𝖌𝖗𝖊𝖌𝖆𝖗𝖎𝖔𝖚𝖘𝖑𝖞.

Oh, how she hated it when Cal sprung words from his heart on her at random. Had her gils not just flattened down into the skin of her neck so that her lungs could fill with air, she would have thought she'd still been unable to breath in the air. Cal was so... so quiet and mousy whenever he spoke, and even when he didn't he seemed too soft. And, yet, it was with that same too-gentle manner that he was able to move her heart in such a fashion. She blinked owlishly up at him with eyes that still held a faint blue glow, her body still partially still seabound. It was a rare moment in that their faces were almost leveled: he sat low, close to the ground, and she was pushed up partially onto the shore of the beach, hands planted firmly in the sand as she dragged herself from the sea.

"How could you..." she closed her mouth before she could say anything else, shaking her head from side to side in disbelief though her eyes held a certain fondness she reserved for only him and Eleri. "Alright. Come here, I suppose this is what you want, then," she said, a grunt pulling at her final words as she pulled her soaking body further onto land. She lifted one arm to wrap around Cal's neck, doing the same with the other once her grip one him was secure. Using him as leverage, she pulled the last of her tail onto the sand, allowing herself to slide into his lap as she did so. Without any hesitation, she planted a firm kiss to both of his cheeks, then a softer one to his lips. When she leaned back to look at him, there was a sly smile on her own.

Yuliya let out an insulted scoff. “How could you even ask me that?” She complained, though her tired, whiny voice lacked the usual intensity and pitch she tended to have when Eleri called out her needless pessimistic thoughts. “What if they loathe my designs? What if they all just need an entertaining break from their mundane and uninteresting existences and decided to invite the tiny Undersea fae to giggle away at her work? Then what?” With a lazy nudge of her foot, she inched the other fae over, letting her body go lax as she ungracefully flopped onto the warm bed. With slow movements she maneuvered her and El until she was curled snuggly around the other’s form, her head pillowed comfortably on El’s stomach. It was a position she found herself in often when stress ate away at her focus. All she needed was Cal to come back from whatever library he’d been fawning over books in so that he could lay beside her as well, the two of them providing the shield from reality she so desperately craved.

“I always find my way back, sooner or later.” He trails off with a twist in the pit of his insides that feels like something trying to creep and crawl through them; some monster of regretful history that still fed itself upon the coagulated blood of past wounds. Oh, if only they would stitch together and finally heal, but every time they might have something hooked into them and tore flesh back apart. 

Always, always, he found his path to old places, old faces, and a lifetime that he refused to allow the glint of gold to fade from even if, obviously, it had turned to tarnished brass to the ones he had shared it with. So be it, Cal granted it and said nothing to spoil her anger because it wasn’t his place to deny anyone the feelings that laced up their heart. It might have been the stitching to her wounds, that, and if he couldn’t spare himself the bloodshed he would her; it wasn’t as though he hadn’t been braced for a knife. How could it have been anything else? He was the fool, after all, who kept them when neither had wanted to keep him.  

He was lost, in a million ways, and just as she had in the past she saw through them to the hesitant boy behind his eyes. Bolder now, true, but still not brazen the way Yu could stand with teeth bared. To have them bared to him though, now that cut a deep ache. All he could do was keep his feet under him and his head lifted, face the tusmani of it all. But it was peeling back his skin, rubbing raw in spots, his jaw clinched at the mockery because that was too much of an echo of the life the two of them had given him freedom from growing up. Yu knew him too well, knew the barbs that would truly dig in deeply. 

“Don’t,” his voice finally dipped into weariness as he saw the mistake in it, “I shouldn’t have asked.” But what was he best at? Mistakes and missteps, turning the world around him into chaos with his own calamity. Want to see them both was a tired plea upon his lips but never should have passed them; it was just the want to see them well though, ultimately. He had his answer for her, in all her finery and purpose wrapped soundly around her; Yu might have been happy.

It was ill timing though, already he could feel the tick of time at the back of his mind, counting seconds until he would have to return to Rowan. Just another stolen moment though, he was too selfish to go just yet. It might have been the last one to steal, if Yu’s clenched jaw and the uneasiness in her eyes told tales; he didn’t want to be the cause of her misery. Life had required sacrifices of each of them but he had never wanted that sacrifice to be the ones he held closest. 

