lost marbles.

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So you’re not getting any sleep with the new baby girl?

she feels unhinged, free. he has this quality about him that dazes her, reminds her of fresh linen sheets and clothes warm from the dryer. sets her heart ablaze but waters down the heat waves in her heavy, thought-laden head. three little words that often used to terrify her now illuminate the petite blonde. everything feels as though its falling into place, no crash landing in sight. juniper responds eagerly to his careful kiss, lips scalding against her own, sighs softly when he pulls away. every little word uttered makes her feel more and more at ease, relieved, sure of what she wants. sure of what she NEEDS, will need to get through everything. it’s simple: him. the answer is him ad she can’t believe that it took her so long to figure it out. gentle hands reach up to cup his face, thumbs caressing the side of his jaw carefully. soft smile etches it’s way onto her lips as she leans her forehead on his and closes her eyes. “yes, bo. boyfriend girlfriend status sounds just about right to me. ” sobers quickly after a moment of quiet, pulls back just enough to look at him with sincere hues. “i’m going to take care of you, too. like you deserve. and the baby. going to be..— healthy. try my absolute hardest. going to get clean, have too. i might— ” she hesitates, eyes lowering, hands going to rest on his chest once more. “ — might need your help. but i’m willing to be different, to be BETTER. for you. and the little one. ”

anyone could have probably been able to tell that while june was surrounding herself with drugs, or lip, bo sat in silence, just watching. waiting. he knew, everyone knew, lip was a trash can. he didn’t deserve a goddess like june, didn’t deserve her gentle touch. but honestly bodhi could go on for hours thinking about how much he hated that dirty, bleach blond twig. “sounds like music to my ears,” he whispered, before leaning in and kissing her again. he couldn’t really stop himself, her lips like a drug he couldn’t pull away from. “we’ll take care of each other. we’ll be there for each other. we’ll be understanding, we always will be.” he insisted as he kissed her cheek, leaning closer to whisper into her ear. “don’t be different, be you, just, be who you are with me right now.” he pulled his face away from her ear as he looked into her eyes again. “you’re perfect, there are literally no flaws. but... getting clean is, a really good choice. it’s... sort of the-- only one. but we can do this. i’ve done it. i know how it works. and then, in nine months, when we meet this bundle of joy we’ll be ready to stop taking care of ourselves, and take care of him or her.”

a soft, content hum pushes past her lips as he touches her, loves her, feeds her the affection she’s lacking— that she’s STARVING for. she loves this feeling of safety, of trust. the noises of a settling home in his chest as she nuzzles into his touch, attempts to get as close as she can. the petite blonde is grateful for the blanket being draped over her once more, slender frame instantly cloaked in the warmth of the blanket and his smile. “ right, KNIGHT. my apologies. ” it’s almost overwhelming, how good of a person he truly is. how kind, how many times he’s taken care of her since they’ve known each other. this was anything but the response she had thought she was going to get and now she feels naive for thinking he would act any other way. for being anxious, anticipating rejection. it all seems so silly now that she’s wrapped in his arms, protected from anything that could possibly do her an ounce of harm. “ i— love you. ” it’s all she can think to say, one hand reaching to the back of his head, lithe fingers running through the wild curls as he leans his forehead on her. let’s him speak, let’s him get it all out. “ and i would be so, so lucky, to have someone like you to father my child. ” june almost whines at the lack of contact as he pulls back but his touch on her belly is soothing, feels so fucking RIGHT that she can’t breathe for a second, breath halting in her throat. wants to kiss him absolutely windy, wants so much with this patient, endearing man laying next to her. her own hands lower to cover his affectionately, soft smile spreading on her lips. “ i’ve never been so lucky, bodhi jude. if you’re willing to have me— ” juniper pauses, knows this is right. knows this is what she needs, wants, to do for both her and the baby. she’s never been his second choice, he’s never hut her, never betrayed her trust. has always been by her side, treated her fairly with patience and kindness. knows in her heart that he quite possibly is her soul mate, is the one she wants around always. knows that it’s time to MOVE ON. GROW UP. “— i would be so, so willing to have you as mine, as well. ”

bo would do anything for her, he’d give her the beating heart in his chest if it meant she wouldn’t feel any pain. he’d give her every ounce of his strength, every second of his time, every dime and penny. he just was raised to find the love, the light of his life and hold on with all of his might. he didn’t even need anyone else. he had her. she was all he ever wanted. he’d stand by her side through the worst of times, and even if the entire town would be blown away just so she could live, he’d pick her every time. warmth filled his abdomen as she whispered those three little words every man lives to hear. he couldn’t stop himself from basically nuzzling his face against hers and releasing a soft chuckle. her hand over his, and his body pressing close to her’s once more he almost didn’t give enough room to breathe. he didn’t want to breathe anything other than her. “willing to have you?” he repeated with soft, playful confusion. “i’d die to have you.  do anything for the opportunity to... take care of you, the way you deserve.” he insisted as he slowly leaned a bit closer, kissing her lips with ease. “take care of this baby, the way he, or she, deserves.” nodding his head now he shifted his weight a bit and made sure she was quite literally, locked into him. there was no place to go, he wouldn’t release her, not now, not ever. “does this mean we’re... the words sound so stupid-” he sighed, laughing to himself as a faint red stained his cheeks. “boyfriend girlfriend status?”

