“ quit looking at me like that. you’re not cute. “

               god, she hates that look. she has become accustomed to it every time she looks at his face and quirks an eyebrow even a tad – feeding him attention. she didn’t want this. she would argue that she didn’t, at least. it scared her, feeling even the smallest bit attracted to someone on an emotional level.

                but he was soft – maybe not the way everyone would see him, but she did. that was all that mattered. for the feeling in her stomach, and the way that her blood would run hot under her skin – she knew what it meant. she just wasn’t willing to accept it. not yet. she would continue to make the same excuses a hundred times over, if only to protect her own heart from shattering once again. she didn’t want life to let her down again. 

                she just wants to hold onto the last piece of hope that she has, and hide it well.

                so please, dazai, stop looking at her like that – for every time that you do, she falls even more. her heart echoes a little louder in her chest, and she eases up just a little more. only a little, though. she won’t let him see what a mess he’s made of her. just from that one look that he always gave her. that damned smile.

               maybe she’ll ease up just a bit. maybe this will be the last time. maybe after this kiss, all will be well and she’ll come to her senses – that these feelings aren’t real. maybe, maybe, maybe.

                but maybe, just maybe, she’s weak. for she gives in for once. she allows him to have control if only for a second as she leans up toward him. her hand perches against warm skin, tilting in order to meet him. just a kiss. she’ll forget about dazai, and it will erase all these silly feelings and the yearning for the next kiss or embrace. but it doesn’t. as her lips remain on his, taking in the feeling of just how soft his lips are, and how he tastes of comfort and something so familiar, yet too long ago to clearly recall. the feelings can rival that of sitting in front of a fireplace, knowing that all is safe and there is peace. that there are good things still out there, waiting.

              if he’s quick, he can catch the faint smile upon her lips !! but just like a thief stealing belongings, the moment takes that smile. yet, she won’t pull back. 

             no, she messed up. she only caused that fire within her to burn with more intensity and more rage. maybe another day, she’ll try again.