✥𝐮𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐲✥

It went from enjoying waking up and just reaching for your computer, to dreading the repetitive cycle that had become your life. It was just school, eating, homework assignments, sleeping. There was no friends in between, there was no joy about finally being able to go home and rest. You were at home all day, after all. There was no real joy in anything anymore.

There was the endless assignments that appeared and flooded your To-Do List. They all came from teachers who claimed to understand that this was a difficult time for everyone. There was the “Due at 11:59PM” that haunted your days and stopped you from enjoying any leisure activities. Life had become a vicious cycle of trying to grasp what was thrown at you during lectures, completing assignments on time, taking care of yourself, and keeping in touch with friends as to not come off as cold or distanced. 

The conversations held with friends were truly one of the only things keeping you going. It was the hope of seeing the people that were beyond the screen sometime soon. Once quarantine was raised. 

Tendou 

We should go eat together after this is all over

Toshi ❤️

That would be nice. I miss you guys

Goshiki 

You really mean that!? This quarantine better end soon..

Toshi ❤️

Yeah. But I mainly wanna see y/n

Tendou 

🤮🤮🤮

Semi 

okay but same

Tendou 

you are going to make me leave the gc again, wakatoshi

There was never a dull moment in that group chat, nor was there ever silence. Though you would never complain. These messages were one of the only things you looked forward to. You never knew exactly what to expect from any of them, and well.. they all brought you a warmth in your chest that words simply could not explain.

The idea that you’d get to see them again soon was enough to get you through the day. Sometimes. Other times, it was difficult leaving bed, it was difficult finding the motivation to finish school work, and it was difficult finding the energy to socialize. Everything that made you human, even the simplest task, was becoming difficult. 

But you had your very own Ushijima Wakatoshi. 

When there was darkness, there was also the light Ushijima crafted and gifted you in order to help you get through it. 

It could be the simplest of actions, yet it meant everything to you. It could happen during a zoom call. One where you were forced to have your cameras on. You were slumped over, a far away look in your eyes as you listened to the teacher lecture when you’d notice a chat notification. From none other than Ushi. 

From Ushijima Wakatoshi to Me: (Privately)

hi baby (:

Your eyes scanned the chat before looking up to find the square where he was. His eyes were downcast, presumably looking at the chat, waiting for a response. He had the cutest smile on his face. He was the epitome of the “(:” face at this very moment. 

From Me to Ushijima Wakatoshi: (Privately)

hi toshi (: 

i miss you

At that, he looked up, and luckily, you were already looking at him, hoping to catch his reaction. The warmest smile appeared on his face, and you couldn’t help but return the smile as well. It was this small interaction that managed to cheer you up. It was the hope of seeing him again soon that allowed you to get through your classes that day. What kept you going as you completed assignment after assignment. 

However, these interactions also had their own downsides. The truth was that you missed your boyfriend so so much. He was one of the only things keeping you going, and you couldn’t even see him. Video calls weren’t enough sometimes. When you’d join zoom calls for classes, if he was there, he’d give you a small wave as a greeting, followed by his warm smiles. But that only made your longing for him grow. 

The thought and realization of how close Ushijima was, yet the inability to see him because of a pandemic.. it was suffocating. Ushijima deserved to be hugged, fed, cuddled, kissed, praised, all things good. And yet you couldn’t give him any of that because it simply wasn’t allowed. 

The conversations with him and his friends weren’t enough either now. You'd lay down and read through the group chat with a sad smile on your face, your hopes of seeing your friends diminishing as months and more months passed by without a sign of the pandemic ending. The repetitive cycle with no breaks whatsoever was also getting to you. The lack of motivation was getting to you. It seemed like no matter what you did, it only served to keep digging your own grave.

As everything began to fall apart, and you struggled to keep all the pieces together and organized as best as you could, it was clear you were not doing a good job at it. Or well, at least to Ushijima. He could see that your hands were full to the brim with pieces threatening to spill over. The glue and tape that was used to put everything together was no longer sticking, and everything was threatening to fall apart. Everything would fall apart, if it weren't for how thoughtful and generous Ushijima is. He took the time to replace the old pieces of tape with new ones to make sure they stuck, and always left generous amounts of glue to ensure everything would stay in place. 

“Have you been eating all your meals?” He asked, tone laced with worry as his eyes scanned his screen, where he could clearly see your tired eyes and warm smile, head nodding as a sign that you had. 

“Mhm, you’re eating your meals too, right?”

“I am. Are you getting enough sleep?” 

“Trying to..” A small sigh could be heard from your phone’s speaker, a sign that he knew that was a lie. 

“Y/N, please don’t overwork yourself. You need your rest, you deserve to rest.”

“Do I look that bad..?” Your hands instinctively reached for your face, and you gently traced the dark circles under your eyes that most likely gave it away to him that you hadn’t been getting enough sleep. 

“You don’t look bad, but I worry for you. Please don’t make me worry, Y/N. I just want you to take good care of yourself.” 

“I know.” You couldn’t help the sigh that escaped your lips. He was right. “Please take care of yourself too, I don’t want you to get sick or anything.”

“Of course, baby.” You could feel your heart swell at those words alone, and yet another sigh escaped your lips. 

“I miss you so much, Ushi.. I just- I want to hold your cute self. I want to squish your lil cheekies, I want to make sure you’re fed and maybe even tuck you in...”

“I miss you too, baby. I have recently found out that I really miss your cuddles.” That caused a laugh to escape your lips. 

“I miss your cuddles too.. When do you think I’ll get to see you again?” 

The question perhaps caught him off guard, but there was a thoughtful look on his face, and a few moments of silence. You took this moment as an opportunity to quietly admire him. He looked as beautiful as always, truly considering all of his options. 

“I’m not sure. I’ll see what I can do.”

That was the sad reality. Neither of you, no one, had a clue when this would all be over. You were left yet again to continue to yearn for your boyfriend, left to hope that this would end soon so you’d be able to see him again. And your friends too, of course. Maybe that’s what you needed to truly get you out of this slump. After all, this slump was created by the presence of a repetitive cycle that left no space for yourself. The cycle consumed your time, leaving you with little time to truly do anything you enjoy, even if you are home almost every single second of the day. There is no time one can really enjoy. Even procrastination is painful. The guilt of procrastination while having too many assignments to worry about is too much at times.

His words alone though, provide you with the hope that manages to get you going. It works as fuel to get your little car moving towards the finish line. 

I’ll see what I can do.

⇠☁︎⇢

And that he did. It’d been some time since that last call, and it had been announced that it was allowed to meet in small groups of 3-4 people at once, with masks still present, of course, but it was quite a big improvement to fearing simply leaving one’s own home. 

As soon as the news had gotten out, the group chat had gone wild with plans for small group meet-ups and the endless possibilities of finally getting to see each other in person. The news had also brought you some sense of relief, the tension left your shoulders as the news announced things were getting better, and safety guidelines didn’t have to be so strict. The possibility of life going back to normal didn’t seem impossible. 

Once Ushijima had heard about these news, he had reached out suggesting you both get tested. Your initial thoughts being that Toshi wanted both you and your family to be healthy were soon discarded and the idea of finally being able to see your boyfriend stuck to your brain like a leech. It really didn't take much convincing, and sooner than expected you both had your test results back. Both negative. 

Toshi ❤️

remember how you said you wanted to see me? 

how about we hang out at my place or yours? 

we are a small group. just two

doesn't break guidelines, right? 

I miss you. 

The influx of notifications that flashed across your screen out of nowhere caught you by surprise, but the contact name alone had your finger moving on its own to tap on the messages. You couldn't believe your eyes as you read the multiple messages over and over again? Seeing your boyfriend in person was finally going to be a reality, not a midnight thought or wish that could not be fulfilled. Your fingers moved on their own as you returned the words “I miss you” and reassured him that you thought this was a wonderful idea, with you two being very careful, of course. 

Once the two of you had agreed to a hang out, he said he’d come over the next day, bringing with him some snacks and other things that may come in handy. The next day didn’t seem to come fast enough as you lay in bed, eager to see him. Your body finally comes to an agreement to sleep since it meant when you finally woke up, it’d be time to get ready to see him. 

As soon as your eyes opened again, you sprung out of bed, eagerly checking the time and seeing it was a good time to start getting ready. Now, that meant making sure you looked presentable, nothing too over the top. You two would just be in your room after all. After you got dressed, you made sure your room was presentable as well, before hearing a knock at your door, notifying you that someone was outside asking for you. You could feel the chills running down your spine, knowing exactly who it was. 

