Ride of a Life

“Always up to fixin’ whatever you need,” he replied with a small smirk as he listened to her statement. Granted, he didn’t mind the visit and he was sure she didn’t either but he wasn’t going to gloat about it. Although he could be wrong he had a inkling that he was in the right. 

A quick smile passed over Val’s face. Roderick was flattering her, sure, but it made her miss Seth and she was positive she wasn’t the only girl he acted this way around. She was just getting caught in the clouds after everything she’d been through lately — the ups and downs added up. “Well, thanks.”

“I got someone to rig it so nobody could hack it, and if they do there’s a kill switch,” he chuckles, and brings his hand up to his face again to rub his chin. “Ain’t bad, and hey I wouldn’t mind comin’ at your call. Give me somethin’ to look forward to.”

“Be careful what you ask for. I may ring you when you’re far out of Carnie-land.” She wasn’t sure if he even knew it, but Roderick was helping Valerie keep her wits about her. His being there just because he could and wanted to cut through the anxiety of the time Seth had been missing, and it was a welcome reprieve. “Or you never know, maybe I’ll have you come to fix something. That’s not much to look forward to.”

He couldn’t help it, the smirk on his lips turned into a small smile with a short laugh that echoed through the loading bay. “It was meant for you,” he replied although he figured that she would understand that. Granted, he had dozens of burners that he gave away or used but he’d kept this one for a while.

Valerie stared at Roderick. Sure, she knew, but she didn’t want to assume. Assuming felt like one of the worst things she could do in New Hope. “O—Okay. Thanks — I mean — I appreciate it. I really do. Things get lonely around here some times.” Val laughed nervously, scooting slightly away from Roderick so he wasn’t uncomfortable. “I haven’t had one of these in ages.”

He tapped on the phone, making sure she understood what he was saying, “My number is in there— it’s for emergencies or if you just need to get in contact me if I’m not around. If I don’t pick up on the third ring then hang up. I’ll call back when I can.” 

“What, and I’m just supposed to believe you keep a phone like this on hand for someone you run into? This should go to who it was meant for.” Val’s heart was pounding in her chest, wondering what this was all suppose dto be. Of course there was the possibility that the phone was for her, but that meant he’d brought it specifically for her, and she was pretty sure that scared her more than most things had.

He shifted slightly, careful not to move too much but needed range of his free hand to dive into his pocket. Producing a small phone he took her hand and dropped it into her palm. Bobbing his head slightly when he spoke next, a small hint of a smirk at the corner of his mouth presented itself for just a moment. “The few numbers you’ll need are in there, and I appreciate the hospitality. Hell of a lot nicer than sleeping in my truck most nights.”

She pulled up from his shoulder, looking at the phone in her hand and shaking her head. “I can’t take your phone. I mean, you need it, and I’m sure Seth can get me another one when we find it. And like I said, you can just drop by, anytime, even if I’m not here, there’s these coaster seats you can push together and I’ve got some extra blankets at the foot of my bed you can always use, you know.” Even though words were spilling from her lips, she hadn’t quite given him the phone back. Having a link to the outside world didn’t seem like such a bad idea, but without Seth’s guidance to avoid getting caught, she wasn’t sure what would come of it. Technology and the government’s ability to manipulate it was way beyond her expanse of knowledge.

He took the soda from her hands and didn’t even open it, just settled it on his left knee. Before he knew it she was sitting next to him again, closer than before, and put her head on his shoulder like it was the most normal thing in the world. Granted, Roderick didn’t mind in the slightest but since those words passed from her lips that Seth was gone it just felt like she needed someone to keep her ground. Maybe he was the next best thing, maybe not, he didn’t know but he knew that he wouldn’t move her. It was comfortable, something that he hadn’t had the luxury of feeling recently and maybe it was selfish of him but he didn’t want to spoil it.  

He didn’t move, and the steadiness of his breath was the only thing that broke the stillness. Even though Roderick was never in one place for long, he felt stable. It wasn’t only something she needed but it was also something she wanted. Val’s gut was in knots from worrying about the situation ahead and the one right in front of her. Words were caught in her throat, but they all felt painfully cliche. “You know you’ve always got a place you can stay here if you need. I don’t have a phone or anything but you just have to drop by.”

What he wouldn’t give to find Seth for Valerie, for himself. He couldn’t bring himself to cope another loss of a friend so soon. He’d already dealt with that throughout his time on the road– so many fallen comrades, so many not buried properly but he wouldn’t forget them. As sad as it was he had a book, pages and pages of names scrawled with whatever he could find and a small memory attached to each one so they weren’t just chicken scratch in a shitty notebook. His eyes didn’t settle on her until she asked if he wanted a drink. He already heard the sorrow in her voice, the strain of trying to not fall apart right then and there, “Sure, whatever you got is fine with me, thanks.”

“Great” Val pushed herself off the seat and went over to her bed, sliding a box out from under it. Inside were various cans, boxes, and bottles that she stashed away for when she didn’t have the energy to go dine publicly. The truth was, that’d been happening a lot lately. Her anxiety was so bad it made going into town feel like a monumental task, and the possibility of finding Seth was all that kept her going. Just when she’d coped with the loss, he’d returned, but now the rug was pulled out from under her once more. She tried to remember to be patient with herself, but it was never easy. Valerie picked up a can of strawberry soda and nudged the box back into its home. She returned to the seat, this time sitting closer to Roderick than when he’d initially joined her. Handing him the soda, she leaned over and gently put her head on his shoulder. It made her stomach twist, but she needed someone, and with Seth and Eileen both missing, she was reaching out for whatever she could find.

