NO GUTS, NO GLORY.

When Zhang Liao wouldn’t stand, it was Taohua  that knelt until she could be on level with him. He was always bigger than her, so much so that it would have been imposing to anyone else looking in, but Taohua was never deterred. As the gravel from the ground dug into her knees and  dirt stained her hanfu, tears rolled down Taohua’s cheeks as  she collected Zhang Liao’s helmet and carefully set it in her lap. Of all the things Zhang Liao had done, failing Taohua was certainly last, and almost nonexistent. 

As Zhang Liao asked for her forgiveness, Taohua let one of her hands run along the soft plume of his helmet and she shook her head. He hadn’t needed to apologize; his duty was to protect his lord–her teacher–from harm.

“My lord,” she began, and her grip on his helmet remained firm. “It’s okay. I was just…nevermind! It was silly and I just wanted people to visit me for a little while.” Taohua hung her head, and she kept her eyes fixed on Zhang Liao’s helmet. “It’s odd, suddenly not having people I care about here…but that just means I need to be a little stronger! I have to be…” Whenever that day came, Taohua would be able to return home to Chengdu.  “I suppose…” Taohua lifted the helmet and she held it out so Zhang Liao could take it, “this just means you have to stay by my side for a little while longer, Lord Zhang. More than anything, I’m just happy you remembered to visit me!”

He listened intently, head finally lifting as she spoke more   firmly  --  more   certainly   than   her   earlier wavering tone.    However much of it was meant for his ears or was directed to him specifically, her final request earned an affirmative nod from the general, to which prompted the shift in his body.   He leaned forward   and   applied  pressure  through  his  legs,  into his knee and foot  in  order  to begin his ascent. He reached  as  if  to  retrieve  the  helmet from her grasp,   but had instead brushed a calloused thumb along  the  rise  of  either cheek  to  wipe  away  the damp trail left behind by her tears.

“Of course, my lady.”   His tone was lighter-sounding, perhaps in relief.  It had been, for certain, something of contentment  in  her  suggestion, and  had earned her something of a fleeting, weary smile.

“Whatever you need of me, I will do what is necessary to fulfill your request.”  The helmet was taken from her in the moments that followed,  though it was within his palms that it was  relocated  unto her head rather than his own, and obscuring lengthy strands of amber.

Taohua had spent the better half of the day deep in thought, so much so, she opted to not deal with her studies today. Her home here in Xuchang had become so much emptier without the sounds of a brush against parchment, slightly heavy footsteps, or an occasional tired sigh. Her father had left for Chengdu a while ago, and the emptiness of the house finally settled with Taohua, who hadn’t wanted to go so suddenly. When the emptiness had become  too much, she headed just outside to sit and read the scrolls Xu Shu had left behind. The weather had been calm and warm enough for traveling, Taohua gathered, and she figured Xu Shu and Ma Dai would be able to travel with ease today. Taohua herself however, would simply enjoy being outside today, hanfu and all. It was improper to be outside in such a fashion but she figured that because she was still in her home, it wouldn’t matter; nobody she knew had come to see her.

Everybody had been off doing other things, and Taohua had no business intruding, but she would be lying to herself if she said being by herself wasn’t lonely. Taohua’s loneliness hadn’t ebbed away until she heard a familiar voice address her. She was lonelier than she  thought, because tears pricked the corner of her eyes. There had been a weight on her shoulders, because it lifted, if only slightly.

“Y-you came to visit today! Lord Zhang!” Taohua blurted, and she stood. She hurried down the stairs, almost tripping over the long hem of her hanfu, and ran to meet the kneeling man. The sleeves of her soft green hanfu covered her hands as she tried her best to put them around Zhang Liao’s enclosed one over his chest and she tugged slightly, urging him to stand. “It’s okay,” she contnued. “Really! Please don’t apologize…”

“My lady,” he uttered stoically despite his internal nonplussed response. Were it possible, his head would  have  dipped  down  beneath  that  of  his shoulders in intense  shame.   He  had  failed the duty he was given--to watch over her,    which he could    now    see    meant    to    provide    more companionship  than anything within her  father’s absence.   Of course,   she was never truly alone,   but Zhang Liao knew all too well of the deafening silence isolation provided, and to imagine Taohua in any  such  situation  was  more  than  he could rightfully bare.

“--my lady, please.” The words came out in a low breath as he allowed his hand to give way to her weak tugging, however he did not rise to his feet as she desired.  He  had  lifted  his  head  at  the sound  of  her  voice,    though   he   immediately regretted it at the sight of her watery eyes and urgent, stammering words.

“It is clear to me that I have failed my duty,”     his shoulders  sunk  visibly  in  self-appointed  defeat eyes snapping closed in guilt  and disgrace as the  crown of his head dipped once again. With a lift of  his  limbs, the  general  removed  his  helmet  and  rolled  it  from  the  palms  of  his  hands  unto  the ground  at  his  feet,  and  alas,  offered  final  sigh  alongside something akin to a subtly plea:

“Yes, I will be headed his way in a moment.” Yue Jin made a brief stop to specifically let Zhang Liao know he had returned in person. “Otherwise, should you need any assistance, I am now officially back under your service.” He made a fist with one hand and pressed it to his free palm, respectfully bowing to his superior. “I am ready to follow your orders.” 

“Ah, what a relief! I was afraid you wouldn’t see me at all. I wanted to let you know I’ve returned with Young Master Cao Rui.”

“Xuji,”    he  greeted  from a  distance,   head dipping  subserviently as he moved to  kneel. As his body sunk  towards that of the ground, a   fist  came  to  rest  against  his  chest -- a heartfelt, humble  greeting,  although  it  held traces  of  shame.  “While  I  am  certain  you  have no need of me any further,   know that I  am here  should  you  desire  anything.” Dark   eyes   slid   closed   and   his   jaw   clenched, shoulders drooping  to  allow his head to  sink  lower.    “I would ask that you grant pardon for  my absence,  should you feel that I am worthy of your forgiveness.”

“Th… th… h…” Oh no, it was happening. Rui was incapable of forming full words in the presence of Zhang Liao. Why, oh why, did this happen so often? Every time Rui told himself he would be composed, his body betrayed him. “Thank you, General. It’s good to be back and not have to remain in hiding like a coward.” 

“Young Lord Cao Rui,” he greeted firmly with  a  firm  crush  of  his   fist  into  the opposing palm,   “allow me to be one of the first to greet you;      your return has been long awaited.”

“I have spent years here in Xuchang with Taohua, so much so, that I’ve been able to let her come and go as she pleases to visit her teachers. I may hold disdain for Lord Cao Cao, but because Taohua wishes to learn from him, I don’t want to hinder her learning. However…”

Xu Shu sighed. “I cannot remain here. My purpose lies elsewhere…but there is no one else I trust more to protect Taohua while she is here in Xuchang. My love for her is unconditional, and she will eventually return to Chengdu…but I ask you to protect her to the best of your abilities, my lord.”

His eyes narrowed in suspicion, head tilting in the slightest to unknowingly showcase his uncertainty--not with the request, but the motives behind his actions. As far as Zhang Liao understood, Xu Shu was here to stay--employed under the Cao Wei banner permanently. But to inquire after his objective and potential conversations with Cao Cao was not his place. Thus, he would simply abide by the request--for the interest of all parties involved.

“…How long have you been in that other window…”

“Taohua left the window open yet again. We’re going to catch colds if she keeps forgetting…”