Eagerly heading towards the door, you came to a halt when your eyes landed on him, patiently standing by the door, curious eyes glancing around the room until they landed on you as well. You could feel your eyes begin to swell up with tears at the sight of him, the realization of how much you'd miss him, the realization that he was finally here, in reach, just for you. 

It didn’t take too many steps before your arms were wrapped tightly around him. His arms were holding you close to his own body, providing you with the warmth and comfort you had craved for months on end, the one only he could provide you with. You could feel a few hot tears slide down your cheeks as your hands kept a grip on his sweater, afraid that letting go would make him disappear and leave you to wake up empty handed. 

“I missed you so much.” His words were muffled against your neck as he left a small kiss there before pulling away to cup your face. His face had turned from a soft smile to one with worried eyes at the sight of your now wet face. “It’s okay, I’m here.” He said, so only you and him could hear, thumb grazing your cheek softly in order to wipe away any tears that may fall. 

“I missed you too.” You said back, head tilting sideways a bit in order to rest against his hand that cupped your cheek. It didn't take long for you two to return back to a warm embrace, trying to make up for the months without physical contact, months without each other. 

After the initial shock of finally having the other in front of each other, you took his hand and lead him over to your room, finally noticing the bag he had been holding in his hand this entire time. As you two walked, you eyed the bag curiously, to which he simply smiled and said a single word in response. “Snacks.” Not only was the smile he had on display rare, it was also a sight you had missed seeing so much. The warmth that radiated from him as he smiled, happy to be able to share some snacks with you while finally holding each other after months of yearning and sappy messages. The real deal was here. His smile blinding yet welcome with open arms. 

You let him walk into the room first, closing the door behind you and plopping down onto the bed where the majority of your day together would be spent. In each other’s arms, eating snacks, watching movies, giving and receiving kisses, cuddles. Everything you two had been deprived of over the last few months. 

“Do you really have to leave?” You asked, looking up at him as his hands gently played with your hair, a small hum escaping his lips, barely loud enough for you to hear. He looked down at you, eyes scanning your entire face, looking from your pleading eyes down to your lips. A small smile appeared on his lips as he leaned in to place a kiss on your own lips. “Should I?” To which he received head shakes and you coming closer to him. “Maybe I can stay. If that’s okay.” The smile that appeared on your lips seemed to tug a grin onto his own lips. “We can ask.” You added quietly, placing a few more kisses on his cheeks, forehead, nose, and finally onto his lips. 

“I love you so much.” He mumbled, before returning the kiss. Hearing Ushijima Wakatoshi say that in person after hearing it over the phone for so many months felt surreal, but you knew this was exactly how it should be. You were so thankful to finally have him here, holding him and giving him the kisses he deserved, the affection he needed. Finally. Spending even just one day with him already gave you so much hope that things would get better. Even if after tonight he went back home and the cycle continued, you would be okay. Life was doable, especially because you had your very own Ushijima Wakatoshi.

“I love you too.” 

Once you two were dressed and you had both brushed your teeth, you were both walking out of your apartment, hand in hand. 

You wouldn’t run a mile, perhaps half a mile just to truly wake you two up. Then you’d head back home and have some breakfast to serve as fuel for the morning practice that lay ahead for you two. 

You made sure to always have some lunches prepared for him and for yourself. As captains you both were often occupied with your team duties, along with school duties, and it wasn’t uncommon for both of you to forget to eat all your meals. So it was always sweet whenever Toshi packed lunches or vice versa. 

There was always those 10 minutes after you two finished breakfast and before you two had to head off to school for morning practice. Those 10 minutes were cherished by both of you since you most likely wouldn’t see much of each other until after practice was over in the afternoon. 

You held his hands, gently massaging them. Your fingers ran across the callous that had formed on the palm of his hand, making them feel rougher yet still quite smooth to the touch. It was a soothing tradition you two would usually do during these 10 cherished minutes. 

He’d often do the same for you, making sure to ask if you had any pain on the parts he’d gently press on. It always made your heart melt as you watched him carefully massage your hands, getting them warmed up for the practice that awaited you. 

Once those 10 minutes were over, you two would walk to school together, hand in hand before you had to part ways, headed to separate gyms for separate practices. 

It was always so hard, parting ways and not having him beside you. However, his passion for the sport and his teammates was so contagious. Even though you loved your teammates and the sport itself, the idea of leaving Toshi always sucked since you loved the man so much.

He's always so eager to get started on practice, eager to improve his skills, eager to see his teammates grow. One of Toshi’s amazing qualities. He might not show it, and maybe his teammates don’t notice it.. But you do. And that alone is motivation enough for you to let his hand go, giving him one last kiss before parting ways and heading to your own practice. 

°•°•°•°•°

There were days when practice wouldn't be as fun or interesting as it usually was. This was one of those days. The coach had been going a bit harder on the team due to some errors he had noticed in a previous game. Even as a captain, there wasn't much you could do to save the team from a good scolding, a few laps around the court, and 100 serves.

It was clear to you that your team was exhausted, their serves no longer coming out as great as they usually would. Defense wasn't strong. Everything seemed to be slowly falling apart. You bit at your lower lip, trying to figure out what to say to truly get the team's spirit back up. Get them all to be comfortable with the energy created in the gym today.

You called for a water break and asked them to huddle up with their water bottles. The exhaustion was clear once they were all up close, the sweat clinging to every part of their bodies along with their tired eyes told you to make this quick so they could peacefully enjoy the remainder of their break. 

"I know you guys are probably tired, and probably also bummed out with our performance at our last game..” there was a few mumbles that told you they completely agreed with that, “and maybe the coach's method isn't making you feel any better. But please remember it was a practice game. Practice makes what?"

You paused, and heard a few teammates mumble "Practice makes perfect.." which immediately brought a smile onto your face.

"Exactly. We may not have been at our best then, but that's why we learn from that game and improve what we did wrong last time. I know you guys are capable of that. We are unstoppable, after all. Next time we play them, they won't even know what hit them."

As you looked around, it was quite obvious the energy in the room had become better already. There were small smiles on their lips as they nodded, some starting to talk about what they noticed they were lacking at the practice game, others discussing what the other team had done that caught them off guard.

The pride in your chest expanded as you watched them discuss ways they could stop it from happening again, and then pairing up to practice certain techniques.

Eventually, your eyes drifted from your teammates to a figure that had been standing near the entrance while you gave your speech. Unsure of who had let them in or if they were looking for something or someone.

You were met with the sight of Wakatoshi, sweat clinging to his forehead, his team jacket draped around his shoulders, and the smallest smile on his lips. You smiled before walking over to him.

"Toshi- you came.." you immediately felt all soft and mushy. Usually, he'd still be stuck at practice, or you wouldn't see him until you two walked home together. But here he was, standing in front of you, as gorgeous as ever.

"Coach let us off earlier and I thought I'd stop by." He wrapped his arms around your waist to pull you in for a hug. A small whine escaped your lips since you were all sweaty, but he didn't seem to mind, which only made your cheeks heat up even faster. It didn't take long for you to hug back, snuggling your face into his chest.

PDA with Toshi nowadays was always at a max. When you two had first started dating, he kept his respectful distance and didn't engage in much PDA, both of you a bit shy and new to all of this. But as time went by, he became needy and always wanted to have his hands on you. Whether that meant hugging, holding hands, or simply having an arm around you. Sitting on his lap was always something he enjoyed and encouraged.

Anyone who was friends with you two had learned to get used to the PDA, not that it was too much to ask for since it never went to the extremes. But they'd always joke around and tell you two to get a room.

"I heard your speech."

You immediately looked up at him, the heat now spreading everywhere. "Oh- was it good?"

He smiled and nodded. "I should take some notes. Your team's mood completely changed.”

It was compliments like these that always made you feel so much better about being captain. You had earned the position and were apparently doing well. Confirmed by Toshi himself, so it must be true.

"Thank you, Toshi~ it really means a lot." A small pout appeared on your lips due to how soft you were at the moment. You gently cupped his cheeks and pressed a kiss onto his lips. He gladly kissed back, enjoying your presence while he could.

You pulled away, looking at the clock. The water break would be ending soon and you'd have to return to practice.

"I've gotta go back, but we're almost done. Do you want to stay and watch so we can walk home together?"

He nodded, "I wasn't planning on leaving without you."

