I had been thinking for a while about jumping back on here for an update- both for those who used to follow if they’re still on here and also to consolidate my own thoughts of the past 8 months, and today feels like the day. I believe I left off with my mom having surgery, that ended up going well and all is mostly good- some complications that can be fixed with a colonoscopy or two and another surgery planned for the future, but nothing emergent and things have been fine with her for the most part. That feels like so long ago reflecting back, I cannot believe it’s only been 8 months.. then the bf went to finish up his last term of college, he absolutely killed it banging the last of his degree out and graduated in December. Meanwhile, I began taking the charge role at my job- meaning I was the head nurse on the floor, didn’t take patients (usually), directed the flow of care and dealt with the major problems.. and I found that I really enjoyed it. I was feeling so burnt out from covid, mentally I dreaded going into work every day to take care of non compliant covid patients who didn’t believe they even had the virus, and watched them turn into a mess when they got sicker and sicker to the point of needing to go on a vent.. it was horrific and traumatizing. And that was my work life the past two years. I tried to find other fulfilling things, I studied for and passed the CMSRN (certified medical surgical RN) exam in December, and thought a lot about where I wanted my career to go. I ended up applying for a nurse supervisor position on the cardiac floor in my hospital, and after a month of interviewing with different people and then a month of waiting for my incompetent manager to get her shit together, I accepted the job and start next week.
Last night was my last night working on my med surg/covid/basically nursing home because patients stay for 6 months+ floor that’s run itself into the ground and I no longer want to be a part of. It was a EXTREMELY difficult decision, and I still have that urge to stay in my comfort. I love my coworkers. I’ve known a lot of them for three years and learned how to be a nurse with them. They (for the most part) are the best group of people I’ve ever worked with. Now saying that- this was only my first full time job in a steady position. So I have really high hopes I find that change is okay and good, and I’ll love it up there just as much as I do on my unit. My manager fired my mom a week before her surgery in august and she struggled really hard to find a job- she’s working in a clinic now making more money than before and likes it for the most part. I’ve brought up countless issues to my manager and current nurse supervisors, and none of them care about anything and are so negative and mean. I’ve spoken to my new manager more times over the past 3 months during this hiring process than my old manager in 3 years, and she has been so kind and helpful through everything. So- I’m nervous, but so excited. Bf was job hunting at the same time, and while I was hopeful he could find something local/remote, the options are just nonexistent or for way too little pay. He accepted a position at a company in pittsburgh with a offer too good to even consider turning down, and he starts (remote until moves out there) next week. He signed a lease on a house and is working his way to getting out there. And of course with that, I had to think a lot about what I wanted to do. We talked about it, a lot, and the plan is for him to go out there and me stay for ~a year (likely less) in my new job, get official job title nurse supervisor experience, and then come out to pittsburgh with him and find a nursing supervisor job somewhere out there. I’m not a fan of UPMC’s tactics one bit, but they pay their supervisors comparatively to what I will be making here, so I won’t be taking a $10 pay cut like I would as a staff RN, if I became part of the hospital system that monopolizes Pittsburgh. I am EXTREMELY excited for him and I know he’s excited too, pretty close to a dream job for him.
Meanwhile- my brother is finishing up his last semester at Carnegie Mellon in pittsburgh, and will be doing a PhD fellowship in math for a big college close to Pittsburgh, but also closer to home. It’ll be the closest he’s been to home since he was 15 and moved to New Hampshire for boarding school. I’m also obviously very excited for him as well. I had a routine doctors appt a couple weeks ago, and I decided to finally open up and mention that I’m having an extremely hard time focusing and concentrating. I’ve always had this issue, but it was really starting to effect my work being now that I’m sitting down and having to do paperwork and it’s not constantly running to tend to my patients. She made me an appt for next week to get tested for AD(H)D. I still don’t know how I feel about it, I feel kind of ashamed but that was the way I was raised, mental health disorders do not exist and you’re fine, it’s all in your head. I did some research into ADHD in women, and a lot aren’t diagnosed until their 20s-30s. So either way, I’ll see what they say. It’s either that or anxiety but I am starting to believe it’s more than anxiety the more I really reflect on how I feel and act.. but overall, the past 8 months have been great for myself and everyone close to me. I’m feeling emotional from last night being my last night on my home unit for the past 3 years, and a little delirious because I worked 3 nights in a row lol, but I just have been wanting to type all this out for a while and send it into the void of what was a major part of my life for multiple years. If anyone takes the time to read this, thank you for checking in. Talk to you again maybe in the future. :)
Also, formatting on this app is HORRIFIC, I’m sorry
