uneducated swamplet

paul fart mall cop haha

damn it i pulled the wrong lever on this office chair and accidentally tilted it into the 5th dimension

"johnny, did you listen to all the italo disco music?" suspiciously Pino D'Angio and Raffaella Carra-shaped johnny: "non ero io!"

when i evaporate i will be mist and not fogotten

you can tell i've had a bad day when I don't sing No One Remembers Achmed from Twisted in the shower.

the scandalous little speedwalk i do from my shower to my bedroom with my towel wrapped around my chest oooh its filthy

balancing my stressing and de-stressing by having asmr on one monitor and blender UV unwrapping on the other. this is how perpetual motion will be created.

i opened a can of parmesan and it popped open so violently it hurt my thumbs. i dont know how the fuck to explain any of that.

be glad i'm not into watersports because i would make so many jokes about wii sports all the time and it wouldn't be funny.

fish fingers?! you're telling me a fish- you're telling me-- you're telling me a fish? you're, uhh-- can i go home.

all these data centers hoarding RAM in rural places, what are they, some kind of RAM ranch?

riffing jokes so hard they call me peter riffin

crab is always font-on, lobster is always top-down, and shrimp is always side-on.

i was gonna go on a hot air balloon trip but those plans are a bit up in the air since i learned it's a bunch of hot air

the world isn't your oyster, it's my oyster. fuck off and get your own oyster