Blunt as always, Ushijima. You smiled at that comment, nodding back and giving him one last kiss. "I'll be back soon. I promise."

And with that, you were off to practice. A bounce to your step, more motivation added now that your lovely boyfriend was here to watch your team's practice. You couldn't wait to show him just how awesome this team was. Though he already knew.

°•°•°•°•°

Though there were bad practice days, most were fun and quite productive. Today was one of those days. It was a Friday and the coach decided to reward you all by dismissing practice earlier. Though you were tired and could definitely use a nap, your thoughts immediately went to Ushijima. You wanted to see your boyfriend, definitely walk home together, and certainly nap together.

You made your way to the gym where their team was practicing, quite eager to see him. It had been a long day, and seeing him during lunch wasn't enough. Once you got to the gym, you quietly pushed the doors open, letting yourself in since this definitely was not your first time doing this.

The team was used to you coming around the time their practice ended, waiting for Toshi so you two could walk home together. Or perhaps coming to give him something he had forgotten. The team all loved you since they got to see a new side of Ushijima whenever you were there. The soft side. The side that peppered kisses all over your face and whispered how much he had missed you throughout the day.

The thought alone made you crave your boyfriend's touch. You'd get it soon enough. Patience was key in these situations.

As you walked into the gym quietly, you were right on time to see the famous Ushijima spike. It never failed to amaze you just how talented he was. Was there anything he couldn't do?

You stood near the entrance, not really wanting to disturb practice since it would probably upset Washijo sensei.

"Y/N!!" You flinched at the sudden scream of your name. It was Goshiki. That brought a small smile on your face as he waved, the rest of the team soon joining in and waving as well, even Shirabu was waving with a smile. Your eyes went to Ushijima, who was smiling as well. The sight alone made your stomach flip. He was so pretty. Too pretty for his own good.

Luckily, after they greeted you, they went straight back to practice. Even Washijo sensei had greeted you, probably already used to you arriving around this time to wait for Ushijima.

Once practice was over, he walked over to you with his water bottle. You smiled softly as he approached, meeting him halfway and wrapping your arms around him, resting your face comfortably in his chest. You had missed him so much.

"Ready to head home?" He asked.

"Please. I want to shower and take a nap with you."

"Sounds good."

It definitely was a sight to see. Shiratorizawa's captains snuggled up, shamelessly hugging and kissing as they talked about how much they had missed each other and asking if they had eaten, how their day was, everything. Whispering sweet nothings, before intertwining their fingers and walking out of the gym together, eagerly heading home.

°•°•°•°•°

Getting home from a long day of practice and other responsibilities was possibly the best feeling ever. Walking in, taking your shoes off, setting your bags down, slumping down onto the couch for a few minutes before one of you got the motivation to get up to prep the shower.

Yes. Showering together was essential to ending the day right. After a whole day of nonstop moving, it was nice to be able to wash off all the sweat and just enjoy that moment of intimacy.

You'd pour some shampoo onto the palm of your hand, making sure not to drop it before reaching and gently starting to apply the shampoo onto his hair. He made sure to always lower his head to make it easier for you to apply it onto his hair. Your fingers gently massaged his scalp, and you couldn't help but smile at the sight of him with his eyes closed, enjoying your touch.

You'd soon help him wash it off, making sure to warn him that there was still shampoo on his hair, or when he could open his eyes. The first time he had gotten shampoo in his eye was devastating. Toshi in pain was a big no no.

Of course, he'd apply shampoo onto your hair for you as well. It was a mutual thing, always full of affection. You two would take such good care of each other. Making sure you were both nice and clean before wrapping a towel around yourselves and rushing to your room to change into comfortable clothing.

After that much needed shower, you'd find yourself sitting on Toshi's lap as you two ate dinner. Though there was a working chair for you to sit at, you found yourself most comfortable with this seat, Toshi's lap. You fed him his food, and he'd feed you yours as well, both making sure the other ate. Making sure you were both full and your stomachs were happy.

After dinner came brushing your teeth together. You'd be standing beside each other, staring at each other through the mirror with soft smiles and tired eyes. Sometimes you'd lean your head onto his arm or shoulder, already feeling the tiredness creeping up on you. It didn't take long for you two to finish and head straight to your room.

You'd both plop down onto the bed, immediately going under the covers and cuddling up with each other. The warmth of the bed and Toshi combined made your eyes close instantly. His chest was so warm. He smelled so good. He was just.. so comfy. Cuddly Toshi was arguably the best Toshi.

You cuddled up with him some more, leaning in and placing lazy kisses all over his jaw and neck, nuzzling your face into the crook of his neck. The sensation made him let out a small chuckle. The sound itself brought you so much joy, making you open your eyes, once again craving the sight of your boyfriend. You were met with the prettiest smile ever. You loved seeing him smile. It was a sight seen mainly by you, caused by you. His smile was so contagious. You found yourself smiling back as he gently cupped your cheek and leaned in to kiss you. One kiss turned into 5, and 5 turned into 20. Those kisses were all so soft. His lips were soft. They were addictive. Being in his arms was addicting.

"I love you so much, Toshi." You said as he finally pulled away, now settling with cuddling you as he closed his eyes, only for them to open again at your words.

"I love you too, Y/N. So much." You stared at him adoringly for a few seconds, gently caressing his soft cheek before simply cuddling up with him again.

"Goodnight, Toshi~"

"Goodnight, Y/N."

And with that, you two were fast asleep, comfortable in each other's arm.

This was your daily routine. Sometimes it might be tiring, some days it might not go as planned. But knowing that you'd get to do all this with him made any struggles you might face durable. Made getting through anything possible. Why? Because at the end of the day, you had Ushijima Wakatoshi. You’d get to come home to him. And that was more than enough.

"Toshi- Hi."

"Hi. I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all- Did something happen?"

"I was getting kind of tired of listening to her talk about her personal problems."

You let out a small laugh at how blunt he was being. It was true. The girl tended to overshare. If you ever stayed for lunch, it sounded like she was reading out her autobiography.

"She just.. likes sharing stuff since she trusts us." You said softly, looking down at your food and picking at it. Your path to contentment meant supporting their relationship, and both of them individually.

"She can share it with Tendou then. Is it okay if we have lunch together from now on?"

You smiled at that, pleasantly surprised. "Of course, Toshi." As you watched him take out his own lunch, you let out a small sigh. "Sorry for making you pick."

His confused expression told you to continue, so you did. "Making you pick which friend you want to hang out with. Y'know, me or Satori. I just.. I want to support him, but I need to heal first. I promise you things will go back to normal once I know I've gotten over him for sure."

"It's fine. Plus, it's better to hang out with you. Satori's too focused on his girlfriend to pay me any attention."

As he should, you thought. He seemed to be a great boyfriend. Even if he wasn't your boyfriend.. he was still great. But then again - he should still pay attention to Toshi (and you). He shouldn’t have to pick between his lover and his friends. It was probably weird for Ushijima as well, not having Tendou around all the time. You understood how he felt, but decided not to voice any of this.

You both began to eat your food, enjoying the comfortable silence. The kind that eased your thoughts and allowed you to just breathe.

The silence would be broken here and there when you two would talk about your days or a particularly hard assignment a teacher had left. Or perhaps practice and the newest episode of the show you were watching. It all felt easier whenever Wakatoshi was around.

°•°•°•°•°

No matter how long it had been since the bathroom incident where you swear you had your awakening, it’s still so so so so difficult and exhausting.

Seeing him in the hallways or on your way to class was tough. It was tough cutting the conversation short. It was tough not talking to him about what happened on the latest episode of the show you two loved to watch on his couch/bed as you cuddled and ate snacks. Friendly cuddles, of course.

Sometimes, you'd find yourself thinking about how it felt whenever he'd have his arms wrapped around you, giving you the warmest cuddles. Whenever he let you borrow his sweaters because it was cold and he couldn't let his little Y/N get sick! Or whenever he would walk you to your dorm, hands intertwined and gently swinging back and forth. Study dates sessions where your eyelids would get too heavy and you’d rest your head on your textbook. Just for a few minutes, you’d say. And then you’d feel his fingers gently playing with your hair, massaging lightly and making you almost purr at the contact. 

These thoughts were invasive, and they’d squeeze into your brain at the worst moments. Whether it was cold outside, you saw a couple walking down the street, or you saw him. 

