Day in the life of a transgender woman

fHey everyone,

I just wanted to give you another update about my ongoing process of getting my name and gender officially changed on papers. A few days ago my second evaluator finally got in touch with me about the appointment for the evaluation. It will be today in a week and I’m so excited for it because after this evaluation it’s only a matter of a few weeks until I will finally get my new papers. It’s been almost been 5 months now since I’ve send that request to the local district court and I can’t believe that it’s finally happening so soon.

Also, in around 2 weeks I’ll hit the 6 month mark for my HRT. So crazy that I’ve been on hormones for half a year already. I’m going to post another update for the 6 month mark since there have been some more changes in the last couple of weeks. I’m also gonna retrospectively take a look again what changed in the last 6 months to give up a summarized insight into my HRT journey. :-)

List ten songs you’ve been listening to a lot recently.

In no particular order:

- Wild & Free (Lena)

- Into You (Ariana Grande)

- New Rules (Dua Lipa)

- Run With Me (Philipp Sheppard)

- Te Amo (Rihanna)

- This Is Real (Ella Henderson)

- Look At Her Now (Selena Gomez)

- Lose You To Love Me (Selena Gomez)

- To Each His Own (Talos)

- Dangerous Woman (Ariana Grande)

Hey everyone,

today I’d like to tell you about my ongoing process of changing my name and gender on official documents. First of all, you have to know that this process is pretty complicated in Germany.

Here’s what you have to do:

- You have to sent a request to your local district court in which you tell them about your case and ask for the change of your name and gender based on the transgender law in Germany. You’ll have to attach several documents such as a birth certificate and a proof of residence.

- Then you will receive an appointment with the judge of the court. They will ask you several things such as, when did you realize you where transgender? Since when are you presenting yourself to the public according to your identity and so on. After that the judge will tell you the two evaluators who will be assigned to evaluate you. You have to know that in Germany, before a trans person can change their name and gender they will have to be evaluated by two psychological evaluators. What they are doing is that they basically confirm (or not) the diagnosis of gender dysphoria in your case in a pretty conversation with you.

- So some time after that you will be contacted by your evaluators, they will give you an appointment, you have to meet them and talk to them and they will assess and evaluate you.

- After that they will send this evaluation report to the court.

- In a last step the judge will pass the verdict which will allow you to change your name and gender.

As you see it’s kind of a long and tedious process in Germany and it takes a lot of patience. It usually takes around 5-6 months for everything to be settled. The good thing, however, is that with the verdict of the judge you’ll be entitled by law to have every single document changed and updated that you have every received in your life (even birth certificate). All of this will be changed for free, which is a pretty awesome thing. The bad thing is that you have to bear the costs of the evaluators and the legal costs and these costs can be pretty high.

Today I had my appointment with my first evaluator and it went great. He already sent his report to the court and I will receive a copy as well. The two evaluation reports are also needed to get the costs of your sex reassignment surgery covered by the medical insurance. So today was a big day in my transition and I’m very happy :-). Now I only need an appointment with my second evaluator and then I will get my new papers. I will keep you updated about my progress. 

Merry Christmas everyone! <3

Actually, the time has come to post another HRT update since I’ve hit the 4 months mark. However, in the last month nothing has really changed except for ongoing breast growth, so there is not really that much to tell for this update. I’m sorry about that.

I’ll be posting the next update in February when I will be on HRT for 6 months unless there’s another big change in the following month. If there some changes that I notice, I will let you before that of course. In any case, be sure that I’ll take you with me on this journey and keep you informed about my transition. In the coming days I’ll upload a post about some recent progress in my transition, namely about changing my name and gender on official papers. I really hope that I can help some people with this.

 Hey there,

a few days ago I’ve reached the 3 month mark of my HRT.

In the last month not much has changed. One thing that has changed however, is my chest, though In my last updated I shared with you that my breast tissue has started growing.

First of all: the following section might be a bit tmi for some people. However, I promised you to always tell you all about the changes of my HRT hoping that it will help some of you.

Only a few days after that I could already feel this solid spot of tissue under the nipple area. Maybe to explain this a little bit more: When you touch a man’s chest you will actually feel no difference all around the chest area. What I could feel however is that right in the center of my nipple, a solid spot was developing. After a few more days my nipples also started to get very sensitive to a point where accidentally bumping into something would hurt. This was a whole new thing to get used to because sometimes when I moved my arm a bit wrongly I would accidentally bump into my nipple area. The same thing with hugs. When I hug people, I still have to be super careful or else it will hurt my chest. The first time I noticed this was actually when I wanted to sleep. You have to know that I am sleeping in a weird positon, half on the side and half on my chest. And that’s when I felt that uncomfortable feeling for the first time when I was lying on my chest. Up until now that area has become even more sensitive to accidental touches and it happens to me regularly that I somehow move very inconveniently when I turn around in bed for example. When touching the breast, the tissue is already feelable to such an extend that I got surprised when I touched it again after quite some time a few days ago. Usually I refrain from doing so because of the sensitivity.

