@undones
occasionally subtle

#extradirty
Mike Driver
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
Claire Keane
Keni

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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
Aqua Utopiaļ½ęµ·ć®åŗć§čØę¶ćē“”ć

ā
I'd rather be in outer space šø
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One Nice Bug Per Day
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let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open

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@undones

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@undones
@undones
gonna get my shit together + move to a non-sideblog
maybe iām gonna finally move.. back to a separate account

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me? in love with sigurd and wanting to write him?
of course
wanlidasā:
she doesnāt let his reaction phase her, Ā only staring back at him with a blank stare Ā ā- Ā because that negativity, Ā that pessimism, Ā itās not going anywhere. Ā especially with her father gone now, Ā itās here to stay. Ā itās all she knows, Ā looking at the world as if itās coming to an end. Ā thatās the difference between her and her sister Ā ā- Ā iris believes in moving forward. hope sees a brick wall standing in their way. Ā so joking about dying is all she knows, Ā even if sheās terrified of it Ā ( Ā she wonāt admit it out loud, Ā though Ā ā- Ā especially not to big brother. )
she lets out an overdramatic sigh, Ā head falling back as she rolls her eyes. Ā ā Ā i swear, Ā he did that to torture us, Ā ā Ā she whines. Ā the truth is, Ā he does well with his job. Ā people respect him, Ā they believe in him, Ā they TRUST him. Ā she feels all those ways about him, Ā too Ā ā- Ā itās just harder for her to show it, Ā and admittedly, Ā she gets caught up and pushing the limits with him, Ā knowing heās family. Ā ā Ā and when he gets backā- Ā ā Ā Ā ( Ā she doesnāt actually think heās coming back, Ā but sometimes, Ā itās easier to talk about it this way. ) Ā ā Ā iām telling him you raided the booze on the job, Ā see how he likes that decision now, Ā ā Ā she insists, Ā a taunting grin on her lips as she looks back at him. Ā obviously, Ā thereās no real threat to her words Ā ā- Ā she just wants to remind him that he doesnāt seem totally against her operation. Ā Ā
she scoffs, Ā nodding her head instantly. Ā ā Ā what the hellās the point if itās not strong? Ā last longer that way when you can drink less, Ā ā Ā she points out.Ā Ā
she hums, Ā nodding her head. Ā ā Ā right Ā ā- Ā when iām older. ā Ā itās mumbled, Ā clearly no belief in the words. Ā when sheās older? sheāll be dead. Ā they all will be. Ā the people around her are all talking about plans of the future, Ā and yeah, Ā maybe his suggestion isnāt the worst one sheās ever heard. Ā maybe itās actually something she would love to do, Ā something that would be fun to keep her sights on, Ā but she canāt think of the future in a way that is so safe and secure, Ā as he insists.Ā and even if they live that long,Ā why would she be the one to find success?Ā sometimes she wishes she was more like irisĀ āĀ ambitious,Ā strong,Ā brave,Ā but hope only ever pretends to be that way.Ā ā Ā or maybe iāll just focus on drinking it myself, Ā ā Ā she deflects. Ā because itās easier to think of it that way rather than as a GOAL she can have for her future. Ā Ā
of course, Ā her demeanor changes as soon as he lets her off the hook, Ā a smile widening over her features brightly as her hands clasp together. Ā but her shoulders slump when he goes on, Ā a small pout on her lips ( Ā she knows that itās a reasonable restriction, Ā but she has to push it anyway. Ā ) Ā ā Ā hey, Ā come on, Ā whatās the fun in havinā a good drink if youāre doing it all ALONE? Ā ā Ā smile is teasing now as she stands up on her tip toes. Ā ā Ā not even iris and huckāā Ā your favorite people here? Ā ā Ā a pause. Ā ā Ā i mean, Ā you can come too Ā . Ā . Ā . Ā ā
she always knows where to hit to make it hurt, even when thereās no real attempt. because he can hear, surprisingly, the teasing way her words stretch, but the mere thought of leo finding this out and any potential disappointment that may come is enough to make felix blanch, a cold fear like icewater pooling in his stomach. it takes a moment (too long) to recover, assure himself itās just a playful threat devoid of any real heat, and then he feels the slightest bit of frustration with himself that sheās managed to dig into him again, mere seconds after heād convinced himself he wouldnāt allow himself to give her anything else.Ā
itās impressive, in some way, if not a little exhausting, as well.
settling back, fingers lacing together, felix furrows his brow, willing to concede the point--Ā but not verbally. it must have been difficult for her to amass the supplies needed, and hope wouldāve exhausted them for all theyāre worth--Ā a harder, quicker buzz to assure thereās more is only logical.
not that itās so astonishing, that her setup was so detailed, so thorough. sheās brilliant, like leo and iris, when she allows herself to be-----Ā and perhaps itās because she so infrequently displays that genius that heās inclined to be so lenient. itās not exactly the creativity felix should be encouraging, but to see hope so passionate is so rare; moreso, now that leoās gone, and with the burden of guardianship and all that it entails resting on his shoulders---
so he feels obliged to sympathize, at least, hence: this compromise.
