needy & brainy

It really started Wednesday. After church I had to go to Peyton’s house to pick something up, and as we’re leaving church he says, “Let’s go home.” Did that open a whole can of EMOTION or what because I am SO READY for that statement to be true and real. The whole drive to his house I had to fight back tears because of how frustrated I am that our wedding is way-too-far away, when I’m ready for it to be tomorrow. 

Following that, things just spiraled because I’m a wimp and we aren’t going to see each other for 10 days and I can’t handle it. I know I’m a lot more clingy and needy than he knows what to deal with, so I try to hold it in and hide it, but I know I stress him out even still. So, frustration there at myself for not knowing how to handle my own emotions. 

And by sometimes, I really mean only sometimes. But when those sometimes occur, it’s like a wave knocking me down over and over again in my mind until I feel like I’m drowning. 

School is getting to me. Doing research is getting to me. Writing my thesis is getting to me. Work at Tech is getting to me. Work at LC is getting to me. Wedding planning (as joyful as it is) is getting to me. My relationship (as marvelous and wonderful as it is) is getting to me. My future job possibilities are getting to me.

Lots of things. Lots of waves. Can’t get up. 

// tomorrow will be better, but tonight... tonight is rough.