she‘s ready to disagree with him, mouth parting to speak, until his hand caresses the side of her face and she allows herself to melt into relief. soft sigh escapes through parted lips, tilts her head to the side to kiss the palm of his hand, looks up at him shyly through thick lashes. a small, quiet snort escapes and she ducks her head. shoulders shake with laughter she’s trying to force back and she pushes his shoulder playfully. “god, you’re a dork.” feels a little better already, tension not as thick— helps that she’s in his arms, that he cares more about how she’s feeling than the fact that she slept with lip. makes it a point to herself not to be negative or put herself down in front of him ever again. juniper looks back up at him with bright eyes, bites down a smile, and leans in to rub her nose against his fondly. “ my dork. i’m— so lucky. so sorry. ” hands glide over his chest to his upper arms, clutch gently as if she’s trying to absorb his strength, take him all in. as much of him as she can get. “ you think— think i can do it? i can be a mother? ” she wouldn’t lie that she’s been entirely considering the possibility, the idea of baby clothes enticing. feeding, loving, protecting. being a better parent than she ever had. juniper hesitates before whispering, “ you aren’t MAD? ” there’s a warmth growing in her lower stomach, crawls up her sternum and lingers in the back of her throat. tears prickle at amber-liquid hues and she chokes back a low whimper. “ i thought you would be, thought you’d leave. do you even want a child? ”

he’s relieved at her being so much less... tense. her aura loosening and her eyes almost widening. allowing him to really see her. it was almost like the first time all over again. but it always was with her. running his other hand up her back and pulling her in closer he practically forced her into his lap, wrapping his arms and legs around her now as he basically koala hugged the shit out of her. “KNIGHT.” he corrected as he nuzzled his face into the crook of her neck. the two so tangled up in one another it was almost hard to tell where one began and the other ended. that was the way bo liked it. reaching one arm over he grabbed the blanket and wrapped it around them both. “i don’t think, i know.” he pressed as he gently kissed the soft flesh. “you’re one of the most experienced people i know. i mean, the kid will grow up to be so wise and strong, because they’re going to have you.” he smiled slowly lifting his head as he pressed his forehead to the side of her face. “i wouldn’t say that i’m not mad.” he finally whispered, feeling a bit nervous. “but, it’s not at you. never you.” he then fell silent, licking his lesser lip before responding. “i’d never leave you, not like this. not when i can see you need me. and, -- i don’t know, that’s a hard question. sure, i thought about it from time to time. having a little guy to just, raise. or a little girl. but i never thought i’d have that chance, and i mean. i’m going to be here. for you, for the kid. even if... i don’t even want to know, i don’t think.” he whispered pulling his torso back from her’s slightly as he moved his hand to her belly, a small smile on his lips. “i want you, i want us, i want... everything that comes with it.”

his tone takes her off guard and she raises a hand to cup his jaw, voice coarse when she finally speaks. “ no. no one hurt me. ” supposes it’s only half way a lie, just a petty one. one that can be overlooked— feeling hurt isn’t what’s important right now. wants to dash out the flames of that possibility in his head right now. juniper shivers at the feeling of his hands crawling up her back, stable ad dependable. everything she fucking needs and more. opens her mouth to speak before closing it, scared. doesn’t know where to begin. and, GOD, he’s so sweet, treats her so good, let’s her do whatever she wants to him. “ i — ” chokes, hides her face in his chest now. wants to smother herself in his breath, his love. “ fuck, bo. i’m pregnant. i’m fucking pregnant and i don’t know if the child is yours or lip’s. ” june stiffens but doesn’t move away. it won’t be her choice if they stop cuddling but she isn’t going to stop him if he moves away. figures she’d be pissed too, that he’s going to yell, scream, hate her. “ i’m sorry. i’m so fucking — ” quietly sniffles, grips hard enough at his chest to scrape through the fabric with sharp nails. “ — sorry. ” breath comes in stutters now, chest tightens, bottom lip quivers once more. “ what am i going to do? how am i supposed to raise a CHILD. i’m— i’m not nearly responsible enough, i can’t— i’m a waste of space ADDICT, bo. i can’t be a mother. ”