āwhen youāre older.ā he echoes it again, with just as much conviction, because--Ā why not? she could do it. she can do anything, be anything--Ā a spiel leoās given her a dozen times, one that felix isnāt going to attempt to repeat, but that he believes wholeheartedly.
āhope... come on.ā his turn to whine, now, but itās affectionate, lips pursing as felix tries not to smile.Ā ājust---Ā do this one thing for me, alright? because i could just lock you back up.ā he taps his nametag with his index finger, head canting in faux severity.Ā āthat is my job, you know.ā
wanlidasā:
she scoffs,Ā rolling her eyes despite the way she follows along anyway.Ā Ā āĀ you know youāre obvious,Ā right?Ā āĀ Ā with a taunting smirk,Ā they raise a brow,Ā elbow nudging jayās as they come closer to the abandoned sports gear store,Ā the sign hanging atop the building just barely able to make out despite the wear and tear itās endured.Ā but she remembers places like this all over,Ā memories coming back to her so easily as eyes spot the signs that are half-torn,Ā still stuck in the windows of the shop.Ā Ā
āĀ youād stop at any place like this if we let you,Ā āĀ Ā she insists,Ā grinning back at them as she nods her head,Ā heading up to the window and peering inside,Ā looking for any strays.Ā when she doesnāt find any,Ā she pounds on the window for more reassurance,Ā head canting to look back up at jay.Ā Ā āĀ looks like itās your lucky day,Ā huh?Ā got any money on you?Ā āĀ Ā they taunt,Ā reaching for the door and trying to pull it open.Ā it doesnāt come so easily,Ā a grunt slipping from her lips as she struggles,Ā but she gets there anyway,Ā her strength always contradictory of their size,Ā enough room to get them both through.Ā Ā
āĀ yāknow,Ā my when i was little,Ā used to always follow my big brother around these storesĀ āĀ always waitedĀ ātil he wasnāt looking,Ā then i grabbed the same clothes he did.Ā weād ringĀ āem up,Ā and iād pretend it was a coincidence.Ā i just wanted to be like him,Ā though.Ā ā
āi never claimed to be anything else.ā heart on their sleeve, bleeding sincerity; variations of the phrases have been doled out in both complimentary and concerned fashion in near-equal measure for a good decade of their life now, but thereās pride in their transparency and their ostensible inability for deception--Ā even in a situation as trivial as this. and their excitement really is inarguable: eyes wide and mouth agape, jay glances from sasha towards the streetĀ -Ā all clearĀ -Ā before alighting their gaze once again on the storefront: intact windows, door shut tight, but not seemingly barricaded, though obviously untouched for a number of years, given the accumulated grime. the neighboring buildings have been dealt a good deal of destruction, glass glittering like diamonds carpeting the cracked sidewalks beneath the morning sun, doors ripped from hinges, brown smears of blood on the pavement and in doorways---- and it does raise the barest amount of suspicion, that this shop was spared the carnage. rifle resting against his chest, strap digging into his neck, jay steps back just slightly, squinting as if it will help discern the bold letters weathered to nothing--Ā and when of course, it doesnāt, he huffs in frustration.
--only to soften immediately as they beam at him. jay returns to her side, hand resting on her shoulder.Ā āoh, i always carry my credit card, so weāre totally covered.ā and, in typical fashion, itās true: theyāve kept their wallet and every item therein, tucked snugly in the bottom of their pack, far from the only relic of the past they keep close.Ā
itās always felt a little ridiculous, clinging to something so worthless now, but each time they nearly throw it away, something prevents them from committing.
the door opens with a groan like a breath from someone whoād been submerged a beat too long, excruciatingly loud to jay---Ā but the silence of the street perseveres. knife unsheathed from their belt, their hand moves from sashaās shoulder to grip her pack, as is custom when theyāre out scouting or scavenging, until the safety of the place has been assured--Ā securing her back while simultaneously ensuring he doesnāt lose them.
āyeah?ā the reply comes as they enter the store, breathed into the stale air, jay sliding even closer as they fumble to switch on their flashlight.Ā ābet he thought that was cute.ā they do. their understanding of sibling dynamics is, obviously, limited, but every minor detail sheās offered about ty fills them with confidence about their assessment.Ā āshould let me pick you out some stuff. seems thereās some good stuff...ā they trail off as they sweep their beam across the store, whistling between their teeth. itās not as substantial as a cache as theyād anticipated, given the minimal exterior damage; a fair amount of lootingās occurred, but thereās treasure found in whatās left behind.
thereās a distinct lack of something, though, that jay notes with disappointment. āno gun section--Ā guess itās not a store that also catered to the woodsy types. probably why nobody broke out the windows, thinkinā there wouldnāt be much worth anything.āĀ
āi got something for you.ā they drop awkwardly beside iris, not quite recovered from the scramble into the boat thatād earned them a twisted ankle---Ā less swollen, now, but the throbbing persists. but their initial grimace reworks into a grin as they unshoulder their pack, jay unzipping it to reveal a modest but undoubtedly useful collection of art supplies.Ā āwhile you were stressing out felix---ā said lightheartedly, but still somewhat firmly, though his sympathy for her is apparent.Ā āi took a lookĀ āround the adjacent street.ā if he hadnāt, maybe heād have been able to stop the kid and his uncle from robbing them--Ā but they attempt to not think about that too much.
