The Wall in My Head

Hunter furrowed his eyebrows at Stefan’s words, “Okay, so that just proves you’re totally not listening at all,” he said. “And like you would ever just go along with me taking someone out.” Hunter narrowed his eyes at his twin, sitting up. “Oi,” he snapped his fingers. “What’s up with you?”

Stefan jumped as Hunter clicked his fingers, once again snapping out of his dream like phase and back into the room. “What?.. Nothing’s up! I’m just so used to you saying the same things that I zoned out, there’s only so many times I can listen to you talk about girls you know.” He gave his brother a weak smile but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Fine, don’t start. Has mum said anything to you about Christmas yet?”

Mila kept looking through the tops at an almost rapid pace, she stopped her search as she turned to him with a frown. “I’m not insulting you, I just think what you’re wearing should match the man. Do you know what I mean?” She said then scrunched her nose as she moved to pinch the arm of his shirt, “This is ugly.” Mila pulled out a sweater and grinned. “This however is gorgeous, do you know how good we’ll look next to each other with you in this?”

Stefan sighed as he watched her go through the clothes, there was no way she was actually looking at them with how quickly she was moving. “I have no clue what you mean but I’ll just agree because I’ve learned that it makes my life easier.” He shrugged, his face matching her scrunch as he watched her judge his shirt. It wasn’t anything exciting but he didn’t think it was ugly, just a little plain maybe. “So I’ve to style myself based upon what you’re wearing? Although I do hate to admit it, I do really like the jumper. Do I want to know how much it is?”

Mila playfully rolled her eyes, “I can’t believe I’m not occupying your every thought while I’m standing right in front of you.” She pulled out another sweater then quickly put it back in place. “What’s going on is that you need me to sort out whatever this is.” Mila vaguely gestured towards him before shaking her head, “I should be charging.”

Stefan was almost accustomed to Mila’s need to change his entire wardrobe, at first it had been cute but sometimes it was starting to verge on insulting. He didn’t think he dressed badly, sure he didn’t put anywhere near as much thought into it as she did but he looked good. “I’m sorry, just a lot going on. And there’s only so many times I can listen to you insult me Mila, they’re really adding up after all these year and yet you keep coming back for more. What’s wrong with what I’m wearing today?”

“Oi, pay attention to your brother,” he said, leaning back in his seat. “I was telling you about the hot girl in my department,” he said, taking a bite of the sandwich is haphazardly made. “She totally digs me,” he said, though it was probably unclear due to his mouth being full. “The skirts she wears…”

Stefan smiled softly at Hunter, nodding as he showed that he was listening but the second that he realised the conversation was actually about his brother’s constant attempts to flirt with everything that breathed he shut down. It was only when the silence came back that he spoke. “That’s really nice Hunter, where are you taking them?” He asked, not sure if he was even close to the right line for the conversation.

“I was just going to say that I left my purse beside you and I didn’t want to be weird and reach around you without saying something first,” she smiled at him, stepping around to get it. “You okay? You looked a little zoned out.”

“Oh if I’m being honest you probably could have reached right through me and I wouldn’t have even noticed but thank you.” Stefan moved slightly to make it easier for her, a small smile on his face as he tried to bring himself back into reality. “I’m.... Well I’m alive right? No that’s a tad dramatic, there isn’t anything bad happening I guess. I’m just, wallowing?”

“I love my job but oh my god does it do a number on my limbs,” she said, sprawled across the other’s couch. “You might have to carry me around all day.”

“I’m sorry when did I become some sort of Roxy carting mule?” Stefan nudged her with his leg as he passed her, grabbing both their glasses from his table. “If you’re in such a state we can just stay here, the suggestion to leave was so you wouldn’t need to be subjected to my mess is all. Would you like a top-up instead?”

Hunter rolled his eyes, a smile on his lips. “Oi, I have friends,” he said. “I’m the friendliest guy around!” he said. He shook his head, “Nah, there’s just a lot,” he said, there was a letter from their mom but Hunter chose to ignore it. “All those weeks ago you didn’t want to talk about it and get hammered and now you haven’t been by my flat to bother me in days, I know something is up,” he said. “I’m not above bothering the shit out of you until you spill.”