It all hurt so much. Your brain wouldn’t stop hurting you, no matter how hard you tried to forget. Sometimes, you’d be sitting at your desk, giving your phone the deadliest glare, waiting for the screen to light up with a message notification from him. But for a whole month, that message you yearned so badly never came. 

Tendou’s absence in your day to day life was bittersweet. It was sweet since it meant that you didn’t have to see him or his girlfriend together, it meant allowing yourself to heal and get over him. However, it was also bitter since that man was your BEST FRIEND. He was such a huge part of your days. It felt weird not hanging out even for a few minutes. 

He was happy though, if his social medias were anything to go by. She made him happy, and that’s all that mattered. A small sigh escaped past your lips as you scrolled past yet another post of them on their 5th date of the week. You scrolled back up after a few moments. Zooming in, you could see how genuinely happy he looked. 

That’s the smile I love so much. She's putting that smile on his face. They are happy. Although it takes a few more moments to process, it still has a wonderful feeling settling on your chest. Contentment. 

Seeing them together makes those thoughts go away. Makes you stop missing his embrace because.. it just feels wrong. To crave a man’s touch, especially one who does not belong to you. Seeing Tendou with someone else feels like a cold bucket of water thrown at you. It’s sobering. Makes moving on just a tiny little bit easier.

°•°•°•°•°

If you want to heal, don’t just stay cooped up in your room. Go out and get some fresh air, have fun. 

That’s what Wakatoshi told you during one of your many shared lunches.

Ushijima was trying his best to squeeze you into his schedule, even if you were both often busy. He had practices, and you had work. 

But whenever you two had a day off, you’d meet up and go see a movie, or go eat at this new restaurant you both wanted to try. Or just meet up to talk.

Not only did it help get your mind off Tendou Satori, but it was also quite fun to be around Wakatoshi. 

“Why are you doing this?” You asked absentmindedly, and quite bluntly, as you watched him buy some snacks for you two. 

“Why am I doing what?” 

“Hanging out with me so much. Is it.. are you trying to help me get my mind off of him?” 

He turned around, handing you a few snacks before shrugging. “I like hanging out with you. Thought we were having fun. But well, yeah, I am.” 

A small blush creeped onto your cheeks as you took the snacks. “I like hanging out with you too.. but thank you Toshi. It really is working, and I’m.. I’m really thankful for your help.” 

He smiled a bit at that, reaching over and softly patting your head. The simplest touch, yet it still had shivers running down your spine. 

“I’m glad I could be of help. I just want to see you back to your cheerful self.” 

“Thanks again, Toshi.” You didn’t hesitate to pull him in for a hug. He was so warm, and he made you feel so safe. 

A small ‘oof’ escaped his lips from the sudden pull, pleasantly surprised by this. Though it took a few seconds, he still managed to hug back. 

It’s a shame though. A real shame. Maybe if your face hadn’t been buried in his chest, you would’ve seen the prettiest blush take over his features.

°•°•°•°•°

“How are you feeling?” 

His deep voice brought you back into reality. You two had been studying together in the library after classes since you both had the day off. 

“Really good, actually. I’m finally understanding these problems. This much knowledge is making my head hurt though.” 

“We should stop here for today then, since we’ve basically caught up on all assignments.” He paused after closing his textbook, “I wasn’t talking about the homework though.” 

You tilted your head a bit, giving him a confused look as you put your books away as well before realizing what he meant. He was asking how you were feeling in regards to Tendou and the whole moving on thing. It made you feel warm inside, that he cared enough to check in and make sure you were okay.

It made you all mushy inside because you knew he wasn’t the best at talking about feelings/emotional things. He was getting out of his comfort zone for you.

“Oh - Well.. I’m feeling really good about that too, actually. All thanks to you, Toshi.” You gently nudged him with your arm as you stood up and put your backpack on. 

“I’m glad you’re doing well, Y/N. You deserve happiness.” 

His kind words always managed to make you get all emotional, because well - it was coming from the one and only Wakatoshi. 

“You deserve happiness too, Toshi.” You said as you waited for him to stand as well. “How are you feeling?” 

He stood, putting his backpack on before walking over to where you were. His lips curved into a tiny smile. 

“I’m feeling really good too.” 

It wasn’t hard, at all, to return the smile. You stood smiling at each other for a few more seconds before he finally lead the way over to your dorms. 

It wasn’t unusual for him to walk you back to your dorm whenever he could. Those walks would usually include a lot of small talk or comforting silence. 

This walk wasn't any different. When you two finally made it to your door, you turned to look at him. “Thanks again, Toshi. I’ll see you tomorrow.” You smiled before waving and unlocking your door. 

“Ah, Y/N.” He called out, making you turn to look at him. “I was actually wondering.. or well. We have a game coming up. Would you perhaps want to come?” 

Funny story, actually. Throughout your friendship with Tendou, you surprisingly hadn't gone to that many volleyball games. It was inconvenient, but your boss seemed to always have you scheduled whenever he had a game. Of course, you’d been to a few, but usually could never make it. You’d cheer for him all the way from work. 

“When is it?” 

“In two days.” 

You simply nodded, “I’ll have to check my schedule.. but I’ll let you know, Toshi. Thank you for inviting me.” 

After you closed the door, you immediately grabbed your phone and texted your manager. They were always giving you weird, rarely consistent schedules, so you never knew what to expect. However, you’d try your best to attend. Your screen lit up with the notification that told you you’d be busy in two days. 

You frowned, but quickly replaced it with a witty smile. You’d try to convince them to give you the day off once you got to work tomorrow. After all, they weren’t irrational or assholes. They would be understanding, or so you hoped.

°•°•°•°•°

You never told Wakatoshi whether or not you’d be able to come to his game, mainly because you weren’t really sure. 

However, it had taken just a tiny little bit of begging for them to give you the day off. You were a hard worker and they really did appreciate you, so giving you that day off didn't hurt them or their business nearly as much as you’d thought. 

Now, you were walking into the gym where they’d be playing their match today. You felt quite excited, to be honest, since this was the first game of theirs you’d seen in a while. To no surprise, the crowd was huge, ranging from Shiratorizawa’s cheerleaders to the school’s band as well, along with a lot of students who were beaming with pride. 

It was an atmosphere that hyped almost everyone up, except the team they were playing, of course. You imagined it would be quite intimidating to hear hundreds of people cheering for Shiratorizawa while trying to serve, or doing warmups. 

Both teams were already doing their warm ups, so you focused on finding yourself a seat. It wasn’t long before your eyes landed on Tendou’s personal cheerleader. You flinched a bit as you heard her call out your name. You had secretly been hoping that you’d slip out of her sight and just get to sit elsewhere. That clearly wasn’t an option anymore. 

A small sigh escaped your lips as you walked over to where she was sitting. You watched as she scoot over, patting the now empty space. You took a seat and gave her a small smile. “Hi.”

“Hi! I didn't know you were coming.” Your eyes immediately fell to the sweater she had on. Tendou’s. 

“Yeah, well, I wasn’t sure if I’d make it.” You said, unable to take your eyes off the sweater. She must’ve noticed because she gently pat the spot you were glaring staring at. 

“Ah, Tendou gave it to me since I was cold. He's such a sweetheart. But well, it’s nice to have someone else to watch the game with.” She said with a small smile. You let out a small laugh and nodded in agreement. She was about to start talking when you heard a familiar voice approaching. 

“Y/N????” 

You couldn’t help but freeze. Of course he’d be here, he was in the team as well. You slowly turned to look at Tendou. His eyes were wide and he had the biggest smile on his face. It must be surprising to see your best friend at one of your games, you thought, especially after not talking to them for over a month. 

“You actually came to one of my games? Awesome! You came to cheer me on, didn't you? How lucky am I?!” He let out a happy laugh, as he finally stood in front of the two of you. You opened your mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

How does one explain that you were here because Ushijima had invited you, and not because you wanted to see Tendou. Without being rude, of course.

Before you had the chance to respond, Ushijima appeared behind him with a small smile. 

“Y/N. You made it after all.” 

You smiled back, “I did. Sorry for not telling you sooner. Thought it’d be nice to surprise you.” 

A confused look took over Tendou’s face, but it didn’t take long for him to understand what was going on. You weren't there to see him. You’d come to see Wakatoshi. 

As you smiled at Toshi, you could feel Tendou’s gaze burning a hole into you, and tried your best to ignore it, turning to him and giving him a small smile instead. 

His gaze didn’t falter, but he did smile back. Ushijima gently pat his back, “Let’s get back to warm ups.” 

