husband came home drunk. of course. nothing new. he seemed to have been at a retirement party and he's in the military so its not surprising that all they like to do is drink.

but what pisses me off is that i could have liked to have gotten a heads up that he would be coming home late. and of course i text him, and see when he will be back. and he's got a fucking smart watch on that notifies him when he gets a text. so i dont know why the fuck he can't just answer me quickly and get back to me of when he will be back. and of course i've got to watch the baby all day, and i want to get out of the house and i expect to go to the gym but no. he can't bother to send me one "yeah i will be late text".

i dont know why this pisses me the fuck off so badly. its just his shitty communication skills and his shitty inconsideration of me and the baby, and it would be atleast nice to know to get a heads up that he will be fucking late, otherwise i wouldnt have any high hopes for anything. not that i am expecting to do anything exciting anyways. but he's always so fucking lucky that he just gets to go out, have some fun, not have to worry about the baby or taking care of anything, while i do all the fucking work. and of course he just comes home fucking drunk and i'm fuming and not to be so angry. but he just FUCKING SUCKS. I FUCKING HATE HIS GUTS. i am always so fucking miserable when i am with him.

He was so fucking pissed the other night bc baby was crying and couldn’t go back to sleep and god for it it interrupt him during his stupid fucking league of legends game he was in the middle of to take care of HIS FUCKING CHILD!!!!!!

All he ever wants to fucking do is play fucking video games. I very rarely remember the times he put effort into wanting to spend time with me, or make something romantic for me. It fucking COME TO BED WITH ME. ITS FUCKING SAD TO GO TO FUCKING BEF ALONE WHEN YOURE SPOUSE IS JUST IN THE OTHER ROOK PLAYING FUCKING GAMES.

YOU HAVE A FUCKING CHILD. ACT LIKE A FUCKING FATHER AND OUT THE ADDICTION OF GAMES AWAY FOR A SECOND AND FUCKING FOCUS ON BEING PRESENT WITH YOUR GODDAMN FUCKING CHILD!!!!!!!

I’ve had to learn to just lower my expectations from people that I supposedly care about and it annoys me when they just don’t consider other peoples feelings.

And of course when I’m gone he says gray is being all fussy and upset but hmmmm idk have you tried actually just spending time with him NOT in front of a computer screen??????

of course, when it's the days where i can finally have fun and have my time just as myself, not with the baby, he always has to ruin it and get drunk off his ass the night before I get to do something and he has to be reliable and watch the baby.

he went to a friends house tonight and watch some hockey tv show, and his friend messaged me saying he will have to stay a while longer because he's had a lot to drink. turns out they drank a whole bottle of bourbon together.

and his stupid fucking friend ft me and asks if it's alright if he stays longer, obviously both drunk off their asses. and i said sure that's fine if you are already saying he will stay an hour. but then my husband grabs the phone and makes it all more complicated and is like what do you want me to do? do you want me to come home now? in an hour? can I stay the night. I said well it would be nice if you could come home, please remember that i do have my thing in the morning. and he said yeah yeah but what do you want me to do? and then he's getting all irritated and then he has the balls to tell me that i'm actually being irritating because i just can't make up my mind about what he should do.

i already know him and his state of mind and at this point i don't give a shit. obviously he doesn't care about my time and what i have to do tomorrow. so i just say i don't mind whatever he chooses to do i just want him to be safe and sober by the time he chooses to come home.

and then at this point he is just making his usual annoyed face and just cuts our conversation off short and is like bye.

ugh i fucking hate his guts. i doubt any other of my friends have to deal with their spouses when they are this drunk off their ass, and have them be rude to their wife as well.

i just want him to make safe choices and come home in one piece, I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW THAT IS TOO MUCH TO ASK AND NOT HAVE TO GET FUCKING ANNOYED AT ME!!!!

But do I rarely feel like he does the same for me.

I smelt a shit load of money for his present for our upcoming marriage anniversary, and looking back on all the things I’ve gotten him, I really think about what he would like and curate things to what he genuinely enjoys, and his hobbies like gaming and drinking or whatever.

But he finds gift giving “so hard” and basically has to be told what to get him. He never thinks on his own accord on what I would like. Nothing expensive, nothing thoughtful. Just mediocre gifts.

I said Father’s Day is this Sunday, and asked if he wanted to do anything, or if he’s excited at all.

He’s like “uh huh yeah sure whatever you say.” In the most unamused monotone voice ever. And of course he’s playing games on his phone so he really could not care less about what I have to say 🙄

I married the biggest POS I’ve ever met. There’s nothing redeeming about him. I fucking hate him so much.

He gets upset bc I don’t tell him I love him enough but GUESS WHAT BUDDY. It’s because I’m losing love for you every fucking day. You make my life fucking miserable. I’ve never been more moody, depressed, and insecure since meeting you.

The only good thing that’s come out of this shitty relationship is our baby. And even then, I feel fucking trapped because it’s one thing if we are just fucking married with nothing. But with a baby I can never fucking leave him.

I’ve let him get away with so much shit and I’m so fucking done with him. He pisses me off and I fucking hate him.

When will this rage ever leave me at the end of the day?? No matter what happens so go to bed angry. And this isn’t what my marriage should be about. I shouldn’t be fucking pissed off every day because my husband is a fucking moron and a loser is this damn life.