𝚁𝙴𝙱𝙴𝙻 / 𝚂𝚃𝙰𝚁𝚃

i originally took a long break from tumblr because i was overwhelmed with the characters i had and trying to keep up with them, so of course once i came back to tumblr to write... i immediately overwhelmed myself with bringing back several blogs all at once. i think the thing is the more miserable i am at my job, the more i want to completely scatter my free time among a billion different characters; and i get so excited to write each individual character and all the potential stories and relationships they can form i really don’t pace myself at all. big adhd mood? i function on hyperfixations and hyperfixations alone... you know until the hyperfixation dies and i go into a void for months.

                                     ❝ i have some experience with jedi. ❞

it’s not me being a dickhead, i swear, it’s just tumbler sabotaging me. either click the wrong button or it takes a second to load so i click it again right when it DOES load so

it’s just a whole thing

@rebelmade​ :   “You’re going to kill him, aren’t you?”               

❝ YES. ❞

there’s absolution in his voice, without room for waver or second thoughts. already his mind is made up on the TARGET  --- ( singular, still new. not quite used to eliminating only one person just yet, more accustomed to taking out dozens, hundreds, if necessary to leave no witnesses. )  he’s not sure if the details of his mission have been spread, or if he just has that AIR of killing about him.... which he probably did. very little about him was inviting.

whatever this particular REBEL had planned he didn’t know, didn’t ask, and there was still the slight edge in his voice to ward off prying. tension in his shoulders held, posture ever guarded. constantly he had to remind himself he was part of the rebellion now, something bigger, he wasn’t ALONE with naught but death as a companion anymore.

it felt utterly alien.

𝐃𝐄𝐒𝐏𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅, 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐌𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐒𝐓 𝐓𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐂𝐇 of her lips. Suffering Yoda’s cryptic advice was as much a rite of passage as any of the trials or traditions of the Order, but like all things, they endured for a reason. Shaak Ti only saw the wisdom in hindsight, as she grew older, more experienced, but it had always been there in the puzzle of his words. Shifting from her meditative pose, she placed both hands on her knees and insisted, “It makes perfect sense.”

“In all things you will either fail or succeed. To merely commit yourself to trying is to only commit yourself halfway.” The doubt, however subconscious, lingered in his choice of words. Conflict still clouded his heart and mind; a cycle of anger and inner turmoil that fed each other endlessly. The only way forward was to break the cycle, fully and completely. Not just try.

“Go beyond the attempt. Visualize your 𝚂𝚄𝙲𝙲𝙴𝚂𝚂.”

HIS EXPRESSION SHIFTED with her explanation from struggling and frustrated to mildly irritated, a look of inconvenience resting over his features. try as he might he’d only managed to calm his mind and meditate once more, only for visions of DEATH to meet him. the turmoil he felt in glimpsing the force in a way he never had before, and hadn’t been able to accomplish again since then on his own, was enough to make him hesitate.

now so he was more frustrated that he had to admit she was right, even if she went backwards about saying so. with kota and even vader ( he’d be loathe to share their name in a sentence of similar compare outloud ) they were direct. ORDERS to be followed. vader would not allow failure as an option, starkiller would succeed or he would die. and KOTA just pushed him forward blunt and direct, no halfways or maybes; he presented the true potential for starkiller’s power and just told him to do it.

❝ you could have just lead with that. ❞  a grumble, still low and without directly meeting her gaze ( still lingered that fear, no matter how hard he tried to bury or kill it, that disagreement or doubt would be met with a saber through the chest. )

empires rise, empires fall