He nodded, “It’s nice seeing you again, Y/N.” He said before giving his girlfriend’s hand a small squeeze and jogging after Ushijima. You bit at your lower lip, unable to stop thinking of the deadly gaze Tendou had been staring at you with. Was he upset? I mean - that would make sense. He probably felt like a clown since he had assumed you were there to see him. That made you let out a small laugh, basking in the fact that Tendou might feel the way you’ve felt for months! A clown, a whole circus.  

Of course, it hurt seeing his confused expression replace his usually happy expressions, but it also made you feel better. It was bittersweet. It was a taste of his own medicine. It was--

“So.. you and Ushijima, eh?” 

You blinked, staring at the girl that sat beside you. “What?” 

“Oh, y’know. Are you guys a thing?” 

Before you could even comment on that absurd thought - it was absurd because you hadn’t even thought of Toshi in that way - she was already speaking, basically thinking out loud. 

“I mean, that would make a lot of sense.. you stop hanging out with us, and suddenly so does Ushijima? Aww, you two must be spending lunches together~ How cute.” 

Your mouth kept opening and closing, unable to form a single word. She took your silence as a sign to keep talking. 

“Also, you came to the game to watch and support him, eh? It’s like.. I’m Satori’s personal cheerleader and you’re Ushijima’s cheerleader!” She said with a huge smile on her face. 

You.. dating Toshi? The thought had never crossed your mind. But now that the possibility had been presented to you, you knew you’d be thinking about it tonight as you lay in bed. 

“I-I’m not..” you still couldn’t form a proper sentence. “We’re not..” 

“It’s okay! I won’t tell Tendou.. I’m guessing that’s why you also stopped spending lunches with us? A secret relationship.. don’t want to hurt your best friend by dating one of your mutual friends. Your secret is safe with me. I get it!” 

No you fucking don’t, you wish you could say that, but you were still too stunned to even speak. You cleared your throat, attempting to explain but she was already looking over at the court, cheering for Tendou Satori as the teams walked out and lined up. 

He deserved that type of support, he deserved someone who could actually be out here for all his games. Not someone who would send little encouraging messages before their shift. Messages that probably did nothing to hype him up. No, he needed someone to be out here, screaming his name and cheering as loud as they could. 

You closed your eyes for a few seconds, trying your best to stop these negative thoughts from affecting the rest of your night. Once you had opened your eyes, you looked for Toshi, wanting to shout out your own words of encouragements. 

°•°•°•°•°

The match had been a rollercoaster of emotions. It hadn’t been the typical Shiratorizawa match, where they had crushed their opponent. They had actually put up a fight up until the very end. But their effort hadn’t paid off since Shiratorizawa took the win in the end anyway.

It had also been quite stressful since you could feel two different pair of eyes on you, and they both made you feel different emotions. 

Whenever Wakatoshi’s eyes were on you, you’d smile and wave, trying your best to cheer him on. Your thoughts would always go back to the conversation with Tendou’s girlfriend. Whenever Tendou’s eyes were on you, you felt guilt and goosebumps, but also really giddy. It was all so confusing, and you felt so much happiness once the match finally ended. 

 When the crowds began to exit the building and it was okay for you to approach the team, you walked over to Ushijima and Tendou with his girlfriend. 

“Congrats Satori!! You did amazing, baby!!” She happily wrapped her arms around him as she jumped up and down. You stared for a few seconds before his eyes met yours, making you look away. 

“Congratulations, Toshi. It was so entertaining seeing you out there in your element, you did really good!” You smiled, before looking over at Tendou again, who still had his eyes on you, no longer hugging his girlfriend.

“..and Congrats to you too, Tendou. It was nice to finally see you out there again.” 

He smiled softly at your words, opening his arms and pulling you into a quick hug. 

There it was. The touch you had craved so much. You hugged back for a bit but pulled away soon after, smiling back at him before turning to Wakatoshi. 

"Shall we head back to the dorms now?"

He gave you a small smile, nodding. The exhaustion was clear now that he was up close, but he still managed to look so pretty.

You broke away your gaze and walked outside with Wakatoshi, Tendou and his girlfriend following. As soon as you stepped outside, you couldn't help but shiver at the strong wind that hit all of you, welcoming you back to reality.

It was quite clear that you were cold, and Wakatoshi didn't hesitate to take off his sweater and drape it around you. The heat that rushed to your cheeks, along with his sweater, seemed to warm you up instantly.

Your eyes met Tendou's girlfriend's gaze, and she simply smiled, her eyes screaming I TOLD YOU SO, YOUR SECRET IS SAFE WITH ME.

That conversation had honestly messed you up. You were now hyper aware of everything Toshi did whenever he was around you. Any kind acts he did, such as this one, had you burning up at a concerning speed.

"Thank you, Toshi.." you said, looking down and gladly wrapping his sweater around you to take in all the warmth. It smelled like him too, and that oddly helped you calm down even more.

Throughout all of this, Tendou simply stood and stared, so confused as to when exactly you and Ushijima had gotten this close. Since when did you wear his sweaters? Since when did you ever go to volleyball games instead of going to work? Since when did Y/N and Ushijima ever talk like this? It was all too much to take in. Especially when you two excused yourself, and Ushijima was walking you to your dorm.

"Aren't they cute?" His girlfriend said with a soft hum as they both watched you walk away.

"Huh? Who?"

"Y/N and Ushijima, silly. Who else?"

"Oh."

"Ah. Walk me home, silly boy! It's getting cold."

It indeed was getting cold. He blamed the cold weather on the fact that his joints felt stiff, and he felt this random pain in his chest at the sight. He'd felt that pain earlier when he found out you weren't there to see him.

Had it really been that long since you two had talked? Had it been long enough for you to find a replacement for him? Ushijima, of all people?

You two were doing the things Tendou used to do with you. You would wear his sweater, you would make an effort to come to his games. That was something you two did. That was-

He felt a small hand intertwine with his and lead him away from the gym, and towards the girl dorms. Much to think about. He knew he had new material to overthink about tonight.

°•°•°•°•°

You were laying down on your bed with Wakatoshi's sweater wrapped around you, eyes closed as you thought about everything that had happened over the past month. Conversations you'd had with certain people.

Ushijima Wakatoshi. A sweetheart who had been there for you to comfort you and cheer you up while you cried over Tendou Satori. Your best friend who had a girlfriend and clearly did not return your feelings.

Ushijima Wakatoshi. A friend, that you were perhaps starting to see as more than just a friend. Screw Tendou's girlfriend for getting the stupid idea into your head in the first place. It had been a week since that conversation, yet you couldn't stop thinking about the What Ifs.

No matter how much you thought of Wakatoshi, you couldn't help but worry that this was a distraction in order to pretend you didn't have feelings for Tendou anymore. You were sure you did. A crush on Tendou Satori isn't something you get over so fast. But you perhaps also had feelings for Ushijima.

The thought alone made you blush and bury your face into his sweater, taking in the wonderful scent that was Ushijima Wakatoshi.

It took a few more outings for you to confirm your feelings for Wakatoshi. Ranging from having lunch or dinner with him, to spending time at each other's dorms and just doing domestic things together. It all reassured you that he wasn't a rebound and that you weren't using him to get over Tendou.

There was one last step to contentment. Not feeling bitterness, but rather happiness when seeing Tendou, with or without his girlfriend.

One day in particular, you watched as he walked her to her dorm, hand in hand, smiling happily with each other. There was a small smile on your lips at the sight. And the only emotion other than happiness was sadness. You missed Tendou. As your best friend. Not as a love interest. You missed your best friend.

You figured you'd get him back soon, since you had finally gotten over him, and now had your eyes set on someone else, Toshi.

Your heart began to beat just a little faster at the thought alone. But it began to beat faster at the thought of having Tendou back in your life as well. Everything is going to fall back into place. Soon.

°•°•°•°•°

Although you had been hit with yet another awakening moment, you still hadn't reached out to Tendou. And much to your dismay, neither had he. Which made it just a little bit easier to not feel guilty.

In regards to your newfound feelings towards Ushijima, you hadn't done anything about it, yet. You had been waiting for the right moment.

You were currently at his dorm, sat on his bed listening to him rant about how Goshiki had taken his desire to be like him a little too far. Apparently the first year had been trying to beat out Toshi's spikes, and ended up hurting himself in the process. You let out a small laugh as Toshi playfully rolled his eyes at the memory.

