GaAaAytHH

sometimes i don't need someone to talk to. i just somewhere to scream my feelings and without having to hear someone negating my pain and my feelings.

it's so fucking terrible when your body doesn't have the physical ability to cry bc of the habit of burying your anger and sadness and tiredness.

People need to understand their effect on us. Whether it be their energy, their words, or whatever it is. We try to be strong for them. We expect the same. Other than that it’s toxic. It’s draining. They say you can’t pour from an empty cup. But we often pour into one expecting the energy to be poured back not poured down the drain. I feel tired. I’ve been brought up to hurtful words. Void of emotion. And seeing others get what I was supposed to be getting hurts. It hurts. It hurts. I really can’t begin to explain how much self worth I’ve lost. I’ve been kicked down. Spat at. Left alone. And I only expected love from you. Respecting my personal matters. What felt like mine. And you gave me nothing. Now all the love I receive from you feels like it’s fake. I cant believe you anymore. I just wanna leave. I can’t deal with this. Please someone pull me out. I feel worthless. Very fucking worthless. A period at the end of a sentence. The breadcrumbs. The gunk at the bottom of a trash can. I’m tired of seeing others happy. I’m tired of seeing you happy for others. I want you to be happy for me. To be proud of me. I want you to admit how hard I’ve worked. Not just care for the end product. I can’t count how many times I waited for a single sign of appreciation from you. It’s like I’m the black duckling. I just want to actually feel loved by you. This why I’m closer to dad. Because he actually appreciates everything I do. And I appreciate everything he does. I try my hardest I really do. But you don’t see it. Resulting in me giving up trying. Why does it always feel like you hate me? Why? I’m growing towards that towards you. I always have the want to cut my arms in the back of my mind just to feel something. I can’t feel anything anymore but the negativity you feed me. Turning me into anger. I tried to be positive and help. I really did. But you kept feeding me more negativity as if I’m not trying. You always act like I’m a burden. I’m done feeling like shit.