cacophony.

He picked me up after treatment. I brought up getting back into the studio ‘cause I wanted to take my mind off shit. And somehow that got into us arguing because Harry just wouldn’t even try and he finally lashed out that he sang for me. From x-factor to the last time it was all for me, supposedly and that just opened the fucking flood gates of every guilt trip he’s ever wanted to lay on me. He sang for me. Got the surgery for me. Came back for me. I’d shut all that down, and offered to go for a walk or something to calm us both down but he said ‘he wanted to do something different’ grabbed me and kissed me. Apparently he thought that was a good test to see if anything was still there. We got into another fight about it and how I “never even gave him a chance”. Turns out he doesn’t remember anything for like the past year. So you know, he gets to break my heart and everyone’s forgiven him and I’m supposed to just stop being happy with you and go be happy with him. Funny how what I want in all this doesn’t seem to matter though.

Well, shit.

What’s going on in your head?

I just want to know how that even happened.

I have been talking! I want you to talk.

I don't know what you want me to say.

Sometimes I can sleep like a normal person, but usually I only sleep for twenty four hours straight or not at all. 

That sounds great.

Thank you. What good did fighting about it do if you still can’t look at me? How do you know it wouldn’t help if you won’t try? I agree with you - he needed a stronger message that it was time to let go and move on. And so you did what you thought you had to do. I get that. I can’t change it. But you’re still not ok. And I want to help.

It made me feel better. Fine, you want to talk? Go ahead. Talk.

Promise to tell me if I do? Because you got hurt! Because you hurt someone else. Because you just reacted. And wouldn’t talk to me or anyone and that’s what I’m here for, remember? It fucking scares me when you do that.

Yeah, of course. Louis, 'm fine. I couldn't talk to you! It's hard to even look at you and not picture that asshole putting his lips on you. And what good would talking about it even do? It's not going to make me feel better, and it's not going to show him that he can do something like that and get away with it.

Come off anon, and we'll talk.