"The kid thinks you're perfect. Isn't it kind of flattering that he wants to be like you so much? You're his role model, Toshi." You hummed, quietly admiring as he seemed to be deep in thought.

"Well, it is flattering, but I don't want him to get hurt in the process. He can't be an ace if his wrist is sprained."

"You make a valid point, Toshi." You continued to quietly stare, and it didn't take long before his eyes were on you as well. He raised an eyebrow when you didn't look away, and you simply chuckled.

"What-? Do I have something on my face or..?"

He was gently patting around his mouth and cheeks, trying to feel around for anything.

The action made your lower your gaze to look at his lips. This didn't slip past him, but now he was painfully aware that the atmosphere was.. different.

It had been this way for a week or so, and it always sent shivers down his spine whenever things got too tense, unable to really do anything about it in fear of scaring you away.

You quietly stared at his lips, naturally a cute shade of pink. Once you tore your gaze away, you found him staring at you, gaze just as intense as your own. You gulped, suddenly starting to feel rather shy.

You sat up properly, now sitting directly in front of him. He didn't move away or anything, that was a good sign. You gently cupped his cheek, caressing it gently, another quick check for consent. It was now that you finally noticed the pretty blush that covered his cheeks. It was a sight you wished you got to see more often.

Maybe now you would.

With a bit of hesitation, you leaned in. It didn't take long for him to meet you halfway. Once you were actually kissing, it felt like a huge weight had been taken off your shoulders. It felt like finally letting out a breath you had been holding. His lips were soft, just slightly chapped, and the kiss was nice and slow. You were both trying to figure out what the other liked.

It wasn't long until you felt his hand on your waist, asking if he could bring you closer, which you gladly obliged with. The kiss slowly became more and more intense. You could feel the longing as he pressed against your lips with his own, maybe he did feel the same after all. No shit.

Kisses with Ushijima were soft, slow, yet passionate. They could also be intense, messy, and could cause a pool to form down there. They could also be interrupted by a tall redhead that wanted to ask his dormmate for some help with a certain friend. Wait what-?

You pulled away as soon as you heard the familiar voice, quietly trying to catch your breath, and trying not to freak the fuck out.

"Ushi I need- what the fuck?? Y/N???"

Toshi wiped at his lips and chin to seem more presentable, also looking over at you to make sure you were okay. You couldn't meet his gaze, extremely embarrassed and you couldn't help but feel guilty.

"I'm sorry, Satori. I should've locked the door." Toshi said, as if walking in on your friends making out was something that was completely normal and happened at least twice a week.

"I'm- since when the fuck were you guys a thing? Y/N what the fuck? Seriously? I-" he couldn't even form a proper sentence, too stunned by what he'd just seen. But most importantly, it hurt. It hurt so much and he didn't even know why. Though he might have an idea.. but it wasn't exactly pleasant.

".. I'll let you two talk?" Wakatoshi said as he stood, you hesitantly reached for his hand, not sure if you could face him yet, but his eyes gave you all the reassurance you needed, so you let go of his hand, watching as he walked out of the room, closing the door behind him and leaving you alone with Tendou.

Neither of you spoke at first, but it didn't take long for Tendou's curiosity to force him to speak. "Since when?"

"Since when what?"

"Since.. since when were you guys a thing?"

You didn't know. Since a few minutes ago, you supposed. "This is the first time I kiss him. I'm not sure.."

"Why have you been avoiding me?" His tone sounded so hurt, but you didn't dare to look up at him. You were hurting too. He hadn't reached out to you either.

"It's not like you tried to reach out to me either. I figured you were too busy with your girlfriend to want to interact with me."

"I could say the same thing about you. You're too busy kissing Toshi's ass to even talk to me. You think I don't see you avoid me in the hallways? Don't think I see you slipping away from my grasp, sneaking off to classrooms so you don't have to hang out with me?"

"Then if you saw it all happen, why the fuck didn't you do anything about it?"

You finally looked up, anger in your tone, but tears were threatening to spill and leaving a stinging sensation in your eyes. He seemed at a loss for words, and he hesitated before responding.

"I.. I don't know." He admitted, feeling his own eyes welling up with tears. "Fuck. I don't know, Y/N." His fists were clenched out of frustration. He didn't know why he was so angry, he knew he was at fault too. It wasn't just you.

"Me neither, Tendou." Your plain response made him fume even more.

"Why didn't you tell me you were into Ushijima? Why'd you have to distance yourself? I wouldn't have hated you for it. Why did you have to put our friendship at stake, Y/N? Do you know how long its been since I've had a proper fucking conversation with you?"

He was ranting at this point, breathless as he made accusation after accusation.

"I didn't like him before. This is all new to me, Tendou. I didn't mean to put our friendship at stake. I just couldn't fucking stand hanging out with you when.. when she was around."

Your response caught him off guard. He stared at you incredulously. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

It was embarrassing, having to admit your feelings, but you had already let it slip out.

"Y/N? What the hell?"

"I liked you, Tendou. When you asked me to help you get with her, I liked you. And it hurt so much, but it didn't matter that I was hurting because I knew if you got the girl, you'd be happy. That's all I wanted. But once you actually got the girl, it hurt too much. Watching you do with her what you did with me. Watching you kiss her and hold her hand. I couldn't stick around to watch it without slowly falling apart myself."

Letting it all out had you feeling like another weight was slowly being taken off you shoulders. He looked so confused, taken aback by the new revelation of your feelings, something that had been unknown to him for multiple months now.

Knowing you felt that way towards him made his chest hurt. It made him feel extreme guilt for making you play along. But it also made him love you even more, because you'd done all that just because you knew he'd be happy in the end.

He resonated heavily with how you felt, watching him do what you two used to do, but now with his girlfriend. He had felt that when he watched you and Ushijima slowly getting closer, and now actually sharing a kiss.

"That's why I distanced myself. Because if I didn't, I'd break, Tendou. It hurt so much. But.. I finally got better. I'm finally getting better. Wakatoshi was there for me, he taught me how to get over you and heal from my unrequited feelings."

"Y/N I'm so sorry."

"Let me finish Tendou.. please." He simply nodded, no longer able to hold back any of his tears as he listened to you talk. You weren't able to hold them back either.

"I used to find it difficult to see you with her, but now I feel genuine happiness. It makes me happy that you're happy with her. And.. I miss you, Tendou. Not as a love interest, but as my best friend. I miss you so fucking much."

A sob escaped your lips at the confession, you tried to stop but you couldn't. You had finally let it all out. You felt a strong pair of arms wrap around you, and you recognized that embrace to belong to your best friend.

You were both sobbing now as you held each other tightly. Both for different reasons. You were afraid of losing him because of everything you'd just confessed, which explained the tight grip you had on him. The tight grip he had on you could be explained as a fear of losing you too, or more like the realization that he'd lost you before he even had you.

His feelings for you, that he was painfully unaware of prior to a few weeks ago, had grown only to be crushed by the realization that he was too late. You had actually moved on now. He'd lost his chance with you, but it didn't have to all end. He missed you too. So much. And though he was sure he had romantic feelings towards you, he knew it also was heavily driven by jealousy and fear of losing you to Wakatoshi.

But a new revelation, the revelation that you didn't have to pick and neither did he, gave him hope for your friendship.

"I missed you too.. so much, Y/N. I'm so sorry for being such a shitty friend. Please forgive me. I love you so so so much. Please.." he sobbed quietly as he held you. You simply nodded, unable to speak without your voice shaking and being interrupted by sobs.

"I.. I forgive you, Satori. Please forgive me too? I could've definitely handled things better.."

He shook his head, hating the fact that you still felt guilty. "You did nothing wrong, Y/N. But I forgive you. As long as you forgive me, and you tell me that we'll be okay. That I won't lose you because of this."

"You won't ever lose me, Satori. You're stuck with me forever, remember?"

He smiled at that, eyes welling with tears all over again. "You're stuck with me forever too. You're not getting rid of me so easily."

That made you laugh as you hugged him even tighter. "I wasn't planning on it."

Your shoulders had been freed of any excess weight that had been putting you down over the past few months. You had finally reached Contentment. For real this time.

You were able to stare at Tendou and feel only platonic love for him. You were happy for him and his girlfriend, who clearly made him happy. You were happy with someone else now. Someone who had been there for you for the longest without you even realizing it. Someone who deserved the world and the stars, and you'd be willing to provide it for him.

You had your best friend back, you had told him the truth. There was no secrets or any grudges held towards each other. And you had a lover now.