GOOD, he thought. the beasts now bored and headed off to their slumber once more. leaving him to just be with her in this moment. but that only lasts for a single second before the phrase repeats though his mind like a broken record. fuck bo, i’m pregnant ... yours or lip’s.  suddenly a spark of anger lit in his torso at the other’s name. but it wasn’t toward her. she was free to do what she wanted -- when she wanted. he didn’t own her. but him. the name turned his stomach sour as he felt himself drifting deep within his thoughts. the anger only blossoming and blooming into this mushroom cloud of frustration. DIDN’T LIP TAKE ENOUGH? he practically robbed june of so much hope, and faith. destroyed her. he didn’t deserve her. but before he could get too deep into his own mind the feeling of nails ripping skin brought him right back. his head slowly turning to face her as he practically gasped at her words. -- “shh, shh..” he tried, before hearing her call herself something so-- degrading. he nearly jumped now, forcing her to look at him by moving one hand to her chin. “--...” parting his lips to speak, he could list a thousand and one reasons why she was wrong. but he feared she’d never believe him. “ni. -- ni.” -- “i am a knight of ni, and i will not tolerate you speaking about yourself like this.” his words were careful and light as he lifted his hand, to gently run along the side of her face. “you my fair princess, are by far one of the most CAPABLE human beings i have ever come across. you are strong -- and can do anything. but if... you feel weak, your knight is always here.”

her body immediately relaxed, responding to his familiar touch. melting into it, taking solace in the sturdiness of his arms, the heat of his breath on her neck. juniper sighs softly, clenches her eyes shut tight. figures it’s about time to face the music and turns around, slender fingers reaching up to hold the fabric of his shirt in her hands. wants to make sure he isn’t going anywhere, isn’t going to slip away from her. “ no. ” she answers a bit vehemently, doesn’t mean to be so forceful. “ not high. ” her voice is soft, little, watery. knows there’s no escaping from this conversation. half of her wants to be irritated, wants to get mad at him and shout for entering her apartment without permission. for climbing in next to her. truly, she’s just achingly relieved. doens’t blame him, god knows all she ever wants is to be near him. “ we need to talk. ” the blonde’s grip tightens and she moves to hid her face in his neck, damp lashes against smooth skin.

okay, so she had definitely surprised him in this moment. his gaze washing over her as she turned to face him. it’s pretty obvious he has no idea what’s going on, and that causes his anxiety to slightly skyrocket. “did someone hurt you?” he asked, a bit jaded now as he felt the old him coarse through his veins. what he’d do to someone if they had hurt his sunshine. he’d -- god he couldn’t even think straight now. all of his thoughts smashing into one another and screaming. screaming. screaming. his entire world was almost spinning. but he’s grounded fast and hard as june clings to him, those words falling from her lips causing time to almost stop. the voices silenced as it seemed the beasts were finally... interested. “-- what do we have to... talk about?” he mumbled as he ran his hands up her back, clutching the familiar fabric of his sweater. ( she always did look so much better in his clothes. ) “there’s nothing we can’t handle.”

the petite female has been laying in the same position for a few hours, cozy under a mountain of blankets. juniper tugs the sleeves of one of bo’s sweaters over her knuckles, nudges deeper into the cushion on the couch, wants to sink away. she’s covered completely, oversized grey sweats and wool socks attempting to take away the small tremors in her hands, chest and bottom lip. face is stained red from tears and tissues, eyes aching from shedding so many stubborn tears. hasn’t cried this much since her brother died, since her father finally decided to go into rehab. she never really thinks about locking the front door of her apartment, normally has plenty of guests wading in and out throughout the day— not to mention bo’s constant, comforting presence. and, GOD, bo. how is she going to fucking explain this shit to him? and what if it’s his? thoughts spiral, knocking around inside like wayward, rampant bumper cars. lost in thought, she doesn’t even hear the door open.

june, june, JUNE junejune. that was what really kept him going each and every day. when he felt like just locking himself away in his bedroom, he’d think of her. her laugh, her smile. there were so many things that brought him life. it wasn’t surprising that he had been driving to her place once more. he didn’t even think about it, he got off his shift at the shop and it was just his routine now. that was a pretty big thing when he was in the hospital. routines. he couldn’t help but develop the habit now in reality. parking next to his usual spot ( because some asshole with a honda decided to take it. ) the brunet climbed out of his little car and headed up the steps with ease. slipping into her flat without making much noise he heard a soft whimper break out from her livingroom and immediately concern washed through his veins. maybe this wasn’t just routine. he liked to believe he had a somewhat special connection with june, knowing when she needed him. after all, she seemed to know when he needed her. he crept into her bedroom and the sight he saw truly snapped his heart in two, and without saying anything the brunet kicked off his shoes and made his way toward her, climbing into the blankets and wrapping his arms around her slender frame. “havin a bad trip, princess?”