shrugging, he places the bag against her knee, running a palm across his freshly-buzzed head.Ā āi donāt know if the pens and paints are still good, of course, but... hey, wonāt hurt to try.āĀ /Ā Ā @wanlidasāĀ Ā ā”
wanlidasā:
āĀ so weāre .Ā .Ā .Ā weāre just with them now?Ā āĀ his voice is quiet,Ā not wanting the others to hear as he sits with felix,Ā finding comfort in his presence more than anyone elseās right now,Ā given the laughter and the smiles they all share that silas just canāt keep up with.Ā Ā
i donāt like new peopleĀ āĀ thatās the simplest way to put it,Ā but those words donāt come out as easily as he wishes,Ā too afraid that his hesitance will be see as unjust to the restĀ āĀ most of which seem to be excited for percyās presence,Ā unlike silas.Ā but he thinks that if anyoneās going to have the same hesitation and worry that he does,Ā itās going to be felixĀ āĀ the person who has been hesitant every step of the way.Ā it may be the first time silas is on that side with him.Ā Ā
he just wants some sign of hope from felix,Ā for him to reassure silas that this is only temporary,Ā and soon enough,Ā theyāre go back to their small group that silas has already found his comfort withinĀ Ā (Ā it was hard enough to adjust to thatĀ ā -but adding more people into the mix now?Ā what if he canāt adjust to that too?Ā )Ā Ā
āĀ isnāt it better to keep the group smaller?Ā āĀ Ā more people,Ā more resources,Ā sureĀ āĀ but in silasās case, that doesnāt seem so comforting.Ā he doesnāt trust them,Ā he doesnāt likeĀ percy,Ā but he doesnāt want to say it outright,Ā so he frames it differentlyĀ āĀ as if the assumption is simply that he wants whatās best for all of them.Ā and he does,Ā he just worries the others have warmed up to them so quickly that theyāre trusting them too easily,Ā too.Ā Ā
thereās an upward glance thatās brief, but not apathetic---Ā a flash of sympathy there and gone in a beat before felix returns to the task of cleaning his pistol, teeth gritted and unintelligible frustrations murmured below his breath, still feeling the impact with the mirror in his knuckles as he works. the majority of his hand had,Ā thankfully, been protected by his gloves, but a shard or two managed to slice the bits of fingers exposed--Ā and heās lucky that that was the extent, of course, that they all walked away with their lives. typically, such a minor inconvenience wouldnāt be spared another thought--Ā but thereās a bitterness, lumpy and coarse, in his throat that felix canāt swallow, outweighing the meager gratitude felt towards tony and percy for coming back, and a not so insignificant anger directed towards himself, as well, for allowing them to be put in such a position------- self-reproach hot and fervent that percyād managed to breach their perimeter on his watch to begin with.Ā
it happened, itās done---Ā thereās little use in lingering on it, but he canāt help but do exactly that. the kid had ultimately been harmless, but what if he hadnāt? what if itād been someone other than a grifter kid and his grifter uncle, someone who wouldnāt have turned around, pulled them from the grasp of the empties?Ā
what if theyād come too late, and iris had been bitten?
heād stood behind percy, and contemplated driving his blade into the kidās skull. he reminisces on it now with an ounce of shame, but not regret--Ā not for thinking it, nor for failing to see it through. because iris had called it correctly, even if it took percy a moment to meet her expectations----Ā and felix finds it difficult, to regret placing his faith in her judgement.
ātheyāre with us.ā for now. felix matches silasās quiet, both in an attempt to comfort and to ensure the others (iris, in particular) donāt overhear, because a lack of regret doesnāt equal a lack of opposition. thereās still a flicker of hope deep within that he can reverse their course, somehow re-cross the mississippi and return them all safely to the university, where they can then begin to understand if thereās danger (a quickening of his pulse as the thought comes, a sense of dread squirming in his chest, because he knows there is. heās known for a while now, but thereās a staunch refusal to acknowledge it, like a shadow at the edge of your vision; avoidance is only instinctual.)Ā heaving out a weighted sigh, felix drops his rag atop the pile of his dissembled pistol, offering silas a prolonged look now, before casting his gaze in the direction of percy and tony, in animated conversation with elton, hope and iris hovering nearby--Ā the former a little more hesitant than the latter.Ā
brow arching, felix says,Ā āsafety in numbers,ā but itās only marginally convincing, even to him.
blinking, it seems to click for felix, finally, that this is the first time thereās been a divide between silas and the rest. the first sign of a rift that could be exploited, potentially working in felixās favor---Ā but leaning too hard into it too quickly could only push him away. expression softening, felix busies their hands with reassembling the gun, mouth pursed, stating nonchalantly,Ā āwe wanna get to new york... we are gonna need āem and that truck. i mean, sure, we could revert to going on-foot...ā glancing up, felix nods towards silasā feet.Ā āthe kid, he, uh... ever fix your boot? or was he lying about knowing how to do that, too?ā

