SOLO BORN.*

     THERE WAS  an unfamiliar tension in the air that Rey found suffocating,  akin to how tendrils of hair used to whip at her neck during a sandstorm,  thus giving her the idea to pull her locks into plaits.  The hatred in the man before her,  the downright unadulterated RAGE brought fear to her,  which displayed itself with watery eyes,  of which she hoped Kylo hadn’t taken notice.  She’d seen him angry and demanding,  but this was different  —  something she’d hoped she would never have to face.  She’d hoped that she would eventually be enough to turn him to her side.

     Perhaps she had been naive in hoping.

     The world hadn’t been kind to either of them,  but they had both handled that fact very differently.  Where Ben strayed from the Light,  Rey embraced it.  They were two sides of the same coin,  stuck in a constant game of cat and mouse,  until someone inevitably ran out of time.  While she obviously hoped that it wouldn’t her who did,  she also didn’t wish any harm to the other.

     It was unfair that he could pull back the layers and peer into her soul  ;  it gave him unpermitted access to the parts of her heart that even she had a hard time coping with.  He wasn’t supposed to KNOW about her constant inner struggle,  and about how much she wished she could be with him,  the REAL him,  not the monster masquerading behind a name that he made up. 

       “  I did feel it, “  she confessed,  jaw tense with aggravation brought on by the tears she was struggling to hold back.  “  I still do.  But if I can admit that  —  “  she began,  lifting his chin to DEMAND that he look her in the eyes,  “  then you can admit that there still is something left for you in the Light.  “

     There’s me,  she so desperately wanted to say.

◤— ❝ ...Why? Why do you carry such a belief? Hold onto such hope? ❞ CHOKED was his tone of voice, the conveyance of the REALITY of his true emotions now laid bare ; the facade of KYLO REN melting away to expose BEN SOLO in his entirety --- a broken, LOST boy whom had been betrayed by so many one way or another, he who had been swayed by the LIES of another for so many years. LONELINESS was his partner now and there would be no changing that. There would be no atonement for the ATROCITIES he had committed during his time as the infamous JEDI KILLER. Kylo was unworthy of FORGIVENESS ; not that of Rey’s and certainly not Leia Organa’s --- the mother he had taken everything from, the one he had wrought such sadness onto.

And worst of all, Ben was not DESERVING of the Last Jedi’s adoration ; no matter how much he craved it and he could admit that to himself now.

He wanted HER more than anything.

Her touch made his breath hitch ; shivers wracking his spine for it had been so long since he had been touched in such a SOFT manner. 

Through the bond, that which would always ENCHANT him, he could sense the surge of her DESPERATION and an intense longing for him that elicited an ache in his heart ; but what caused him to act, what enticed him to take her hand in his larger one ( a show of his tenderness ), was the trace of FEAR. It was an abhorrent thought ; there was a time he would have relished her fear, for it would have strengthened him, but now...now it only warranted a sense of hatred for HIMSELF. ❝ Rey, I can’t do this to you...I’m not worth it. This pain I have caused you...Why would you want to help a monster? ❞

ASK THE MUN /// ALWAYS ACCEPTING.

there was a layer of HARSHNESS to his tone that’s unfamiliar to rey. it’s funny how quickly the tables could turn. under normal circumstances, the roles would be reversed. he would seek her out through their Bond and she would UNWILLINGLY play into this silly game of cat and mouse. soft lines form at the center of her forehead. “and here i thought you’d be GLAD to hear from me.” the woman quipped. it was equally as shocking to rey that she so boldly tapped into their connection. she just had to see him.

the distance between them ( both metaphorically and emotionally ) was her motivation. he had every right to be VEXED. the hesitation in her eyes was obvious when she denied him. she exhales deeply and any indication of sarcasm has left her voice. “i’m still here, you know. i’m still waiting for you to see that what you have does not DEFINE you. there’s good in you, ben.” after all, the boy was only trying to survive. the same as she had. it was the natural order of things on a planet home to thieves and scavengers.

“i didn’t take your hand. that doesn’t mean that you can’t take MINE. your side isn’t the only side.”

◤— ❝ …Be that as it may, it doesn’t matter anymore. ❞ There was no FEASIBLE way for him to return to the LIGHT ; the Darkside was simply part of him now & there would be no chance of turning back utterly --- even though the VOICE in his head was now absent, the source having been vanquished, it did not deter the coaxing of the darkness and Kylo had no desire to ignore it. Indeed, there had been a moment, from the first time she had gazed into HER eyes, that he believed he could be more than what he was in a way of GOOD...but then there had been a cutting betrayal. Her rejection had strengthened his want for POWER ; his need to ensure that the galaxy was CHANGED in a manner that had never been done before.

The First Order would strive to create a universe far superior to that of the Empire. 

NEW YEAR’S STARTERS /// ACCEPTING.

◤— ❝ ...Have you decided to stop shutting me out? ❞ There was a BARELY spared glance in her direction before he focused on the datapad cradled in his hand ; scrolling through reports surrounding the various divisions and their current locations throughout both the Outer & Inner Rims. Focusing on this certainly proved to be DIFFICULT with the purity of their presence singing through the Force and down through their Bond --- especially when it seemed to be the case that she had WANTED this connection between them to transpire. 

Kylo should not allow himself to feel such a strong bout of HOPE ; he still felt the STING of her betrayal & rejection, an agony that would never abate.

◤— FATIGUE caused the BRILLIANCE of his wide grin, in the face of Rey’s joy & the kiss she had bestowed him, to dissipate ; form slumping back towards the grimy surface of the SITH TEMPLE and if not for the STRENGTH of her hold, Ben would have received a rather NASTY smack to the head. His breathing was labored, every inhale & exhale making him wince as a bolt of PAIN coursed through him --- Force Healing was a DANGEROUS ability, sapping the very lifeforce from the one using it and Ben had very nearly ended his own life in his haste to save Rey. 

Even if that had been the result of doing such, he would NEVER regret the decision to save her.

She meant EVERYTHING to him, after all. 

◤—  ❝ Marry me. ❞ FERVENTLY spoken through the Bond, his ADORATION for the woman before him clear from the way in which he smiled at her ; so TENDERLY & brimming with love, every facet of KYLO REN absent in that moment, only Ben Solo standing before her --- his anger vacant and happiness present, bubbling in his chest. She had been the one to bring his smile back ; it had been so many years since the man had last felt such delight within him.

Every rendezvous between them, both through their Forcebond & the rare ( yet cherished ) meeting in a secret location. Every kiss, every touch of affection, every night spent together, had all culminated to carve a path to this DECISION.