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It’s a little heartbreaking to know you are never special. Nothing really worth remembering.

Sometimes I jump the gun but I hate repeating a request. I hate begging for anything. I don’t do that. It is easy to take care of me. I’m not someone who will make you feel like you’re forcing me to take an gifts but if I’m the one to ask for it more than once, I feel like you never wanted to in the first place.

It doesn’t matter. You’ll put anyone ahead of me. That necklace shit really hurt my feelings.

No matter how reoccurring. I hate holidays alone. Can I fast forward to 40? Where I’m living somewhere with my two adopted kids and my dog? Where I don’t have to worry about being forgotten.

9.29.18

No but really, these love songs mean nothing. The boy doesn’t bring flowers. He doesn’t think about you and miss you. He doesn’t talk about you to his friends. He doesn’t care. New pussy will be there.

Once you realize that no one is going to pop up at your door with a handful of flowers, and a heart filled with apologies, you learn to stop expecting more.

As soon as I walked in, I said I wish you were here and I call you and there’s no answer. You call and you’re so distracted by your friend that I hang up. Then you call back and apologize and I say I want your undivided attention for a couple mins so I can show you this room your friend snickers and you joke that you can do a lot at the same time then you tell me, you’ll call me back and hang up. I call my friend, tell him I found his ring when I was packing for the trip and tell him he can grab it tomorrow even though I’m not home. He asks about the pup and I tell him he’s taken care of but once again I’ve given you a chance to show I’m a priority in your life and once again you prove I’m not. So I tell you, you don’t have to check on him because during this entire interaction, you treated me like a bother. I’m interrupting your time with your friend. I’m interrupting your video game. I’m interrupting whatever text you got. Tell you you don’t have to check Ali, you don’t answer. Call you “did you get my text”? “I’m not sure, I’ve been running around I’m going out tonight” me defeated as fuck, because I can’t get a second of your time “good night dude” you, completely unbothered “ok”.

I wonder if the women, in their happy relationships.

I’m done fighting being replaced. That’s how I ended up here.

It doesn’t matter what I say.