Contentment. This is what it really felt like.

°•°•°•°•°

You were sat back at the lunch tables where this had all started. Ushijima at your side, and your best friend across from you with his girlfriend.

Happiness, is the only thing you felt as you leaned your head against Toshi's shoulder and laughed at a story Tendou was telling, his girlfriend adding in commentary here and there that only added to the humor of the whole story.

She was lovely, and so pleasant to be around. You figured it was your jealousy that had made her seem so unpleasant back then. But now all you felt was euphoria. You had everything you could've ever wanted.

You had Tendou back, you had a new friend that you could talk about almost anything with, and you had Toshi.

Your life was filled with the same jokes, the same hugs and nights where you'd binge watch multiple seasons at once, accompanied by your best friend and multiple snacks. Full of a happy Tendou that you got to support more often now.

Your life was filled with a familiar face in different classes, someone you could talk with about anything. Full of a supportive girlfriend, perfect for your best friend. It sucked that it had taken you so long to realize that.

Your life was filled with a loving companion. Soft kisses, the warmest cuddles, the most attentive and caring boyfriend. Full of hand holding, sweaters, hugs, and support. You couldn't have asked for a better boyfriend. Wakatoshi was literally perfect.

Life was bliss.

It was obvious for Tendou that you were happy now. He watched as you laughed at his jokes, an overwhelming feeling of pride flowing through his chest. He watched with a small smile as Toshi gently cupped your cheeks and pressed the softest kiss onto your lips. Watched as your eyes fluttered shut and the blush invaded your cheeks. Watched as the electricity flowed through you, the attraction between you two quite obvious for anyone nearby.

He might have been late to realize his own feelings for you, but the only thing that mattered now was that you were happy with how everything had ended. And he was happy too. He had an amazing girlfriend, and two amazing best friends that were happy together.

Maybe in the next life, if there was any, he'd meet you again and he'd realize his feelings sooner. Maybe in the next life, he'd have an actual chance with you. But for now, in this life, he'd be happy just being your friend.

Contentment.

A state of contentment has finally been reached by both parties. This is what contentment really feels like.

A/N: Hello!! Okay first of all.. this is really long, I’m so sorry- I got carried away. Second of all, THANK YOU SO MUCH for all the support I received in the first part. I didn't expect all that support (if any, really) SO thank you again <3 Third of all, it took me so long to put this out because I read this Tendou x reader fic and I felt so guilty because poor baby Tendou deserves love and I’m going out of my way to write angst?? It didn’t sit right with me. But here you go! I really hope everyone (especially those who asked for a part 2, I hope I didn’t disappoint) liked this! Thanks again for all the support. 

“What are you going to do about it?” Ushijima asked, tilting his head curiously. All you could do was simply sit and stare as Tendou began to discuss his big plan. 

“It’s clear that she thinks I’m gonna wait around for her, so I want to show her that I’m wanted elsewhere, y’know? I wanna show her that if she doesn't get on it, somebody else will.” The whole time, there was a wide smile on his lips, his enthusiasm spilling. You and Ushijima were nodding along as he spoke, and once he was done, he looked at you expectantly. 

“... Satori? Don’t look at me like that-” 

“Y/N Pleaseeeee?? Just for a few days, a week, maybe?” 

“What exactly do you want me to do??” 

“Just the usual. Let’s hang out but instead I’ll post about you and we can be flirty whenever she’s around. I just want her to see what could’ve been. Or maybe make her see what she’s missing out. AKA me~” 

Ushijima was looking at you, giving you a look that screamed “This is not a good idea. You’re going to regret this so much.” 

Why? Because he knew about your feelings. You had even ranted to him about Tendou whenever your crush on your best friend got to be too frustrating. As perceptive as everyone knew Tendou to be, it all went to hell when it came to you. He thought he had you all figured out, so your blushing states and the flirty banter just went over his head. You were friend zoned before you even had your chance to confess or anything. Not that you would ever- it wasn't your style. Plus, you didn't want to ruin a perfectly good friendship. 

Despite the look he was giving you, and your common sense screaming at you to not be the biggest fucking idiot on this planet, you agreed to help him out. 

He let out a laugh, clapping his hands happily before wrapping an arm around you. “Well, lover of mine.. how about a date tomorrow?” He raised an eyebrow as he looked at you curiously. 

It was so hard to contain the blush that creeped onto your cheeks, you were burning up just with his gaze and arm on you. A small sigh could be heard escaping from Ushi’s lips. He knew there was tons of texts and calls coming from you in the next couple of days.

°•°•°•°•°

A few days later, it was lunch time again. Tendou was sitting beside you with his arm wrapped around your waist as you both ate. Ushijima had to stay back in a class to retake a quiz the teacher thought he could’ve done better on.

“They’re staring y’know?” he hummed softly as he offered you some of his food. You gladly ate it, a small blush on your cheeks again. “Are they now?”

“Mhm. She’s staring too.” 

Fuck. There it was. It’s not like you’d forgotten that this was all to make the girl jealous, but it had been nice to push it to the back of your mind and just enjoy his arms around you. “Ah. That’s good then.” you replied, trying to stop the lump in your throat from forming by focusing on your food.

He leaned in and placed a few kisses on your cheek and jaw. And it brought you flashbacks of last night when he had walked you to your dorm. 

“So, lover of mine, what am I allowed to do and what’s crossing the line?” 

You two had your fingers intertwined as he swung your hands back and forth gently. You were biting at your lip, eyebrows furrowed slightly in concentration. 

“Hugs. Cheek kisses are fine.. hand holding. The basics, I guess? Or what else do couples do?”

“Kiss on the lips.”

“Right- Would.. would that be necessary?” 

“Mmm I don't think so. You’re already doing so much for me, Y/N. I really do appreciate you, our friendship, and everything you’ve done for me.” 

He stopped walking, you were both standing outside your dorm now. Hearing him say all of this would typically make your heart flutter and your stomach do flips. But now.. now it made you feel like shit. Friendship was all you’d ever have with him. He appreciated you as a friend. You looked down at your shoes, them seeming much more interesting than the tall man who stood before you with the softest smile on his lips. 

You felt a small kiss against your cheek before he softly pat your head. “Love ya tons, Y/N. I’ll come pick you up in the morning so we can walk to classes together, yeah?” 

The heat easily returned to your cheeks after the small kiss was placed on your cheek. All you could do was nod, unlocking your front door. Once it was opened, you stepped inside and turned to look at him. 

“Goodnight, Satori.” 

“Goodnight, Y/N.” 

“Well, you two got cozy fast..” 

The deep voice brought you back into reality. You had been snuggling into Tendou’s side as he continued to eat, not really bothered by the silence that had taken over the table as you thought about the night before. 

“Not like we didn’t do this before.” Tendou pointed out. 

“I guess you’ve got a point. But well, I aced my quiz.” 

“Look at you, ace of Shiratorizawa’s Volleyball Club and ace of the math tests.” you smiled at him, reaching out to give him a small pat on his shoulder, slipping out of Tendou’s embrace.

Ushijima smiled softly at that, “Thanks Y/N. Apparently I missed some of the points since my work was right but I bubbled in the wrong ones.” 

“Too focused on volleyball, as always Ushi.” You hummed, offering him one of the snacks you’d bought earlier. 

“Not always. But what were you guys doing anyway?” He asked as he took the snack, throwing another small smile your way to show he appreciated it. 

“We were roleplaying as boyfriend and girlfriend and everybody was staring. Even y’know who.” Tendou said with a smile. 

You playfully cringed at that, “I’m going to break up with you if you say it like that again.” 

“Not yet, Y/N! Wait until the end of the week please.” He hummed before picking up his phone and getting distracted by a notification. 

There it was. The sinking feeling at the pit of your stomach. Wait until the end of the week. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. Your gaze met Ushijima’s and he gave you that same look from yesterday.

“She texted me!” he cheered happily. 

I’ve made a mistake. That’s what your eyes screamed as you kept eye contact with Ushijima. 

I know you did, is what his eyes said back. 

°•°•°•°•°

You were sitting beside Tendou on a field, enjoying an ice cream cone. He'd already had his photoshoot moment with you. He’d taken pictures of you shyly covering your face with the ice cream cone and uploaded it with captions you two would usually make fun of. You were all over his story too. Photos and videos he had taken of you while you did stupid shit. He’d even saved some onto his memories. 

“We’ve gotten a lot of support.” He said, breaking the silence.