He walked over to her, making his way to sit on the couch but left a little space between them. His chest held a heaviness in it because he knew all too well what it felt like to lose people closest to him. It had happened so many times before that denial was the farthest thing from his mind. When someone was gone they were gone unless there was something to challenge it otherwise. His eyes flicked from her face to just to the side to think. If she’d already gone to the loft then the government either wanted to erase the fact that he was there or he figured out to do the same. But the latter would have meant telling Val, unless it would put her in danger. His mind spun around the prospects about what it could be until he snapped himself back to reality, “Yeah, we’ll look together.”

“Thank you.” Her voice was strained and quiet, but there. “I didn’t mean to crash it on you so suddenly, I just have been at a loss for what to do. If something happened to him, I have to help, but I know he wouldn’t want me to. It’s just been hard.” Val forced a smile and looked up to meet Roderick’s eyes. “But I do appreciate you coming by. It’s nice talking to someone who doesn’t need something right away —” she chuckled dryly “— even though that’s sort of what I just did to you...” Val sighed, her words hanging in the air, feeling awkward to herself. “Do you want a drink or something?”

If there was one thing Roderick couldn’t just sit back and watch the world burn without putting all that he could within the fight. And even that wasn’t enough in his mind. It was a difficult situation and he knew that he wouldn’t have this fairytale life of just settling down– there were too many people after him and he had too many people to look after if shit gone south. He was a leader, even if he didn’t call himself one. That’s just the way it was. “Easier said than done as the cliche goes.. but uh no I was goin’to check up on him as soon as I touched base with you. His burner’s been quiet since I left.”

“I — I just got him back and now he’s fallen off the map. And if even you haven’t heard from him, that can’t be good. It can’t.” Val felt like someone was pressing on her chest, and the last thing she wanted was to break down in front of someone else over Seth. “I mean, do you think I can go with you when you check up on him? Maybe I’m imagining things and everything is fine and my key just opened the wrong loft or... Something...”

He stepped through the curtain and watched her close it before he spoke again. Listening to her voice brought about something or other but he wasn’t sure what exactly that was. Still, he smirked, and tapped his foot on the boards beneath him, “Wouldn’t call them adventures, more like hail Mary’s that I don’t get a ray gun to my head every time I go out but it’s a livin’. Rather be hauled up somewhere doing tedious shit with people I care about.”

“No one’s telling you you can’t do that, you know.” Val dumped her bag by her bed and sat down in one of several removed roller coaster seats. She pulled her shoes off with her feet and then tucked her feet under herself, making a small ball in the corner of the makeshift couch. “Speaking of people you care about...” Val’s brow furrowed slightly as she started playing nervously with the edge of her shirt.”Or, I mean, at least I care about... I just, I tried to see Seth but first he disappeared, and then everything in his loft was just gone. Do you know anything?”

“All over. Didn’t matter where I went, everyone needed a part or guns or credits to get those parts or guns or food. Food was a big one– few buddies of mine and I ran one of those farmin’ trucks off road and fed a tent borough. It was one hell of a time.” He followed her, noticing small things about the Carnie Camp that he hadn’t seen in a while. Things looked a little more mossed over, with vines twisting even thicker and deeper into the rides. “How’s things here?”

“That’s great.” Val loved listening to Roderick’s stories, wishing someday she could get the courage to travel and do the same as him. She was always somewhat envious of her brother’s ability to do the same, but she had begun to accept her role as a helper, more of a homebody. “In the Carnies? Same old same old. Really nothing all that eventful. Just feels like the same shit, different day.” Val opened the curtain door to her space to go in and held it open for Roderick to do the same. “Wish I could say I had as many adventures as you, but lately it’s just mediocrity and disappointment.”

“Yeah James, don’t remember this mug? I’m hurt,” he managed a chuckle, bringing his hand up to his chin and rubbing it. It had felt like a long time since he’d seen Val and she looked just the same as he left her. It was like time had frozen and maybe not much had changed after all. “Passin’ through, figured I’d say some hellos.. starting with you.”

“Well, I can’t say I expected it, but I appreciate it.” Another small smile crept across her face. Roderick was sweet, and she appreciated his company, but the hole in her chest that had shrunk when Seth was found alive and well had returned with a vengeance. “Where have your travels brought you?” Val nodded towards the camp as she headed for her loading dock home.

“Yanno me, travelin’ around the New Eastern front but I figured it was time for some back tracking.” Pause. “Of course I remembered the number, I gave you the burner– look I’m stuck at the front and they aren’t letting me in. Guess Mac and Julian forgot about me or somethin’.” Pause. “Yeah, I’ll wait here.”

“Roderick?” Val was walking around to the front, coming back from having been out in some of the outer limits for supplies when she saw a friendly face. “James, what are you doing? Do you honestly not remember this face?” She shoved the Carnie on watch’s shoulder playfully, a grin spreading across his face, followed by a small one on hers. “What brings you this way?”

Perhaps, but can you?

The things here will be taken care of and that's what matters.

If I manage to give someone around me the least bit of comfort and protection that’s good enough for me. Worrying about the whole of New Hope, wracking my brain for an answer and coming up short will only make me incapable of doing what I’m trying to do for those around me. You incapacitate yourself from doing what little good you can do. It’s more than just making sure the water is warm and the burners work— it’s providing a safe environment and relaying the message that everything is going to be okay at least for a little while. We will survive, just because of the sheer fact that we’ve done it for so long that it’s as easy as breathing.

Right. Like I said, just forget it.