after the raven has had his say

I gave a homeless woman $20 in a krogers parking lot and when I was walking to my car another lady told me “you shouldn’t have done that, she is probably an addict”. To which I said “it’s cool, I was gonna buy drugs and alcohol with it anyways”, and then just walked away.

Also, and hear me out on this. What if she bought food with it? Or a motel? You don’t know what she is actually gonna use the money for. And if it is drugs or alcohol, I don’t care. It stoped being my money when I gave it to her, she can buy whatever she wants with it.

saw a comment that misspelled “kind gesture” as “kind jester” and am now imagining a beautiful world where we praise good samaritans by calling them kind jesters. good on you, you gentle fool. you’ve made the world a sweeter and sillier place.

wwx's reaction to being alive again is so funny he is like: i did not sign up for this. i will use this chance to have all the fun i couldn't have in my past life since everyone already thinks im out of my mind. i am a court jester. i am the most traumatized person alive. i am a powerful, vengeful spirit summoned to take lives no please don't call my ex you guys this is so embarassing. i've been adopted by a bunch of teenagers.

male entitlement in academic spaces is so boring. can’t tell you how many times i’ve been in a class and a girl gives a short, insightful analysis, and then a dude raises his hand and says “jumping off of that…” then says literally the same thing she said but longer and worse.

dude.

this is art

#a fun fact about tumblr is that if you dare to complain about a mundanely frustrating type of person#that exact type of person will appear in your notes as if summoned via a ouija board

small town diner waitress voice: Omelas? Oh, oh no, easy mistake, you're in oh - MAY - las right now, with an A. Plenty' people get the name mixed up. Nope, no utopia here, just our small little town. *face gets really grim* We do still.. Okay well we do still have a kid that we... I mean it isn't working but- well- You know. It- It's fine. I'm sure it'll start working soon.

they should breed dogs that bark at 1/5th volume and with a deep and soothing resonance that calms the nervous system

job interviewer: would you be willing to destroy and betray yourself for nothing?

job interviewer: (reading the room) would you be willing to destroy and betray yourself for a pizza party?

[ID: tweet reading “that’s a great idea for a story. But have you considered they should all be girls?” /end ID]

fiction can be really dangerous there might be a deeply tragic woman in there who starts living in your head forever

Please god it would be so funny

there is no downside to voting for Count Binface. its not taking away from other candidates bcos they aren't any and the more votes he gets the stupider Farage looks.

So what happens if Count Binface actually wins? Does he join Parliament? Does he have to take the bin off his face?

chapter 6. he is getting better at doing worse

man sometimes friendship really is just "I saw this and knew it would give you psychic damage. please respond with agony" and then they do. and it's great

fat butch is genuinely the staple . when u say butch i think of a fat butch and it hasn't crossed my mind that this is a new thought for some people

(spent too long on Tumblr voice) actually the status quo is okay! It's okay to be the status quo! you don't have to be anything besides the status quo! #statusquoaffirmation #statusquosafe

“this is how you age when you’re unproblematic” NO! stop assigning moral weight to attractiveness! I am not hot because I’m a good person! I am hot because all of my friends are gorgeous! I’m absorbing their beauty! Like a vampire! Because I’m evil!