Vee Poetry✒️

I just wanted to dance

Why did you pull me in closer

Why did you look at me like that

Why were you so strong

You werent even a good kisser

I just wanted to dance

And you were nice to me

Not even that, you were just there

And showed interest

I just wanted to dance

You said to me i guess we shouldny kiss then

I said no we shouldnt

I just wanted to dance

The way they look at me...

Do you remember the first time you saw a butterfly after reading the hungry catapillar?

No. Of course not

Well

It's the look of shock

It's beautiful.

But You havent quite seen something like this before

It's different

it's shrowded in an ora, 

The awareness of its feelting existsnce.

You see a butterfly, what does it represent?

New beginings

Summer

The first beauty

the first beautiful creature you've seen in the months of darkness...

And it has to be yours.

A child hasn't got the first idea how to care for something

Something so delicate and utterly powerless to their great sweeping hands.

These hands with such promise of hope and care

They want to trap it

stick it in a jar

Place it on a shelf

They're proud of their capture and

Examine it from a far.

But this creature has been left to suffocate.

They're aware of the passing of time

Aware that Their life/ future having been taken from them

And They're left to watch the world through the curved glass

Of their prison.

The next morning

His beauty is lifeless.

He might shead a tear

But he isnt mine anymore

He cant even look at me

Hes not angry anymore 

he's not making jokes anymore.

I wanted to know if he was still mine

How could he be?

When i use and use

Amd take what i want from him

Amd i care nothing for his feelings

I thought being selfish was a form of relief

A Therapy 

Deserved compensation.

But it brings nothing but pain.

Then I try to be good, 

Do something for someone else

But then it just hurts, someone else

I cant win.

No matter what i do

I end up hurting everyone.

Hurt people hurt people 

And i have had more pain than most people have in a lifetime.

I was hurt so much for so long.

Do you ever have one of those dreams

One of those ones where you just have a feeling

That feeling of complete peace.

I seem to have that whenever I dream

It's not just about you

But you were there

And not there.

We spoke on the phone but I could see your face too

as if I were on the outside looking in

But I could hear you too

Feel the tone in your voice.

I think we were starting a life together

I have no idea how it happened or

The even the logistics behind it all

But we were half way across the world from one another.

I haven't dreamt about you in a while

I don't believe in meanings behind dreams to be so black and white

But there is was

Ce la vie

That is life

This is life

Is this life?

It’s been a while.

Peace

At peace

A sleep

On my back

Dreams

Peace

Dreams?

Ambition

Blurred

Fuzzy

Desires?

Weaknesses.

Out

Get out

Blur

Sunshine

Inside

Mid day wake ups

In sync

Habits

Hard to break

Sleep is peace.

But this time I don't know where.

I thought it was the begining of a fairy tale

But it seems more like a cruel joke.

I try so hard

I do everything

Everything.

It's so hard to keep going

When I get nothing in return.

Not even respect.

I use up all my energy just pushing everything aside

Forgetting

It's a reminder of another day without

The romance.

I bathe in the evening sun

The rays tell me I'm beautiful

The shadows tell me the truth

Golden hour is the warmth, the peace

I don't think about boys or work or unhappy thoughts

No wonder cats are so peaceful

I imagined our wedding day

Next to a star surrounded by bamboo.

It was the first I'd imagined with you

The first of many life long scenarios.

We stood there in the mud in secret

With only two of our friends

Promising our lives to eachother

Thinking the star would become our secret place

That we'd visit often

However it was only once more we visited the star

We were lazy

And so we forgot.

Remembering these fantasies

I am not happy

Nor am I sad

I enjoy being able to reminisce without consequence.

That's what's changed

No consequence

But time has not stood still.

It's my birthday next wrek

It feels as though it was yours last week

You don't know how fast the last two months have gone

No one does

So fast I feel as though time has sped up around me

It scared me

I'm not scared anymore

I am not happy

I'm am not sad

I need someone to hold me

I don’t need anyone

I cannot rely on anyone

I don't.

I don’t like having a plan

And i don't mean s dream

I'm bored of dreaming

I mean actually run away

Leave all my posessions

Go to California

With whoever

Not whoever

Never whoever

Just someone to say 'ok'

No hesitation

Nothing gives me feeling

I suppose all that will be left of me is my poetry

My non rhyming god awful poetry

I cannot write a love poem

I think I’ve only been in love once

What is love and

What is infactuation

Lust?

I lusted

Then hated

Then listed again

I don’t understand

I don’t know if I’ll ever be ok

But they say I’m getting better

I think I’m getting weaker

Bend me

Shape me

Anyway you want me

If I catch you

I can’t let go

But I’m already numb

It gives me confidence

You are ashamed

Your judgement seeps through your pours

Through your mobile phone

Into mine

You don’t know I know

I feel you as you feel me

I want to cry but I don’t have the energy

I’m so tired

He made me so scared

I can’t even think about what it would be like if you were here

That’s an impossible universe scenario

Two worlds colliding

I feel as though I know him

He is a physical embodiment of my past

Not past, a part of myself I hide

I keep for you but

Will I always want to give it to you

The enjoyment wares off easily

I didn’t not enjoy it

I didn’t complete it

I lye here wanting an ending

I’m staring at my ceiling

Too scared to turn off the lights

I bend my legs

Too weak to stretch

I am weak

And I am tired

I am the easy option

I feel nothing

But there’s no one there

You’re not there although I’ve

Heard you look kinda glum

Pretty blue

And tired

I’m tired too

And blue

I’m not glum

Because I’ve given up

And that’s the truth

I’ve given up this part of my life because I gave you up because I didn’t deserve you

And I didn’t love you and

No one deserves me but

I let them think they do

Third wheel

Flirt wheel

Telling them no wheel

I’ve never wanted to tell someone no before

I like attention but

I don’t like being alone

I am alone

I didn’t see him

I thought I would

I wanted a fight

You wish you were somebody

I wish you were too

You betrayed me

And you didn’t even see me,

Although it wasn’t a bath

It was a pool of holographic crystals

Inanimate beauty

Repetitive mischief.

I heard rain drops

They were neither relaxing

Or particularly meaningless

However they added

To the overall comfort

If that’s what you can call it.

I wish I could use such a word as mischief

For my actions

The holographic crystals gaze at me.

Do you ever think what would happen

If you dropped your phone in the bath

There’s preventative technology

And the AHHHH

But would you not feel over all relieved

We stare into a black mirror

It’s addiction a safety blanket

I can’t stay here

And I can’t go home

Where can I go

But stare into the black mirror

In the blistery wind

Silence from the cold

Stumbling on

I couldn’t have stumbled anymore

I could stumble out the window