Still, the twitch of his hand reminded him that it was meant to be wrapped around the hilt of a sword, the price he did not regret but longed for a way that might have granted him everything; why life couldn’t allow it Cal had little idea but felt the unfair edge to it so much stronger in that moment than the past months and years; distance brought a degree of comfort that had sloughed away. “It won’t be for long, if that’s any solace.” Cal gave her that, the Court was large and she had the advantage of knowing where he might be found much of the time. “I’ll be just another ghost again soon enough.” He was a shadow, after all, to the heiress, if Yu was so intensely determined to have nothing to do with him the answer was easy enough; she could avoid him. 

The difficulty of resisting was ever mounting behind her eyes. A desire to throw all the efforts she’d made up until that point was overcoming her. No matter how much she struggled internally to hold back her tongue, the turbulent ocean of her heart had been close to bursting for far too many decades. Being so close to Cal was only stirring the waters, pushing it against the dams she’d built to save herself from so much misery. 

Tell him off and run. Spit out a warning to stay away and run. Say nothing and run. Turn around- just run, damn it!

She’d done it for decades, what was so different? Decades of creating a mask for herself, never having to face the truth if she never needed to approach the sleeping beast. All that time and effort- and for what? Not even minutes into seeing him again and her mask was cracking. Yuliya couldn’t let this happen. And yet, when she willed her legs to turn her and find a different route to the main hall, she found that she couldn’t will her body to move.

She couldn’t move. All she could do was stand there and stare at any and everything that wasn’t the Undersea fae that stood before her. Did he feel the same? Was he unable to bring himself to leave? No, she knew him better. Cal would make himself leave if he thought that was something she wanted. Though- was that what she wanted? What did she, at that very moment, faced with a phantom from her past so that was far more lively and both exactly how she remembered and completely new at the same time, want? For the first time in many, many years, Yuliya was at a loss. She didn’t know what she wanted. The only thing she knew was that her newfound position so close to the to-be Queen was built on years of neglecting her emotional desires for societal gain. The stubborn, scornful part of her hissed at the thought of all that work crumbling for just the mere suggestion of being hugged by Cal. In that very same breath, however, her heart wept for the emptiness that filled her.

And for a moment, her mask slipped.

Yuliya’s head dropped to her chest and her shoulders slumped, the ridge posture she’d forced her body into leaving her muscles stinging with tiredness. With exhaustion- just like the rest of her. The memories of embraces she could relax into and allow herself to be vulnerable in were too tempting. No. She knew what she wanted. She’d always known, deep down. That was the problem. No amount of distraction or work could ever truly change the truth, could it?

Then, just as soon as she’d shown her weakness, the reality came back to hit her in the face. And then- only then, did the fae find the strength in her to turn around. Her heels clicked loudly against the tile as she moved her feet to turn. She continued to say nothing. Speaking would only chance fate and give her heart the chance to cry out for the bare slivers of affection it craved. She continued to stand there. At least the least deserving victim of her scorn and bitterness was no longer staring her down in the face.

             𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐚 𝐫𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐲.   for the cold  &  ice was something always associated with bitterness.  as opposed to the joy people derived from summer,  winter was a bitter fate that loomed over all.  except for her   & the select few she’d accepted into her court over the years.   it seemed that only they say the  BEAUTY  in the cold.   it’s crystal white glistening with the hint of — purple?   she blinked.   this was not a delusion.  there was someone sat in the ice gardens.   her ice gardens.   she was in good mind to be her usual self  & tell the fae to vacate this place.   but  instead,  aster approached. 

             ‘ you shouldn’t be here. ’    she spoke ominously as she approached.  deliberately framing her words as a warning until she flashed a pearly smile,  ‘ at least,  not whilst you’re wearing that  GHASTLY  thing. ’   all of a sudden she began to chuckle,   quickly falling into hysterics as she took in the appearance of the  practically  frozen woman in purple.   with a devious smirk she let her fur coat slide off her shoulders,  landing in a pile at her feet.   she did not require it’s warmth here,  for the cold wind did not affect her in the same way.  instead,   it greeted her like an old friend as she sat down next to the other.   ‘ isn’t this place amazing? ’

The sound of another’s voice so suddenly spooked the Undersea fae ever so, but she only showed as much in the fraction of a moment her shoulders hitched and her eyes widened to a size that rivaled a round, full moon. The surprise, however, was short-lived as an emotion more akin to insult flashed over her. “Ghastly?” She echoed, disbelief in her voice. A scoff followed it, and Yuliya watched as the Winter queen dropped the fur cover at her feet. “I may not be a fae of winter, but I can hold myself just fine in the cold.” Despite her words, she leaned forward to grab the other’s coat, if only to not face scorn from not taking the other’s form of generosity when she saw it.