When I wear shirts, the breast is already visible through the shirt itself.

Apart from that there’s not much that has happened unfortunately.

The remaining changed are more changes of thinking in my mind. As I already said in my previous post, starting HRT has boost my self-confidence immensely. Before that I used to be so scared about what people might say about me. But ever since my HRT started I’ve been growing stronger in my mind. Also because my identity finally becomes visible to others now and it’s not just my feelings anymore. People actually see my body becoming more feminine and my chest growing and that makes me feel so secure in my identity as well. Lately I’ve also been going out with make up, which is something I was always so afraid of. But I don’t really seem to mind as much anymore.

Anyway people, thats about it with my 3 months update. I’m sorry that I didn’t have more to share with you this time. Maybe there will be more next month. :)

Just wanted to let you know that I’ll be posting my 3 month HRT update soon. I’ve been pretty busy the last couple of days with uni. The update should be up later today or tomorrow :)

Hey everyone,

today I wanted to have some story time with you and share some of my experiences that I made during my transition. And today it’s gonna be the topic of which restroom to go to.

So, as my transition progresses, I have been feeling more and more uncomfortable using the men’s restroom. Obviously, I never wanted to use the men’s restroom in the first place, however I was always way too scared to go to the women’s restroom. It was this fear of being called out by other women oand I was so scared of any embarrasing or awkward moments. So I forced myself to still use the men’s restroom for such a long time.

The aforementioned dilemma began when I noticed that people who didn’t know me began to either gender me correctly as female. I realized that finally people don’t seem to see me as a man anymore, which was such a great feeling. That’s were the dilemma started. I thought: “Okay, people seem to be either confused about my gender or they even already view me as a woman when they see me.” At the same time, my distress about having to go to the men’s restroom was continuously growing. I was evaluating the situation. I thought that if I go to the women’s restroom I will obviously feel more comfortable but I’m also so scared of any awkward moments. On the other hand, seeing that people already start to recognize me as a woman makes using the men’s restroom even more uncomfortable especially if some men on the toilet get very irritated about me using the restroom.

Literally, I had not idea which toilet to use anymore. I was scared of using the women’s restroom because I felt like I didn’t have enough self-confidence to do it, but using the men’s restroom was even less of an option. Especially since in the men’s restroom I absolutely didn’t feel safe. So one day, I decided not to give a damn and just walked into the women’s restroom. Fortunately, no one was there when I entered. As soon as I entered the stall, another woman entered. To be honest with you, I stayed in my stall until she was gone again. I know, that’s not the most glorious ones of my days. But I was still so scared. But I made it and after that I was so so proud of myself. From this day on, I swore to myself not to use the men’s restroom ever again even if it still gives me anxiety to use the women’s restroom. A few days ago, I went to the women’s restroom again. This time there was even a woman at the sink, but she didn’t seem bothered by me.

Another tip I can give you at this point: If you are too scared like me, take a friend with you. I am still doing this, because when a friend is with me I don’t feel scared. Believe me, this can give you so much self-confidence and slowly you’ll get used to it.

I know that at some point it’s going to be a normal thing for me to use the women’s restroom, but until that it will be a stressful situation every time. With that experience I just want to tell you that it’s completely normal if you are scared of using the women’s restroom. That’s totally normal, but at some point it will become such a normal thing for you. As I said, take friends with you, if you are scared. That helps so much.

Hey everyone,

today I want to share with you what has changed during the last month of my HRT.

I guess one of the most exciting changes for me where the first physical changes that started to appear.

- My breast tissue has started growing. The interesting thing is that I didn’t even notice in the first place. Up until now I didn’t feel any pain or tension in the skin. That will probably happen later in breast development. I noticed my breasts growing when I looked in the mirror a few days ago and saw that it’s not flat anymore. You can also feel that the form has changed as well, it definitely does not feel like the chest of a man as it did before. It’s also starting to get more sensitive as well.

- Also the oil production is my face is getting less and less which is a positive point for me since I’ve always had a lot of issues with breakouts.

- Some of my friends have also pointed out that my face looks more soft and feminine now. This is something I don’t really see in the mirror, but probably because I see myself every day. At this point it is important to mention that HRT will not change any bone structures. It can however, change body fat redistribution which can therefore also make your facial features a little bit softer.

