every person who reblogs one of my wpbl posts with any variation of [i dont go here] or [i dont know anything about baseball] i'm happy to inform you youve been drafted. please pick a team that is either geographically closest to where you currently live, have lived previously, or have loved ones, or by color scheme if none apply, and i'll see you in that youtube live stream on august 1st champ 🫡

who is the first david you think of when you hear the name david

gonna be honest i don’t know how many more ‘enter the 6 digit code we sent to your phone’s i got left in me

all i need is a sweet treat. and six thousand dollars

Not to be a bitch but sometimes people engage with fiction in the most boring way possible, and nowhere is this clearer than in videogames. Like what you mean you hate a character just because they were kind of abrasive when speaking to the player character? "They were mean to me" and it didn't occur to you to wonder why? Like, what might their attitude toward you reveal about the world? About the social dynamics within it? About their own perspectives and backgrounds and personalities? Does it even occur you to ask? Would you only have liked them if they bowed to your presence and talked about how great you are? Like I'm sorry but you're so boring. How boring fiction would be if it cathered to you

asked one of my coworkers how she's doing today and she goes "could be better, could be worse," and another coworker nearby who was eavesdropping chimes in with "could be a lil bit o' alligator curse!" i have no idea what he meant by that but i do know that it has been immediately added to the lexicon.

Genuinely, thank you so much for this.

if i dont respond to a message from you i can basically guarantee its not because i dislike you. im just getting attacked by imps and shit all the time genuinely.

all my haters become cicaders when i enter the summer of success

whatever hildegards your bingen

i am always one wrong word away from being shot by all the people who find me tolerable

Nature really went off with sperm whales. A 70-ton predator with teeth the size of a banana but it only eats squishy prey that it doesn’t even chew, it just schlorps them down whole like a vacuum cleaner. Big giant fat head full of goop. Tiniest fins in the world. Strong enough to smash a ship to pieces and smart enough to figure out how to do so but its first line of defense is just to shit everywhere. Possibly the most complex language in the animal kingdom and it creates sounds by blowing air through its internal right nostril (it uses the left one to breathe) into its giant fat head. It’s the loudest animal on the planet and might have the capability to create a beam of sound so loud it can shake your organs apart but they don’t seem to use that to hunt or fight. They’re highly flammable. We used them to make candles.