Even though she wouldn’t admit it, the cold was a bit more bearable with the fur coat placed neatly on her lap. Yuliya hummed her agreement softly, the noise almost lost to the all-absorbing quietness of the winter around them. “It’s impressive in its own right. While it doesn’t give the satisfaction of being in the ocean… water is water.” She ran a finger over the fur, collecting the space droplets of melting snow and rubbing it between her fingers. Before continuing, she shrugged, turning to look at the fae as she sat down. “Besides the visual appeal, it’s quiet. The events at the coronation left me with a headache. I was thinking that no one else would have desired to sit in an icebox after all that happened… but it seems that I forgot about a certain type of fae, hm?”

Oh. The only word that crossed Yuliya’s mind the moment Seladon’s words registered in her mind. She was frozen where she stood, hands lifted to wrap her hair up, out of the way into a bun so she could work. Oh. That’s right. There was no doubt in her mind that out of any fae outside of the Undersea court, Seladon would be someone who knew. She had requested Yuliya to design for her, after all. There must have been an elder from the sea that told her of Yuliya’s misguided actions. Her fingers went lax as she thought and the purple strands slipped from her grip unceremoniously. When she turned to face the Queen, her face was smoothed over in a look of indifference, but her eyes had an edge of coldness to them. For a brief moment of time, she said nothing, only looked at the other fae.

Her syllables draw his gaze, stalling at the curve of her mouth before meeting irises the hue of the sea’s depth, “as you wish.” The intentional distance she places between their frames prompts the lift of a brow, levity twisting at Lu’s lips, “you’re Yuliya, yes?” features tilt, stray beams from the moon cast shadows to cheekbones cut high, “they speak of you as though you can turn milk to honey. Or, perhaps, sand to silk?” his tongue meets teeth with an audible tsk, “no matter, they speak fondly of your skill within the summer court,” Lucius had unravelled enough fabric from the silhouettes of others to recognize her work. He takes a draw from the bottle, the curve of a thumb lifting to swipe at a stray bead of wine resting at the corner of his bottom lip, “will Seladon’s attire at the coronation be of your doing?” 

“I am.” She replied, taking a small, slow sip of the wine she held. So he’d heard of her- as did everyone else. But not everyone was so quick to put her name to her face. A pleased look settled over my features. “Yes, I do get quite a few requests from the Summer court. Funny you should mention it- much of what fae from there want is silken clothing. Even more than those in the High court.” She chuckled lifelessly, though her eyes twinkled with humor as she turned back to face Lu. “Mh. It was quite an arduous task to design to everyone’s preference, you know. There’s only so many times in one’s life that they can be crowned. It had to be perfect for the spectacle.” 

“ surely, ” she dipped her head in agreement, “ you are lucky to be viewed so highly by not only your court, but by all of them. many go overlooked. ” cordelia supposed it was like that in the mortal realm too, competition raging but only a certain few ever reaching fame and notoriety. somehow, it seemed all the more cutthroat in fae. they were much more fickle with their attention, it being fleeting, coming and going with merely a blink of an eye. “ have you something spectacular planned for the coronation ? “

A sweet smile crossed Yuliya’s face. She hummed in agreement, taking a small bite of the hors d'oeuvre she held. “It’s nice to see a human with an eye for true beauty,” she replied, crossing one arm over her chest and resting the hand in the crook of her other’s elbow. “So many times I’ve gone to fashion events held by them in their realm and been so bored. Ah, but I suppose it isn’t their fault- they’re limited to their mortal minds.” Her voice took on an almost disappointed tone as she punctuated her words with a soft sigh.

“Mm. But not for I. For our to-be-crowned.”

Madness. Absolute madness was what all that was. Yuliya supposed she finally understood what elders in the Undersea court meant when they gossiped about how High court events never ended as planned. Seladon, both crowned and crownless at once, had more important things to fret over with the sudden intrusion in the night’s affair, so the young designer had taken the opportunity to leave the center of commotion when it presented itself. Yuliya wanted no part in having to deal with the messy period of time that was sure to follow. But the High court was her place of residence now. She imagined the desire for peace and quiet would soon be something one could only dream of as all courts had to manage the fallout of such an event.

In looking for a place of solitude, the Ice Gardens felt as though it would be a safe choice. With a warmer shawl thrown over her shoulders and bunched up close to her neck, Yuliya sat, a purple smear against the otherwise perfectly white landscape, on one of the few benches that had been placed relatively close to the entrance. The cold bit bitterly at her nose and ears, but the sensation was welcomed- if only for the time being. A deep exhale left her, eyes following the fog of her breath up into the air.