- I have already talked about my emotions in the last post. I want to give you an update on that as well. In general, I feel much more calm and balanced then before I started HRT. I don’t get angry as fast as I did before. Also at the beginning of my HRT I had much more trouble with hitting the roof instantly and getting angry and irritated so fast. Right now, this has changed a lot. But what I noticed in the last month is that my emotions can sometimes get really messed up and mixed up. For example, a few days ago there was an incident which made me very sad. I was crying a lot. At the same time I got angry and confused. I felt so much emotions at the same time which was a completely overwhelming feeling. It wasn’t like any of these one emotions could really emerge because I felt them all the same time. In my head that felt like a huge chaos of mixed emotions and at some point I didn’t even know how I felt anymore.

In General, contrast seems to have been changed drastically. Things that are good, seem to be really good. Things that are bad, seem to be really bad. My threshold for crying also seems to be much lower than before, although I’ve always been a crybaby haha :D.

- Since my last update I’ve also felt my muscle strength decrease a lot. I’ve never been strong and always had my issues when I had to pick up a heavy object in the past. But I realized that it’s become much more of a thing now whenever I have to carry something heavy. In that moment I just feel that my body does not have the strength to carry certain things anymore.

Hey everyone <3

Today marks my first month anniversary of being on HRT. It’s crazy how time flies. This time, I’d also like to share my experiences again.

Ever since my last update, roughly two and a half weeks have passed and most of the changes, if not all, are more of a mental or psychological nature.

Within the last weeks, I had some days were I felt much more emotional than usual. You know, in general I’m a very emotional person and someone to cry very easily. But in my case, I felt that my threshold for crying is even lower than before and I am overall even more emotional. What happened a few times already was when I was leaving home for work, for example, I got sad for no reason. It feels like I am leaving my family forever and I’m so sad about it although I’m returning after work. Kinda crazy :D The other time I saw a leaflet for a deaf dog that is looking for a new home and I basically burst out in tears for 30 minutes straight. I really hope she’s gonna find a new home soon <3

Apart from that my whole mental well-being as changed. People have told me more than once already that I seem so much more relaxed and balanced and calm. And that’s also something that I can feel as well. Ever since I have started my HRT my happiness increased so much more and it also affects my every day life and how I tackle other issues.

Also, I have been feeling so much more self-confident ever since I’ve started hormone therapy. I am struggling with social anxiety a lot and I also will in the future but getting on HRT made me feel so much more self-confident. At the beginning I was so much more worried about what people would think about me.

Physiological changes I haven’t really noticed much else. In my two weeks-update I told you about my skin getting clearer and so on. This is basically the latest news on my body changes. Nothing really has changed within the last two and a half weeks. Sometimes, my skin got worse for a day again, but I guess those are just the hormones getting thrown out of balance.

This week, I also had my first blood test to determine if my liver’s able to deal with the hormones and also check on my new hormone levels. Possibly the dose will be adjusted soon after that first period, meaning that the dose of my estrogen will probably be increased. I’ll keep you updated about any changes and news :-)

I’m very sorry that there isn’t much more to tell you for this update, but I can’t really change the rate at which it’s going :)

Hey everyone 💕

I just wanted to let you know that on Tuesday I will be posting another update on my HRT because then I’ve been taking my hormones for officially one month. 💫✨

Hey everyone 👋

It’s been two weeks already since I’ve started my HRT and as promised I’d like to share my experiences with you.

First of all a disclaimer: All of the things described are my personal experience. It doesn’t mean that it’s gonna be exactly the same for you. HRT affects every body completely individually. Also, some things described might be considered tmi for some people. However, I’d really like to share my experience with you and maybe give an insight for people who want to start with HRT in the future.

I have noticed a few things in the last couple of weeks.

- The most noticeable things for me were that my face is much less oily. I’ve been suffering from an overly increased sebum production on my face. Therefore I’ve been having a lot of trouble with acne all the time. My skin has already gotten so much better in this short amount of time and the frequency with which new pimples and such appear has decreased as well. Definitely a good change for me. :)

- In general, I’m a very emotional person but recently I’ve been feeling like I’m even more emotional. Mood swings are also a thing, not as bad though. What I notice it, that I feel irritated and angry sooo fast it’s even annoying for me. Many times people talk to me, there’s something that rubs me the wrong way and makes me immediately hit the roof. Especially in the first couple of days I felt mentally exhausted. But you always have to keep in mind that you’re completely throwing your body’s hormonal status off balance, blocking your own biological sex hormone and administering another one. It takes quite a while for your body to get used it.

- My libido has dramatically decreased as well.

This happened quite fast actually. After two days of taking testosterone blockers I could already feel my libido immensely decreasing. The presence of any sexual thoughts is much less and you just don’t feel aroused as much.

Apart from that, not much else has changed in the first two weeks. I’m excited to see what’s going to happen in the next few weeks. Of course I’ll keep you updated. :-)

After all this time, I managed to start my HRT almost a week ago. Can’t believe I actually did after all this time. I’ll keep you updated about the progress and changes that happen and will do a first post in which I’m going to talk in detail about it soon.