You two had laughed so much it made your tummy hurt. It was like whenever you hung out with him prior to the heartbreaking revelation. But now it was bittersweet since the reason behind these hangouts were to get someone else to like him. 

“Has she hit you up?” You asked, unable to hide the bitter tone that slipped along with your words. He raised an eyebrow at your tone, but nodded. “Yeah. She was pretty straight forward.. asked me if you and I were dating. I told her I might just cuff you.”  

“That’s good then, right? She's clearly interested in a relationship now.” You said, the smile on your lips not reaching your eyes. “Tendou.. is it okay if I head home? I’m feeling a bit tired. It’s been a long week.” 

He had a concerned look on his face but he nodded. “Of course. You should’ve said something earlier, Y/N.” He scolded, helping you stand up and starting to walk with you. 

“Ah, actually, is it okay if I walk back on my own? I have something to do real quick before I head to bed.”

Lie. It was a lie. You just didn't want him around right now. It hurt too much.

“Oh- Sure. I’ll see you at school then? Thanks for tonight. I had fun.”

“Me too. Goodnight Tendou.” You smiled and waved before walking off to your dorm, leaving a confused Tendou standing at the field. 

°•°•°•°•°

"You should've never agreed to it.." Ushijima said as he softly rubbed his hand up and down your back. Your hands were clutching onto his sweater, face buried into his chest as you cried your eyes out.

"I-I know.. but I can't ever say no to him.. I'm such a fucking idiot."

"You're not. You're just a very kind person, and sometimes people take advantage of that."

"I'm an idiot, Ushi.. fuck- Why did I agree to it?"

It'd been a whole two weeks since you had started that whole fake dating thing to get Tendou's crush to like him back, and it had taken a huge toll on you.

He could have his arms wrapped around you and be feeding you some snacks, when suddenly he'd pull away and say that she was gone, and there was no need for it anymore.

He'd take you out on dates and walk you home, making sure to notify you that she had texted him some flirty things, or had complimented how he looked on the pictures he had posted.

He would kiss your cheek and make you laugh, before bursting out into giggles with a "You should've seen the look on her face! She so wants me now."

She definitely did want him. She wanted him enough to reach out and ask how serious things were between you two. And if they weren't serious, how would lunch on Saturday sound? Perfect, it's a date.

He'd reached out to you over text, thanking you and praising you for even helping him through this unorthodox procedure, but that it wasn't necessary anymore. They would go on that date, and he'd planned on making it official then.

You sent a simple "Congrats, Satori! Have fun and be safe." And hid your phone away, heading to where you knew you'd be safe.

And that's how you ended up in Ushijima's arms, bawling your eyes out.

"I-I really thought Ushi.. I mean- I knew that we were doing it for horrible reasons.. but I thought maybe he'd see just how good WE would be together. Am I delusional, Ushi?"

"Not at all. I think you would've made a wonderful partner for Satori, or anyone, really."

You let out a small, bitter laugh at that. Clearly your best friend didn't see it like that. You pulled away from the embrace, wiping all the tears away and frowning at the sight of Ushijima's drenched sweatshirt.

"I'm so sorry.." you looked at his sweatshirt, "but thank you.. thank you so much for letting me in. I know it's late. Thanks for dealing with my bullshit."

"Of course, Y/N. You're just as important to me as Tendou, and I hate seeing you upset. I'm sorry he doesn't return your feelings."

You solemnly nodded, feeling sorry for yourself as well. The pain in your chest didn't seem to go away.

"What can we do, Toshi? It just wasn't meant to be. Plus. It's my fault. I knew it was strictly platonic fake dating. I let myself believe I had a chance. But it was clear I didn't."

Ushijima no longer knew how to respond, so he just gave you as much comfort as he could. With back rubs, hugs, and gently playing with your hair. All these actions allowed you to believe you'd be okay.

Even if Tendou Satori did not feel the same.

°•°•°•°•°

The date had apparently gone well, seeing as your lunch table was now occupied by Tendou, Ushijima, and the one and only. The one who had stolen your best friend's heart.

You stopped in your step as you saw her seated at the table. It seemed they were doing introductions. You knew you couldn't handle such thing right now, so you turned right around and walked to the library.

This did not go unseen by Ushijima, who excused himself by claiming that he had to print out some assignments for later.

"Have you seen Y/N? Did she come today?" Satori asked before letting the male part ways.

"Yes, she came. But she might be stuck in class or something. Enjoy the rest of your lunch." He politely excused himself before walking to the library where he knew you'd be.

Without a doubt, you were seated towards the back, face buried in your arms. He pulled a chair out and sat beside you. "Y/N."

You looked up, the pout evident on your lips. "Hey Toshi.. you didn't have to come, y'know?"

He nods, "I wanted to." You simply nod, looking down at the table before speaking again.

"She seems nice. She's really pretty. I can see why he was so set on making her his girlfriend."

"She's lovely. Very kind and charming." He admitted, much to your dismay. Of course she'd be perfect. That made it hurt even more. It made it obvious why he'd prefer someone like her over you.

"But you're also pretty, and very nice. He's missing out."

You looked up in shock at his words.

"You really mean that, Wakatoshi?"

The use of his name rather than the nicknames you usually called him was a pleasant and welcome surprise.

"Of course. There's no reason for you to be upset. You're strong, and I know you can get over this."

You couldn't help but notice how unusually talkative Ushijima had been recently. His comfort was on another level. He was saying all the right things. It was healing you, even if you didn't know it just yet.

"I-I'll get over it.." you said with little confidence, before taking a small breath. "I'll get over it."

The second time around there was definitely more faith in your words. You would be okay.

°•°•°•°•°

The next day, it wasn’t a surprise to see her at the lunch table again, yet it still caused you to freeze on the spot. As much as you wanted to turn around and run out of there, you couldn’t move. 

He was gently caressing her cheek, giving her a bunch of small, shy kisses while he held her hand. It made your stomach twist and turn, and you were sure you could taste blood. 

Blood. Red. Red hair. Waving. 

Fuck. He’d seen you, and was now ecstatically waving for you to come sit at the table. The girl had turned to see what he was making a fuss over, giving you a curious look. 

You knew you probably looked like shit. Even with Wakatoshi’s kind and supportive words, you’d still bawled your eyes out the entire day. A small sigh escaped your lips as you made your way over to the table. 

“Y/N! I want you to meet someone- or well, my girlfriend, to be more specific.”

Satori’s words had her blushing, but she still bowed politely. 

“Pleasure meeting you. I know we didn't get the chance to meet yesterday, but I’ve heard a lot about you.” 

Did you hear that your boyfriend was using me to get you to date him? Did you hear that I’ve had a crush on your boyfriend for years? 

There was so much anger and pettiness in you, but you tried not to show any of it. “Good things, I hope.” 

She quickly agreed, starting to talk about something they’d done together last night. A date, you gathered, though you kept zoning out as she talked, talked, talked, and talked. She was perfect, really. But right now you wanted nothing more than to just scream for her to Please Shut The Fuck Up. 

Halfway through lunch, you excused yourself, saying you had some things to do, but that you hoped the 3 of them had fun. 

You weren't healing just yet, you were grieving what could’ve been. You were doing and thinking stupid shit. 

As soon as you walked into the bathroom, you turned the sink water on and splashed the cold water onto your face. The fresh feeling allowed you to calm down and truly think this through. 

Anger wouldn’t solve anything. You didn’t have the right to be angry at your best friend because: 1) He didn’t even know about your feelings. 2) He had openly told you that he liked someone else. 3) You willingly put yourself in the situation you’re in now. 

A small sob escaped your lips at the new realizations. You were past denial and anger, you were now in the stage of acceptance. 

Tendou Satori, your best friend and crush, did not love you. You loved him though, no matter what. Your feelings would not interfere with the wonderful friendship you had built with him for so many years.

If you truly loved him, you would support him, and his happiness would be enough, even if you were not the provider of said happiness. You’d be content with just watching from the sidelines and cheering him on. 

You took in a small gasp for air as the bell rang, signaling that lunch was over and it was time to head to class. You rubbed at your eyes, a new feeling settling in your chest as you walked out of the bathroom.

Contentment. 

°•°•°•°•°

Avoiding gazes, friendships dwindling, it all leads to contentment. 

Sometimes, you have to sacrifice certain things in order for you to achieve your best state. To reach yours, it took avoidance and time, but now you’re beaming.

The state of contentment has finally been reached.