(do us part)

The seminar I attended was held at Sumulong Farm, Antipolo. It was delivered by Carmelita Protacio (left most in the photo). The seminar started mid-afternoon (around 3:45PM) and ended just before dinner time. 

The couples that attended answered worksheets which consisted of questions about money, children, and the division of household responsibilities (among others). As there were several couples in attendance, they also played some games. They delved into topics such as what they thought they should expect upon having children or things such as how to keep the romance alive. It also delved into the topic of sex (as related to both matters).

Not all the couples would laugh at the topics discussed. Most would breeze over the subject matter faster or without batting so much as an eyelash because they’ve probably spoken about it before and are comfortable with it.

The speaker emphasized that they should be open and that they shouldn’t “hold anything back” as much as possible in the session as it would be a good avenue to get things they (perhaps) would not have spoken about as a couple otherwise. She mentioned it was the case for a lot of couples and that it would sometimes be detrimental for the relationship in the long run. But most of these discussions would be on the more personal level.

A lot of what the speaker mentioned during the seminar resonated in some ways. They had touched on topics such as sex and made it abundantly clear that it was a give or take. Maybe it’s because I’m young and have yet to grapple with the thought or idea of partaking in it fully with another person, but it always seemed pretty far off and often times I’ve been repulsed by the thought (not because of society, I’m perfectly fine talking about it objectively and in the open) but the act itself, as person, just doesn’t appeal to me.

They also spoke about the adjustment and compromise and preparation that would came with getting married (not just pre-planning the wedding and looking for caterers and tasting cakes) but creating enough elbow room for your partner to move and just communicating, basically. I think this is in part, why I’ve been so scared of the idea of a long term partnership. Not even under the catholic institution, but in general. I don’t necessarily find myself agreeing with doctrine, but a lot of what the seminar touched on regarding couples and communication rang true. She said, you can’t be in relationship alone. Which I mean, at the time, I thought ‘duh’- but in retrospect, you can kind of tell where she was coming from with that slightly ill-worded statement. People are different and the amount of breathing room varies per person. I think I’m the type to need a lot of it.

The interview takes place after dinner. It is a humble home in quezon city considering the magnitude of their influence years ago. It’s homey and the lighting is nice. My interviewees are Fernando Veloso Avaznado (dingdong) and Richelle Ann Loyola-Avanzado (Jessa). their daughter, Jayda (who is 12 turning 13 this year), ambles on into the scene later on. They were married 15 years ago, and just days past, they’d celebrated their anniversary (their day is on March 18 and I had the pleasure of interviewing them on the 23rd).

We start with basic questions, “where did you meet” etc, etc. It goes without saying (and I suppose it’s pretty obvious) that they met through the entertainment industry. It’s not just one definitive moment. They ran into each other a couple of times (same guestings, same concerts, same after parties maybe- though not as often for the latter). I remember for a fact that my uncle was in different relationships over the years just before they’d met. Their first “official” meeting was in January of the year 2000 at a show in Pampanga and Dingdong was a special guest, where they would be doing a duet. During rehearsals, they finally got to exchange numbers. What they had initially thought as a 15-20 minute conversation had turned into hours and they spent lots of time on the telephone (they were also quick to point out that it was still landline back then).

Dingdong says that at the time, he knew he was ready to settle down or that he felt in his heart that that was what he wanted. Jessa says she had been impressed initially, not even at his best foot forward, but that he was a person in show business as well(who, therefore, would understand its woes). In the course of getting to know each other, they found out that they were both home bodies, and which one complimented the maturity and temperament of the other one, how they were capable enough to take care of themselves. Much later, they would start to think "here's somebody I can see myself growing old with." Though the age gap of eleven years did prove to be a hurdle. It's a little odd, they had noted, but then Dingdong mentioned, it may be true what they say about girls maturing faster than boys. They were glad to be in the right place at the right time.

The challenges and blessings in married life come in droves. There's having kids, there's the early years, and the later years. It's a kind of duality and there's a good and (not necessarily) bad side to things. They said that "familiarity breeds content" and that the person's personality and their lifestyles would manifest over the years. Married life is so different from courtship days in that you find out a person's sleeping habits up close, how they'd use towels (and disregard that their partners would have their own!) or where they pressed the tube of toothpaste. You would just have to take the good with the bad and make adjustments along the way. It's a constant learning process.

To young people in relationships and planning to get married, they said that, when you're in love "feeling mo eto na, pero hindi pa pala" -there is a lot of growth that happens without so much as blinking, but it's important to figure out how to grow together and it's important to nurture friendship on the onset because it's likely all that will be left coming old age.

I really enjoyed this interview! Not because of hearing my uncle talk at length and all the gratuitous reminisce about the very early 2000’s, because of what they had to say about love fifteen years later.

Like I said in my previous reflection I have a lot of reservations about long term partnership. In front of my very eyes, I have seen relationships fail and barely begin before they fizzled out and disappeared. I have only learned how to mistrust and heavil rely upon myself. I’ve also rolled my eyes at them (my uncle and my aunt) at least about five times in my entire life because of things heard through the grapevine (my family’s many viber chats are active and available for perusal via my mom’s phone). But hearing them talk about it made me feel good, made me want that too. It’s a beautiful thing, friendship. I liked how they put importance to that (aside from, of course, God at the center, they are very religious people and have prayer/bible study as a family every week, but that’s their prerogative and I suppose, admirable. My cousin Jayda isn’t forced to sit through it.) They are so full of love for each other that it had trickled on over to my cousin and she is so full of love herself. It’s interesting to see it in action sometimes.

I’d like to think that friendship is foundational. No, I believe it is. Not just any run of the mill friendship, but one that is deeply rooted and meaningful. One of substance.

My parents, I think, never really made it there. My mom is severely emotionally constipated too, so it kind of makes sense. Coupled with being young and “in a hurry” -boom, suddenly, me. I’m in some ways, the same. I’m not so impatient about growing up and branching out and defiance (maybe, it’s nature vs nurture?) but I am a little terrible at the feelings department and I don’t build good networks and relationships as easily as some people. So even if I did want to put my best foot forward, I wouldn’t really know what that is (mostly, I just keep quiet).

This class was quite the experience. I was half expecting to sit through indoctrination gritting my teeth, but that’s not what I got. What I got was trying to understand life and relationships through others and their experiences.

It was an interesting take on TREDFOR. I'd had my fair share of stories about professors droning on about set roles and practices. Arguably, there still are maybe things that need to be fulfilled and that are sacred to catholic teachings; I definitely cannot fault them for that.

We watched two movies in class. The Passion of Christ, where, afterwards, we discussed further what set Christians apart from other religions and how a lot of Christians have forgotten what it was. There is an understanding about true love that the Passion of Christ displays. Jesus dying for our sins is a widely known narrative, belief even- but it is perhaps lesser known that it was something he had chosen.

People often forget that as Christians as well, they are given a choice as well. But it's not that they need to make the conscious decision to live a life full of love either. It's just that I think it's consequential. The more you love, the closer you get to God.

The other movie that we watched was, I Do, which was a movie about a couple and their families. Common tropes were displayed; the possibility of a shotgun wedding, families that don't like each other or their in-laws. It had reinforced the lesson about choice and about true love. It had reinforced as well the idea that timing (perhaps fate?) would have role to play in all this. But marriage and true love is the some total of several parts.