“The voices in your head aren’t friends Hunter.”  Stefan had a cheek to talk, he was pretty sure that he could count his friends on his two hands if he were being generous but it was easier to make fun of Hunter. “Give me them here and I’ll look at them then.” He answered, a little curtly but offering his twin an apologetic smile as he instantly regretted the tone. “Are you trying to say that you don’t normally bother the shit out of me? Hunter there’s nothing going on I’ve just decided that the lifestyle I want to adopt is that of a hermit. What is there outside that I can’t get here? Look - even you’re here now!”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m gonna get cancelled,” he said, as he continued to shift through Stefan’s mail. “When’s the last time you went through this?” he said before turning to his twin. He let out a sigh, “Stefan…” he started. It had always been the other way around. Hunter would be the emotional volatile one, only doing things when Stefan dragged him up. “Okay,” he nodded, “We’ll order in,” he said. He folded his arms over his chest, “But, you have to tell me what’s going on with you or no deal.”

“Don’t you need to have like friends or something to be cancelled?” Stefan asked, a small smile on his face at his joke. “A couple of days ago I think - why have I missed something important?” He wasn’t expecting anything, well he didn’t think he was anyway. “Why does there have to be so many rules just to have my dinner, aren’t you checking up on me to make sure I’m eating not ttying to put me off eating?” Stefan huffed, pushing himself up from the bed finally and making his way through to his small living room before collapsing on the couch again. “There’s nothing going on I’m just... Lets just say not dealing very well with life at the moment. I’ve made it this far I’m allowed a break from it no?” It was a waste of breath trying to lie to his brother, they were able to read each other with ease but it seemed easier than having to admit what was bothering him.

Hunter wasn’t quiet as he walked through his twin’s flat, “Oi,” he yelled, not knowing exactly where Stefan was. “Are you done being depressed yet?” he asked. He leaned against Stefan’s cabinet, going through his mail. “Let’s go eat something.”

@unstefanable​

Stefan had continued to shut himself off more and more from most people around him, he’d cut his calls with their mother down to barely two a week. He’d been calling in sick to work most days and thankfully Hunter had been quite busy as of late and hadn’t been around too often. He hadn’t been expecting Hunter to appear at his flat and he hadn’t been able to get his shit together to keep up his façade. Stefan held his head in his hands as Hunter looked at him from the cabinet. “You know that’s an incredibly insensitive thing to say don’t you asshat.” Stefan mumbled. “Can’t we have food come here?”

She rolled her eyes at him, even allowing a hint of a smile to appear on her face. Almost allowing herself to show that she was amused by his antics. “My mothers family is French.” She explained. Her fathers family was from England, though there was most likely roots elsewhere but it wasn’t like they were the Black family who kept extensive records of their family tree. Plus it wasn’t like her father was the kind of person to speak about what his parents were like or where they were from. The Carrows were rather cold, distant. That much was obvious to everyone who met them. 

At his wink, Alma was taken a little by surprise, perhaps because she’ was already acting out of character. She was aware of the fact that her cheeks had turned slightly red, though she kept a straight face. Perhaps he wouldn’t notice. Even if he did it wouldn’t matter as she figured it was just one of his usual jokes. “I will admit that I quite enjoy our job- I don’t see how you don’t. Then again I’ve been interested in thoughts since I could remember.” Perhaps interested wasn’t the right word to use, but the mind certainly did catch her attention. “A nice family dinner.” She repeated quietly. “I can’t even imagine what that would look like for me- I guess that goes to show how different we are. Though we both already know that.” Alma paused, seemingly hesitant. “Have you ever- fought with your brother? Not physically but verbally and to the point that you didn’t speak for a while?” 

Stefan nodded, he didn’t know that her mother was French and he enjoyed getting to know Alma more. They had known each other for a long time but he barely knew anything about her - which was entirely her own choice up until now. “Does that mean you speak French? Oui oui and all that?”

He never wished to capture a moment with a camera more than the fact he was able to make Alma Carrow blush, this was enough of an achievement to make him retire with complete happiness forever. Stefan valued his life enough to not comment on it but there was an obvious glint in his eye. “We have a very different perception of our job I believe, your obsession with thoughts and mine come from differing vantage points. I believe that thoughts are some sort of strange, uncontrollable things that we have to react to. They’re interesting but also they kind of absolutely terrify me. Sometimes work terrifies me.”

Stefan forgot who he was talking to and although he had been terrified of her response to his answer it went away quickly. “I think my family have more skeletons in our closet than you know Alma.” He answered quietly as his thoughts ran through the problems with Hunter and his father, and his current personal issues with his father. At her question his face softened, a little scowl of worry on his face. “I think the longest that I have went without speaking to Hunter since we learned how to speak is a couple of days, and that was because I was out of the country and my phone broke. We were much more the physical fighters that we got over quickly. Brothers have a different relationship though I think.... Is everything alright Alma?”