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this is fine
They have to be safe. I was supposed to be the one to go with your dad, alright? Not Will. Your dad asked me to stay behind, watch over you and Hope, so Will took my place. And that is why, they have to be. Iām not there to protect them if they arenāt.Ā
I mean, I knew all that, but.. I didnāt know how you felt about it.Ā

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Max Parish in 2x12
wanlidasā:
he grins,Ā nodding back at him.Ā Ā āĀ yes,Ā home.Ā andāĀ Ā āĀ Ā his brows furrow as he thinks over his question.Ā itās an easy answer,Ā but it makes him chuckle too,Ā because it almost feels like heās lived here all his life,Ā such a big, bold line drawn between before and after.Ā Ā āĀ oh,Ā no,Ā no.Ā we werenāt so far awayĀ āĀ my husband and iĀ Ā āĀ but we didnāt even know about this place until we were brought here.Ā now,Ā i canāt imagine living anywhere else.Ā āĀ there are other communities nearby,Ā sure,Ā and he would easily be happy at any of them,Ā but alexandria holds so much else for him.Ā itās the place he and eric had found safety,Ā the place they insisted on marrying,Ā even the place that he had mourned himĀ ā-Ā Ā but the place that he had a community around him to help him through that,Ā too.Ā now,Ā itās the place heās raising his daughter and trying to help make it be the best place it can be.Ā Ā āĀ weāve had our ups and downs here,Ā but weāve always managed to fortify stronger.Ā Ā you come from a long way,Ā is that right?Ā have you stumbled upon any other places like this?Ā ā
husband? there are more pressing matters, but his attention catches on the word, refusing to relent. felixās surprise is obviously tinged with something almost like relief---Ā a leftover instinct from the world before, comforted by the knowledge heās in the company of someone like him. not that he was ever lonely in that regard at the university, of course----Ā but itās unshakeable. felix unfolds his arms from across his chest, and though the homesickness persists, heās able to smile, albeit softly, a little shyly.Ā āwell... yes, and no. we heard of some, but...ā there was little room for distraction, too much ground to cover before the weather turned.Ā ā----you said youāre married?ā he canāt help but shfit the conversation backwards, while wondering if heās too obvious in the process.Ā āwhatās his name?ā