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so shane has to post the photo himself to prove that no, boston captain ilya rozanov does not have any evidence or incriminating documents on shane hollander

Then you audition for a show, and the director is like, "Listen, I'm not going to lie to you guys, this show is horny as hell, and bussy will be thrown. For what it's worth, we don't anticipate a huge viewership."

And both you and your costar, who are flying freak flags visible from space were like, "Sir, bussy will not only be thrown, it will be lobbed, it will be tossed, it will be launched from a fucking plasma cannon."

You film the show, thinking you'll be back at work when it wraps.

The show airs, and becomes the Debbie Does Dallas of erotica adaptations. TV's glow across the nation. You instigate a sexual awakening of horny middle aged housewives who now finally understand what those young whippersnappers mean why they say sexuality is a spectrum.

You invade the Golden Globes. The nepo babies smell like fear. You record smut for Quinn. The straight girls have now gone feral and they've split into factions. It's like an episode of Fallout.

Then you're invited to carry the Olympic torch. In Milan. It's been three months since the show aired. You haven't slept.

That is what happened to Connor and Hudson. I honestly get why people are so parasocial about these two. It's so much fun watching two random guys speed run fame. It's so raw and relatable. I can't stop laughing at the chain reaction these two set off.

I’m imagining her/maybe Shane playfully ribbing him about how he has no real financial manger or decent investments and what do you MEAN you just let a paycheck like that sit in your account while buying luxury cars every five minutes no wonder your net worth is shockingly low for your value, etc etc. and he’s not even offended he’s surprised and pleased that his new family is so invested in him and also enjoys watching where Shane gets some of his crazy. Like Ilya Mommy Issues Rozanov is “yes please ma’am optimize my finances and worry about my wellbeing harder” while he shovels whatever David made for dinner in his mouth.

But then at some point while she’s (lovingly) harping on his financial irresponsibility he just kind of quietly mentions that actually so much of his paycheck was going back home to his family when he was younger that he needed to blow shit on cars or whatever pretty quick if he didn’t want it to disappear. And she realizes that yeah he’s a little dummy who spent a concerning amount of money on VIP sections last year and thinks bank account interest is investing but he was also a child supporting his entire family in a foreign country with no one bothering to look out for his best interest or explain planning for a future.

David gets treated to impassioned rants every night about how “David I’m not convinced anyone even read that boy his contract in Russian”.

She starts managing him as well, obviously, and she’s kind of disturbed by how easily he just signs whatever she puts in front of him and doesn’t bother asking questions before agreeing to hand over all his management to her. He just seems thrilled she got him a Lamborghini partnership and an invite to fashion week.

The only time he puts up a fuss is when he realizes she’s not planning to take any significant cut of his money because “you’re family sweetheart” and he looks like he got smacked in the head with a shovel and has to go outside on the porch with Shane for a suspiciously long period of time.