Do Not Give Me The Power To Harm You.

. .

I'm so fucking far outside of my own belief system I don't understand what is happening with me but I am genuinely truly a repulsive person and I don't understand what is happening inside myself that is causing this.

I am disgusting I am repulsive I am perverse in nature and spirit I am disgusting I am repulsive because I seek only my own heart and my own mind and my own glory it is not and has never EVER been about me and yet all I care to do is gaze into my own vain image and seek my own glory and my own redemption and my own perverse desire for palatable perfection

I have created an evil minded and evil hearted place and an evil minded and evil hearted person within myself.

ALL OF US ARE CREATED EQUAL AND IF I HAVE BEGUN TO BELIEVE OTHERWISE I AM A DISGUSTING FUCKING MONSTER I AM UNWORTHY OF LIFE I AM UNWORTHY OF VALUE BECAUSE MORE THAN ANYTHING I BELIEVE IN RIGHTS FOR ALL PEOPLE INCLUDING PEOPLE WITH DISABILITIES WHO DESERVE A VOICE AND A PLACE IN THIS WORLD AND THEY DESERVE CARE AND SUPPORT AND COMFORTABLE LIVES AND GOOD TREATMENT AND I AM ONE OF THE PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD WHO IS SUFFERING FROM LACK OF ADEQUATE SUPPORT BUT IT IS NOT OKAY TO DISPARAGE OTHERS IN THE COMMUNITY WHO STRUGGLE IN WAYS I DO NOT AND IT IS NOT OKAY TO DEHUMANIZE ANY STRUGGLE THAT IS COMMON TO MAN BECAUSE WE ARE ALL HUMAN AND AS SOON AS WE START BELIEVING OTHERWISE OR SPEAKING OTHERWISE WE HAVE FAILED OURSELVES AS A PEOPLE MY MOUTH IS POISON MY HEART IS POISON I AM POISON I AM POISON I AM POISON

I am evil I am evil I am the most evil disgusting Nazi I am repulsive I am repulsive I am repulsive I am repulsive I am repulsive I am repulsive I am repulsive I am repulsive

Every fucking human in the world deserves to be here EVERYONE deserves to be loved and supported and as soon as I stop believing that I have become Unhuman I am disgusting I'm disgusting I'm repulsive I'm revolting I'm abhorrent and it's my fault its my fault its my fault its my fault because I have FOREVER lost my rights to my voice. Forever. Forever. Forever. It was my choice and I have lost everything that mattered because of my pride and ego. I am disgusting I am disgusting I am disgusting I am disgusting I am disgusting I am disgusting

I have become irredeemably disgusting I am irredeemably foul hearted and foul minded I have shamed everything I believe in because I have been willing to use the pain of people who cannot use their own voices to bolster my ego I have been willing to cause direct harm to people who cannot speak for themselves or defend themselves who are still humans who still deserve a place in society because I have become so fucking selfish and evil in my heart I don't deserve to have a place I don't deserve a place I do not deserve to be heard if I am just going to use my life to tear down instead of build up

I Have Forever Lost The Right To Speak.

I'm ableist I'm evil I'm fucking evil I'm a fucking Nazi I'm disgusting I'm fucking disgusting I'm fucking disgusting I'm disgusting I no longer have the right to speak.

I have become an evil ableist horrible fucking monster this entire space my entire brain every single fucking rotten thought in my head has formed me into a disgusting vile evil fucking person I have a disgusting fucking mind and a disgusting fucking perspective I'm willing to tear down vulnerable communities for the sake of my own ego for the sake of self flagellation and pride I'm willing to humiliate communities that cannot defend themselves in these conversations I have become the most vile fucking ableist monster I am a disgusting evil awful fucking monster I am the exact fucking person I hate I am the most disgusting fucking evil hearted evil minded evil spirited fucking monster I am irredeemably disgusting I am disgusting I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I am an evil fuckong person and I don't deserve to live I don't deserve to speak I don't deserve to be heard because the voice of hatred should NEVER have a place among the voices that deserve to be heard

I fucking hate the person I am right now I hate who I am I hate this I hate my perspective on life I hate my perspective on myself I hate my perspective on my family I hate my perspective on growth and recovery and self worth I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself so much I hate myself so much I hate myself so much I hate myself so much I hate myself so much I hate myself so much

I'm DISGUSTING I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I'm disgusting

I just want to die I want to kill myself I want to kill myself I'm humiliated I'm humiliated I'm humiliated I'm humiliated I'm humiliated I lost everything I lost everything I lost everything I'm childish I'm immature I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I lost my friends I lost my friends I lost my friends I lost my friends I lost my friends I lost my friends I lost my family I lost my family I lost my friends I lost everything I lost everything I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I'm evil I'm evil I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I'm going to be punished for the rest of my life I'm going to be punished the rest of my life because I'm so stupid I'm stupid I'm stupid I'm stupid I'm humiliated I'm humiliated I'm humiliated I'm humiliated I'm humiliated I'm humiliated I'm humiliated I'm humiliated I'm humiliated

I lost my therapist my therapist is leaving because of me because I'm abusive because I'm abusive I'm abusive I'm abusive I'm abusive my therapist is leaving me my therapist is leaving me I'm repulsive I'm repulsive I'm repulsive I'm repulsive I'm repulsive I'm repulsive I'm repulsive I'm repulsive I'm repulsive I'm repulsive I'm repulsive I'm repulsive I'm repulsive I'm repulsive I'm repulsive I'm repulsive I'm repulsive I'm repulsive I'm repulsive I'm repulsive I'm repulsive I don't want to live anymore I don't want to live anymore my therapist is leaving I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I'm repulsive I'm REPULSIVE I'm REPULSIVE I'm REPULSIVE I'm repulsive I'm REPULSIVE I'm repulsive I'm being punished I'm being punished I'm being punished I'm an awful whiny fucking awful child I'm an awful child I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I'm disgusting I wish I could kill myself I wish I could kill myself I'm so repulsive I'm repulsive I'm REPULSIVE I'm repulsive I'm repulsive I'm repulsive I'm repulsive I'm repulsive I'm REPULSIVE I'm repulsive I'm repulsive I'm REPULSIVE I'm REPULSIVE I'm REPULSIVE I lost everything I lost everything I lost everything I lost everything I lost everything