uneducated swamplet

paul fart mall cop haha

when i evaporate i will be mist and not fogotten

you can tell i've had a bad day when I don't sing No One Remembers Achmed from Twisted in the shower.

the scandalous little speedwalk i do from my shower to my bedroom with my towel wrapped around my chest oooh its filthy

balancing my stressing and de-stressing by having asmr on one monitor and blender UV unwrapping on the other. this is how perpetual motion will be created.

i opened a can of parmesan and it popped open so violently it hurt my thumbs. i dont know how the fuck to explain any of that.

be glad i'm not into watersports because i would make so many jokes about wii sports all the time and it wouldn't be funny.

fish fingers?! you're telling me a fish- you're telling me-- you're telling me a fish? you're, uhh-- can i go home.

all these data centers hoarding RAM in rural places, what are they, some kind of RAM ranch?

riffing jokes so hard they call me peter riffin

crab is always font-on, lobster is always top-down, and shrimp is always side-on.

i was gonna go on a hot air balloon trip but those plans are a bit up in the air since i learned it's a bunch of hot air

the world isn't your oyster, it's my oyster. fuck off and get your own oyster

i had a dream i was tone-deaf and it actually scared me quite a bit