” he whispered. he moved a hand to cup the doctor’s cheek and canted his head to the side sympathetically. “i love you…are you gonna be okay? because if you can’t say yes or soon, then i think i might be the problem and if i’m the problem then maybe you should consider not being with someone that doesn’t make you happy.”

looking towards jack he nodded his head a bit knowing he had missed jack, and yes he’d been a bit jealous of what he had with gray and yes it made him a bit restless specially the night spent alone. he felt the hand against his cheek and looked up to him as he gave a faint nod. “i love you too.” he whispered. “yes... i’ll be fine.” he spoke finally as he met his gaze. “i’m sorry, i don’t mean to make it hard, or difficult or even for you to feel bad about it.” he spoke gently looking down. “sometimes sharing you, specially when I’m not there is... is hard. because i miss you, and an empty bed is -- i’m sorry, i’m gonna be just fine.” he assured gently. “i just don’t want you to get bored of me...you’re all i have besides our kids you’re the only connection i have that’s so strong as what we have, or you and gray. i don’t know who i’d be if you left, or  bored of me.” 

he sighed and looked down, sending a quick text to ask gray to feed the kids for him. “it’s fine, i’ve got it handled. —i think you should sit down. we need to talk about this,” he murmured as he sat down on the edge of the bed.

he rubbed a hand against his face before he moved to sit on the edge of the bed  next to jack. “it’s never very good when a conversation starts like that, but alright.”

“Guess I shouldn’t have bothered speaking then. —i was just asking if you had fed the kids yet but based on this lack of awareness i’ll go with no.”

“um... oh...sorry. -- i don’t think so. not since this morning...not lunch  anyway. sorry.”

she nodded slowly and offered him a small smile. “wes pwease…i wanna wook wike wou daddah. —wou pwease make me a dwess?”

he chuckled as he shook his head quickly before he cocked his head. "oh i don't know that me making it is any good, but i'll make sure someone else makes you a pretty purple dress just like my suit."

"puwple is my fafowite cowor…i fink it wooks pwetty wif wou eyes. —can i haf a dwess like dis cowor?”

"you want a dress the same as my suit huh? oh i'm sure we could probably find one for you." 

     "Wou wook silly in dat        suit Daddah…why it puwple?”

      "oh i do, do i? i'm trying something         new, i didn't think purple was so bad."