The girl shrugged. She had known for as long as she knew him that they had grown up very differently, there wasn’t anything that could be done about that. Part of her almost wanted to try and say something somewhat comforting- though it would most likely come across as slightly demeaning. Either way she wasn’t going to comment any further on it. “I’m inviting you for a trip not to move there. Don’t get ahead of yourself.” Alma rolled her eyes at him. Really it was surprising enough that she had brought him to her place at all and now she was almost treating him like a friend. “Yes well I don’t just do whatever I want- even though it may seem like I do.” She smirked. “If you could do anything you want- what would you be doing right now?” 

“Do you mean that I will have to unpack my bags at home? I’d already planned out exactly what I’d take with me on the move. Heartbreaking. I envisioned myself with the whole French wine and well whatever else you Francophiles do... Or wait, are you actually French?” Stefan suddenly realised that he didn’t know much about Alma except the small things she shared. She was very calculated but it never really bothered him it also meant that she didn’t question him too often. “I think it looks like you do whatever you want because you are good at it. You also seem genuinely happy at work so I apologise for being rude about what we do... I guess I’m probably just not cut out for it but I’m stuck there now. There’s this werido who I work with who makes it enjoyable.” He winked at her, laughing lightly hoping that it would be taken jokingly. “Right now? I think I would like to be having a genuinely nice family dinner... But like, in the sun or something.”

“Thanks,” Lucy said with a small smile. “Well, other than the backlash from the Zabini article? I’m doing all right.”

“Do I sound like a right dick if I say that I don’t know what you’re talking about?” Stefan was an expert at burying his head in the sand which was actually a real talent when you considered his job at the ministry. “I hope that no one is being too much of a dick to you? I can have words if you need remember.”

House elves were hard to come by these days so she expected him to be taken aback. There was only the one in that household and she expected that eventually there wouldn’t be any. She couldn’t help but to think it was a shame. “We’re just your average old pureblood family. Honestly there’s nothing special about us. I can bring you to France sometime if you’d like to go.” Alma’s voice held a bit of disdain, obvious bitterness. Even her suggestion to bring him to France was rather lackluster. “I would love to live in France, I probably will someday after-” She stopped herself. She was about to say after her father died. Alma figured that she would at least be able to leave the ministry then. “Right now the research we’re doing is more important.” 

“Your ‘average pureblood family’ and ‘nothing special’ don’t usually go together in sentences Alma, not where I’m from at least. This is a very different style of life than anything I have ever been witness to.” His tone was light although there was a hint of the resentment he felt, not at the other in particular but rather at the systems in play. The old money that her family lived on annoyed him but there was nothing he could do about it and he knew that it wasn’t Alma’s fault. “You could sound a little more enthusiastic at the thought, I promise I wouldn’t embarrass you too much. Although I’m not sure I’m cut out for the French lifestyle.” Stefan thought that she was about to open up about something for teh first time since they’d known each other but Alma shut herself down quickly and he let out an involuntary sigh. “You really think what we are doing is that important? I know that I’m basically just doing the same thing people have been doing for years in hopes that I might find something new. It’s just all a little pointless despite how interesting it is do you not think? You could be living it up out in France - I know what I’d pick.”

“I was just asking if you could press floor 6.” Lucy smiled as she looked at the lift buttons and back at Stefan. “Been busy lately?”

“Six got it..” Stefan answered, still in a bit of a daze but pushing the button anyway. As Lucy continued to talk he tried to bring himself back to reality. “I guess that’s one way to put it. How about yours? You seem to be more with it than I am at least.”

Alma continued to walk, heading into the den and snapping her fingers. Less then a moment later a house elf appeared, “Bring us some tea, coffee and whatever snacks we have. Something light.” With a wave of her hand the house elf was gone. Sitting down she turned her attention back towards him. Nodding her head, gesturing for him to take a seat. “My mothers villa in France- or I suppose it’s my grandmothers, that’s my favorite place.” She told him, a light smile hinting on her lips. “Al and I grew up there until we were around seven or so? I still go there often whenever I need to clear my head. Have you been to France?” 

Stefan should have expected the house elf to appear but he was still taken by surprise, awkwardly smiling at the creature as he was given orders and disappeared. Although he was surrounded by magic more often than not the subservient ways of the House Elves always made him feel uncomfortable. “I have never been to France. Sometimes I forget just how much money your family has...” His voice trailed off, not sure what he had hoped to gain from pointing out that Alma and the Carrows were rich. “Did you never think that you would enjoy living in France instead of grubby London with us? I mean, I hardly get the impression that you enjoy where we are most of the time.”