he looks at himself and sees nothing she deserves.

he makes her want to be GOOD, throw away the negative influences and focus on him, her sun, her air. but, fuck, it’s hard. it’s so hard not stop now that she’‘s begun, now that he’s been awhile for awhile and she’s only gotten worse. wants to be able to use him as her personal drug, get love-drunk off his kiss. hums in response to his statement, believes him. has never had anything but trust for the boy holding her thin face in his hands — surprisingly. he’s never let her down. and it looks as though he isn’t going to start, a small smile on her lips at his scoff. juniper feels a shiver crawl up her spine at his touch, looking up at him tiredly from heavy lids, heavy lashes. sighs into his mouth once she finally gets what she wants, his mouth on her own. a quiet whimper forces it’s way out of her chest, hurts so good, makes her fall into his sturdy frame. he’s always known how to hold her up. clumsy lips pull back to brush against his own, teeth nipping at his lower lip with an odd urgency.

exciting him was relatively easy, but for june? it was effortless. the longer he kissed her the faster his heart beat. no drug could make his world as bright, no alcohol could make his world spin as hard. no person could make him feel the way june did. puppy love, friends threatened, just a phase, family warned. they weren’t eachother’s happily ever afters, not to mention she had a history he still had yet to uncover. but so did he, not to mention he had plenty of baggage that was sure to follow him now. but he didn’t want to think about that. only think about the way her body felt pressed against his. lowering one hand to grip her ass he released a soft groan, rolling his hips into her own. biting down on her lesser lip he gave it a playful tug before basically whining, “i want you, need you.”

one hand fell to his upper chest, fingertips laying flat against his collar bone. drags her nose against the skin of his neck and inhales him, soft sigh falling from pouty lips. “ missed you, missed you so much. ” doesn’t regret it for once, doesn’t regret speaking sweet-nothings. laying herself bare for rejection, for disgust. god, doesn’t think she could take that from him — not from bo, with the soft eyes and easy smile. “ not that i know of. ” juniper teases back, protestant noise at the placement of his lips, just so. knows what he’s doing it, doesn’t like it one bit. wants him to kiss her, to devour her WHOLE. wants to be gone, gone, gone under his touch, his weight. “ kiss me, you fool. ”

bo was honestly unsure if he’d ever have this again. with his never ending trip, he thought he’d be forced to live in that hell forever. but after a year he was finally free to be with the only person who made all the bad things just... wash away. the brunet could stay like this forever. his hands clutching her close, her words melting his heart. slowly shaking his head he allowed his forehead to press against her’s. “i wouldn’t dare,” he mumbled before feeling a soft scoff leave his lips. her demand was easy for him, he had wanted to do this for so long but he wanted to savor this moment for just a minute longer. lifting his hand to the side of her face he ran his thumb along her cheek bone before finally indulging in the desire that he had been DREAMING of. bringing his lips to her’s he allowed his hand to lift into her pink locks, giving them a slight tug as he forced her impossibly closer.

god, she’d missed him. it hadn’t even been that long, really, but it felt like forever since she’d been graced with his smile. with those eyes, those hands, those words. juniper sighed softly, burying her face in his neck, placing open mouthed kisses on his bare skin. she easily let him inside, stepping back and bringing the door closed with her. closing her eyes slowly as his lips brushed against her own, she felt her lips twitch into a smile and shook her head at him, amused. “ as fake deep as always. can’t say i didn’t miss that. ” the blonde brought her hand up to cup the side of his face firmly, thumb brushing over his bottom lip, gaze stuck on it as she brought her own into her mouth to chew nervously. “ do you mean it? ”

sure, he saw her from time to time but it wasn’t like this. just the two of them in isolation. no one watching, no restrictions. he could touch her however he pleased. tell her whatever he desired. have her anywhere he chose. it was amazing. he chuckled at the feeling of her kissing him so devilishly, goosebumps rising on his flesh as he trembled under her touch. the warmth of her flat along with the smell of lavender filled his lungs and caused a rush of energy to pulse through him and lights to blossom all around her. sure, in any other instance he’d become frustrated or even angry with the tricks his mind played. but with her he welcomed them. her insult brought a fake laugh to fall from his lips as he dared to lean in closer. “have i ever lied to you before?” he inquired with a lift of his brow, pressing a soft kiss to her cheek, just beside her lips.